4.27.2009

The One About The Mosquito

I, for one, am thrilled with the lovely weather we have been having. However, as with most things, I had conveniently forgotten about the icky things warm weather brings. Bugs. In the house. I know there are more bugs on this earth than people. At least one million different species have been identified. That's just one per species. So, there are a lot. I try not to think about it. Just like I try not to think about the Demodex Mites that live around our eyelashes. They're there. Can you feel them?

Then, it happened. Just the other night, I was about to go to bed and I was thwarted. I went to click off the lamp and this immense bug was fluttering around. I assumed it was a mosquito. I batted at it. It was only slightly stunned. And then. Horror of horrors. It disappeared.

All I could think about that night how it was going to land on me. Or my children. My husband? Not so much. Did you know the female mosquito is the one who gets your blood, not the male? Malaria, West Nile Virus, or just an itchy welt--was any of that in our futures? My hypochondria began to rage.

We all know that I'm not a good sleeper. But just try and sleep while you're thinking about a giant fluttery thing that could land on you. I didn't want a probiscus anywhere near me. Even if I was a good sleeper. Ewwww.

I got through the night. Somehow. And then I found a body. A dead bug body. And what did I think of? Follow me now. JAWS. You know how they started killing sharks after the first attack just assuming they had gotten The Shark? Which, of course, they hadn't. All I could wonder was, is this the body of the creature that had tortured my psyche the night before? Or was the house full of them? What guarantee did I have that this was The One?

I didn't have one of course. But a few days later, I did have another thought. Something else I had forgotten. A mosquito has a scary twin called a Crane Fly. They're really big and they hang around your front door. Yes, your front door, just begging to be let into your home. They are also called mosquito eaters however they do not eat mosquitoes. On the plus side, they do not bite humans either. They are also called gollywhoppers and I do like that name. And that's what I think haunted my bedroom and disturbed my easily disturbable sleep. A gollywhopper.

No mosquito in its right mind would come into my house.