The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #38 Thu 04.30.09

Jim and I had much to say about Lost. The episode was all about Daniel Faraday. He sure can travel through time with the best of them. We find out his mother is Ellie, the same woman who convinces Jack it's his destiny to take everyone back to the island. And we find out that his father is Charles Widmore. Which makes him Penny's half-brother. To confirm my theory that those return to the island die (red haired Charlotte who was there as a child) Daniel is killed by his mother. I'm saying things just don't look so good for Miles. You know there are Lost action figures.

And Star Trek VI action figures with little Enterprises and everything. Cool. I want to be an action figure.

Kelly McGillis, who is now 51, has recently confirmed rumors that she is gay. You probably know her best as the female lead in Top Gun and Witness. I wonder if there'll be third outing. You know how these things come in three's. Well, can you really count Carole Leifer? She switched teams 13 years ago, but is only talking about it now.

Matt Giraud gone from American Idol. No big surprise there.

Zac Efron makes it on People's list of 100 Most Beautiful and Time's 100 Most Influential. Two lists Jim will never be on. Oh, was that out loud. Sorry.

For those who do care, my face pain is much more bearable. But don't look when the doctor says don't look. There's really no reason to. Now I have to block out of my memory what I've seen. Because I don't know what it's supposed to look like until it's all healed up. Just. Don't. Look.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #37 Wed 04.29.09

Jim Herrin helped me through this podcast. And help was required. As usual, I feel like I can bounce right back from an illness or surgery. Yet it's rather difficult to talk with this thing wrapped around my head and pulling my jaw shut. Actually, it feels like I've been punched in the jaw. With one of those ACME weights you see in a cartoon.

Dancing With the Stars singled out Chuck and Julianne and Melissa and Tony. Melissa looked really upset because she was being judged on a rehearsal, not the actual dance. However, it was Chuck and Julianne who were eliminated.

American Idol night was billed as Rat Pack night. Jamie Foxx was the mentor. For me, this night had the best songs all around. But that's why they're standards, isn't it?

Kris began with The Way You Look Tonight. It was lovely and endearing and he can suck you right in. Allison did what I thought was a terrific version of Someone to Watch Over Me. I will always hear Linda Ronstadt's voice in connection with that song, but Allison sounded really cool. Matt did the very hard to sing My Funny Valentine. What I appreciate about Matt is he always goes for the difficult. This time I think it will be his undoing.

Danny seemed so in his element with Come Rain or Come Shine. He was glorious. And Adam sure knows how to make an entrance. He hit the steps with the beat. I was hoping the stairway lights would follow him. He sang Feelin' Good. It was classic Adam. Very campy, loved it.

If I had to guess, and that's what I do, guess, I'd say it's Matt's last night. He's been in the bottom before and it's bound to be his turn.

A new Lost on tonight. Not a clip show.

And Star Trek XI comes out next week. Not a moment too soon.

Painkillers are calling. Must go.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #36 Tue 04.28.09

Today is a quickie. Of course, I can never say quicke without hearing George Hamilton's voice in my head from Love At First Bite saying something along the lines of "never a quickie with you, always a longie." But I have surgery today and must get to the Music City. Brien says I'm addicted to plastic surgery. He also says he's completely jealous. Hey, you lose 200 pounds and you'll need surgery too.

Dancing With the Stars had Melissa absent because of a hairline rib fracture. She was judged on a rehearsal performance and as a result is at the very bottom of the scoreboard. However, those who bet on such things think it will be Ty who goes tonight.

So, Melissa and Tony got a 21 for their jive. Gilles needed a cortisone shot in his shoulder to get through his Lindy Hop with Cheryl. They got a 27. Lil' Kim and Derek did the Paso Doble and got a 28. Chuck and Julianne got a 26 for their cha cha.

Shawn and Mark got a 27 for their samba. Ty and Chelsie got a 24 for their salsa. You know, I thought that should've been higher. Then they did the team dances. Team Mambo had Lacey fill in for Melissa and they got a 25. Team Tango got a 28. So you had Lil' Kim and Derek with a 56, Gilles and Cheryl with a 55. Shawn and Mark tie Ty and Chelsie with a 52. Chuck and Julianne have a 51 and then there's Melissa and Tony with a 46. See, way down there. Still can't believe she would be gone tonight. Robin Thicke will perform this evening.

American Idol top five sing tonight.

Can you believe some schools don't pass out F's anymore? Seriously. The theory is that students who don't pass classes all hang out together and it injures them psychologically. And some students don't take tests well. Now that is true. However, if you don't do the work, you deserve to fail. There are a lot of factors here. I don't think I ever received an F. Sooooo, I'm kind of biased here.

OK, must roll. Will be back tomorrow. God willing.


The One About The Mosquito

I, for one, am thrilled with the lovely weather we have been having. However, as with most things, I had conveniently forgotten about the icky things warm weather brings. Bugs. In the house. I know there are more bugs on this earth than people. At least one million different species have been identified. That's just one per species. So, there are a lot. I try not to think about it. Just like I try not to think about the Demodex Mites that live around our eyelashes. They're there. Can you feel them?

Then, it happened. Just the other night, I was about to go to bed and I was thwarted. I went to click off the lamp and this immense bug was fluttering around. I assumed it was a mosquito. I batted at it. It was only slightly stunned. And then. Horror of horrors. It disappeared.

All I could think about that night how it was going to land on me. Or my children. My husband? Not so much. Did you know the female mosquito is the one who gets your blood, not the male? Malaria, West Nile Virus, or just an itchy welt--was any of that in our futures? My hypochondria began to rage.

We all know that I'm not a good sleeper. But just try and sleep while you're thinking about a giant fluttery thing that could land on you. I didn't want a probiscus anywhere near me. Even if I was a good sleeper. Ewwww.

I got through the night. Somehow. And then I found a body. A dead bug body. And what did I think of? Follow me now. JAWS. You know how they started killing sharks after the first attack just assuming they had gotten The Shark? Which, of course, they hadn't. All I could wonder was, is this the body of the creature that had tortured my psyche the night before? Or was the house full of them? What guarantee did I have that this was The One?

I didn't have one of course. But a few days later, I did have another thought. Something else I had forgotten. A mosquito has a scary twin called a Crane Fly. They're really big and they hang around your front door. Yes, your front door, just begging to be let into your home. They are also called mosquito eaters however they do not eat mosquitoes. On the plus side, they do not bite humans either. They are also called gollywhoppers and I do like that name. And that's what I think haunted my bedroom and disturbed my easily disturbable sleep. A gollywhopper.

No mosquito in its right mind would come into my house.

The Jane Ellen Podcast Summary #35 Mon 04.27.09

Jim Herrin joined me on today's podcast. Get this, astronomers think that the Milky Way, part of our galaxy not the candy bar (which is steeped in deliciousness by the way) might taste like raspberries. Seems it has molecules in it like the ones that give raspberries their taste. Oddly enough, I was fruiting it up yesterday when I made jam, jam, jamonit, jamonit. Made strawberry and blueberry. Jim thinks nobody eats blueberry jam. He is mistaken because about seven cups of sugar on most anything makes it incredible. Trust me. I ended up making eleven jars of strawberry and blueberry jam total. Oh, and only minorly burned myself. Just a flesh wound.

Obsessed was number one over the weekend and made $28.5 million. 17 Again came in at number two and The Soloist made its debut at number three.

Saturday, Bea Arther passed away at the age of 86. Cancer was given as the cause. Bea won an Emmy for her role as Maude and a Tony for playing opposite Angela Lansbury in the original production of Mame. But I'll bet most people know her from The Golden Girls. What a great show. It always made me want to eat cheesecake. Those gals always hauled out the cheesecake.

Monty Python alum Terry Jones is splitting with his wife of 35 years. He and his 26-year-old girlfriend are expecting a baby in six months. Well, that will do it won't it?

New to www.thejaneellen.com full frontal nudity. OK, no, not really. Side nudity. No, not that either. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But Jim Herrin is now attending local meetings and will be reporting on the Cookeville news. It's a detailed service you won't get anywhere else. You can get The Scoop starting now. We went live with it yesterday. You'll find it on the main page.

There are also some changes coming to the website, great changes. We have a contest coming in May. And we are revamping the recipe section so you'll be able to print the recipes easier and have a photo of each one, and be able to request recipes or submit them.

Melissa Rivers got fired from Celebrity Apprentice. Don't know if all the drama was real or for the cameras though. Jim thinks it was real. He thinks Joan and Melissa are totally like that. Maybe they are. But maybe they're just doing it for television exposure. I don't know. I don't hang with them. It certainly was memorable.

Dancing with the Stars is tonight. And the angels sang.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #34 Fri 04.24.09

Jim sat in on the podcast today because he pays attention to Survivor. A show I would not survive a day on. No indoor plumbing. No Miss Ellen. Not a chance. Anyway, there was an individual immunity challenge. However, they had an opportunity to sit it out, not be in the cold rain, and eat pizza. What surprised me is that all of them didn't do that. Only three ate the pizza. I would've been all over the pizza. What's so funny is, the three guys who chose the pizza--all safe. Tyson was eliminated. He had been winning most of the challenges. Irritating Coach is still in it.

You can now own a piece of me. Go to www.thejaneellen.com. Click on Own Jane and have at me. Your life will then be complete.

No fun movies out today, there all dramas all rated PG 13. There's The Soloist, which is Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. all based on a true story. Beyonce plays the wife in Obsessed. Some temp stalks her husband and threatens her family. And Terence Howard is in Fighting.

Susan Boyle has totally made it now. She was mentioned, by name, on Wednesday's South Park.

There is a police officer in London who says she belongs to the Jedi Church and uses Jedi mind control on week minded criminals. No, I'm not making that up. Those aren't the droids you're looking for.

A couple in Devon hired a make up artist to make their wedding extra special. They got married as Shrek and Fiona. Don't know if they brought in a donkey. If you're going to get married green, you really need to commit and get the donkey, don't you think?

It took them seven years but these kids, now teenagers, in Mississippi, remade Raiders shot-by-shot. Of course I want to see it. Spielberg even heard about it and is totally behind it. It's premiering in London next week.

And a couple of adults have tried to get the Guinness book of world records for texting. No, I'm not one of them. They sent 217,000 texts in one month. That's 6-7,000 texts a day. Their carrier is T-Mobile and the guys thought they had free texting. And yet they got a $26,000 bill. Which has been wiped clean. Wow, I text, but not even that much. OK, sometimes I text and email the same person a running conversation. Shocking, I know.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #33 Thu 04.23.09

Adam Cravens graced me with his presence in a collared shirt. A collared shirt mind you. Wow. The big time. So I brought out the Star Wars story first just for him. How old should you be before you see Star Wars IV A New Hope for the first time? Adam saw it at age three. I was reading an article about a woman who dragged her four-year-old away from a Star Wars display at Disney and her son thought she was being mean. Adam said StarWars is just what you need for your kid to watch because your kid will never get his hands on a light saber. Seems there's something called Common Sense Media that says the original Star Wars movie is the tamest of them all and has "space drinking" in it. That in itself strikes me as funny. I will never forget that when Anna Grace was just a few month old I had left her alone with Jim for a few minutes and there she was, eyes glued to the TV, and he was watching that great children's movie, Blade Trinity. Adam was appalled. He said Blade II is superior. I was appalled because you just don't know how much an infant is taking in. I really didn't think Blade Trinity was the way to go. Still don't.

American Idol had the best opening number ever. First of all it was one of my favorite Jacksons songs, Shake Your Body Down to the Ground. Second, they had Paula choreograph it. For the first time it wasn't all step touch step touch. For Adam, it wasn't Opryland choreography. For others, it wasn't any old them park choreography. Finally.

They started right off by eliminating Lil. Big surprise. Then Anoop. That leaves a final five and a finale May 20. 45 million votes were cast to get those final five where they are. Amazing.

If you go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Watch Jane you will see a new video called The Making of the Daylight Video. It's a brief so-called highlight reel of what Brien Travis and I have been working on for his song Daylight, which you can hear at www.myspace.com/brientravis. The real video is not in any way finished. There's a reason for that. Watch what I posted and you'll understand.

Susan Boyle, did she pluck her eyebrows or not? That's all the talk today. When will she be in Oprah? Did Oprah even ask? Do you care? Of course, she's the most-watched video on youtube. Of course you care.

OK, so this woman who live in Detroit, the west side, saw some guys with guns bothering her neighbors. They shot at her, the 57-year-old, and the wire in her bra slowed down the bullet enough to save her from serious injury. That bra company should sign her up for an endorsement. Adam suggested the box should have a sign "may slow down bullets" because it may, it did in her case. That must've been some wire. Way to go lady. Way to go underwire bra.

And Adam and I have had a lot of brilliant, to us, conversations through the years. I'm sure at some time we've had one about bacon. What we lack is follow-through. But two guys are now millionaires because they went ahead with their dream of bacony goodness. They're now bacontrepeneurs. They've mixed bacon with salt and made Bacon Salt. Thanks to Facebook and Twitter they're a hit. Now they're doing bacon-flavored sunflower seeds, Baconaise, and are thinking of bacon body spray and lip balm. Next time Adam and I have a great idea, we're actually going to do it. For real.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #32 Wed 04.22.09

Jim Herrin was on today's show which began with a riveting discussion of something worth a trip to LA for and that's the 7th Annual Grilled Cheese Invitational. It's only $5 to attend. And $10 if you're competing. Now Jim is under the illusion that you can make a grilled cheese sammich in a toaster. So wrong. A true work of art needs a place to let the cheese run and be free. And if you want some truly gooey cheese, try Muenster.

On Dancing With the Stars we learned that Lil' Kim has lost two inches from her waist and her hips from ten weeks of dancing. Lawrence has lost 15 pounds and Gilles has gone from a resting heartrate of 46 to one of 36 beats per minute. Honestly, 46 is superfit to begin with. 36 is practically dead. Wow. Chuck admitted that his dance costume was, indeed, silk pajamas. And Lawrence and Edyta were the couple eliminated from the show. I don't think Lawrence was surprised or overly disappointed. He seemed to have had a great time but really missed his golf game.

American Idol was disco night and my one big complaint was there was not that much of a groove. Yeah, it's original and all to change the songs. But it's disco for a reason. Jim thought it was a nice change. Whatever. Lil did I'm Every Woman. My first thought--great earrings. And way to go on the catsuit. Usually only members of Stafleet Academy wear a skintight outfit like that but she pulled it off. Simon called it, she seemed sad. And I am quite sure it will be her last go round.

Kris completely reworked Donna Summer's She Works Hard for the Money. The song came out in what, 1983? Does that still count as the disco era? Even though it's Donna Summer I think that's kind of a stretch. Anyway, Kris really did his own thing with it and made it sound totally different. Which makes him stand out.

Danny did a classic arrangement of Earth Wind and Fire's September. We also got to see Danny's five sisters. He is a joy to hear. Was it different? No. Was it excellent? Yes.

OK. Allison. Another Donna Summer song with Hot Stuff. Allison has a great raw, rock edge to her voice and she's dressed in this hideous dominatrix outfit singing about hot stuff, looking for hot stuff. I didn't really care for the arrangement myself. However, I think she has the potential to cut a great rock album.

Adam Lambert went to the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, thank goodness, and did what I call a Brien Travis arrangement of If I Can't Have You. His delivery was reminscent to me of Sam Harris, the first winner of Star Search. Both of them can hit the big notes. He was all cleaned up in a suit and, like Kris Allen, it was different and memorable.

Matt chose Stayin' Alive. I appreciate that he kept the disco beat. However, choosing Stayin' Alive, even though it was in no way horrific, is always a mistake. It's just too iconic. It's like choosing to do Thriller. You just can't do it.

Anoop turned to Donna Summer and did Dim All the Lights. It was a big night for her. You know, I love me some Donna. But she was not the only artist who had songs during the disco era. Anoop was dressed in homage to Sonny Crocket. Look it up. It was slowed down in the beginning and he just may last another week. If there's a bottom three it's Lil, Matt and Anoop. I'm sure Lil will go, but remember, because of Matt's save, two will go tonight. So will it be Matt? I think so. Maybe Anoop. But I think Anoop works the audience just a little bit more and that will get him one more week. That's my feel on it anyway.

Have you ever been so ticked off at your kids that you stopped the car and had them get out? This mom in Scarsdale did. At least she stopped the car. I'm thankful for that. The 12-year-old chased after the car and her mom let her back in. But the 10-year-old, well, she was found crying by the police. The police got her ice cream then picked up mom and arrested her. Mom's 45. Should know better. Imagine the mental scars on those kids. Mom is charged with a misdemeanor. However, there are those who are siding with her. Jim says his parents threatened that all the time. There was just no follow through.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #31 04.21.09

Adam Cravens joined me today on the podcast. Turns out he had a lovely yesterday because he got to nap not once but twice. A turkey induced nap. A gravy covered turkey induced nap mind you. A good time. Adam admitted he is man enough to eat most anything covered in gravy. Even Cheerios. I thought he was suggesting chocolate gravy on Cheerios. But no, sausage gravy. He said that had always been good to him. He also feels the same way about peanut butter. So I had him taste that Dark Chocolate Dreams peanut buttery chocolate goodness I discovered. A good time. He thought it would be good on a cookie. Great for his diabetes. Go Adam. (Please note sarcasm in earlier sentence.)

We had watched Dancing with the Stars. The night began with the highest scoring couple. Melissa and Tony got a 29 with their tango. Why was that not a 30? I cannot fathom it. Lawrence and Edyta got the lowest score of the night with their waltz at a 21. Adam could not understand why he had to cover her up in that coat. He felt covering up the moneymaker was just wrong. Lil' Kim and Derk did the rumba and got a 26. The judges felt she was holding back on her sexy. Chuck and Julianne got a 27 for their samba. Jim thought he was wearing pajamas. After all the celebrities did design the outfits, Adam was not surprised. Given that option, he would've chosen pajamas as well.

Ty and Chelsie did the waltz. This dance suited Ty because it was so formal. They got a 24. Shawn and Mark worked a little PYT for their cha cha and got a 28. Very sparkly. Cheryl and Gilles got a 27 for their waltz. It was lovely. And then there was the group number. Was I the only one who noticed the choreographer was dressed like Deter? So he lacked the German accent and it was Sprockets and he didn't say "touch my monkey" but other than that. Deter.

I can only guess Lawrence will go tonight. It's most likely his turn. The waltz didn't do him any favors.

The new darling of Britain's Got Talent has allegedly gotten offered a million dollars to make a pornographic film. I can only assume that Susan Boyle will turn that down. Or that it's some rumor. Or she should hold out or ten million.

Tonight American Idol is disco night. And two contestants will be eliminated tomorrow. Oh, and they'll leave the show.

Adam was privy to the video Brien and I have been working on. He says the Academy won't be calling anytime soon and that Brien should quit channeling Christian Bale on a rant. Hey, it's not done yet.

The One About Words

Just the other day I received a text from a friend of mine who uses t9 on their phone. Now, if you don't know what that means, let me explain. As you start to type a word the phone, being sentient and all, starts to guess at where you're going for and finishes the word. In many cases it will finish correctly. But not in all cases. I was being filled in on a continuing saga and was told that someone loved a work of a art. However, the word lover was used. Now, I knew full well that my friend did not type in the word lover. That word was not directed at me or the person they were writing about. As a matter of fact, I have never heard my friend use the word lover before. But the phone used it. And all of a sudden, everything was funny.

As is my way, I have picked up on it and, for this week at least, keep using the word. At least until I tire of it. But it is an awkward word. We discussed it. People, at least people we know, just don't use it. The only time I recall it used was the Doris Day/Rock Hudson movie Lover Come Back. And that was 1961. And you know what? I wasn't around then. For real.

I like words. Put them together in the right order and you have a lovely poem. Set them to music and you have a song. Write down enough of them and you have yourself a book. Preferably a good one. I wonder if a phone could t9 a book? There's a thought.

I find it interesting how words can change. Of course, all the ones I can think of at the moment are most likely not suitable for this publication. But they take on different meanings and are embraced by different groups. I know someone who doesn't let her five-year-old say the word stupid but can say the f-word. Different words are offensive to different people.

Somebody told me recently to just come out and say what I meant and not be so passive aggressive in my phrasing. I was just trying to be gentle. Then when I did just come right out with it I was told was being too harsh. Still, just words. And I didn't even use the word stupid or the f-word. Next time I have something to say, I'm just going to let the phone decide and whatever word it chooses I'm sticking with it. Who knows? My phone might be some kind of Shakespeare.


The Jane Ellen Podcast Summary #30 Mon 04.20.09

Don't try this at home but this is clearly a case of when it's not your time to go, it's just not your time. A woman was shot in the forehead by her husband. He then killed himself. She's OK. Yeah, she made tea after she was shot, was up, walking around and talking. The bullet exited the back of her head. The police thought they were going to find a murder-suicide and, luckily for her, they did not. The sort of funny thing said was that most people who have been shot in the head, if they're up and talking, they're going to pull through. Well, one would think so. This happened in Mississippi.

Herschel Walker and Natalie Gulbis were both fired from Celebrity Apprentice last night.

Over the weekend I was at the grocery store with just my oldest child and I let her help push the cart. That was a super big deal. She also put everything she possibly could into the cart. Including things we don't normally buy, like the new Doritos called Late Night Last Call Jalapeno Popper. They are evil. I have been forced to eat almost the entire bag. For medicinal purposes of course. My throat has been a little sore. And they're way too hot for the girls. I had no idea that was what she had put in the cart either. Steeped in deliciousness, I can never buy them again.

17 Again made over $24 million at the box office.

Friday afternoon Brien and I did some more work on the video for his song Daylight. Now I know why movies take so long to be made. Let me just say, you won't be seeing this video this week. Now, if he written a song with different subject matter, it would totally be done. And you'll no doubt get a vcast out of it in how not to make a music video. I see that coming real soon.

Call me squeamish, but I don't want to eat cheese made out of human breast milk. Even if it's served with crackers. The artist said it was to "explore our first encounter with food, emphasizing its territoriality and boundaries." Ick. The next exhibition he's doing, in London by the way, is one called Obituary Menus. He's recreating food people like presidents and mass murderers ate before they died. Nice. Probably not jalapeno doritos.

OK, I had to tell one of my friends that I'm doing a podcast every day, not just sitting at home. Had. To. Tell. Her. I had done so repeatedly but apparently she had tuned me out. So if you want to know more, go to www.thejaneellen.com and listen.


The Jane Ellen Podcast Summary #29 Fri 04.17.09

Adam joined me once again for the podcast. This time he was not working the hoodie, a hoodie two sizes too big as he usually does. He was sporting a fitted Marvel superheroes t-shirt and ripped jeans. Nice. What is it with guys I know who like to wear super big clothes? Adam says he would wear pillow pants if at all possible so he could just lie down whenever he wanted. I told him that being comfortable was what most people said was their reason for wearing something atrocious on What Not to Wear. And you could wear something comfortable and attractive at the same time. He was skeptical.

I watched the homage to Star Trek last night on the original CSI. It was especially sweet to those who know the original series. They even worked in a "he's dead Jim" which I really enjoyed.

Adam and I came up with another great idea. Great to us anyway. Just waiting for a network to pick it up. I think we'll call it Surviving Sci-Fi. You have to live with us for a week. You being a non sci-fi fan. We'll geek it up for you. The house will have more wide screen TV's and such. You'll be forced to watch sci-fi movies and TV shows and then talk about it. We'll wear uniforms and such. Yeah, that'll work. The idea will be to convert non sci-fi fans. We'll have to work on the prize. Though it would be prize enough to spend quality time with us. Adam says he tones down his geek tendencies. Tones it down. Remember that when he's on the show.

Movies opening today include the comedy 17 Again. It's rated PG 13 with Matthew Perry and Zac Efron. Matthew Perry's character gets to be, wait for it, 17 again. And look like Zac Efron. Not too shabby.

Crank: High Voltage has Jason Stathom and Amy Smart and is a sequel. Something about his heart was replaced and he needs to be shocked, thus the high voltage and he needs the other heart back. I'm sure it will all work out. It's an action film rated R.

State of Play is a PG 13 drama based on a British miniseries with a bunch of nobodies in it like Ben Affleck, Russell Crowe, Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Helen Mirren. It's probably very good but I'll bet 17 Again will be number on this weekend.

This guy named Thomas Frazier in Flint, Michigan may be the biggest deadbeat dad in the country. He's 42 and has allegedly fathered 14 kids with 13 different women. He claims only 3 are actually his. Genesee County says hd owes more than $530,000 in unpaid child support. He's in jail and his advice to his children is, "use a condom."

Speaking of kids, the Duggars, as in 18 and Counting Michelle and and Jim Bob Duggar? Their oldest is 21 and their youngest is 4 months old. Well, their oldest is married and his wife is expecting. All of the Duggar children have names starting with a J. Josh and his wife Anna say they may choose a theme for their kids but it won't be names with a J. Huh.

It is an absolutely stunning day today. I plan to enjoy it.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #28 Thu 04.16.09

Always a delight to chat with Adam Cravens. A geekfest that doesn't happen often enough. We began with a story out of Warsaw because it taught us something about elephants that well, we just had never heard of before. Turns out they don't reach sexual maturity until they're 14. It would seem that a Polish politician is criticizing the zoo for acquiring an elephant, who happens to be 10-years-old and goes by the name of Ninio, who prefers only male elephants. The politician says the elephant is gay. He says the point is to have a herd of elephants at the zoo. And so on. I had never heard the phrase "gay elephant" before. Just thought I'd pass it along. Zoo officials say the elephant isn't old enough to know its preference. Huh.

American Idol's bottom three was as I predicted. That would be Anoop, Lil and Matt. However, it was Matt who received the least amount of votes. Seeing as they can only use the Save up to the final five, and there are seven, and following the Save you eliminate two, I was in no way surprised that they saved Matt. So, no one was eliminated on Idol and next week is disco week. Please don't let it suck. There are many awesome disco songs. There are also many awful disco songs. Fine line.

Lost, what a Star Warsian delight. First of all, it was called Some Like it Hoth. You have to love it based on that title alone. It was all about the ability Miles has to communicate with the dead. Hey, guess what? That doctor you saw on all the Dharma instructional videos? His dad. The best part was the conversation he and Hurley had regarding their abilities, or as Hurley put it, super power, to talk to the dead.

Of course, as soon as I saw the title I knew Star Wars would be invoked. And so brilliantly. Lost's undercurrent is discord between fathers and sons. Naturally, that makes you think of Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker, right? Well, Hurley is in 1977 when the first Star Wars film came out so what he's doing is writing The Empire Strikes Back, with some improvements. Because, seriously, the Ewoks were not an improvement. So if he is stuck in 1977 and gets off the island he can send it to George Lucas. Great thinking on Hurley's part. (Adam thinks Empire is perfect and it's Jedi that needs the improvements.) Hurley also points out to Miles that had Luke and Vader just talked things out, maybe Luke would not've lost his hand. Because now adult Miles sees that his father did care for three-month-old baby Miles. Sure, it's confusing, but it's Lost. And Star Wars, rolled into one glorious show. Then they pulled the new Lost next week but it's a clip show crap. So, really, it won't be new for two more weeks.

There's a 17-year-old guy in Germany who wants to compete in the 2012 Olympics in the synchronized swimming competition. But it seems that's just for girls. He swims with the girls in his high school. Even shaves his legs and wears women's costumes. I don't get why he swims in women's costumes or why other guys don't want to do synchronized swimming. Wasn't there a Martin Short SNL skit about that many a year ago?

You know how you're told not to swallow watermelon seeds because one might grow inside you? Well how about don't inhale near a fir tree? This 28-year-old guy in Russia had chest pains, was coughing up blood, thought he had cancer. No, he had a two inch long fir tree in his lungs. That made Adam feel good. Being 28 and all.

I asked Adam what super power he would like. That would be invulnerability. He's worried though, with that power, that if a house were to fall on him he would not have the strength to crawl out from under it. You see, you could have super strength, but you could still be shot, be invisible, still be shot down. Flying? Be like having a new bike, get bored after a while. Best combination would be being invulnerable, and super strength and super intelligence. I'd throw in the invisible thing too.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #27 Wed 04.15.09

Dancing With The Stars was no grand surprise with the elimination of Steve-O. They narrowed it down to him and Ty Murray and then played the suspense music forever because, at heart, it is a reality show. Perhaps because I recorded it and did not have the patience for every single second of it, I did not understand why Carmen Elektra was on the show. Except for the fact that she has a great agent. She did a dance number with many other dancers. A dance and wiggle number. Does she have a Vegas show to promote? Not that I totally wouldn't have done the same thing. I just missed the why. And I totally didn't understand why Rascal Flatts, or most anyone for that matter, had to sing Revolution. Look, The Beatles did it perfectly more than once. No need to touch it. And certainly not like that travesty I had to fast forward through. I tried to listen to the entire song. But it was just too painful. I appreciate their great love of the most excellent band of all time. I really do. However, another of their songs might've been a better choice. Might've? I'm being gentle here.

It's a new Lost tonight. Woo-hoo!

Quentin Tarantino did not pick the songs from the cinema on Idol last night. Apparently, Bryan Adams did. No, just kidding, but two of his were performed. I have no issue with Bryan, however, out of all the songs from movies, two of his get chosen from the seven that were done? Huh? I just didn't get it. Allison started with I Don't Want to Miss A Thing. No big surprise. Diane Warren wrote it, she has close ties to the show. I think Allison's a great singer and yet it almost sounded all one-notey to me. Because they ran overtime last week only two judge comments were allowed per performance and they were all about it. Which surprised me.

Anoop pulled out Everything I Do, I Do For You from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. He did his dreamy stand there thing and a really good vocal. I think he's safe. He may be in the bottom, but I don't think he's going home. Do they do a bottom three when there's only seven left, or a bottom two? I forget.

Adam was the only who chose a fast song, thank goodness. From Easy Rider it was Born to Be Wild. Other than Steve Martin, and Steppenwolf, I can't imagine anyone else singing it. Including Adam Lambert. He does outperform and outsing everyone. I just prefer that song to rock. Jim thought it was indulgent. It just didn't do a lot for me.

Matt pulled out the other Bryan Adams song with Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman. It was fine. It was nice. Meh. Bored.

Danny sang Endless Love. His ability mixed with the emotional impact of his personal story really nailed it for me. Love him. Kris continues to impress. I had to go and look up the song he did. It's from an indie movie, a Sundance film fave called Once that came out in 2006. The song is called Falling Slowly. Never heard of it. Probably same reaction from most people. However, now I want to see the movie and I thought he was incredible. Best performance of the night.

And Lil finally did her own version of a song. I'm glad that she knew Bette Midler did The Rose. But it was also a hit by Conway Twitty dontcha know. However, I think tonight will be the end of the road for Lil. I think she's got great vocal ability and what she needs is a great producer. She needs someone to package and guide her because she just can't seem to do that for herself.

In case you were unaware, your taxes are due by midnight tonight. Ours were mailed yesterday. Jamonit.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #26 Tue 04.14.09

Jim sat in on the podcast today and we started off with Josh Holloway, Sawyer on Lost, and his baby news. He and his wife became parents of a girl on April 9. His wife's name is Yessica, not Jessica. And now they have a daughter named Java Kumala Holloway. I don't know if that's a popular Hawaiian name or if they both really like coffee. I know I really like coffee. And Jim pointed out that Kumala is the name of a professional wrestler, which, I'm sure, is what they were going for.

Good news bad news for fans of The Tudors. Showtime has announced that it will return for season four. And season four will end the series. Henry VIII only had so many wives you know.

We talked about the separation of Mel and Robin Gibson and the alleged fling between LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cilerian, her Lifetime movie co-star. Jim said he didn't understand why the Gibsons, who had been married for 28 years, didn't just tough it out. Mel's not there most of the time anyway. As if we know. I suggested a Spencer Tracy type arrangement where they don't have to deal with a messy divorce and just "have an understanding." Or a pool boy. And a gardener. Whatever works. Just a thought. LeAnn and Eddie, by the way, are both married to other people.

Jim is outraged that Zac Efron will play Jonny Quest in the live action film version of Jonny Quest. You see, Jonny Quest is supposed to be something like 12 years old. I had no idea he was also outraged at the casting of Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy as The Hardy Boys way back when for similar reasons.

American Idol tonight the final 7 sing songs from the movies and the mentor is director Quentin Tarantino. My mind is spinning with all the movie possibilities. Let's hope they don't choose sucky ones.

Dancing with the Stars was jive or rumba night. Chelsie and Ty began with a country themed jive. Ty really goes at it with everything he's got. And even though he often looks like he's atop a bull, he's dancing. They got an 18. Shawn and Mark did a very sexy rumba to score a 26. They received an instant standing ovation from the crowd. Mark said he kept the choreography age appropriate. I wonder how much sexier it would've been if she had been older than 17 because it was pretty steamy.

Lawrence and Edyta did a very fun jive and got a 22. Edyta wore, essentially, a pink bikini and a scarf. Nice. Melissa and Tony had a hot rumba for a 27. Hilarious how they pushed off of each other as soon as it was over. I do enjoy them.

Terrific irony in having Lil' Kim as the police officer instead of the prisoner when she and Derek did an awesome jive to Jailhouse Rock. They got a 28. Don't know why that wasn't a 30. She is a spectacular dancer. Unlike Steve-O, who does try desperately. And I appreciate that. Lacey and he did a rumba and they got a 16. Len said you can't confuse movement with dancing. But he does totally commit. And that says something.

Gilles and Cheryl did a jive in leather. Love that choice. They got a 26, again, why was that not a 30? And Chuck and Julianne's rumba got a 23. All that lace was, well, lacy. Len, as expected, thought their rumba was too raunchy. OK, I wouldn't use the word raunchy. Though not too many men can wear a black lace shirt like that. Or at all.

Jim is doing the taxes. Finally. And there was much rejoicing. I will have to leave the house soon before he starts asking me things I don't know the answers to.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #25 Mon 04.13.09

Jim joined me on the podcast today. Giving me the perfect opportunity to ask him if he had done our taxes yet. Because, you know, math is hard. Jim is supposed to do the taxes and I'm supposed to look them over. Taxes, so not done. But he always was one for pulling overnighters in college. Or so he says.

As predicted, Hannah Montana: The Movie was number one over the weekend. And it was number one in a big way by pulling in $34 million. I haven't asked our friends who were extras if they saw themselves or not. What with everyone being sick, we didn't quite make it to the theater to see it.

Brian McKnight is gone from Celebrity Apprentice.

The Amazing Race ended this leg in Thailand only it was a non-elimination round. The brothers Mark and Michael had come in fourth. However, they had broken some rules and were hit with two two-hour penalties. Plus, they will have to deal with a speed bump in the next leg. So they were last but still in it.

Oh, Zac Efron was on Saturday Night Live on, well, Saturday Night. They did an amusing little send-up of High School Musical. Now, Jim did point out that making fun of HSM was like trying to hit a stationary target. But still, entertaining.

We discussed how in 2008, fewer people were getting plastic surgery because of the recession. However, now that they need jobs, older, as in 40's and 50's older, professionals are getting facelifts and injectables to look younger because they feel they have to compete with the younger professionals for the few jobs that are left. Some plastic surgeons are even catering to this mindset by offering "Job Fighter Packages" and "tuneups." Jim says if you feel you lost your job because of your age, then sue. But seriously, I have no issue with an injectable here, a surgery there. You've got to keep the surgeons happy.

Jim had me name the final four on Dancing with the Stars. Gilles, Melissa, Shawn and Lil' Kim. Duh. Only question is, will it be Shawn or Lil' Kim in final three? That's my conundrum. We also talked about how it could be dancing with the nobodies. I have volunteered to be on it many times. And will continue to do so. I have a chance on that show. Unlike American Idol. DWTS. I can do that. ABC, are you listening?


The One About My Cold

I cannot remember the last time I felt well. Oh sure, it was probably a week ago. But it seems longer. Much longer. For those around me, it probably seems like a month. Actually, it started a few weeks ago with the girls. Because if there's one thing I've learned these almost four years of being a mother. Blame the children. Their shiny new immune systems catch everything and rain down upon my, some would say older I'll just say more established immune system; and they wreak havoc on my insides. It usually assumes the form of the plague or leprosy. Oh, no. I was thinking of something else. It usually assumes the form of a sinus infection in me. The girls each had them. Sinus confections as Anna Grace called them. Plus ear confections. They were miserable. I wasn't too happy either.

With the first diagnosis, we waited for Anna Grace's prescription to be filled and popped in on a good friend at work. Now if there's one thing I can say about my girls. They love to share. I watched the infection spread in slow-motion as she sprayed her cough directly into his face. Two rounds of anti-biotics later and he's almost able to function again.

However, I caught the mother lode. The never-ending cold to end all colds. And had the bonus of reinfecting my children. Which, by the way, is awesome. As I write this I can still barely hear out of one ear. I can't decide which is more apt. An elephant sitting on my face or a balloon being blown up from inside my head. And my husband is a mutterer so it has not been easy. What? What's that you said? No, seriously, I can't hear you.

The good news is, I had no idea I even had strep throat. It seems when your tonsils are gone it doesn't hurt like it used to. Bring it on baby. I could've handled just that. As a matter of fact, I would've preferred it.

But the thing is, you don't just get to be sick anymore. I mean good and sick and everything else is taken care of for you. You get to stay in bed. All day. Remember that? And if you need something, it's brought to you. No worries. I remember those days. And I also remember waking up and feeling better. Not this gradually getting better nonsense. I went to bed icky and woke up much, much better. I guess that's kidstuff. Well, I want it back.

I'm taking my medicine. For the third round. I will rid my sinuses of this unwanted infection and invite it to live somewhere else (I will suggest other, more deserving recipients at another time). I am trying to keep my complaints to a minimum. And I am taking care of the girls. But that doesn't mean I don't want to go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and be completely and totally better. Because I do. I've been given enough shots and pills (all by real doctors mind you) to cure me of this. I can hear Gene Wilder's voice in my head. Which, for me, is not at all unusual. But regarding this, it's from one of the funniest movies of all time, Young Frankenstein. And he's saying in a rather commanding manner, "This. Should. Work!"


The Jane Ellen Podcast Summary #24 Fri 04.10.09

Today Jim sat in on the show. We discussed last night's Survivor. They're in Brazil. Now I haven't been following this one as closely as I have the other Survivor seasons. So I did not realize how irritating that coach guy was. But I don't like people I hardly know giving me back rubs. Well, I barely tolerate it from people I do know. Anyway, some guy named Joe had an infection so he's off the show and there was no tribal council. However, my favorite part was when Probst was sent out to talk to the cast while they were undercover and he got totally rained on. By choice I'm guessing. Interesting.

The movies out this weekend are Dragonball: Evolution an action movie rated PG. The cool part is that James Marsters, Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, plays Piccolo the villain. Seth Rogen's latest comedy is the R rated Observe and Report. However, the movie I feel certain will be the hit of the weekend is Hannah Montana: The Movie. It's rated G and we have a bunch of friends who are extras in it. I remember it was a gajillion degrees the day they went to Columbia,TN for their day on the set. The question is, did they make the cut?

Jim passed along some news that I had simply ever thought about. Coke and Pepsi weren't kosher. Until now. They're made with corn syrup. Now Coke and Pepsi have kosher versions made with sugar.

Now, Jim has an afternoon of father-daughter time to get to. That should prove to be interesting.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #23 Thu 04.09.09

Adam Cravens sat in on the show today which always fills me with delight. He started off by telling me he catalogued his Star Trek books. How lovely. Turns out he has 65 Next Generation numbered novels and 23 random Star Trek books. He has not read them all. He just puts them in order and touches them lovingly. Then he told me the coolest and geekiest story ever. It seems that Wrath of Khan, only one of the best sci-fi movies ever, aka Star Trek II, was to be shown in a theater recently. And the theater-goers were told the film was damaged. And out came Leonard Nimoy. OK, ok, I'll slow down, the actor who plays Spock, and he had a copy of Star Trek XI and they did a test run. Suh-weet. The fanboys must've wet their pants. Adam said that the tweets they sent were beyond enthusiastic. We cannot wait for May 8. He has not heard of the rumor that there is a Kirk and Spock moment. Brien had sent me an email about it, however, that article came out on April 1 so that led me to believe it was a hoax. We shall see.

There is word that Nic Cage wants a She-Hulk movie made. Don't know if he wants to produce it, be in it, or just wants one to be made. Megan Fox and Eva Mendes have been suggested. I didn't know there even was a She-Hulk. Adam explained that she's Bruce Banner's cousin and a blood transfusion hulkified her.

The University of Chicago is offering a class on pirates. We're talking traditional pirates all the way to software pirates. Aaaargh! Turns out it's pretty popular. Adam feels sure he would be disappointed.

American Idol had Lil Rounds, Anoop and Scott MacIntyre in the bottom three. Lil sat down first. 30,000 votes separated the two guys but Scott had the lowest amount. The judges were split on the save and he went home. I think the magic-themed Ford commercial was the coolest one yet by the way.

I told Adam about Brien's take on Lord of the Rings. We're going to watch Fellowship with Brien. But first film his take on it, and film him throughout it. Brien told me he thought LOTR was something about a dragon, a giant, a midget with a ring, a mute woman and pigs on horseback. Please, do not tell him any differently. He has some short VHS version of the film, which is just wrong. He's going to watch the director's cut in hi-def on my wide screen in surround the way God and Peter Jackson intended it to be seen. The only problem is both Adam and Brien work shifts and will have to do some finagling to get them in the same room at the same time. But I shall make it so.

My medication-addled brain (due to the intensity of the strep throat and sinus infection) is not up to par on rattling off the names of actors and films as it usually is. So Adam was quite amused when I started talking about that time travel movie with that guy who killed Kirk (actor Malcolm McDowell) who played H.G. Welles and that guy from Cheers wife and Jack the Ripper. Directed by the guy who directed Wrath of Khan by the way. Adam says it's called Time After Time, which it could very well be, unless that's the name of that Christopher Reeve movie. See? Addled.

And a man in China had a pain in the butt for over 30 years. For real. A needle. Finally, a surgeon removed it. Think about that.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #22 Wed 04.08.09

Well, this has been a never ending day with me. As it began in the ER around 1am discovering that the elephant on my face was actually a raging sinus infection with strep throat thrown in as an added bonus. The great part about being in the ER was, no not seeing George Clooney, though I looked, it was I got shot full of stuff. Mind you, none of it has kicked in. But I have hope. I've been sick for so long now I feel certain that shots are the way to go. My system doesn't have time to wait for pokey little pills. I want instant wellness. Maybe Brien and I should go on another coffee binge. I recall feeling really good then. Was that just a week ago today? You know, it was. Wow, it all seems like a blur.

American Idol contestants sang songs from the year in which they were born. The oldest contestant is Danny Gokey. And even though Stand By Me by Ben E. King didn't come out in 1980, the Mickey Gilley version did. He was awesome. Kris Allen followed with Don Henley's All She Wants to do is Dance. By the way, Building the Perfect Beast is a great album. Yes, I have the album. Oh, I mean CD. Anyway, Kris played the guitar surrounded by the audience. He was really hard to see. They should've raised him up some. The judges felt the arrangement of the song overtook him. More like he was a guitar player who wanted to sing than a singer who played guitar. I get that. Simon said it was self-indulgent.

We found out that Lil Rounds name is Lil, not short for Lily, it is actually Lil. She sang What's Love Got to Do with It. I need to have that leather vest she was wearing first of all. She looked smokin'. The judges complaint with her is the same it has always been. She has an amazing voice but she lacks the abililty to take a song and make it her own. It's always a copycat arrangement of the original. Which I can agree with. Which also tells me she needs a good producer.

Anoop really surprised me with his version of Cyndi Lauper's True Colors. I'm always a hesitant when I hear someone is going to cover a Cyndi song. She's got, what, a five octave range? However, he did a really nice job. He's not going home this week.

However, Scott MacIntyre probably is. He played electric guitar to the song The Search is Over. It was a bit wretched for me. The guitar playing more than the singing. The song was never a fave but it was OK. I just found the electric guitar to be jarring. He said it was the punk side of him. Funny. Allison picked a song that was perfect for her voice. Bonnie Raitt's I Can't Make You Love Me. And the fact that one born in 1992 could deliver such a mature-themed song like she did make it even better. It was fantastic. The judges advised her to chat it up a bit. Be a bit more personable. She's just not connecting with the audience.

Matt Giraud impressed me again with Stevie's Part Time Lovers. Not an easy song to deliver and he sang and performed it fantastically well. I never saw him coming on like that in Hollywood. And then there was Adam Lambert. He was brilliant. And his song choice tickled me. He chose Mad World. The Brien Travis arrangement. That's what amused me so. Two notes into it I recognized it. And Adam was glorious. As I expected him to be. And because Brien wasn't sitting in on the podcast, I threw in some of his Mad World which he recorded on his covers album Cul-de-Sac. You can download it all for free at his website http://www.brientravis.com/.

Dancing with the Stars had a spellbinding performance of Etta James singing At Last while real life couple Maks and Karina laid on the steam and danced to it. Lawrence and Edyta and David and Kym were in the bottom two for the dance off. Lawrence's score stayed the same from the judges, a 20. David's went from a 22 to a 24. However, when added to the viewer votes it was David who was eliminated.

Lost is a Bencentric episode tonight. He is judged by the island. Fascinating.

And there's a guy in LA who can remember almost everything that's ever happened to him since he was five. It's called hyperthymestia or Super Autobiographical Memory. Only four people are on record worldwide as having this condition currently. I wonder if his friends call and tell him stuff just so he'll remember it for them? Because with him he can forgive you but he may not be able to forget.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #21 Tue 04.07.09

Because I have two toddlers, Noggin is often the TV channel of choice in the house. And once in a while they do watch a show called Oswald. Not very often though. He's not pithy like SpongeBob. Or cute like Diego. Should you be watching Oswald for more than a hot second and a penguin named Henry waddles into the scene. Listen. It's Squiggy. I know, I know. It's David Lander. And I have no doubt he doesn't want to be known as Squiggy. But he rocked it on Laverne & Shirley. If only the penguin had a reason to say "Hello goyles." That would be rich.

Dancing with the Stars monopolized my time last night. The dances were the Viennese Waltz and the Paso Doble. With the Paso you are either the matador, the cape or the bull. Just so you'll know. And because I record and roll through the show, maybe I missed it. But I don't recall any mention of Julianne's ACM win of Best New Female Vocalist. I thought they would've done that. So, Julianne and Chuck went first with the waltz. I love his regular guy-ness. Julianne looked radiant in that pink gown. They got a 23.

Lawrence and Edyta got a 20 for their paso. He said learning the paso was like watching TV with the sound off. They were so-so. Her outfit was stunning. Natch. It looked backless. Peach and aqua.

Shawn and Mark tied for second place with a score of 26 for their lovely waltz. They just work so well together. Very sweet. I also love to watch Melissa and Tony. They got a 25 for their paso and the judges were booed each time they opened their mouths it seemed. I didn't catch the mistakes Melissa made. Apparently, she did, and she admitted to them. I'll have to watch it again. The degree of difficulty on the choreography was high. And their black and red outfits were cool flamenco-style. Granted, the intense look that the paso demands just didn't seem to come naturally to bubbly Melissa. And she thought that a 25 was much higher than what she should've gotten so she was happy.

David and Kym got a 22 for their waltz. It had a cool beginning and ending. It was done to You Put a Spell on Me. And I think I finally figured out the problem. It's not that David can't dance because he can. Just compare him to Steve-O for instance. It's just that he and Kym seem to just be dancing at the same time. Take their waltz and watch it next to Shawn and Mark's. They have a connection. Which is such reality show speak. But there's no real chemistry in David and Kym's dancing. I'm not saying they don't get along. I have no idea. Just saying that when dancing they don't seem to connect.

Unlike Gilles and Cheryl. I now want Gilles to get tens thrown at him for just walking out on the dance floor. If you have watched DWTS for many seasons you know that Len has issue with any dancer, professional or celebrity, for not wearing a shirt or having it unbuttoned. I think that's why he gave them a 9 when the other two judges gave them a 10 each on what was clearly a perfect paso.

Steve-O and Lacey did a waltz. It was sweet and quirky. Nice to see him dance. Clearly, he's just not that good of a dancer but he did his best. They got an 18. Ty and Chelsie did the paso to one of my favorite songs Barracuda. However, the paso is so stylized that Ty just seemed a bit stompy. I have no doubt it is extremely hard to learn. They got a 21.

Lil' Kim and Derek tied for second place with a beautiful waltz and a score of 26. She has a great agent. Wonder what she'll do once the show is over? So Gilles and Cheryl in first place and Steve-O and Lacey at the bottom.

Computer literate John Mayer has reportedly said, even though he Tweets regularly, that Twitter is silly and inherently dumb. He also said that you do Twitter until everybody gets off of it and it's something else you go and try out. Which I agree with. But the brilliance of Twitter is it forces you to be concise. Even if you're boring, it's over with in 140 characters. I'm on there, so is Brien and Wendy, one of the members of our Crack Research Team.

American Idol is on tonight and Danny Gokey is the 2-1 favorite to win in Vegas. Adam Lambert is 5-2 and Kris Allen is in third place at 7-1. Scott MacIntyre is the longshot at 40-1.


The One About the Video

You could say I'm living a dream. Just a few years ago. Ahem. I said just a few years ago when I went to grad school. For thirteen days. My goal was to direct music videos. Yes, what she really wanted to do was direct. It could be because one of my professors, pleasant yet troll-like (there's a reason I say that) told me I could only work behind-the-scenes in entertainment because I was too ugly to be in front of the camera. If I could only recall her name instead of her face I would send her a copy of my Wilhelmina modeling contract. Yet, I digress. My Type A personality does love to control. What a surprise. So directing anything is not much of a stretch.

With a new video camera and a willing victim, I have been able to have at it of late. And it is as addictive and creatively satisfying as I thought it would be. For some reason, my good friend (that always sounds so fake, doesn't it? we're just good friends) Brien Travis has let me take his music and make it visual. Maybe he just didn't know enough to just say no. We started out easy. So easy, in fact, my husband won't even label it a video. Hey, it told a story, it had a vibe, and I had software to learn. The song is "This Fairytale" and it's posted under Watch Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. Brien was pleased with the end result. Quirky. Fairytaley. That's what we were going for.

Next video was an actual moving picture. I know. Big step. Also posted under Watch Jane and it's called Coffee Binge. Even though I did all the editing and was technically the director, it was all Brien's idea. His way to celebrate turning 29. Drink a lot of coffee in a short amount of time. We did have a grand time. There was some car dancing, speed talking, straw music-making-- and then the twitches set in. For about half an hour I felt awesome. Oddly enough, it was just today that I read that caffeine, as an addiction, is a drug of reward. Huh.

Then I took all the coffee drinking and hilarious good times we had in those three hours and cut it to four and a half minutes. Aaaahhh, directing. Just feeling that power is almost as awesome is all that caffeine running through my veins. But even I'll admit that Coffee Binge didn't take much directing on my part. Unlike the next project. Well, let me first say, I plan to have many little amusements on my website like Coffee Binge. At the same time, I'm also living the dream, right now, of directing what, when it's all said and done, will be a real music video in my eyes.

OK, it would really be a dream if I was getting some multi-million dollar paycheck and had a crew to do my bidding. And a sweet trailer. That aside, I like the challenge of pulling off something respectable on nothing. And this time I'm approaching it just like a grown-up director would. I've got a shot-by-shot outline of everything I want to get. If anything occurs to me, fine. But there is a list of have-to-haves. And you know I love a good list. If you want a head start on it, go to www.myspace.com/brientravis and listen to "Daylight." I will provide no hints as to how I will treat it visually. No fairy wings for me this time. Unless I'm just wearing them behind the camera. Which I am inclined to do anyway. No matter how it turns out, my week has already been made. Brien has already said, and I have it recorded, "Whatever you want. You're the director."

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #20 Mon 04.06.09

It's true. I would much rather be sick than have my children be sick. Or my spouse. That being said. This illness that my children have shared suuuuuucks. Unlike any of them, I take medicine without complaint. That's really the only positive I've got regarding that.

It seems the "the" and the "too" were really slowing them down because Fast and Furious made over $72 million dollars opening weekend. Mind you, nothing much else came out. But still. Everyone could've just stayed home. The Vinster was clearly missed. I wonder if they'll just leave out the vowels for the fifth installment?

American Idol and Dancing With the Stars producers had a great night last night at the Academy of Country Music Awards. Professional dancer Julianne Hough won Best New Female Artist and Carrie Underwood won Best Female Artist and the big one Entertainer of the the Year. Cool.

So, you think you're crazy when you insist that your coffee or tea tastes best when served in a certain cup? You're not. There was a study you see. So it's true. And caffeine is a drug of reward. Duh. Have you not seen my vcast? Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Watch Jane and view Coffee Binge. Brien and I are coffee-a-holics. Anyway, your mind prefers that your drug of choice, caffeine, is delivered in a certain way. It's a ritual because you're a caffeine addict. Oh, you're not? I just assumed.

Seems Joan Rivers and Clint Black don't quite hit it off. At least not in front of the cameras on Celebrity Apprentice. Two people got fired. Not Joan and Clint though. It was Khloe Kardashian and T-Boz.

Showtime's The Tudors third season starts tonight. Joss Stone will make her acting debut as Anne of Cleves.

In Germany a woman divorced her husband for being too tidy. Seems he was constantly cleaning up and rearranging the furniture. I need more details on that one. Furniture being moved just to move it? Irritating at best. Well, bottom line is after 15 years they split. I just wonder was he crazy clean or what?

OK, I have to remove this elephant off my face. Oh, it's just my sinuses. Either way, it's steeped in unpleasantness.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #19 Fri 04.03.09

Adam Cravens guested on today's podcast. I learned that his wife Autumn was actually born during the season of Autumn. I'm sure there are plenty of people named Autumn not born during that season but if that was my name, as a stickler for detail, I would want to be named for the season. That's just me. I'm odd that way.

The big movie opening today is Fast and Furious which is rated PG-13. Not The Fast or Too Fast and nothing is Drifting. But Vin Diesel is back in it. Turns out, I have pretty much seen every movie he's made. XXX is hilarious. I highly recommend it. Now, it's not listed under comedy, but it's real funny. It also turns out that Adam has seen every movie Hulk Hogan ever made. Interesting.

XXX, by the way, not a porno, and just the kind of movie that Brien says I watch all the time. Fast cars and things blow up. Which, Adam says, is the plot of Fast and Furious. Adam watched the version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine that was leaked to the internet. He felt, from what he saw, that too many storylines were crammed into the movie. I felt that the movie title sounded like a new men's cologne. What's that you're wearing? X-Men Origins: Wolverine, it brings out the beast in you.

We discussed the handsomeness of Hugh Jackman and what an awesome job he did hosting the Academy Awards. I had offered to help him on many occasions and even though he never took me up on it; it was quite clear he never needed my assistance. Sigh. Adam realized that he had more man crushes. He said he didn't want to limit himself only to people who were alive. He thought a man-date with Richard Nixon or Don Knotts would certainly contain interesting conversation.

I said I knew Anderson Cooper was totally into me. That's why I follow him on www.twitter.com. Same with Kevin Smith. And, one sweet day, they'll follow me back. Adam said if he ever met Kevin and Kevin didn't like him back, his world would end. I get that. Kevin Smith talking about the time he spent with Prince is beyond fascinating. Mind-blowing is more like it.

I asked Adam if he has prepared himself for the day when his favorite film, Back to the Future, is remade. He has steeled himself against it. Adam has based his whole life upon that film, including a fascination with clocks and DeLoreans. Robert Zemeckis, however, is not going to return to his trilogy and change it, unlike George Lucas who felt the need to do so with the original Star Wars trilogy. Adam and I can discuss sci-fi for hours. Listen to the podcast at www.thejaneellen.com under Hear Jane. It's only a half an hour. We controlled ourselves.

My Crack Research Team says that the cabbage and lettuce leaf dress Cloris Leachman is wearing in the new PETA ad was actually made from leaves sewn together, not all CGI.

When you hear about scientists making robots that can think and reason on their own you wonder, did they not see Terminator or 2001: A Space Odyssey? Not all robots are Data from Star Trek the Next Generation.

A new study says that mental decline actually begins at the age of 27 so that's got to make you feel good. And, woo-hoo! According to a study done in Australia, if you go to youtube or facebook or my website, you get the picture, while you're at work, it makes you more productive. Oh, it's true. Now, you're only supposed to go to those sites for a little bit. But it gives your brain a break. It allows your brain to rest. So keep that in mind if your robot overlords don't let you have a little bit of fun surfing the net.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #18 Thu 04.02.09

Jim joined me on the podcast today. Right off we went to American Idol. The bottom three were Anoop, Allison and Megan. Megan Joy was the one who went home. And then there were eight.

Lost was about how Juliette was trying to save the young Ben Linus's life and needed Jack to help operate. Jack, with much the mindset of Sayid who had put him in that condition, refused. Jack and Sayid knew that Ben grew up to be a serial killer and weren't really into helping. Sawyer and Kate took him to Richard, leader of The Others, and that is how he became healed and at one with the island. We assume. We also found out that what Sawyer whispered to Kate before he jumped off the chopper was that he had a daughter. Kate went to visit her and her mother and gave them settlement money. Kate also gave Aaron, Claire's son who she had raised, to Claire's mom who did not know he existed. The best part of the entire episode was, of course, Hurley. He asked all the time travel questions of Miles that we had been asking. Starting by looking at his hand to see if he was disappearing which is a Back to the Future reference. Hurley and Sawyer do get all the best lines.

By the way, I had mentioned it the other day but was not label specific, the new foodstuff I discovered which I can never buy again is made by Peanut Butter & Co. and it's called Dark Chocolate Dreams. It is perfection. Let us not speak of it again.

Adam Cravens is planning to visit the podcast tomorrow. Because he has super hero powers he was able to see the new Wolverine movie early and was slightly underwhelmed. Bummer.

If you are looking for a way to stop eating cookies, here's a suggestion. Have sick child sneeze directly into the cookie jar. That spray in slo-mo really worked for me.

A woman in Florida had to call 911 because she was locked in her car. Locked IN her car. The dispatcher convinced her she could manually pull up the lock and get out. Locked IN her car. Still can't get over that.

Brien and I did go on a coffee drinking binge yesterday. It was glorious. I want to feel that good all the time. Jim says cokeheads and other addicts feel like that. Nah. I realize that at our last stop we probably acted like a couple of Friday night drunks. And there was a point when all we had to do was look at each other and we'd laugh. Hysterically. And the waitress at Maddux Station was wondering why we kept laughing each time she asked us if we wanted more coffee. And more coffee. Because we did. Vcast to follow. Unless the angle is unflattering. Then, maybe not.

And a bunny has been born with two noses. Each nose has two nostrils. Turns out, as a child, Jim often ate rabbit and squirrel and I suggested vermin and roadkill. I'm just sayin'. And yet, he has turned away non-gamey things I've cooked? So hard for me to accept.

And tonight, if you care, the last episode of ER ever, will air. Well, the last new episode. The series comes to an end tonight is what I'm trying to say. You know what else? I've never watched an entire episode either.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #17 Wed 04.01.09

Last night's American Idol contestant's got to choose from the iTunes library. Ooh now, that really narrowed it down. Anoop started with Usher's Caught Up. It was only OK. Megan did Turn Your Lights Down Low. Again, OK. Then Danny sang What Hurts the Most and was, I thought, fantastic. Allison played the guitar on No Doubt's Don't Speak. I thought it was pretty good. And she had just either learned the song on guitar, or had just learned how to play the guitar, period.

Scott MacIntyre did what thought was his best performance since his audition with Billy Joel's Just the Way You Are. Matt Giraud was OK with You Found Me. Lil Rounds sang I Surrender. You know, she catches it all the time from the judges that she has not been picking ballads so she picks one and she still hears it. I like it. They were underwhelmed. Adam Lambert was amazing, naturally, with Wild Cherry's Play That Funky Music. He's just so extraordinary. And even though I totally blanked during the podcast, it was Kris Allen who closed the show with Ain't No Sunshine from Bill Withers. Which he played on piano. He usually plays guitar.

Apparently, Adam googles himself. Honestly, can't say that without giggling. And the fans like his hair slicked back so he did it again to please the fans. Just thought you'd want to know.

The Simpsons rate a postage stamp. You'll be able to buy it in January.

Cloris Leachman is the new PETA spokesperson only she's not naked in the new ad. She's wearing a lovely, for real, gown of purple cabbage and green lettuce. Instead of saying I'd rather go naked instead of wear fur it says "Let Vegetarianism Grow On You." She's 82 and looks great in this ad. What I don't know is if the entire dress was made digitally or not. Crack Research Team? Get on it.

Dancing With The Stars had Steve-O, Steve Wozniak and Holly Madison in the bottom three. The Woz and Holly were sent home in the double elimination. And now there's just one more reason to love Gilles. For some reason, since last season, Cheryl Burke has been hearing it about her weight. I know. WTF. I hear she's a size four. Whatever, she looks amazing. Gilles has apparently said, "If women look like her the world would be the perfect world. She doesn't need to change anything. Who likes stick skinny girls? Where's the flavor?" Just give him the trophy already, OK?

And, as I said we had planned to, Brien Travis and I did go on a coffee binge. The details in tomorrow's blog and podcast. Once I stop twitching. Vcast of said binge to follow. By the way, Jane Ellen merchandise will be available by the end of the week at www.thejaneellen.com.