The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #104 Fri 07.31.09

Bestiality. Apparently, more common than one would think. Adam Cravens and I didn't think about it at all, until today. In the past week two men, it's usually men by the way, were arrested in southern states for bestiality. It's also referred to as buggery. Just passing along info. One with a horse. One with a dog. Seems farm animals are very popular. It's called zoophilia and zoosexuality and is not spoken of much because, well, it's icky. You really need to hear what we had to say about it. Writing it does it an injustice. However, not all states have laws against it. Crack Research Team member Wendy did discover for us after the show (then refused to look any further into the matter) that Arkansas, Montana and North Carolina had laws against it but those laws were then ruled as unconstitutional. Huh. Again, this is a must hear conversation www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane or download it from iTunes. I've never had a reason to say donkey three-way before, and may never get that opportunity again.

Movies out today, a documentary which you probably won't see called The Cove rated PG 13. Aliens in the Attic is PG and a Family film. It looks hideous. To me. And to Adam. But we thought the same of G-Force so what do we know? And Funny People is an R Comedy with Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen. Just guessing that will be number one over the weekend.

For those who are in the Middle Tennessee area, Celebrations Magazine is coming out with a new August/September issue featuring me, me and me. Oh, and Brien Travis. And my other BFF Shan Burklow. It's the family edition. And it's free. Some of the places you can pick it up at happen to be Bobby Q's, Community Bank, the Courthouse, and that's just for starters. I will give you the entire list on the website.

Today is the final day you can register to win the free toy from Kimochis. Sign up on the main page. You have until midnight.

I will get the rest of my backstage photos from the Larry the Cable Guy special posted on Facebook this weekend. As to whether they make it to the website this weekend, well, that's my webmaster's call.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #103 Thu 07.30.09

Brien Travis. In the studio. How rare and exciting. Like an exotic bird. Of course, my BFF was pimping Tales of Lazy Wednesdays that is available for download on Amazon right now. Including Japan. Can't wait for his new album when it can be more Jane-centric. Clearly, Brien needs to be on the show more. He told riveting stories about how he grew up next to a chicken farm and a pig farm. I naturally assumed a biscuit farm was next door, but no. Seems the chickens would stick their heads through the fence and the pigs would bite them off. Fascinating. Not so much for the chickens, but still.

I have begun to post some photos on my Facebook from yesterday's taping of the Larry the Cable Guy Christmas Special. They'll make their way to the website whenever my webmaster gets around to that, and about a hundred other things I've asked him to do for me. Including Rain-Xing my windshields (which you so forgot to do Mr. Thing).

The experience was grand, met so many people. Their names will all come back to me after I've had more than a few seconds of sleep. Got to get this caffeine IV going. I don't think six extra shots is doing the trick. You will be able to see me on the show with no problem, trust me. Perhaps, come November, I will cringe at all the bad dancing and whooping it up. But like I always say, you get paid for the job, doesn't matter. I did what I was supposed to do. Perhaps standing near the Playmate was a bad choice on my part considering my costume, but still. It's too late now.

Bryce Dallas Howard is replacing actress Rachelle Lafevre in the role of the vampire Victoria in Eclipse, the third Twilight film. Rachelle is "stunned."

It's official, Michael's mom Katherine gets custody of all three of his kids. That's not surprising. Brien thinks it should've been Janet.

We had much more to say, and he was such an incredible guest. You really have to listen www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane or download it from iTunes. Buy Brien's album. Oh, even I got the revelation as to why his name is spelled like a porn star's. Yeah, this is a show not to be missed. More backstage TV stories as my memory returns.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #102 Wed 07.29.09

Name dropping. Let's get right to it, shall we? Larry the Cable Guy. Tony Orlando. Caroline Rhea. There, I've said it. Those are just some of the delightful people I spent my Tuesday with at TPAC. And there were many, many others. I just chose some of the ones you were most likely to know.

The shortest podcast of the series deserves one of the shortest blogs. And since I'm exhausted out of my mind that shouldn't be too hard.

Craft services, inspiring. The coordinating and moving of all the many people to put on this Christmas television special is truly fascinating to watch. And I got to watch a lot.

The green room isn't really green, but it has the latte machine in it.

As of this writing, you'll get to see me in three scenes for the special. Not hear me, why, you can do that every day. You'll just be seeing me. On TV. So that makes it special.

Let me add, I could've sat and talked to Caroline Rhea about generic mom stuff and, sure other stuff too, all freakin' day. What a lovely woman. Brien wants me to get a lock of her hair for him. Sure, that's not creepy.

OK, I might score three hours of sleep before I have to pull together more wardrobe and spend a minimum of 12 hours doing this show tomorrow. This isn't a complaint, just a fact. Listen to the mini-pod. Hey, at least I did it.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #101 Tue 07.28.09

Jim sings. That's all you really need to know. Now, as to what and why he is singing on the podcast, well, you'll just have to hear it. There is a somewhat valid reason for it. Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane.

Kelly Clarkson also sings. She's been having some issues with her record label. Turns out she had the same producer, Ryan Tedder, as Beyonce. And he supplied the same music to both women. The music for Beyonce became the song Halo. The music for Kelly became the song Already Gone. Kelly feels that releasing Already Gone as a single will make it appear that she has ripped off Beyonce and that's what she was arguing with her label about. The label felt otherwise about the matter.

Michael Jackson apparently slept in a room with oxygen tanks and an IV drip. He had allegedly been using the drug Propofol to sleep with. That's a drug used for surgery. He was administered that drug around 12am on the day he died. As I understand it, when the IV was turned off, that's when he'd wake up. But with that drug you're not really sleeping so much as unconscious. It is clearly an unusual case.

There have been plenty of studies that show talking on the phone while driving is pretty much the same, accident-wise, as driving drunk. Now it seems that texting while driving is even more dangerous. Which makes more sense. It's now illegal in the state of Tennessee, where we leave, to text while driving. That law went into effect July 1.

I don't know the accident rate for swatting at your kids while driving though. If only I could've done it yesterday. But I didn't want to break a nail. The girls were squeezing their juice boxes and causing the juice to arc out through the straws at each other. Then they started to drink and spit in the car. See how the urge to swat came over me?

Now I am off to TPAC. I will be traveling without my posse. I know, so unlike me. I'll have to carry all my stuff on my own. With Jim I'm used to being the pack mule. But when I do appearances and things, I usually have my people. For the Larry the Cable Guy special, my people aren't on the list. So I'm hoofing it on my own. Sigh. What's a poor diva to do?


The One About Technology

Wired. That's really the only way to describe it. I am fully wired. Well, not fully. I don't cruise the internet on my phone. Yet. I have reached satisfaction in my search for a bluetooth device that sounds awesome. That would be Motorola's Motopure H15 that works wonders for me. Now I can do important things like drive with both hands on the wheel. And talk on the phone. Cook. And talk on the phone. Do laundry. And talk on the phone. I was always on the phone anyway, now I've just got my other hand back.

Right now I'm having internet issues. Perhaps it's because I have several tabs open in my browser. I don't know. I like to be constantly entertained. I mean, I feel I provide a service. I demand one in return. After I appeared in the Vintage Fashion Show in DeKalb County, Brien was escorting me home and I said, "so, tell me something." He responded, "like what." "I don't know, anything. I require constant mental stimulation." "Can't you just listen to the music?" No, apparently I can't just listen.

I'm writing this now while I'm on the phone. And thinking about what to eat. And making a grocery list in my mind. I read that they're making computers you can wear. When's that coming out? I'm sure I'll need it.

Now, I am not as up-to-date as Adam Cravens. He has a touch screen Voyager phone and another touch screen device that is not a phone. And all sorts of gaming paraphernalia. The very latest. Brien has a still functioning first edition Atari. We used to have a hand-me-down Playstation. But my skills are so poor that Jim just laid it to rest one day. It still worked though. And it's not like I was getting any better at it.

So I'm not wired with the games. I do have two MP3 players. Granted, I haven't used either one of them yet. But I have my reasons. I'll get around to them. Oh, and I was given one so it's not like I went and bought two things I don't use. I need to figure out how to use it though. If you go to www.amazon.com and put in Brien Travis Tales of Lazy Wednesdays, you'll find Brien's retrospective album available for download. The CD version won't be out until the end of August. So, that means I need to put it in the MP3 player. Yeah, I need to get on that.

My car has a DVD player in it. My oldest asked what shows I watched in the car when I was a girl. Uh. She just couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that there was a time when DVD players weren't in cars. I know, that's just wrong. I wonder what she and her sister will do when I tell them that there was a time when you couldn't pause live TV. A crime. I know.

Three computers, two MP3 players, two DVR's, one bluetooth, six email accounts, four social networking accounts and one website www.thejaneellen.com. Oddly enough, I had none of these things, not a one, when I got married. Now I'm wondering how I got along without it.

Luckily, it helps fill the need for me to be constantly entertained. I'm sure there's a word for it. No, not psychotic. Not pathetic either. Thank goodness I have the internet here to tell me.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #100 Mon 07.27.09

Great news for our very own Brien Travis. His retrospective album, Tales of Lazy Wednesdays, is now available for download at http://www.amazon.com/. It's a collection of songs from the past ten years and I have to admit it does not leave the CD player in my car. If Hocus Pocus is not included on the soundtrack to next season's True Blood then there's something wrong. It's an incredible piece of work. And considering it's only $7.99 there's no reason why you shouldn't buy it.
Turns out, terrorists do not have a sense of humor. Sacha Baron Cohen has had to beef up his security because he filmed an alleged member of al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigade for the film Bruno. It was not well received by current members of the brigade.

Nadya Suleman, who you may know as Octomom, has a reality show coming up from the producers of The Biggest Loser and Breaking Bonaduce. It starts filming in September and the deal she got for her kids was $250,000 for all 14 of them over the course of three years for roughly two months of filming. Is there an Octodad? Is there more than one baby daddy? Anyone? Anyone?

Leann Rimes and her husband Dean Sheremet of seven years are splitting up.
Alexis Cohen, the American Idol contestant who ranted and raved and flipped off and cussed at Simon for the past two seasons was killed Saturday when she was hit by a car. She was 25.
And this Chinese couple, both of whom are beekeepers, got married wearing bees. They each put a queen bee on each other. You can see their faces, that's about it. Seems the wedding guests didn't crowd them. Me? I'm totally grossed out by it.
Jim and I also discussed the box office, unbelievable, the many updates on the website, and the new video from the fashion show. Just go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #99 Fri 07.24.09

A wardrobe malfunction was such a great possibility at last night's Vintage Fashion Show. Thank goodness Brien Travis had my back. Or rather, my front. That was his job. To see I was not on display. His latest album, a retrospective with a twist is brilliant by the way. You will be able to purchase it on Amazon and iTunes and through his website next month. Tales of Lazy Wednesdays drops August 27. Photos from the event will be up on my Facebook and Myspace pages this weekend. Studio Six Limited also took some, which will no doubt be superior, and they will be made available soon.

After we did the show today, Adam Cravens went with me to see about this poison ivy business. I'm trying to get it wiped out before next week when we shoot the Larry the Cable Guy Christmas Special. Seems poison ivy takes about three weeks to go away. But because it's on my face and neck and arms and places that can be seen, we're going hardcore with two weeks of steroids. I was advised that for two weeks I might, I said might, be hungry and moody. To which Adam replied, "so no different than usual."

Katie Holmes sang and danced her homage to Judy Garland on last night's So You Think You Can Dance. It was pretty much a remake of "Get Happy," one of my favorite Judy Garland numbers. It was fine, nothing spectacular, yet nothing at all to be ashamed of.

Now let's talk spectacular. Gilles has a 2010 calendar coming out. And you get to see A LOT of Gilles. Adam and agreed, if you look like that, you should demand to be photographed mostly nude. As he is in this calendar. Adam feels certain the demo is 28-year-old comic-book-reading males like himself. And I'm not all about looking at naked or nearly naked men. But I could get used to looking at Gilles.

Almost naked 17-year-old Georgia May Jagger, that's Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger's little girl, has her first major modeling gig. She's doing the Hudson Jeans print ads. She's wearing a pair of jeans. And that's all. I'll say it, she's smokin' hot.

Movies out, The Ugly Truth an R rated comedy with Katherin Heigl and Gerard Butler. Then there's the R horror film Orphan about a creepy kid named Esther. Jerry Bruckheier is behind G-Force. It's a PG family thing with Nic Cage, guinea pigs or something. I tell you, I am so not interested. Adam is glad that having kids has not dumbed me down. And Kevin Spacey is in an R drama called Shrink. He plays the Shrink. I believe (500) Days of Summer is now in wide release this weekend.

Adam and I had a lovely chat, as always, do tune in. And make sure you sign up to win the Kimochis Toy giveaway on the main page. And find out how I almost made Brien wreck the car. There's more to tell, but you'll just have to listen. I have to go and not tear my skin off. So itchy.


The Jane Ellen Podcast Summary #98 Thu 07.23.09

Kevin Spacey was on Letterman and you really need to check out the video on You Tube. It's hilarious. Adam pointed out that Letterman has eased from hip, new guy into grumpy, old man. And it really works for him. Spacey was explaining how to use Twitter. It's very entertaining.

Brad Pitt gave an interview where he said that he's 20% atheist and 80% agnostic. He also said he and Angelina have a three metre wide bed. Seriously, he speaks in metres? Adam said maybe the metric system would catch on if Pitt endorsed it.

So, somebody got a grant for $3 million to study heavy drinking in lesbians. We didn't realize this was a problem. Seems a similar study was done in gay bars, where you would expect to find lesbians drinking, in the 1970's. This got Adam and I thinking of things we needed three mil for to study. And you will have to tune in to find out www.thejaneellen.com. Click on Hear Jane.

Possibly, Michael Jackson had a love child. The guy was at the memorial. He's 25, a Norwegian rapper named Omer Bhattiv. Some say he is the result of a one night stand Michael had with Omer's mother Pia during the HIStory tour.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #97 Wed 07.22.09

Kelly Hildebrandt marries Kelly Hildebrandt. Sound freaky? Kelly number one is a guy, Kelly number two is a girl, and they met on Facebook. They say that if they have kids they know one thing for sure, they won't name any of them Kelly.

The chair that cushioned J.K. Rowling's butt when she wrote the first two Harry Potter books is up for auction. How much is it worth to you? This caused Jim and I to discuss if there was something we wanted so much we would spend a great deal of money upon? Apparently, there isn't. I said I'm always up for some things. You know, if someone wants to get me some shoes, take me on a shopping spree, sure. But I can't think of a specific item I really want. Then Jim and I talked about people we really wanted to meet. You might want to give it a listen. www.thejaneellen.com.

Crack Research Team member Wendy rolled through town today. That was awesome. We had a power lunch with Adam at Maddux Station, which rocked. I'm telling you, warm brie with peaches, amazing.


The One About Poop

I have raised four dogs and one cat as an adult. Got them all house trained and litter box trained. The cat was easy. The dogs were all different. I trained the most recent dog, now seven, with a crate. An enormous crate which she loved and used for two years. She was house trained quickly but I could not get her to leave her beloved crate. I must say, crate training really did the trick for her. So I have had my share of dealing with animal excrement and all sorts of things that could come from an animal. Two of them lived to be 16 so obviously I did something right.

I still have two dogs, yet I have two daughters now. And even though I have a husband, you can imagine that when it comes to animal or child bodily functions, he is not the first one to volunteer to clean up. You see, stereotypes exist for a reason. Many are based in fact.

Anna Grace is the oldest and just didn't have a desire to be toiled trained as early as let's say I did. Hey, diapers are convenient, she didn't have to do anything, I can't say I blame her. Jenna walked another path. She saw her older sister in the bathroom and had to do everything her sister did so she started to train herself when she was around 18 months old. For real.

They are both toilet trained now. And at their daycare, a big deal is made of the kids in general going to the bathroom IN the bathroom. Which is a fine idea. Of late, though, my girls have developed a twist to their routine.

First of all, daycare uses the words poop and pee. I never did, but the girls hear those words all day so that is what they use. Whenever they go at home they come racing around the corner to announce to everyone in the house what they have done and "come see come see." The other child always races to look and applaud. Their father, not so much.

At night, when I put them to bed, if one gets up while I'm still discussing their day, they want to be cheered on with something like "go go Jenna go go Jenna goooooooooooooooo Jenna yaaaay!" Honestly, if that gets them to not wet the bed and/or to not wake me in the night, I'm all for it.

But the best part, really, is when they do "a giant poop." They are very proud and want to reveal it. They have a little song, much like a magician's "da da ta daaaaa" and then they will comment upon it and say how proud they are of each other. It is the funniest thing I have ever witnessed. And sometimes what they leave behind is, indeed, giant. I have often been on the phone with my BFF Brien as this has happened and have offered to take a photo. But now that I think about it, how could I then prove that what I took actually came out of a toddler?
I went to college. I've seen similar photos that the guys took. No one would believe me.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #96 Tue 07.21.09

Have you seen the banned German Sprite ad yet? You really need to. I want to be know how it was pitched. You can find it on You Tube of course. On the one hand, it is genius in that you know the people are nude yet no body parts are shown. On the other hand, who thought it was a good idea to have a guy's penis replaced with a bottle of Sprite and spray it all over a girl's face? Well, someone did. And that's why it was banned. I don't know if it's playing anywhere but on the internet at this point. As Jim pointed out, do you want to equate, well, you know, with the taste of Sprite? Wouldn't that be bad for business?

Sony is negotiating a $50 million deal with AEG to release a documentary on Michael Jackson's final days. There is apparently a lot of footage from rehearsals as he prepared for his London concerts and that's what the documentary would be. Fascinating stuff.

What do you do with a 151 pound fudge-packed cupcake that is one foot tall and two feet wide? After it's certified to be the world's largest, you give it to a pig farm. Lucky pigs.

Simon Cowell said, "I've made it clear that I want Paula on the show." However, American Idol isn't his show, like X Factor and Britain's Got Talent. Sooooo, we shall see.

Emma Watson is going to attend Brown University this fall in Providence, RI. Providence, birthplace of my parents.

And if you want to know how much damage a giant wiener can do to a house, well, you're just going to have to listen to the show. www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #95 Mon 07.20.09

What would Dumbledore do? Have you ever wondered that? Well, if thinking what would Jesus do doesn't get you to make the right decisions, a rabbi, well, I can see why the rabbi wouldn't go all WWJD, but anyway, www.whatwoulddumbledoredo.org is a real thing. Now, the guy who started it knows that Hogwarts doesn't really exist but says Dumbledore always did the right thing. So, that's the idea. I'm not opposed to ever doing the right thing so if Dumbledore helps you through it, have at it.

Jim and I applied the what would Dumbledore do theory on two news stories. Both involved nudity and stabbing. In both cases no one died therefore it could be laughed it. See, that's where what would Jane do comes into the picture.

One is where this woman came home to find her boyfriend watching porn. She accused him of cheating, kicked him in the groin and stabbed him. I can't believe a 24-year-old man would be watching porn to begin with. And I'm sure this incident will cure him. Jim said watching a movie isn't cheating. I say "reparo."

The other story involves two female roommates. One stabbed the other because roommate number one kept walking around nude all the time. Having lived in female dorms I can tell you, there was not a lot of that going on. No matter how often you see it in movies. Also, no pillow fights or sexy lingerie. Just letting you know. OK, I knew one girl who did walk around naked a lot. But her roommate didn't stab her.

By the way, Potter made $159 million at last count over 5 days. I'm not sure, but I think it will be a hit.

Paula Abdul might not be back on Idol. Same with Kara. Their contracts are not signed and sealed. See how I bring in obscure trivia that amazed me and Jim www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.

July is coming to a close. Be sure you register to win the Kimochis Toys giveaway on the main page. And everything has been updated. That means a new recipe, this one is for an easy and in no way good for you popcorn treat, plus a book review from Jim on Sesame Street called Street Gang, and a new gardening tip from Jay and more.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #94 Fri 07.17.09

Supernatural. I have converted Adam Cravens to its charms. After years of resistance because of his anti-McG feelings. I have accomplished something important.

Gerald Butler is handsome and funny. On the Tonight show he said about Jennifer Aniston, with whom he has been linked and is making the film Bounty, "We're very much in love. Especially her. I'm going to make an announcement. We're actually going to tie the know on Tuesday. And then on Saturday I'm marrying Cameron Diaz. Joan Rivers will be the next weekend."

Weird accident involving Jim Caviezel. He was on his Harley and some 42-year-old man threw a bicycle in his path. Jim was wearing a helmet so he just got cuts and bruises. The guy who threw the bike has mental issues. Who knew?

This is awesome. Some guy tried to rob a store. But the chick didn't speak English. Now, I don't know how she couldn't understand what a guy waving a gone about would be wanting, but he got so frustrated with her that he left. She's OK, store wasn't robbed, so that's cool. Can't say that'll work every time. And I do find it hard to believe that she failed to know what he wanted.

OK, so you knew the blockbuster Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is out, it's PG. (500) Days of Summer is a comedy rated PG 13 with the now grown up Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. I hear the music is incredible and that it's an amazing sort of romantic comedy that's very clever. However, I can't find it playing anywhere in the fine state of Tennessee. I a bummed.

I finally got a TV gig. You'll have to listen to get the details. www.thejaneellen.com. Have a great weekend.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #93 07.16.09

The latest Harry Potter film made $22.2 million with its midnight shows alone, which is four mil more than The Dark Knight, which had held the record for biggest midnight opening. Adam Cravens helped to contribute to that. He says it is the prettiest of the Potter films, there's more acting in it, and he was extremely happy with it. A must see.

Remember that Michael Jackson sculpture of butter that is supposed to be at the Iowa State Fair? About 70,000 people have voted on it. The decision will be announced tomorrow. And PETA says if it is sculpted that it shouldn't be made of butter, but a non dairy butter substitute. Geez.

Jackson's death has now been ruled a homicide and Dr. Conrad Murray is the suspect. The drug Propofol, an IV stand and oxygen tank were on the premises. And an alleged friend, or former friend, has released emails allegedly from Debbie Rowe that read "Do I want the kids? Hell no. Does it look good for to ask for them? Absolutely." Revolting if true.

I did not get to keep any of the skin my plastic surgeon, Dr. Caroline Chester, cut off yesterday. I am disappointed. But I did ask to bring it home in a jar. It seems that is considered to be gross. Huh. I am amazed that a little bit of gel, not of the hair variety, can numb you enough to have about two inches of skin cut off and stitched up. Fascinating really.

I discussed some memories of Rhode Island. That's where my parents are from. And, according to a study, it's not a friendly place. You need to hear it www.thejaneellen.com. And there is now scientific proof to back you up that swearing helps reduce pain. No joke. Listen and learn my friend. And sign up for the Kimochis Toy giveaway on the main page.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #92 07.15.09

Adam Cravens unleashed. That's what today is all about. Adam and Jim and I, and the always mentioned but rarely heard Brien, share a love of movies. We talk about them constantly. And we don't just love to watch movies, we love to know about them. Movie minutiae as it were. Things we have no business knowing. Which is why we feel our opinions are valid. Oh, and because we have this show.

We started with super heroes. Adam had much to say about Spider-Man and how, well, he does whatever a spider can. We discussed how close a movie could or should be to a book or comic book. We discussed Adam's profound disappointment in Fantastic Four.

Oh man, then he broke out his Harry Potter accent, which just sounds like Ringo Starr. It has to be heard. www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.

A very convenient website for movie lovers is www.rottentomatoes.com. It gathers all the reviews on the Internet and rates a film accordingly. It is usually quite accurate. So we started looking up some of our faves. Then we discussed a film that has been given to me which I have yet to watch but will, I promise I will--Nights in Rodanthe. It got a 32%. Yeah, that doesn't bode well for me. However, I will approach it with an open mind. I have been accused of only watching sci-fi films or movies where things blow up real good.

And speaking of movies, we went to a porn story, not a porn movie. This guy wanted those darn kids out of his yard. So he blasted the audio from a porn movie to make them get away from his yard. People could hear it for a block and a half. Boom chicka boom. I'm just shocked that a 27-year-old single male had porn in his home.


The One About Mayonnaise

I am in no way opposed to mayonnaise. I know there are those who despise it. And I admittedly have a bias. It has to be Hellmann's. That's what mom always bought. That's what I buy. I can taste the difference.

However, I do have my limits. And my husband tests them. He is pro mayo in such a manner that it can put you off mayonnaise. For instance, at Subway, when I go and get him a sandwich, I tell the sandwich artist "put what you think is a sickening amount of mayonnaise on, then add more, then you'll have it right." I try to help.

He consistently calls my tuna dry because you see, the ratio of mayo to tuna has to be higher in his book. And yet, that it not the way I like it. I don't ever, ever let him make me a tuna fish sandwich. It would make me want to puke. In all seriousness.

One of the many delicacies my mother introduced me to is a whisper of mayo on a Zesta saltine. Again, with saltines, I am brand specific. Jim loves it to, but he wants a gob of mayo. Well, he's been known to eat butter so this is not unusual.

But, the other evening, when some mayonnaise and saltines happened to be out, which is, I might add, a rare occasion, he grossed me out. I've never seen him do this. When I think of it the gag reflex just goes off in my throat. He began shoveling the mayo into his mouth with a butter knife. Just huge amounts of mayonnaise. It. Was. Nauseating.

I could feel his arteries harden from across the room. I'm getting sick just telling you about it. But hey, at least it wasn't Miracle Whip.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #91 07.14.09

Spotted Dick. I was right. It IS British pudding. Jim and Adam and Brien (who I was talking to about it last night) all acted like they had never heard of it. OK, so they weren't acting. I don't know where I picked that bit of knowledge up, but I am sure feel superior knowing it. In case you don't click on the spotted dick link to read the explanation and recipe, the spots refer to the raisins or currants used in the recipe. And dick is the colloquial word used for pudding.

Maura Tierney is having a tumor removed from her breast. I don't have any other details.

Debbie Rowe took a $4 million cash settlement and gave up, permanently, parental rights to her two biological children with Michael Jackson. Seems she got $8 million when she had them and $900,000 for the first five years. Then in 2001 she got $4 million and a $900,000 home.

For the past year, five of the Jackson brothers had been working on a reality show with A&E and been getting about $300,000 each. Now they are allegedly holding out for more money.

American Idol judge Kara's song "No Boundaries" has been so poorly received on the American Idol tour that it has been dropped from the concert set. And Seacrest has received $45 million to host Idol the next three years. I would happily help him spend some of that do-re-mi.

Then we pondered a moral question put to me by a friend. You will have to listen and weigh in for yourself. Click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #90 Mon 07.13.09

Butter statue of Michael Jackson have you in a tizzy? Or could you really care less? I wonder more what becomes of the butter when it's all over with. Well, if you have to weigh in over whether or not the Iowa State Fair has a butter statue just cast your vote and the results will be in on July 17.

LaToya, perhaps known as the second flakiest Jackson, has now said she thinks Michael was murdered for the money he was potentially worth. She says she knows who did it, but hasn't named names.

Kim Cattrall has been doing some research on her grandfather. Turns out he was a bigamist. Which, it seems, the family had suspected. Which led to a lively discussion of Jim's family tree. You really need to hear it www.thejaneellen.com.

I don't mean to be flippant, but I just don't know the answer. Now that Chastity Bono is a man, or about to be, her girlfriend is now his girlfriend. Does that mean the girlfriend is no longer a lesbian because Chaz is a guy? Seriously, I don't know how it all works.

Lino Rulli is a very entertaining guy, actually known as The Catholic Guy in the afternoons on XM/Sirius. No, not ponderous at all, don't give me that look. Anyway, he was looking for ticks, on himself recently, because he was vacationing. Or maybe he was just bored. Well, I lived on a cattle farm once. Woke up one day covered with ticks. Ah, another story you'll just have to hear to believe.

And I told Eda's story about how she tried to buy thigh high boots but the drag queens always snag her size first. Another must hear. What can I say? Some stories are begging to be heard.

The first week of August, Celebrations Magazine will be available, for free, at many locations in Cookeville. I am thrilled an excited to say that it will feature a story on me (my 200 lb. weight loss), Brien, and Shan Burklow. Turns out we're all fascinating. Be on the lookout.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #89 Fri 07.10.09

For me, it's like standing in front of the fridge with the door open. But I had no idea that someone did a study on it. Well, not just on me, on women in general. Seems women spend about a year total out of their lives simply deciding what to wear. I can see all that closet staring time adding up. Jim couldn't. But, you should see the way he dresses. I have clothes that sit well, clothes that stand well, clothes for just a couple of hours wear, clothes for all day, you know, clothes for every occasion. Thank goodness my closet is color coordinated. I did that years ago. If it wasn't, I would never find a thing. It would be two years out of my life just standing there.

Bruno comes out today. Well, Bruno came out a long time ago. Much like Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen filmed real people reacting to the outrageous Bruno who is the "voice of Austrian youth TV" and the trailers are hilarious. However, if he really came up to you while you were going about your business, you might not have found him quite as funny. It is an R rated comedy.

I Love You, Beth Cooper is a PG 13 comedy with Hayden Panettierre as, wait for it, a cheerleader. Only this time her only special power is popularity. The valedictorian professes his love for her and his life changes.

Just a few Michael Jackson news tidbits. His body is at Forest Lawn, for now. He is in the Gordy crypt, which is empty, except for him, while the family sorts things out. The word is that Joe and Jermaine want him at Neverland Ranch. However, he had said he would never return there so the rest of the family feel he would not want to be buried there. And Joe Jackson did an interview implying there was foul play involving his death but did not elaborate.

A Polish mother is suing a hotel in Egypt where her family stayed. She says her 13-year-old daughter got pregnant by swimming in the pool. Now, I wonder, if there are chemicals used in said pool, would that not kill any sperm that might be hanging about?

Jim and I had much to say on the matter, along with a scary game of hide and seek that turned out OK. Listen to the show at Hear Jane on www.thejaneellen.com. On the main page sign up to win a free toy from Kimochis, toys with feelings. And have a great weekend.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #88 Thu 07.09.09

We predicted someone would compare it. And so it has come to pass. Princess Diana's funeral aired on 8 networks and with 33.3 million viewers. Michael Jackson's memorial aired on 19 networks with 31 million viewers.

Jackson's dermatologist did clear up his vague answer regarding that "to the best of my knowledge" response about not being the father of the two oldest kids, instead of just saying yes or no. It seems he donated to a sperm bank once. Thus, the less than straight forward answer.

People seem to want to make a big deal out of the fact that Queen Latifah gave a Michael Jackson eulogy yet never met him. Granted, in most cases, that is unusual. However, he did have an impact on so many. It doesn't meant he didn't impact her life or that she wouldn't miss him. As to who made the decision to ask her? That I don't know.

The final resting place for Michael Jackson's body has yet to be determined. Which is a good thing in the long run. It means they are deciding if Neverland will be another Graceland. That could take 7 to 30 days for approval for burial there. Whether he should be in concrete or cremated or at Forest Lawn, all that stuff. I didn't realize James Brown's body was on ice for two months before he was finally buried.

After 14 days, the second Transformers movie has made over $300 million. I guess I really need to watch the first one. Look for Robot Chicken's ode to Michael Bay blowing up things. It's about three minutes long and very funny. Plus, Robert Ebert's review of Transformers is hilarious.

Jim will be reviewing the 6th Harry Potter book, Half-Blood Prince, which will be posted this Sunday at www.thejaneellen.com under Read Jim, to prep you for the release of the movie version on Wednesday. Emma Watson, who plays Hermione, was charming on Letterman about her wardrobe malfunction at the Potter premiere in London. "At least I'm wearing underwear," she said. True that.

Be sure you go to www.thejaneellen.com to sign up or the Kimochis giveaway at the end of the month. And visit www.brientravis.com and read his most recent blog. I find it hilarious. And it's not just because he mentioned me. Though, I did find that made the read even more riveting.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #87 Wed 07.08.09

Michael Jackson's Memorial is what Adam and Jim and I spent half of the podcast discussing. For me, and most likely the rest of the world, the speech his daughter made was incredibly moving and courageous. I get the feeling she is a very strong and determined 11-year-old and she had something to say, no matter how hard it was for her to speak at the time. I applaud her for it. Though it was heart-wrenching. Much of what Brooke Shields had to say was the same. Coming from someone who had grown up with Michael it was just genuine. Odd, however, that Corey Feldman showed up dressed as Michael Jackson. Adam pointed out that he has never attended a funeral dressed as the deceased.

Rachel Weisz said in an interview that "It should be banned for actors as steroids are for sportsmen." And she was talking about botox. Ridiculous.

The latest Harry Potter film makes its debut in the US a week from today. If you notice the cast wearing white ribbons it is because actor Rob Knox who played Marcus Belby a Ravenclaw student was stabbed to death and it is in his memory.

A 29-year-old woman in Ghana married her 18-month-old. Wait for it. Dog. And the village priest was cool with it. Her family was not. Naturally, I want to know what kind of dog it is.

Sure, with Adam around, we did mention Star Trek. A little. And or some reason an old memory of a Jon Lovitz rumor popped into my head. You'll have to listen to find out what it was. So far, I am the only one with this in my head. I find that hard to believe. I'm sure Jon Lovitz will back me up. www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.


The One About Chicken

Sometime in May I was hanging with my friend Leslie who is also a fantastic cook. I did what I usually do at her house. I went through her pantry. It is a fascinating place. I miss having a pantry. I only have cupboards. But a well-stocked pantry gives me a feeling of security. While I was rifling through her crackers and talking about peanut butter, I saw two jars of salsa verde and asked her what she did with it. And my latest addiction was born.

Leslie simply poured the two jars over chicken and cooked it all day in the crock pot. I added chicken rub to it when I decided to do it to spice it up more and I swear that's all I want to eat. I featured it as the recipe of the week a few weeks ago at www.thejaneellen.com. For that I turned it into nachos. I also use it in salads and burritos and wraps and tacos and I could go on. Sometimes I just eat it cold. I'm thinking about it right now.

The funny thing is, I'm the only one in my house who eats it. Jim will eat the nachos, but he picks around the chicken. He is anti-chicken. He has such issues. Now, he'll eat a McNugget, but is that really chicken? I'm not saying they don't taste good, I'm just sayin'.

Jim doesn't like bones. So you can't have drumsticks or wings or anything of that nature. Ever. Well, you can, but then you have to listen to the haranguing. At this point it is much like the droning of insects to me. But still, I can live without it. And even if I cook boneless chicken he will allege that he finds some sort of cartilage or yellowy thing. My sister Judy is the same. Only she will eat chicken.

He won't even go near rotisserie chickens and they taste great. I know, he's missing out. But that means more of this salsa verde chicken for me. I'm telling you, I have yet to tire of it. And I keep thinking of new ways to eat it. And it's even good for me. Gone are the days when I would get fried chicken, which is steeped in delicious I grant you, peel off the skin and fill the skin with mashed potatoes and eat that. OK, I just made myself salivate over that memory. Jim wouldn't eat that either. Skin is too slimy for him. Or something.

Just fix him the same turkey and cheese sandwich at every single meal and he'll be happy. Once in a while I buy thinly-sliced deli chicken to see if he notices the difference. He doesn't, but I'm amused to know that I got him to eat chicken.

It would be so much easier if he would cook for himself. But then he'd be in my way in the kitchen. Which would probably be more annoying in the long run. I can't write anymore. I've got chicken to eat.

The Jane Ellen Experience Summary #86 Tue 07.07.09

Discovered a delightful website today for those not easily offended. It's called moms who drink and swear. It made me snort. OK, so it doesn't take much. And happy birthday to my sister Judy. This is your card.

As of this writing, the Michael Jackson Memorial is not quite underway. The family has had their private time with his body. The public memorial is supposed to include performances from Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, Brooke Shields, and many others. Elizabeth Taylor is not attending because she said, "How I feel is between us." Quincy Jones doesn't do funerals for anyone anymore. And Debbie Rowe is no longer attending because she, or her lawyer, feels it would draw too much attention to her. Which would make her look bad considering she's making a play for custody of the kids.

Paula Abdul has been asked to stay with American Idol for as long as it's on the air. She's renegotiating her contract now. And she's involved with a show on Lifetime called Drop Dead Diva. The only offensive part of the dramedy is how the model who is dead is punished by being sent back as a "fat chick." Well, the actress is just a woman with a normal body size. So, you can say I have some issue with that.

There was a White Bengal tiger born at Christmas in South Africa. That is not so unusual because they have a breeding program for them there. What is unusual is that this one is completely white. Not an albino mind you, just no black stripes. There are about 20 all white tigers known to currently exist. Cool.

Jim and I also discussed why you shouldn't cuss out a 911 dispatcher. And the word midget came up again. It's becoming a theme. Do listen to the show at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com. And, on the main page, register to win a Kimochi toy. We're giving one away at the end of the month in a random drawing.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #85 Mon 07.06.09

Michael Jackson's ghost. Really now. We've posted the link at www.thejaneellen.com if you click on the Entertain Yourself page with Eda's Hollywood Vine and the Tube Job. See for yourself. Jim is a non-believer. I do like how the shadow had the decency to show up while the Larry King Live cameras were on. So rare these days for ghosts to do that. But if it really is Michael Jackson, wouldn't it be moonwalking?

1.6 million fans registered online to get tickets to his Memorial at the Staples center. But there are not that many tickets to be had. Of course some are being sold on eBay or thousands. Debbie Rowe does rate VIP seating. And I do know that Jennifer Hudson will perform. But that's all I've got.

Simon Cowell is producing Susan Boyle's debut album. He says it'll be so good they won't do just show tunes. What's that supposed to mean? I bet they even get a Christmas album out of her.

So there's this reality show that will air in Istanbul in the fall. They're looking for ten real atheists and the idea is to covert them. The winner gets religion, and a trip. You go to Mecca if you become a Muslim, the Vatican if you become a Christian, Jerusalem if you become a Jew and Tibet if you become a Buddhist. Now if I were an atheist, which I'm not, I would want to go to the Vatican just because it's in Italy and the food is fantastic. I'm just sayin'.

Joey Chesnut has won for the second year in a row. He has beaten Kobayashi Maru. Oh, that's a Star Trek thing. He's beaten Takeru Kabayahsi. This time he ate 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes, Takeru ate 64 and 1/2. This is the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest. I've seen them do this. They dip them in water. Creepy. Buns and all mind you.

New stuff on the website. Go and see. Listen to Jim show his ignorance by bashing one of my favorite films www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #84 Fri 07.03.09

Swan Warden. Ghillie. All jobs I didn't even know existed until today. Which tells me I could slide them on my resume. Because if I didn't they existed, chances are the average American reading a resume wouldn't know about them either. Because these are jobs in Great Britain. And there's only one Swan Warden. That person counts the swans for the Queen in July. So I don't know if it's just a once a year gig or if there other duties. And a ghillie has to do with worm charming. That's right, not snake charming. Worm.

Dillon James was the only one not on vacation today. The worm thing reminded me of the movie Tremors. He has missed out on that one. It amuses.

Movies opening this holiday weekend are at opposite ends of the demo. Michael Mann's Public Enemies with Johnny Depp as Dillinger is R. And the third Ice Age animated dealie is out rated PG it's called Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

I did see a few minutes of Michael Jackson rehearsal footage. It looked good to me. He looked no more thin and frail than he has the past ten years. There are many theories, as expected, now out regarding his death. One theory speculates that he took an overdose on purpose just expecting to be hospitalized so he could get a doctor's note and get out of the London concerts that he could not otherwise afford to cancel. Another theory is he was surrounded by enablers in an Anna Nicole situation. And, of course, the theory that he faked his own death is still popular.

July 13, his ex Debbie Rowe is filing for custody of their two children, and will do so with Blanket so the three will not be separated even though he is not hers. She is also getting a restraining order against Joe Jackson I believe to keep Joe Jackson from the kids. As opposed from her.

There will be a public memorial at the Staples Center on Tuesday and Michael Jackson will be buried at Forest Lawn.

The website will be updated on Sunday. That means a new recipe of the week, a new Tube Job, new book choices, music, a book review, Eda's Hollywood Vine, and a gardening tip with Jay Frankenfield. Be sure to check it all out at www.thejaneellen.com. Also this weekend, our Brien Travis is re-launching his super cool website. It should be up again by Sunday. Check it out at www.brientravis.com. If only to see how many pictures of me he put up. I, for one, am curious.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #83 Thu 07.02.09

Bacon. Good for eating, and wearing. Seems there is such a thing as a bacon dress. Mmmmm, tasty. And, I would imagine, smelly. I'm guessing that a beef jerky dress would have a much longer closet life. And the dogs would probably not follow you home as easily. Do read the article. I like how she says men seemed more attracted to her. A bacon covered woman. It all makes sense.

Go Mississippi. For the fifth year in a row it has the most obese adults. Tennessee made the top five as well. Adam says his diabetes is keeping his obesity at bay. For real. Me, I had surgery. But it's a constant battle. I'm still thinking about that bacon dress.

Some chick in Cookeville, the town in which we live, got drunk, broke into some guy's house, trashed the joint, then took off all her clothes. Or maybe she took her clothes off first and then trashed it. Or maybe it was trashed and he just said she did it because he wasn't expecting so many uninvited guests in his apartment. I was telling Adam that something similar happened to Brien, he came home and found, and Adam immediately assumed I was going to say a werewolf. Which, of course, I was. This got us thinking. We know you can kill a werewolf with a silver bullet. But what about cutting off its head? Do listen and share with us. www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.

There were a few Michael Jackson developments. The DEA is assisting the LAPD and they are interviewing a few doctors regarding the different medications he was taking. There has been questions raised if he was doctor hopping. A woman is saying she's his ex and is the biological mother of his kids. In her defense, she has been doing this for years sooooooo. And he will not be buried at Neverland and there will not be a service at Neverland as had been reported.

There are many amusing things to photograph in the grocery store. Like whipped frosting and wet nuts ice crea topping. See what you can send us. The email addresses are in the Know Jane section at www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #82 Wed 07.01.09

Adam Cravens always brings out my inner geek. So maybe it's an outer geek. But when Jim finally looked up the name of the actress on True Blood (which I continue to call First Blood, which would make it more interesting, Rambo and vampires), who we found vaguely familiar, I immediately called Brien. Brien then informed me I was not talking to Adam and much as Brien is into Star Trek he could not recall Ensign Ro or Riker's evil clone. Whaaaat? I know, you're as shocked as I am. And so, another great conversation about Star Trek was had. I also know some people think great followed by Star Trek can't be used in the same sentence. They are wrong. Hear for yourself. www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.

Because my name is Jane I know much of Tarzan and Jim did not appreciate my translation of a Weismuller film he was watching. He claims he never said "ungowa" once during the movie in question. Whatever.

Which brings us to the fate of Michael Jackson's chimp Bubbles. No, he was not eaten. He is alive and well and shooting craps in Florida. Or, close to it. You'll have to listen to the show. Hey, I had to take my oldest to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital today. She'll be fine. But seriously, you can't expect me to remember precisely what we talked about.

I do know that rehearsals of Michael Jackson's concert tour were filmed and will no doubt be released. And there is a talk of a tribute tour or concert involving family members, footage, and other artists. Plus, they're working off a will he wrote in 2002 that sent his kids to his mother and his assets to a private trust.

I finally watched the second X-Files film. It's not a bad movie even though it tanked at the box office. It's just a long TV episode. It's fine. It needed the Lone Gunmen. I still think they're alive. They're very real to me. And Adam. His dogs are named Mulder and Scully.

So, listen to the show, you'll thank me for it.