The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #125 Mon 08.31.09

Anyone ever tell you that you look like someone? Usually it's someone famous. But sometimes they tell you that you look just like their cousin so-and-so. Of course, you could make a career of it. There is a Celebrity Impersonators Conference where thousands flock to spend time with the almost Angelinas and the not-quite-Elvises (or is it Elvi?). My gorgeous friend Dana McDowell actually was a Marilyn impersonator and can totally work it. We have a new feature on the Entertain Yourself part of the website where our genius webmaster matches up staff photos with celebrity lookalikes. Get ready, I'm going to start dropping some names here. When I was filming the Larry the Cable Guy Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau special, which airs November 20 on CMT by the way, one of the make-up artists said I looked like actress Virgina Madsen. He assumed I heard that a lot. Actually, no, it was a first for me. I usually get hit with the Marilyn. It's just because of my hair. So, to help my beloved webmaster, I did a bing image search on Virginia. Oh, I knew who she was, but I didn't see the resemblance other than she's blonde. And lovely. But she looks like a combination of Sharon Stone and Gillian Anderson to me. And my BFF Brien has this one photo of me where he thinks I am so Gillian. So I suppose that was the connection. Anyway, look at the Entertain Yourself and see what he came up with.

This is just sad. No matter how you look at it. Adam Goldstein, who you may know as D.J. AM, was found dead on August 28 in New York. It looks like it was pills and crack. Which in and of itself is sad enough. However, he had walked away from a plane crash with Travis Barker in September of 2008. To survive a plane crash only to let your addictions take you in the end is just too dark and depressing for me. And for his friends, fans, and family I am sure.

John Mayer has to pony up 25 large for an animal charity. That's because he said that TMZ couldn't find his mug shot from when he drove on a suspended license in 2001. Hey, guess what. They got the photo. And it's not like it's some horrible picture either. TMZ could never find a mug shot of me or Jim because we've never been arrested. However, my prints are on file. And I've taken a lie detector test. That's all because I briefly worked for a police department. And you thought I was going to say something far more interesting than that. But no hot story, just part of the job. Ma'am.

I am thrilled that Dan Florio of RunPee got to be a part of the show today. Dan is a movie-lover and, let me toss this about, genius, for coming up with the idea for his website. Many people can't get through an entire film without having to get up and leave, or rather, Run and Pee. Get it? So Dan and his staff go to all the new movies and provide RunPee times on all of them. It is subjective, but very useful. If you get the application available for some phones, you will get a two minute warning before the RunPee time begins and a summary of what you're missing on screen. Like I told you, genius. I have encouraged Dan to say he's not a doctor, but plays one on his website. He is providing a service of a medical necessity for many. I think he can pull that off. After all, there already is a Dr. Feelgood. Dan is going to be a regular part of the show I am glad to say. Booya! Make sure you listen to Dan's debut on the show at www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.

Many, many new recipes are now posted on the Cook Jane page. Main dishes, once a barren wasteland, now filled with ideas for you. And notice my popcorn fetish under the snacks. I'm sitting next to a bowl of it right now. It's a sickness, I know. Today is the last day you can register for a free copy of the new Brien Travis CD Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. It's amazing. Starting tomorrow, you can buy it yourself from Amazon or iTunes. It's under ten dollah make you hollah so get down on it.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #124 Fri 08.28.09

George Clooney is in pain. He broke his hand allegedly because he shut it in a car door. But Adam pointed out to me that he broke it by punching a wall when he realized I was married. George, Jim's cool with me and you. He says he isn't, but, really, he is. Because he wants to make me happy. And you, George, make me happy.

I am crazy happy to reconnect with some friends of mine with whom I had lost touch. They are gifted musicians (I only hang out with gifted musicians by the way). Enjoy them. Jack Sundrud and Denny Bixby. They are steeped in talent. And witticisms.

Next week on the show I should be able to provide you with something even grander than usual. Dan Florio of www.runpee.com will be a part of the show. His website provides a valuable service to those whose bladders do not allow them to sit through an entire film. He will discuss the latest movies and give you the RunPee times on them.

Movies out this weekend don't have me all atwitter. Jim, by the way, refuses to be a part of the Twitter phenomenon. Taking Woodstock is an R comedy/musical with Eugene Levy as Max Yasgur. For the two people who don't know, it was Yasgur's farm where Woodstock took place. And, unlike Jim, I refuse to explain what Woodstock was.

Two movies that I have no interest in seeing at all are also out. Halloween II an R horror film with Tyler Mane as Michael Myers. It's written and directed by Rob Zombie. And The Final Destination is out with the fourth in the franchise. It's also R horror and is in 3D no less.

You have less than a handful of days before August is over. So sign up for the Brien Travis CD Tales of Lazy Wednesdays because we're giving it away. You can also get it on iTunes and Amazon.

Plus, all new features will be posted by Sunday night including Adam's Geek Chic and Eda's Hollywood Vine. Check back often.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #123 Thu 08.27.09

Red Shirt, Ponn Farr, Tiberius. Those phrases are well-known to any Star Trek fan. And now you can smell like them too. Those are the three Star Trek colognes. Red Shirt and Tiberius are for men. For the uninitiated, the red shirts were the security officers in the red shirts who were usually killed as soon as the landing party made it to the planet's surface. That's why it comes with the scent of expandability. Tiberius is the middle nae of James T. Kirk. And Ponn Farr is the Vulcan mating season that comes every seven years. That scent is for women. I wonder if they're any good? I tend toward wearing things like Opium, Covet, Chanel No. 5, D&G's The One. But if it's not flowery and smells awesome, I will slap it on.

Parker Posey has Lyme disease. Just thought you needed to know that.

Britney Spears has done a very amusing MTV VMA promo with Russell Brand. The show airs September 9.

Some guy says he has seen the outline of something that is the traditional description of the Loch Ness Monster in Loch Ness by looking at satellite images from Google Earth.

And the Dancing With the Stars pairings are out. The show airs September 21, 22 and 23. And on the 23rd, two couples get eliminated. It goes as follows:
Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff
Nathalie Coughlin and Alec Mazo
Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer
Tom DeLay and Cheryl Burke
Macy Gray and Jonathan Roberts
Ashley Hamilton and Edyta Sliwinska
Melissa Joan Hart and mark Ballas
Kathy Ireland and Tony Dovalani
Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova
Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough
Debi Mazar and Maksim Chmerkovsky (sigh)
Mya and Dmitry Chaplin
Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel
Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson
Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower

It will be interesting, to say the least.

You have a few more days to sign up for the Brien Travis CD Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. It is amazing. Try my new pound cake for fall. Also amazing. And soon the photo gallery will be all shiny and new. Maybe even soon as in today. I'm hoping anyway.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #122 Wed. 08.26.09

Appreciate today's show. Listen to it. Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane. I say that because in order to provide your daily dose of sarcasm and critique, and to feed our tremendous egos, Adam and I braved vertigo and the most intense migraine ever. Just sayin'.

We had little sympathy for Jon Gosselin who was complaining about his reality show while standing in front of his $1.1 million dollar home. Adam and I agree that if anyone deserves a reality show it's our Brien Travis (buy his CD immediately on iTunes and Amazon). The most amazing and amusing things seem to happen to him on a daily basis. He is oh-so-watchable.

Adam can predict the future. Just because he suggested it, Dakota Fanning is lining up to play the grand-daughter of Dorothy in an updated Wizard of Oz. It seems she will be more like Ripley from Alien. I don't know if that means she'll shoot a lot of stuff, but she won't need too much in the way of rescuing.

You may though, if you get the proposed Bob Dylan GPS. What a brilliant songwriter. But seriously, can you understand half of what he's saying? TomTom has the voices of Homer Simpson, Kim Cattrall, and Mr. T. We wondered if Mr. T. always pities the fool. Or if, in person, he's rather ambivalent.

Don't sit on a toilet seat without looking at it first. Because, I am assuming, that if the guy in Australia had, it wouldn't have become glued to his toosh. Not that it was his fault. But it took industrial solvents to remove it. It had to hurt. And be embarrassing too. Adam and I agreed that it was lame in the scope of practical jokes because the person who put the glue on the public toilet seat in the mall wasn't there in the stall when it happened. No pay-off.

Adam has an idea for our favorite comedy, The Happening. The sequel would be What's Happening. It writes itself.

Paula Abdul is hosting VH1 Divas on September 17. Oddly enough, two divas are former American Idols. Hello VH1, I could've so hosted that for you. Just putting that out there.

And then Adam and I had quite the discussion regarding cemeteries and burial and what-not. The crypt above Marilyn Monroe's is being sold for $4.6 million. Well, it has been bought for that already. It was originally meant for Joe DiMaggio and he sold it to the guy who is face down in it right now. He died 23 years ago. His wife is selling it, relocating her husband's remains to a plot she bought, and she plans to be cremated.

Make sure you troll the website. New column about roses from Jay Frankenfield is up. Along with my Tube Job and Eda's Hollywood Vine. If you are a Facebook fan, there is a now a The Jane Ellen fan page. Feel free to sign up by the thousands.


The One About Directions

I know my limitations. That is one of my most glorious traits. In my opinion, that is. I remember being taught how to fold a road map properly in Ms. Hilton's geography class. I still have issues with it. I did perform adequately for the class and read the maps necessary to pass. I did receive an A. (I also tucked away the knowledge that Ms. Hilton cut her own hair. She offered this information to the class. I wonder if she still does.) There were other classes I took in which I had to read maps. Well, now that I think of it, a map was drawn and I had to fill it in. So, yes I was "reading" a map, but not so much reading it as a means of getting somewhere. And that is where I am limited.

Maps and I don't always get along. My husband sites an occasion when we were in Williamsburg, VA and I couldn't tell him by looking at the map whether to turn left or right. Now, I have no memory of this. Sure, I remember going to Williamsburg. I even remember what I had to eat that night. But this whole map reading incident is a little hazy.

However, I do know that my less-than-stellar abilities with a road map is the only reason I don't try to participate in The Amazing Race. Don't go on that show unless you can rock a road map. See, I know my limitations. My poor map-reading skills would be an endless source of stress throughout the entire race. (You also shouldn't go on that show unless you are proficient driving a standard transmission vehicle. For crying out loud stupid contestants, you'll be traveling overseas. Automatic vehicles are not automatically issued you morons.)

I think maps are too much like the stereotypical male regarding directions. A map, and most (not all) men I know give directions in terms of north and south. Ridiculous. Tell me something I can use. Tell me to turn by the white fence or take a left across from the pink elephant. Give me facts. Landmarks. That's what I need. A road name and number is nice too.

Because I'm not so great with directions, I make it a point to look around me when I park in a strange city and have to walk some distance to where I'm going. I can't be the only person who has slightly forgotten where the car is parked. I try to combat it by noticing landmarks or even writing it down.

I have gotten lost when driving, and walking, but not majorly so. I usually point in the correct direction. A recent study has proven that when people are lost in a situation with few landmarks, they will walk in a circle without even realizing it. The were hooked up to a GPS and let loose in a dense forest and in the desert. Seems when the sun or moon were not visible, they started to walk in circles. This debunked the theory that lost people walk in circles because one leg is shorter than the other. That excuse never crossed my mind.

I will forget how to get to a place. But remember how to leave from it. Re-reading that sentence even I have barely understood myself. I recall directions backwards. Which is probably why the landmark and specific road system is what works best for me. I don't have one leg shorter than the other (but one foot is smaller than the other). And I will admit when I'm lost. Just remember to make me the driver. You navigate. It will work out better that way I promise.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #121 08.25.09

Inglorious Basterds is the subject of much of today's show. Adam is a huge Tarantino fan and has seen the film once. He's already going back this week for a second look. There is a spoiler alert in the podcast and we do give you plenty of warning before we get to it. Without telling you the spoiler I can say that Adam thinks this may be Tarantino's best film ever. He said that the story is easier to follow in comparison to Kill Bill. Adam also said that Adam Sandler was considered for the Brad Pitt role. And then all of a sudden Adam (Cravens, Sandler couldn't make today's show) and I were pairing up movie writers and directors. Much to our amusement.

Dr. Conrad Murray will most likely be charged in the Michael Jackson case. The L.A. County Coroner says it is a homicide. The result of the drug propofol and two other sedatives resulted in a deadly cocktail for Michael.

There will be a movie made about the life of Susan Boyle. Good. An Oscar winning actor is being considered for the part of Susan. Good. So far, if I'm Susan, it's all good. Oh, and that actor is Robin Williams. Do you really want to find out that they're making a movie about you and casting a man? Ow.

PETA is taking down their billboards which are trying to promote the vegetarian lifestyle by mocking the obese. They say Save the Whales and a drawing of a morbidly obese woman in a bikini is drawn. The Obesity Action Coalition was all over it. With good reason. Seems to me PETA gets uppity over all sorts of things. And I support the ethical treatment of animals for sure. However, this billboard was the wrong approach.

It got Adam and I talking about how we became the way we are. Both of us were obese. But not now. It's worth hearing at www.thejaneellen.com.

Speaking of obese, KFC has dreamed up the Double Down chicken sandwich. It has no bread. Whaaaat? That's right, instead of bread, the two cheeses and special sauce are held together by TWO PIECES OF FRIED CHICKEN. I'm sure it's delicious. But not the thing for anyone who wants to keep their weight under control. The test markets are RI and NE. I just want a bite of it. Just a bite. "It's only wafer thin."

You have a week left to sign up for the Brien Travis CD Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. For real, it is brilliant. And I would say that even if we weren't tight. I absolutely love it. You can purchase it on iTunes and Amazon. Or win it from me!


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #120 Mon 08.24.09

Amazing how a three-year-old can hold two four-year-olds at bay with a hose on full strength. That is some of the amusement we witnessed Sunday as our youngest celebrated her third birthday. Sand, bubbles and Legos. The basics still entertain I am pleased to report.

Jim has a theory regarding Mark Lester. Mark has been getting a lot of press lately as he is the godfather of all three of Michael Jackson's children. And he has admitted that he gave Michael some sperm. For use in having children, not to just have around the house. He also says that he would take a DNA test if necessary but he just wants to remain the godfather. Jim feels he has an agenda because if he really didn't want anything he would not have started all this discussion regarding his sperm donation.

Had no idea Hugh Hefner was still married. He married Kimberly Conrad in 1989. They have two sons together. They separated in 1998. But never divorced. She and the boys live next door to the Playboy mansion. Now she says Hef is selling the house and putting them out and owes them money. Hef says they are more than provided for. That aside, I simply had no idea he was married.

Brad Pitt is doing a lot of press for Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. It had a great weekend at the box office. Brad was asked about Tom Cruise's film Valkyrie and apparently said the movie was ridiculous. Expect Tom to be asked about Brad's film soon.

Ricky Martin has posted new photos of his one-year-old twins Valentino and Matteo on his website. They are gorgeous boys. All three of them.

Now this part of the show you have to hear. There was an observational study of the behavior of the obese at Chinese buffets. Seems they face the buffet, sit closer to it, they don't check out the buffet first they dive in, and they eat with a fork not chopsticks. All this as opposed to people of normal weight. Having once been obese myself, I have to say more study is needed. Anyone of any size who eats at a restaurant with a buffet with any regularity already knows what food is where. You don't have to survey the buffet first. I've eaten with chopsticks once. Hilarious. Perhaps if I ate with them more often I would be several sizes smaller. But I was raised to use a fork and I'm good with that.

There's another study out that says people who are lost walk in circles not because one leg is shorter than the other, but because they simply don't know which direction straight ahead is. Someone thought one leg was shorter than the other? What the?

There's a great new recipe posted on www.thejaneellen.com. I call it the perfect pound cake for fall. It's made from the usual items a baker would have at home. But what makes this different from other pound cakes is brown sugar is used instead of granulated, and that makes a big difference. Try it out.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #119 Fri 08.21.09

Tone deaf. You know the ones. They are oblivious to how bad they are on American Idol. And you've just got to wonder, don't they know? Well, apparently they don't. People who are truly tone deaf have normal speech and hearing. But their brain may be wired a bit differently so they can't detect a difference in musical pitch. There are fewer connections between the two areas of the brain that can make sounds and can perceive sounds. So, yeah, they really don't know they can't sing. And it tends to run in families. Which would explain the support from family members on American Idol when the truly horrible are told they are great. What we wondered is when a tone deaf person hears a singer who is actually brilliant. Can they tell when someone is good? Or does it all sound the same?

Life expectancy in the US has risen to 75 for men and 80 for women. What do about half of Americans die of? Heart disease and/or cancer. In Zimbabwe, life expectancy is not quite at age 40. Wow.

New movies out this weekend include X Games 3D: The Movie a PG documentary. Post Grad is a PG 13 comedy. And the one that will win the weekend, Inglorious Basterds an R action WWII film with Brad Pitt.

Sting's daughter Coco Sumner is 18, an actress, and on the cover of the UK Magazine Love (she is not nude in any way, like the latest European magazine covers we have discussed). She says the whole Sting tantric sex thing was a joke started by Bob Geldof. And she has been more than a bit creeped out by it growing up. I mean really, she doesn't want to think about the sex life of her parents.

Favorite Recorded Scream is a new album, really an album on vinyl, that is 74 screams and howls and the like. It'll also cost you 15 bucks.

You could win the new Brien Travis CD Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. I think it is amazing. I may be biased, but I also know crap when I hear it. This is crap free. Register to win on the main page of www.thejaneellen.com. You can also get it on iTunes and Amazon.

I have always been interested in Mozart, his music and his life. He died at the age of 35 in 1791. There has been much speculation about what killed him. His death certificate says fever and rash. However, it may have been kidney failure brought on by strep throat. There was quite the mini-epidemic in Vienna at that time of just such a thing.

My youngest, Jenna, turns three Sunday. I have party planning to get to. Cannot believe she is already three and constantly reminds me that she is not a baby. Well, she says it all the time, "I'm not a baby. I'm Jenna." I must get with the not a baby party. Jim already wants to leave the house during it. Other children. New people. Too much for him really.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #118 Thu 08.20.09

Friends. How many good ones do you have? Still have some since when you were a child? A new study is out saying that the number of friends you have tends to remain the same, and yet you lose and replace about half your friends every seven years. This got a delicious story out of Adam regarding how someone who he was only vaguely acquainted with was allowed in his Bat Cave and Adam's rules of behaviour. It's a must hear www.thejaneellen.com.

I tested a new recipe I have for brown sugar pound cake on Adam which, obviously, led to a discussion of the guinea pig festival in Peru. That's where they dress up their guinea pigs, parade them around, and then eat them.

Mario Lopez is rumored to be first in line for the lead of the Dirty Dancing Remake. This has ticked off Brien. I told Brien that another of his favorite films, Goonies was being remade, just to really send him over the edge. Until Adam said that Goonies really is going to be remade, or a sequel filmed. Brien will not handle this news well.

People do weird stuff. An adult male paid a woman to change his diapers and feed him with a baby bottle as he pretended to be mentally deficient. She caught on, after three months. Except the only thing he did wrong was lie. She was paid for the work she was hired to do. Creepy what turns some people on.

In London there are now putpockets. Former pickpockets putting money in to purses and pockets to help out with the economy.

Adam and I went all Star Trek again, Goonies started it, and deconstructed some villains. He has a mancrush on Christopher Plummer's General Chang from Star Trek VI. Adam also explained the precise differences between Costner's Waterworld and The Postman. And we go on about Jaws and Lost World while we're at it. Lots of movie talk in today's show. But hey, we had cake too.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #117 Wed 08.19.09

We geeked out today, Adam and I. It was bound to happen this week. Adam had much to say about gaming systems. My eyes didn't glaze over too often, as I suck at said games. But the Playstation 3's price has been dropped by $100, that would be the 80 GB and the 160 GB versions. Adam has all manner of gaming stations and today I found out what his favorite game of all time was. And yet, he's never seen the film The Last Starfighter. About a guy who, because of his skill at a video game, gets to help some aliens. Special effects-wise, a bit lame by today's standards, but a pleasant film. The CDC did a study and it seems the average age of gamers is actually 35, and many suffer from depression and a high body mass index. Huh.

Star Trek references pour out of Adam without even thinking and so we had much to say about it. Things we thought fascinating. Plus, our take on Jabba the Hut's poor decisions. Jabba is from Star Wars by the way. Two completely different things. Adam has an idea for a song that he wants to record with Brien Travis. Star Trek related.

Joe Jackson says Michael will be buried on August 29, which would've been his 51st birthday. He also gave the time and place of said private burial. Does the rest of the family ignore him or just feed him wrong information because he'll spill?

Tyra Banks says she will be without a weave, bun or ponytail on her September 8 show. Will that make you tune in?

Relaxation drinks are trying to cash in on the $13 billion dollar a year soda industry. They don't have caffeine in them. Their names are Drank, iChill, and ViB--Vacation in a Bottle. Oh, and Blue Cow. Or maybe you could try water.

I can barely put into words the level of nerdvana that Adam and I reached today so do make a point to listen www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane. You can also read Adam's new weekly column called Geek Chic on the Entertain Yourself page.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #116 Tue 08.18.09

Dancing With the Stars missed another opportunity to have me on the show. Ah well. It wasn't entirely unexpected. The show debuts September 21 with Donny Osmond, Melissa Joan Hart, Aaron Carter, Michael Irvin the football player, Kelly Osbourne, Kathy Ireland, Louie Vito a snowboarder, Mark Dacascos from Iron Chef, Joanna Krupa the model, Chuck Liddell an ultimate fighting champ, Ashley Hamilton (George's son) and former House of Representatives Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

Adam and I have finally hit on a great idea. I mean a really great one. It started by a story of this guy in Japan who was throwing his own feces at people because he was frustrated at work. We kept discussing it and came up with the idea of Pooper Spray, kind of like pepper spray. What if you could just spray a foul stench at your attacker, a smell that would stay on them? It would probably stop them, and help them be identified. We think Pooper Spray has a great future.

Sean and Robin Wright Penn seem to be splitting up for good. Celine Dion is pregnant at age 41. Her son Rene-Charles was born in 2001. And Colin Ferrell will be a baby daddy again. This time the mother is his co-star from the movie Ondine. Colin already has a 6-year-old son named James.

Helena Christensen, the super model who turned 40 in December, is not just topless on a French magazine like Sharon Stone, she's completely naked. But not full frontal. All you really see is side-butt. The magazine is called Citizen K.

And John Cleese's third ex-wife is now worth more than he. She has been awarded $19.7 million in the divorce. They were married in 1992. His net worth is now $16.5 million. He will be doing a one-man show called My Alice Faye Divorce Tour.

Then Adam and I started to talk about Captain Planet. I was unschooled in the ways of Captain Planet. Adam was appalled. You have to hear it. Click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.

The One About My Husband

Me. Usually it's all about me. What I think, what I like or, most often, don't like. The world revolves around me, me, me. That being admitted, let's talk about other people, shall we? Mainly, my husband, Jim.

I know that I have my eccentricities. I really don't like shaking hands with people. I think mayonnaise other than Hellmann's tastes a bit off. And I believe chocolate-covered raisins count as a fruit, not a candy. Sure, I'm delusional. But I am aware of it. Jim has many a bizarre habit and yet, he thinks they are normal. Well they are normal, for him.

For instance, he thinks that different shapes of pasta taste different. He will only eat regular spaghetti noodles and elbow macaroni. He takes umbrage with bow tie pasta, angel hair, lasagna noodles, and more. In case you didn't know, pasta has different shapes to help hold the traditional sauces that it's served with. Makes sense when you think about it. Jim swears that the other pasta shapes taste funny. I'm not even talking about wheat pasta or the green stuff. He's just that way.

Cookie bars. He's a fan. Because the girls are little I tend to make cookie bars more often than cookies so I am not opening the oven door a lot. Oh, and it's just plain easier for me. The cookie bars I make most often are chocolate chip cookie bars and chess bars. Everyone in the house is cool with that. What's the problem you say? Jim only likes the ones from the center of the pan. He won't eat the corner or outside edge pieces. Too crunchy. Or he'll eat them and complain about it the entire time he's wolfing them down.

He thinks seafood is repulsive. I realize that Jim is not alone in this. He will eat fried fish, because, well, it's fried. And once in a while he will eat salmon. For some reason, tuna fish doesn't count in his seafood-hating world. He's all about a tuna sandwich. As long as it's swimming in an obscene amount of mayonnaise. Try to get him to eat shrimp, crab, lobster, anything with legs and antenna or a shell, and it's a no-go.

Perhaps that's because his family has been landlocked for over 200 years. His kin are still in the same county in Kentucky they wandered into back then. Fresh seafood wasn't common. Unlike my family. They're from Rhode Island. The sea is right there. You eat what's around you. Jim often refers to my ancestors as grass-eaters. (I'm mostly Irish.) His family survived on all things pig-related. And anything fried or lard-based. He can eat an entire pound of bacon by himself. And would every day if I let him. I refer to his family as inbred. It's all in good fun. There's been a bit of genealogy done on both sides of our families. And somewhere some relative married another. I have forgotten the specifics. Not brother and sister by any means. That's creepy. And wrong. It was more like a cousins or second cousins. But they were close enough on the family tree for the joke to be valid.

Jim will only eat salad if it's covered in meat and cheese. Lettuce is optional. But hey, I know someone who, other than potatoes, won't eat any white food. (Think cottage cheese, cream cheese, sour cream, etc.)

My husband also has food texture issues. If I am baking anything I expect him to eat, it can't have nuts in it. Not that he doesn't like nuts. He just likes them by the handful, not in a cookie or a loaf. He gets particularly annoyed with nuts in brownies because the brownie is soft and then you get a nut and it just shouldn't be there. In his opinion. He has issues with raisins too. Many a time he has eaten a cookie thinking it has chocolate chips in it only to discover they were actually raisins. It takes weeks for him to get over the shock.

My spouse does not like shoes with laces. They just slow him down. He does own athletic shoes. But it's only on rare occasions that he will wear them. He will not wear any shirts or jackets with elastic at the wrist. Any type of cuff even close to that will tick him off. So a long-sleeved t-shirt is usually not on his list because of the way they are finished off at the wrist.

He will only wear a digital watch because he doesn't want to think about what time it is. He wants it precise. To the millisecond. Jim doesn't read books more than once, but he will watch some movies over and over again. He won't clean up dog or child vomit. He also doesn't look down when he walks. That means he never finds any money on the street, and he steps on things and trips on a regular basis. Which is always good for a laugh.

Jim despises getting his haircut, but likes his stylist. He can't tell the difference between pink, mauve, and Victorian rose. And he is oblivious to where almost everything in the house is kept with the exception of his clothes and his remote control. However, that could just be a man thing. He won't drink out of wide-mouth bottles either. You know, like a Gatorade bottle? He will go thirsty instead of drinking out of such a thing.

Jim can talk to anyone about anything. However, he would prefer to not meet "new people." He says he knows enough people already. Sure, he's nice enough. But he'd be just as happy at home. Talking to no one. He thinks Maryanne is hotter than Ginger on Gilligan's Island. He also prefers Betty over Veronica, Shirley over Laverne. I cannot fathom why we are together when you look at those choices. Ginger, Veronica and Laverne are clearly the ones I identify with.

So, there you go. Jim's quirks and habits in a nutshell. Oh, and something else about my husband. He doesn't like anyone to know anything about him. These revelations are sure to be a big hit with him.


The Jane Ellen Podcast Summary #115 Mon 08.17.09

Two million calories. They assume. 1,224 pounds. 800 eggs and 200 pounds each of sugar and flour. That's inside the new Guinness World Record holder for biggest cupcake. It was triple vanilla with pink frosting. Slices were sold for donations to Susan G. Komen for the Cure and it was created from the folks at www.gourmetgiftbaskets.com. Sounds tasty. My Jenna turns three on Sunday and has requested pink cupcakes for her class. I think I'll make mine a little smaller.

District 9 made about $37 million over the weekend. The Time Traveler's Wife came in third with $19 million. District 9 has Peter Jackson attached so I'm all about it.

Jim and I had quite the discussion about cars. So unusual for us. But it started because of a conversation I had with Brien and his love of camaros. By the way, you can win Brien's latest CD by registering on the website. His song "All American" is really hitting home with member of the military and their families.

Paula Abdul will not be on Ugly Betty. Rumors are flying that with the right offer she will return to American Idol.

Can you name all of Jane Fonda's husbands? And can you even imagine how they connect to John Derek's wives? Oh, it's vague, but it's there. Listen to Jim and I discuss it. Jane Fonda might, might marry number four, producer Richard Perry.

August 19 the 600th Archies comic book is released and the cover had Archie proposing to Veronica. Jim, and many others, are peeved because they feel Betty is the way to go. Jim and I got into a heavy discussion regarding the entire situation. I found out that Jim preferred Maryanne over Ginger on Gilligan's Island. Shocking. But true. I am more of a Ginger and Veronica girl myself.

There are many new things to discover at www.thejaneellen.com. The recipe of the week is Parmesan Potatoes. Jay has a new gardening column, and there's the new and improved Entertain Yourself page. A lot to look into.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #114 Fri 08.14.09

Chocolate is good for you. Again. Turns out a little bit of chocolate is great for what ails those recovering from a heart attack. Chocolate specifically. Not just any candy. It has to do with the cocoa bean you see. Beans, good for your heart. But chocolate in moderation. Let's not have a free for all now. See, I don't eat candy anymore. But fruit covered with dark chocolate, is fruit. See? My rules. Same applies to nuts. Cover them in dark chocolate, still not candy.

Jerry O'Connell is starting law school. Because he can I suppose.

Brooks and Dunn are talking more about how they're going to milk the break up of the act. I mean, the new greatest hits album and final tour. They say they have not had a falling out. They're just done.

Victoria Beckham will make more than one appearance on American Idol. FOX, I am still available.

Jim and I talk about the diet that makes you lazy and stupid. You'll have to hear it to see if you're already on it. Go to www.thejaneellen.com.

New movies out today, Peter Jackson produced District 9 is an R sci-fi. Ponyo is a G animated family movie, The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard is and R comedy with Brien Travis, oh, I mean Jeremy Piven, Spread is an R comedy with Ashton Kutcher, and The Time Traveler's Wife is a PG13 drama, plus Bandslam, a PG comedy. Whew! That's a lot. And I'm only interested in District 9. Well, I do have a lot of testosterone.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #113 Thu 08.13.09

Rare form. That's what Adam Cravens was in today. He came out about his deep love of the film The Wizard of Oz. It's celebrating its 70 year anniversary. And yet he didn't know that, in real live, the daughter of Dorothy married the son of the Tin Man. Shame. We talked about how we were surprised that no one had remade the movie. Not that they should. And so I suggested some casting that sickened and disgusted Adam. Perhaps you should find out what I said. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

LaToya Jackson is in talks to be on Dancing With the Stars. I have said repeatedly that I am available. The only drawback, really, is I am not a celebrity nor am I a professional ballroom dancer. But still, I try.

Michael Jackson's estate continues to grow and will make hundreds of millions by the end of the year. There will be commemorative Michael Jackson coins and, as I'm sure everyone expected, Michael Jackson school supplies.

Seth MacFarlane outed baby Stewie on Family Guy. What a shocker.

Tony Danza is hoping to star in a new reality show that appalled Adam. It's called Teach. If it gets approved by the school system, he will co-teach a 10th grade English class at North East High School in Philadelphia.

Yeah. And I still don't have a show.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #112 Wed 08.12.09

American Idol-related people all over the news. Jennifer Hudson had her first child on Monday. The baby is named after her fiance, David Daniel Otunga, Jr. 7lbs. 14 oz. Simon Cowell is getting a bump up in salary. He's going from $36 million a year for Idol to $45. And that's just for Idol, not the other shows he does.

Cheese Puffs really are delicious.

Kelly Clarkson, as we mentioned yesterday, is on the cover of Self. And it continues to hit the fan. The story is about her weight and how she's cool with it, which I'm glad about. However she is Photoshopped. As I would hope I would be if I were on the cover of a magazine. Or my driver's license. The point is, she was asked to be on Self for her self-image and they changed the shape of her face and body. The Self people say they wanted "to make her look her personal best."

It seems that teens in Great Britain are the most style conscious. Who knew?

DeWayne Johnson is the newest Ambassador for the Diabetes Awareness Campaign. 24 million Americans have the disease and over 6 million don't know they have it. He is juicy hot by the way.

Just thought I'd throw in I love my new phone. I didn't want or expect to have to replace my old one a year and a freakin' day after the warranty expired. But the maroon EnV3 is totally working for me. Nice to have a battery that holds more than 20 minutes.

If you have to offend someone, a study shows that they should by lying down. People react differently down instead of standing, when they night attack. This study means that MRI's might not be as effective to show some things because of the position of the patient when they are being studied. So next time someone really ticks you off, but you feel in danger, ask them to recline. Let me know how that works out for you.

This led to Adam and I talking about all sorts of offensive behaviour. You really should listen. Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane. The new recipe this week is awesome. It's a different kind of meat loaf. And I have always been anti-meat loaf so the fact that I love it means a lot. It's called Brown Sugar How Come You Taste So Good Meat Loaf. No, I couldn't just call it meat loaf. You make a sauce that is BBQ-esque. It's moist. My whole family loves it. And that's saying something. It's almost like saucy meatballs. Only in loaf form.

My children are now opening umbrellas in the house. Their mother really should be a bit more hard-nosed. This blog is over.


The One About Grammar

Soap boxes. I have a few. There are the heavy ones like cruelty to animals and children. But that's not all that surprising. It's just wrong. And I have animals and children. So it's also not unexpected.

With school starting I have climbed upon another. Speaking the Queen's English. That is a phrase I picked up from my mom. The school teacher. I wonder if she picked it up from her grandmother? Her grandmother lived with her family when mom was young and the woman was from Manchester, England. I suspect she spoke the Queen's English, accent and all.

Before I unload, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am pro-teacher. My mom taught elementary school, two of my sisters were teachers, I have many friends from college who are teachers, and so on. Teaching is a difficult and often thankless job. (Even though all my college friends said they were getting a degree in Education so they could have the summer off. So be it.) Being a teacher is awesome.

However, there are bad teachers just as there are good and bad of every other profession. Well, there are. I am sure you had a teacher at one point who, perhaps, should've walked a different road.

My bone of contention is this. If you are teaching children the English language. then you should speak it properly in the classroom. Intellectually I realize that people speak like those around them. If you were raised in a household that always uses double negatives, you will most likely use them yourself. It makes sense. You speak what you hear from the time you are an infant.

If that is the case, feel free. I honestly do not care one way or the other how anyone chooses to speak English as long as their point is understood. Unless they are teaching English. Then I really feel you need to speak it properly in the classroom so the kids realize that "I seen it" is incorrect. Speak properly in the classroom, teach the kids the proper rules of grammar and sentence structure and spelling, and test them on it. Then, if the kids grow up to speak it and use it incorrectly, that's their choice as adults.

I have often corrected my children's use of the word "ain't". That word isn't used at home and I know many of their teachers, but not all, use it at school. I have used it effectively on occasion. But I'm all grown up. My kids are just learning. They don't need to think that ain't is a viable option. Not in my house. (My husband concurs by the way.)

This is not new behavior on my part. I recall correcting the neighborhood kids when I was nine. Jim said I must've been a pill. I just thought they would've wanted to know that they were speaking English improperly. They weren't nearly as grateful for my corrections. Maybe they're thanking me now.

But back to the teachers. I know plenty who don't use proper grammar and such. Jim told me about a school friend of his who was "dumb as a rock" and is now a school Principal. Mind you, many people appear to be dumb as a rock next to Jim, but it does happen. I remember a school Vice Principal who made an announcement using the phrase "no mo' radio." Good times.

Jim told me a story of a teacher who used the phrase "I done learned you that" in English class. See, that's what I'm talking about. Granted, that sounds like the teacher was a bit frazzled to say it anyway. But be ticked off in a more elegant manner. It's really more effective. Maybe if they had said "I have already taught you that you Cretin" then the kids would have remembered whatever it was they were being taught.

In my view, speaking whatever language you are teaching improperly in the classroom is just as wrong as teaching someone that two plus two equals five. And do Spanish teachers teach kids the wrong grammar? I don't know. I took Latin. (Which should be taught more often, but that's another complaint for another time. A few more Latin classes would do everyone a world of good.)

So, there you have it. My girls are three and four. Next year Anna Grace starts kindergarten. And you had better believe it that if I hear her learning English wrong, I will be all over it. I may become the most hated parent at the school. But my kids will speak properly. Why is it so important to me? Because I have spent my adult life working with people who think that making a noun plural means adding an apostrophe "s" to it. I've worked with people in the past who cannot write a cohesive memo. When I hear English spoke wrong it is so jarring to my hears. For real. It just screams out at me, lack of noun verb agreement. Double negative. You need to learn how to communicate effectively. Otherwise, some "pill" like me will point it out. And you don't want that.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #111 Tue 08.11.09

Toilet paper. Fun to use. Easy to horde. And Cuba's running low. I tell you right now, I would be in a panic. I like there to be an excess of at least ten rolls in the house at all times. It's comforting to know it's there, and it won't spoil. Cuba's government blames the U.S. trade embargo on their toilet paper shortage. Natch. Point is they may not have enough to last until December. Remember, Cuba is an island. Stuff has to be imported. Jim suggested using corncobs. He says his people did that. Seriously? You have no toilet paper and you choose to clean up with a corncob? Wouldn't some manner of leaf make more sense?

Kelly Clarkson is on the cover of Self Magazine talking about her weight and how she's cool with it.

Since the film Julie and Julia came out, book sales of Julia Child's book Mastering the Art of French Cooking has sold out on Amazon and is number one on the Barnes and Noble online best seller list.

Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn, perhaps the most successful duo in country music, announced on their website "We have agreed as a duo that it's time to call it a day."

Want to try something new? You can get it cooked, salted, dried. So far I'm down with it. And hey it comes on a stick. It's a delicacy. And you can get it in Malawi. So maybe Madonna will adopt you while you're there. What is it? Oh, that would be dried field mice. Yes, on a stick. Fast, young boys chase the mice down for eating after the corn harvest when the mice are the plumpest. I would be more inclined to eat a mouse than a cricket. Please not that Thailand. Malawi has a population of 12 million and is one of the poorest countries in the world.

Jim and I then discuss how you eat what's around you. And if it's bugs and mice, you're just used to it. Yet I don't care how friend or covered in chocolate it is. I'm not eating a cricket. Do listen to the riveting discussion on www.thejaneellen.com. Click on Hear Jane or download it from iTunes.

I must now go an be a gofer. "Gofer Everett?" That's fro O Brother Where Art Thou by the way. I will be Shan and Beth's assistant on a photo shoot. The appalling part is I'm not the subject of said photo shoot. Perhaps I will throw myself in front of the camera at some point. Well, I would do that if I wasn't so shy.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #110 Mon 08.10.09

You know, well, you don't which is why I'm telling you, I already wrote this once. And then the computer gave me an error message and poof went the blog. Which means I've already gone through this stuff in my head and have become bored with it already. Sigh.

Today, Jim and I had quite the discussion regarding speaking the Queen's English. My view is I don't care at all how people choose to speak or misuse grammar or anything like that. For real. Unless they are teaching my children. My case is how can you teach English if you are not speaking it properly in the classroom? Double negatives, noun verb agreement, tense issues--these are things that you need to learn the right way at least once. Then, if you choose to do it wrong as an adult, that's your decision. Hey, my mom was a teacher. I support teachers in every way. Unless they're teaching my kids incorrect grammar. Then I am all over it. Just putting it out there.

G.I. Joe has already made over $100 million globally. Guess it didn't tank after all. Yet.

Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on the Entertain Yourself page. It's gotten a face lift and now our Adam Cravens contributes with the latest DVD offerings, gaming news and comic book updates.

The big news over the weekend involved Mark Lester who is now 51. You would know him as the lead boy Oliver in the 1968 musical Oliver! Something about his sperm and Michael Jackson's kids. Hey, we did the show hours ago. Who knows what we said then. Listen to it and get back to me on that. Was surprised to hear Michael's kids were all baptized Catholic though.

And we talked about the guy who holds the world record for holding the most world records in the Guinness Book of World Records. He's working on a new one. Running the fastest mile. In flippers.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #109 Fri 08.07.09

Forget? To write the blog? Who, me? Friday my favorite singer/songwriter and easily appalled BFF Brien Travis guested on the show. H was appalled at some of the odd news stories we talked about. There's the Chinese bride who has a veil 1.2 miles long. It cost just under six grand. And it was the groom's idea.

Then there's the 600 pound guy in jail who hid a 9 mm handgun AND 2 clips under the folds of his body. He fessed up to the hidden weapon. And some to the letter Burger King employees asked a family to leave because their six-month-old was barefoot. A six-month-old can't even walk. But they were enforcing no shoes, no shirt, no service. Harsh.

Brien was thrilled, however, at the cover of Paris Match. It's a topless Sharon Stone. She's 51 and looks sensational. To hear Brien's magical hour he spent with Sharon when he was 17, you'll have to listen www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane. All I'll tell you is he says she smelled like expensive rain.

Jeanine Mason won So You Think You Can Dance.

American Idol will have female pop stars guest on the show and by January they hope to have a permanent replacement for Paula Abdul. Again, FOX, I'll do it for just a million. OK, half a million. That's a bargain.

The movies out this weekend are Julie & Julia a PG13 comedy, indie film Paper Heart rated PG13, and the not-screened-for-critics-and-expected-to-tank GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra, also PG13.

Many new things will be posted on the website before midnight Sunday. Be sure to check it out.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #108 08.06.09

European cities often have names that amuse. Well, there are lots of cities everywhere with interesting names such as Hell and Nameless. Well, turns out Germany has a tourist attraction with the name of Wank. Austria has not embraced their town named Fu**ing. Seems people perform lewd acts by the town sign. The Fu**ing Mayor wants people to leave them alone. Yet, those from Wank tell them that they make a lot of money off of people who visit them what with the t-shirts and postcards and so on. I just want to know how that town in Austria got its name.

Australia is promoting the eating of camel meat. Because it's so hot and dry there camels are doing well and there are over a million of them hanging out down under. That number will most likely double in the next decade. Unless camel meat as the new white meat takes off. Is it white meat? I don't actually know.

Victoria Beckham will be a guest judge on one show of American Idol. And there is more talk that the whole Paula Abdul leaving thing is just posturing. Auditions begin tomorrow. If they need a blonde judge, FOX I am available. I'll do it for one million too. That's a bargain.

There's a website called RunPee, which means run and pee, literally. They watch current movies and tell you precisely the best time during the film you can take a bathroom break. Genius.

Adam and I continue to discuss our grand plan. Now that we've named the new Brien Travis album due in 2010, we're working on writing the movie poster and trailer. I believe it will be called Songs From and Inspired by the Forthcoming Motion Picture Jane. Yeah, that's a winner. Brien's current album, a retrospective, is out on Amazon and iTunes called Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. You can register online to win it this month.

The rest of the podcast just amused me so. I think it was a three snorter. You'll have to listen www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane or download it free from iTunes.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #107 Wed. 08.05.09

Congratulations to Marlene Loery of Spencer, TN. She won Cloud, the Kimochis Toy, during out July giveaway. Kimochis are the latest hot toy with feelings inside. You can learn more about them at their website. The August giveaway is the new Brien Travis retrospective called Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. You can sign up where it says register for Kimochis. It will soon change to register for Brien. Hey, I'm not the webmaster, I'm just the talent. For those who signed up for the Kimochis giveaway you are also in the running for all the contests we have. If you don't win, because there can be only one (unless you're Highlander, and then it turns out there can be more than one), you can buy it now at Amazon and iTunes.

Paul Abdul sent a Tweet heard round the world last night, it read "with sadness in my heart I've decided not to return." That would be to American Idol, where she had been offered an eight figure deal which was a 30% raise. Wow. Last time I even got a raise it was only 1%. And that was years ago. She does have a new manager and some feel this is posturing because the auditions begin Friday in Denver. Seacrest is signed until 2012. Randy and Kara and Simon are signed through season 9.

Speaking of Idol, during the concert tour, Adam Lambert has been having all sorts of things thrown at him, and not just women's underwear. Now it's whips and handcuffs and all sorts of kinky things. He was picking them up and toying with them while he sang. Now he's just ignoring them to try and tone down the behaviour.

The Vanity Fair issue that is on stands August 11 has a Michael Jackson cover and a Farrah Fawcett cover. There is a Ryan O'Neal interview in it that must be read. I mean, wow. He even says he's an ass and you know, it really comes through in the article. His children were also interviewed. I think it is an even-handed piece of journalism. But man, would not have wanted him for a dad if even half of it is true.

The Brett-Livingstone Strong portrait, the only portrait that Michael Jackson ever posed for, is up for auction. In 1990 it fetched $2.1 million. Betcha it gets more now.

Heath Ledger directed a video that was released yesterday. It's called King Rat and is performed by Modest Mouse. I don't know if all their music is vermin related, but I hope so.

And you need to hear Adam Cravens and I discuss what you can have on a picnic table and get away with and when you shouldn't call 911. Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #106 Tue 08.06.09

Birther Queen Orly Taitz is not a fictional character. Though you'd think it watching her in action. Just find every bit of video you can from the past week or two. Fascinating. The birthers, by the way, are those who believe the President was not born in Hawaii and is not a U.S. citizen and is, therefore, not the president. Today is his 48th birthday.

Adam Cravens and I spent a lot of today's show showering Kevin Smith with love. Adam has admitted that he would cry openly if he ever met Kevin and Kevin failed to groove him. I don't see how that would be possible. Their love of comic books and sci-fi alone should seal the deal. Then we spent much time discussing Bruce Willis. Find out why Adam mancrushes in such a serious manner. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. Of course you can grab the podcast from iTunes as well.

Brien and I were in a store recently and saw a belt with a large Star Wars belt buckle. I felt that would invite beatings. Adam then told the story of how he once denounced Star Wars, publicly, because he thought it would help him get somewhere with a girl. And then a cock crowed three times.

Elle Magazine has an article on Jennifer Aniston with perhaps the hottest photo of her I've ever seen. She's shirtless, but wearing a jacket, it's black and white, and she's wearing jeans. It is smokin'. Adam and I concluded that she is hotter now at 40 than she ever has been. Look, I know the photo has been airbrushed. But still, they started out with some good material.

A food historian claims that the British invented haggis before the Scots did, but they are all about it these days. She has found references to it in recipe books. We've never had haggis. But I am willing to let Adam eat it for me.

And a woman is suing her college for her tuition, 70 grand, because she got her bachelor's in April and hasn't found a job yet. Sure it's frivolous. Yet clever. Adam suggested the college take her degree back.

Be sure you check out the website for many new things this week. We will be announcing the Kimochis Toys winner and a new giveaway. The recipe of the week, Mean Mr. Mustard Mushrooms and Onions is delightful, full of buttery goodness too. Everything is better with butter. Check back and check often for the latest.

The One About Fair Food

Food on a stick. What a clever invention. I'm guessing the first cooked food was on a stick because, well, you'd burn your fingers otherwise. These days I am amused and delighted at the variety of foods on a stick that pop up at county fairs. And, of course, all the frying.

You've got the classic corn dog. What a brilliant way to eat a hot dog without getting your fingers too messy. Who hasn't had a corn dog, steeped in deliciousness, only to bite into it and find a hair? Look at it this way, at least you found it. It's like an added topping. I like the whole idea. We're so busy that we don't even have time for a napkin. Just put it on a stick and I can continue to eat while I lose at carnival games and waste money in general. And a good time was had by all.

Over the past decade, fair vendors have started to fry things other than funnel cakes. Which I think can run you six bucks now. It's basically just pancake batter dropped in hot oil and topped with confectioners' sugar. It's nothing short of divine. And yet, it's not on a stick. It's lost its panache.

I have had a fried Oreo. It tastes like a warm chocolate donut. I have also had a fried Twinkie. That is a smart idea. I personally think there is no such thing as a fresh Twinkie. I think all the ones on the shelves were made at least ten years ago, kept edible by the loads of preservatives. I found the fried Twinkie to be a little too much for me. But what with the gastric bypass surgery and all, I do have to watch my sugar intake. I managed a bite and knew any more of it would end badly for me. However, it's not on a stick.

I have not had a fried Snickers bar. Those who have speak of it like the second coming. I dream of it sometimes. Though I fear it would send me into a coma.

Most of the time, in case you're experimenting at home, the batter these delicacies are fried in is simple pancake batter. Some people even thin it out with a soda like Sprite. The Wisconsin State Fair has something on their menu which really intrigues me. Sounds like a win win, bacon, covered in chocolate, fried first, then frozen as I understand it. Seems a whisper of sea salt is added at the end. It is allegedly neither too chewy or too greasy. And it's on a freakin' stick. I love it. The idea of it anyway.

Some cooks are working on frying an entire cheeseburger. Imagine the calories. Imagine the fat intake. Wow. I wonder if it would be on a stick. Because if it's not on a stick, I don't want it. Food on a stick just increases the fun factor. It's like a prize in a box of Jack in the Box. When you're done with the food, you get to keep the stick. No wonder fair food is so pricey.

I've also read about the frying of a Boston Cream Pie. I'm guessing piece by piece. An entire pie, fried? It's bound to lose its integrity, wouldn't you think?

This year I think I will take both my girls to the local fair which is in full swing. It'll be a whole new world to them. Full of things I won't let them do, a petting zoo, and fried food on a stick. I only hope the world's largest rat is there again. It's one of my favorite exhibits. Just as long as it doesn't end up fried and on a stick, I'm cool with it.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #105 08.03.09

Remakes and food. That's mostly what Jim and I talked about on today's show. I have said it time and time again, why remake the good movies? If you can't come up with something new, remake a bad one and make it good. I've heard whispers about this one for years, usually with Tom Hanks or Jim Carrey associated to it. Now it's a go with Spielberg directing. Harvey is being remade. Harvey the film (it was based on a play) came out in 1950 and starred Jimmy Stewart as Elwood P. Dowd. It is a personal favorite of mine. Harvey is a six foot tall invisible rabbit. As Jim pointed out, there are some things that just won't play in a new version. You see the whole story is about how Elwood's family is trying to put him in a mental institution that does shock therapy. And maybe Elwood's just a harmless drunk. Not very politically correct.

The Rockford Files is also being remade. It was on the air from 1974-1980. Jim tried to test me by asking who did the theme song. DUH, Mike Post. Try to ask me something difficult instead. James Garner played Jim Rockford, a private investigator. David Shore, the creator of the show House, is behind this remake. Maybe it will be pithy.

Jim was really on a roll today of belittling me and Brien Travis. Hopefully, Brien won't hear today's show. But you might enjoy it www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.

Locally, our fair will start this week. So it's no surprise that it's fair season everywhere. And what's the best part about the fair? The strange things that are fried and food on a stick, that's what. Dig this. The Wisconsin State Fair is serving frozen chocolate covered bacon, on a stick of course. Two strips for three bucks. Sea salt is added at the end of the process and it's milk chocolate over hardwood smoked honey cured bacon, specifically. They're also serving up fried peanut butter and jelly donuts. Most of the time things are fried like that, it's a pancake type of dough they're dipped in. That's the deal with the PB&J only they add Sprite to the batter to lighten it up. Seems it tastes like a jelly donut. Next year they're already thinking of how to deep fry an entire cheeseburger and a Boston cream pie.

If you need to know the top ten foods you shouldn't eat while driving, listen to today's show. And I'm thinking, you need to know that. My people are also building a fan page for me on Facebook. Just search the phrase thejaneellen and you'll find it.