The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #186 Mon 11.30.09

Jay Thomas joined me on the last day of November's show. Ah, Jay. We've known each other since freshman year of high school. So that's something like 17 years now. We reminisced about how I trained him in radio broadcasting. My theory on why most people in radio are overweight. My sister Judy's interesting way about her. Ah, that's amusing stuff right there. And Jay's history of birthday gifts. You see, he has a December birthday and impressed upon me how he was always short-gifted from family. "This is your birthday and Christmas gift." I always double-gifted because it's not his fault he was born in December. We had a mighty good time with today's show. I suggest you listen at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #185 Wed 11.25.09

Thanksgiving Eve and one month away from Christmas. Just putting it into perspective for you. This is a quickie. So swamped. More perspective. The driving. The editing. I'm recording some audio books which I totally expect you to buy. All four are completely different. So I have picked up all sorts of things to file away, as I am wont to do. For instance, did you know that Ulysses S. Grant's real name wasn't Ulysses S. Grant? His middle name didn't start with an S, OK, at this very second it has slipped my mind, but when his paperwork was filled out by a patron for West Point they assumed that his middle name would be his mother's maiden name. Well, it wasn't. But the S. stuck and many in school called him Sam because of it. See? A wee bit of trivia. He tried to correct them, but it just wasn't happening.

Paula Deen got smacked in the face with a ham. She was helping to unload a truck for charity and some joker thought he would toss one like a football. That's never a good idea. It did not bust her lip, it just felt like it did. So she put a stick of butter on it and went about her business. She is, for real, cousin, to our Brien Travis. Ya'll.

Just because I know what it's like to be briefly paralyzed and yet cognizant of my surroundings I can only know what it was on an extremely small scale what Rom Houben has been going through. And I mean on an extremely small scale. 23 years ago he was in a wreck. He was pretty much written off as being in a persistent vegetative state. But guess what, he wasn't. He just couldn't tell anyone his brain was fine. Just recently technology caught up with him and they discovered his brain was normal. Now he is hooked up to a machine that allows him to talk through a computer and to read. Thank God. Unfortunately, he is still paralyzed and will never leave the hospital but at least he is not as trapped. Horrific.

Well, travel safely if you are on the road. There won't be a podcast on Thursday. I don't know about Friday or Monday yet. I have to finish these audio books for which I am paid obscene amounts of money. Oh, sorry, my fantasy finished the sentence. For which I am paid. I have a deadline that must and will be met. I will let you know when and where they are available.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #184 Tue 11.24.09

Christmas Eve. One month from today. Just throwing that out there.

Also out there, Glambert's performance on the AMA's has continued to ruffle a few feathers. Seems the dancer's face was not that close to his groin in rehearsal and the kiss with the band member wasn't in rehearsal at all. He says he likes to improvise. He recovered nicely from his tumble which wasn't planned and showed he was singing live which I appreciated. I also appreciated his going for some sort of show and spectacle. I appreciated his desire to make an impression and really package and market himself. He has always known who he is. And, in most cases, any press is good press. And this has certainly garnered him press. However, it's not like it was a great vocal, and he can deliver that. It kind of seemed all over the place. I wasn't offended by any of it. I just thought there was too much going on and the sound quality was off.

Adam was on the show and had quite the discussion over his BFF Vic and whether or not they had ever gone mano a mano and just blocked it out. Because they have been mistaken for a gay couple for years. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I asked if their respective wives were beards. Adam said not any longer. Anyway, it was quite revealing.

John Mayer seems to be so stuck on himself that he announced that he should be having more sex with girls. Or sex with more girls. Or some such nonsense. I don't even want to talk about it.

Adam's wife got him to see New Moon and he did say the production values are way above those of Twilight. So there's that. And then, to take the bad taste away for him, I had him quote lines from Wrath of Khan. Which brought us to Star Trek VI and then Sound of Music and my brilliant idea. What if the Sound of Music was performed entirely in Klingon? Sad thing is, it's probably already been done.

Today's show is short but incredibly entertaining. Listen at www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane. And there's new stuff on the main page, Entertain Yourself, and Cook Jane, so get on it. Plus we have two more gift certificates to Manhattan Salon to give away for chemical peels so sign up today.


The One About Christmas Songs

I am a sucker for holiday music. I fully realize it makes some people cringe. I don't play it in April or anything like that. However, that could be why I love it so. I only hear it for a few weeks out of the year and so I look forward to it. I adore a great Christmas album. I believe The Carpenters Christmas Portrait was released in 1978 and features their hit Merry Christmas Darling along with some gorgeous renditions of Ave Maria and instrumentals. It is often described as lush. Well it is certainly gorgeous and I know it note for note.

Same can be said of the entire soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas from the Vince Guaraldi Trio. Linus and Lucy, Skating, Christmastime is Here. Talk about cool and never dated. Again, for me, it's not Christmas without this music.

Songs I love, Bing's version of White Christmas, natch, Tennessee Christmas is such a great song. And I loved it before I even moved to Tennessee. Thank you Gary. Emmylou Harris singing Light of the Stable is worth your time. But, then again, isn't Emmylou singing most anything? Elton John's Step Into Christmas makes me happy. So does the video. Mmmm, cheesy.

I would mention Winter Wonderland, My Favorite Things and Baby It's Cold Outside to annoy my husband because he would say they are not Christmas songs. Oh, and because Brien Travis and I recorded Cold Outside last year, available for download on his website www.brientravis.com and as a ring tone on mine www.thejaneellen.com. This year we are recording What Are You Doing New Year's Eve. Again, not a Christmas song. But close.

Why did I just waste your time listing Christmas songs and albums? Oh, because I forgot you need to get Christmas Cocktails from the Ultra Lounge series. Those are swingin'. Anyway, because I hope that in between the getting run over by a reindeer and walkin' round in women's underwear songs, you might want to try something else. Like Kathy Mattea's Good News. And you can never go wrong with Rosemary Clooney. Yes, the more I think about it, the more I'll come up with. I hope you're not a Christmas song hatah. And if you are, I hope I have suggested something that you try and maybe even like. Just a little bit.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #183 Mon 11.23.09

The week of Thanksgiving. My, my, my. Where has the time gone? Let me tell you where your money has gone. To see New Moon. This weekend it made over $140 million. So The Blind Side made just under $35 million. Which is great. But compare it to $140 mil and geeeez. New Moon is quite the hit. As predicted.

Know why Robert Pattinson allegedly smells bad? He was advised that the photographers won't bug him as much if he always wears the same thing. The pictures won't look fresh. And so he wears the same clothes. Thus the odor. Well, that's all well and good but it's not like you can't wash your clothes or just get several of the same outfits. You don't have to smell bad.

Jim had much to say about my performance in the Larry the Cable Guy Hula Palooza Christmas Luau. Hey, you could see me a lot in the wrestling scene and and the waiting for Santa scene. There was much remark made by my friends that if I had not leaned over and interacted with the little girl then the scene would have been mostly me from the neck down. To some, my best feature. Anyway, http://www.cmt.com/ has the schedule and it will air many more times.

Do listen to the show. It will entertain. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. You can also get ringtones for your phone now too. Check out the recipe of the week. It's my mom's cornbread dressing and it is awesome.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #182 Fri 11.20.09

Larry the Cable Guy's Hula Palooza Christmas Luau made its debut on CMT with yours truly. Here's the schedule. I am dressed as a tourist wearing blue and a red head behind the bar, I am with a young blonde girl in the waiting for Santa scene where Larry and Tony Orlando are playing kids (I'm in a green sweater and khakis), and I'm totally in the wrestling scene on the right of your screen holding a poster. Pretty much in line with the Kris Kringle shots. I'm wearing grey, top row. Can't miss me with this platinum hair. And at the end of the show we all go on stage. And going in and out of commercials there's all the bad dancing sooooo, enjoy that.

Lost returns on February 2, 2010. Which is good news. But the bad news is that it's the final season.

Oprah will wrap her show in September 2011. I imagine I will be her replacement. I have quite an imagination.

Movies out are The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Planet 51, The Blind Side and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.

Have a fantastic weekend.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary # 181 Thu 11.19.09

What a threesome. Me. Adam Cravens. And he's a superstar in Japan Brien Travis. Even Nathan Stoops phoned in for a wee bit. Quite frankly, I was in a tizzy. Because the bulk of the show was me and Brien and Adam and I, I used the term threesome. Which led to the word orgy, because in college Brien walked in on one, and quickly walked out. We then wondered how many people constitute an orgy. We have collectively decided it is five. None of us have participated or plan to, but have decided that five, being an odd number, means that something is going on that require a special word like orgy.

Already you have to hear this show to appreciate it. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. We talked about how Will Ferrell tops the Forbes list because he makes a lot of money but his movies don't. We chatted about how Miley Cyrus used odd word choices saying she doesn't believe in New Moon or something like that. Well, we don't believe in vampires either, but the books do exist so what exactly did she mean, or was she misquoted?

Adam did his awesome Will Smith imitation. Oh, seriously, just listen to the show. It's just one of my favorites. And it ends with a song. Brien covered the Joni Mitchell song River. And you get to hear it. So there.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #180 Wed 11.18.09

DWTS final three is Donny and Kym, Mya and Dmitry, Kelly and Louis. Had Maks and I been allowed to compete...Oh yeah, I wasn't asked. Yet. Donny Osmond does have a fan base older than Mya and Kelly put together. And if all his family votes he is sure to win. If my memory serves me correctly, he has made it as far as Marie did.

Donner, party of four? Ah cannibalism. Not for everyone. Sure it's funny when it's hundreds of years old. Not so much when it just happened in Moscow. Seems these three homeless guys killed and then chopped up a 25-year-old man. After they ate what they want they tried to sell what was left to a place that made kebobs. Which led Jim and I to a discussion of whether or not if your life depended on it, and the person was already dead and you had nothing to do with it, would you eat another human? Jim won't even eat seafood so, uh, no for him. But he would drink his own urine.

Ken Ober passed away this weekend at the far too young age of 52. We listened to a brief clip from Remote Control, the show he hosted on MTV. The category was Gershwin, Beethoven, or Partridge Family. I enjoyed it immensely.

You will have to hear the show in which I think I admit that there isn't any guy I can think of that I want to see completely naked. Just partially. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. I certainly don't want to see the joker who thought he was a ninja and got his butt impaled on a fence. Not now anyway. Oh, he was drunk, what a surprise.

Have a fab Wednesday. I have many audio books to record. My dulcet tones are wanted.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #179 Tue 11.17.09

Monday, it was the Golden Girls. Today, it's phthalates. Chemicals found in nail polish and all sorts of stuff. Someone thought to do a study on phthalates. Seems it affects the testosterone level in the masculine brain when pregnant mothers are exposed to phthalates. The result is phthalate exposure leads to boys who do not exhibit stereotypical boy play behavior. It does not affect girls by the way. Now, they're not saying it makes you gay. They're just sayin'.

Kris Allen's new album came out today. It's getting meh reviews. But hey, Andrew Frampton was one of the producers (I suppose Peter was busy). It's got 13 songs on it and he has a songwriting credit on nine of them. Glambert's For Your Entertainment makes its debut a week from today.

Things blew up reeeeeeeeeaaaaal good in 2012. Which is why it's doing so well overseas. It has set a global record for an opening weekend raking in $225 million worldwide. By the way, if you've never seen Second City TV, from Canada, eh. They did a bit where they blew up things real good. The sketch was called The Farm Film Report. Good times.

We also discuss the lawsuit over the name of the Washington Redskins. I find the name Gamecocks and Morehead more offensive. But that's just me.

Friday, CMT 8pm CST Larry the Cable Guy Hula Palooza Christmas Luau. Look for me. I was actually there. On the stage. Not in the audience. Man that craft services was the bomb. Wish it was here at the house. Well, actually, better that it is not.

The One About Words

I love big words. Perhaps, not as much as Lara Flynn Boyle's character in the 1994 film Threesome. Big words really floated her boat. Don't get me wrong. I'm a huge fan. But they've never satisfied me that much. Yet.

Language has always had great allure for me. I studied Greek and Latin. And briefly entertained the thought of Russian because. Wait for it. Wait for it. Because I thought it would be fun. Yeah, and like Greek, it's an entirely different alphabet. I. Thought. It. Would. Be. Fun.

I find some words inherently funny or delicious to say. I am certainly not the first or last to appreciate the beauty of the use of language by a great writer such as Shakespeare. Duh. I have had much time to think of my love of big words because I have started to record audio books. The one I'm just finished is called Lost and Philosophy. It ties in TV show Lost with philosophical concepts. And you know those philosophers like Plato and Sartre, well, they don't just ten dollar words, they use twenty dollar ones. And sometimes in different languages. It has been a delight.

I've said beneficence, sadism, internal determinism, guerrilla ontology, and that's just the beginning. Throw in a bit of relativism here and there and a whole lot of French and German and Greek philosophers with their two cents and it's been a hey day for my mouth. Luckily, I could already say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Thank goodness.

My love of big words also leads to a love a turn of a phrase, which, for me, is connected to music. I do not tend to read poetry very often. I'm not against it. I just never took to it. Though I appreciate a lovely poem, naturally. I realize that lyrics are just poetry set to music. I believe that statement also called for a Duh to follow it.

Some lines that please me, from The Beatles Norwegian Wood "I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me." From Mary Chapin Carpenter's It Don't Bring You "Now there's a hole here in my pocket where all my dreams have gone, Fallen out like so many nickels and dimes." From Brien Travis's Dispatches (buy it now on Tales of Lazy Wednesdays at iTunes and Amazon) "And I'm hoping to catch fire again with these matches, As I sit and drink a few, Sending out these little dispatches, A couple of ounces for you."

The turn of the phrase in the entire film of My Fair Lady from 1964 is nothing short of brilliant. Well, it as all about language now isn't it? It is a well-written film that appeals to me the most. I go for dialogue then imagery. I can appreciate a well-shot film. But if the words are poorly strung together and ponderous then I am not going to participate in the snooze-fest.

Give me something to wrap my mind and mouth around. (And get your mind out of the gutter for once.) Don't be afraid of big words. They are precise and exist for a reason. Don't say chew if what you really mean is masticate. I know I don't walk, I prance. And slink. But plain walk? Even I know I don't do that. Haven't done that for years. Words are wonderful. Open your mouth and speak them clearly. Mumbling will get you nowhere. I do not speak mumble.

Use a big, glorious, stupendous word today. It will feel exquisite.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #178 Mon 11.16.09

John Cusack loves me. I assume. And that was before 2012 made scads of money this past weekend.

Go to www.beautifulpeople.com. They say the British are the ugliest people in the world. Brazilian and Scandinavians are the most attractive. There are 360,000 members who vote on the applicants and they have rejected 1.8 million of them. I have the urge to sign up and see if they will accept me. I'm not planning to date anyone. Being married and all. Just curious.

Justin Halpern's 73 year old dad may be the basis for a TV show. And it's all because he's funny. Justin has been posting things his dad says on Twitter and over 700,000 people follow him. Things like: "Why would I want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If I want to talk to you, I'll answer." "I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it. No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."

Some group wrote a manifesto saying, and this is for real so I will quote it it that "The Golden Girls seized upon this opportunity to cross the hormonal wires of America's lost generation...Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with like minded Golden Girls addicts who didn't mind each other's theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures." They also blamed Duran Duran too. Yes, it's real. Real ridiculous. All Golden Girls ever gave me an urge for was cheesecake.

New stuff on the website. Look.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #177 Fri 11.13.09

Friday the 13th. That's today. In case you didn't notice. Or care. Triskadekaphobia. Fear of the number 13. You got that? I hope not. OK, had an issue with today's show. Man it was really hilarious. Not that we didn't deliver. But man, the Adam show was awesome. However. The computer sort of, let's see, shut down before it saved. A few corrupted files here and there and you only get part of the show. Sure, I could've edited all out, but I'm having a slacker Friday. So what you get is part of the Adam show wrapped up with the Jim show. Boy, that Adam show sure was great. wish you could've heard it. Sigh.

Movies out:
Fantastic Mr. Fox PG family animated with George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Cate Blanchett and Bill Murray, three Oscar winners, one nominated. Pirate Radio R comedy with Philip Seymour Hoffman about pirate radio in Britain in the 60's. 2012 PG 13 sci-fi Roland Emmerich blows up a lot of stuff because the Mayan calendar said so. John Cusack loses the sensitive stuff this time and just goes for the CGI. Man, he digs me.

Some chick asked where I got my lips done the other day. I had to break it to her that neck down, done, lips, actually mine. Then you have to listen to the stream of consciousness that continues until the end of the show. My gift to you.

Enjoy your weekend.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #176 Thu 11.12.09

Little Jimmy Dickens spoofing Kanye on the CMA's was the highlight of the show. OK, it's all I saw of it. Taylor Swift dominated, even won Entertainer of the year, but at the video award she did not win he interrupted Brad Paisley to say how great her video was. Nicely played.

Jim and I discussed the woman who appeared on Oprah who had been mauled by a chimp earlier this year. It was quite horrific. Chimps can grow up to weigh 200 lbs. Don't know why you would think having one of those around the house would be a good idea.

A guy in Iowa City thought it would be a great idea to use his local CVS as toilet. Oddly enough, he was wasted at the time.

My perfect stylist Shane got hired at Kohl's. How exciting. Love that. Now I'll know the very day the Vera Wang shoes go on sale.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. Hope you don't have an issue with that. Because it's gonna happen.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #175 Wed 11.11.09

Happy Double Eleven Day. My peeps and I decided that as Double Ten day you eat Chinese food on Double Eleven day it should be Italian. Just sayin'.

It was a big, big day. Brien Travis graced me with his presence. He so rarely comes to the show. Oh, we talk about him constantly. But he prefers to remain a mystery. Or he prefers to be building a mystery like his girlfriend Sarah. Oh, while I'm thinking of it, buy his retrospective Tales of Lazy of Wednesdays available now on iTunes and Amazon. Now. Buy it. This blog will be here when you get back.

OK, so a lot of naked on today's show. On, not during. Christian Serrato has done a PETA ad. She's naked in the woods. By the way, New Moon comes out November 20.

More air brushing going on with Demi Moore on the cover of W. She looks great. She talks about how she'd rather be a puma instead of a cougar. You really need to hear that conversation.

Oh, Brien and I are doing another duet for the holidays. You can hear Baby It's Cold Outside on www.youtube.com. And we're going to do What Are You Doing New Year's Eve. Very soon.

The website is down for a wee bit. Issues. Wait until around noon Thursday and all will be restored. Adam will be on tomorrow's show but it won't be until after 3pm cst. Just so you'll know.


The One About the Fun Mom

My friend Eda has labeled me the fun mom. She turns to me for fun mom tips. I did not actively seek this title and yet I welcome it. By the way, I think Eda is a hoot and have no doubt she is a super fun mom. My friend Adam, who has done a lot of before and after school programs and children's theater and has way more kid experience than I'll ever have, has told me that he has never met two children remotely close to Anna Grace and Jenna. He says the different ones are those he finds interesting. Brien is not drawn to children. He asked me why kids are drawn to him. I told him it's like cats. Cats go to people that don't bug them. He doesn't get in a child's face. So they like him. I've only seen him with mine so I only have that to go on, but they are quite taken with him and vice versa. He thinks there are no children more attractive than mine. I would have to agree.

My husband is not necessarily on the same page as I am with the fun mom stuff. But he is elderly and a bit of a stick-in-the-mud. Adam aspires to be him one day. Curmudgeon doesn't quite explain his style. Not just parenting style. Just every day style. Well, not so much a style. Ponderous isn't really a style is it? One of my confidantes said to me recently, "I'm not a people person at all. Then I met Jim. He has me beat." Funny.

OK, fun mom. Here's the thing. I don't recall my mom doing any of this. And I don't remember getting these ideas from anyone else. I just assume most people talk to their kids like I do. There's a Spongebob episode where he goes to a different town and he is not understood because they speak by blowing raspberries between each word. Sometimes the girls and I will talk like that to each other for a good half hour. We play the boring game. That's when I use a particular droning voice to say whatever phrases they come up with. We fly the bed at night. We have to turn it sideways to get out of the house. Then we fly and see what we can see. Jenna usually sees dragons. We fly over our friends' cars, up the mountain, things like that. Sometimes we fly down and look at the cows. Then we fly up to the moon. Flying the bed is tricky business. Takes a lot of flapping.

There's also the color game. I ask them what color so-and-so's shirt was or what color my nail polish is. It has to be something they can't see. I want them to think about details and remember. Then they ask me and each other. And it invariably ends with the same question. In case you didn't know it. All three and four-year-olds find the words butt and poop hilarious and say them non-stop. So they ask me what color is my butt. Naturally, the fun mom has an answer. Don't be shocked. My butt is creamy white. Big surprise there.

We read together, they get bubble baths, I take them to the donut shop where they talk to everyone. They go to Exotic Tropicals in Cookeville and pet the mice, the snakes, the guinea pigs and bunnies. But not all at the same time. We go to Burgess Falls Nursery and learn about flowers and pick rocks and sometimes they go behind the nursery and climb the gravel pile. Yeah, my mom didn't take me to climb rock piles. However, I wasn't raised in a smaller town where we knew many people who owned their own businesses who welcomed cherubs and encouraged their behavior.

I do their hair when they're in the mood though Anna Grace likes hers "crazy." And they do like nail polish and lip gloss most of the time. I have been putting vaseline on their lips since they were hours old. I hate dry lips. I assumed they did too. We accessorize together and the girls can wear my high heels rather well but not out of the house. And I did stop myself from getting them matching leather pants like mine. Seriously, why were they made in that size to begin with? But I walked on by. OK, I touched them. But I didn't take them off the rack. Back off. I only considered it for a second or two. Then thought it would be a little too creepy if we all wore it at the same time. However, the girls would love it as they really like to rock out.

I keep kid music to a minimum. One of their favorite songs is Barrucuda by Heart. They love it that sisters sing it. They also like Cyndi Lauper, The Beatles, Elton John the early stuff not the ponderous stuff he wrote after 1987, and of course, their friend Brien Travis (they highly recommend Tales of Lazy Wednesdays available now on iTunes and Amazon). They also know all the words to Cheek to Cheek and The Piccolina, both from Astaire and Rogers' film Top Hat which I believe came out in 1935 which they watch over and over. Take that Barney.

So, am I a fun mom? Will I regret it? One of my friends said she didn't want to look back on life with her young sons and feel she was such a disciplinarian that she hadn't hugged them enough. I hug my girls every chance I get. Even though sometimes they wipe off my kisses. It still counts though and because then the kisses are smeared all over their hands. Fun mom wins. But then again. Mama always wins.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #174 Tue 11.10.09

Adam and I made up for the no show that was Monday by giving you more show for your money today. Oh yeah, it's free. Well, there is that bonus. And then I slacked and forgot to post this. Well, I do have many excuses at the ready. My yak needed feeding. I had to paint the closet. Adam's mule required a new shoe. The list goes on and on. Oh, and I forgot. Sure, I could listen to the comedy gold that was early, early this morning. But it's practically tomorrow as I write this. And Brien is actually going to do it with me. The show that is. And I think it's only the third time this year. So that's a huuuuuuuuuge deal. I'd rather do a vague memory of how I recall the show.

I tried to do a retelling to Adam of how I told my girls the story of Thanksgiving. The very first one that is. There was what came out of my mouth. And as Adam pointed out. Every good story begins with "Well, the white Europeans had invaded this country that wasn't theirs." And ended with "they all had a really great meal together." In my mind, my inner voice was telling me things like shut up, too complicated, they don't care, and so on. I tried to explain the whole Indian/Native American misnomer and feel I really failed on that point. Anna Grace, who is four, asked, "why don't we just give the land back?" I told her it was really too late. Adam made some good points that we are native Americans now. I didn't mention casinos. It was a huge mess. He was amused.

Am very excited about the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes film. He's worried about the involvement of the ex-Mr. Madonna Guy Ritchie. Me, not so much. I cannot wait.

Tube Job is delightful, though there are some things left out like a time here and there but you know? If I've told you the channel and the day, I think you can find it from there. You are very intelligent.

OK, that's really all I remember. Except I'll be honest. You deserve to know. We have moved the studio around. We have recorded in several different rooms in the house. We have all agreed on the master bedroom. The acoustics are the best. It's a king sized bed. We're all cool with that. Jim has adjusted to the fact the the bed is a revolving door. But, that's just the way it is. So when you listen, just so you know, we are actually doing it. In bed. Sound naughty. But it isn't. And we shall never speak of it again.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #173 Fri 11.06.09

911. Emergency calls. Is it really an emergency when you can't find your car? Or the guy who said he was going to marry you won't? It was to Hee Orama of Clarksville. She just didn't get the concept that her personal emergencies were not emergencies for law enforcement. She got to go to jail. Twice. Clue bus. Driving by.

So this guy is naked in his truck. In a Wal-Mart parking lot. The police are called. Oh, this was in North Naples. And he tells the cop that he had explosive diarrhea which is why he had to remove all of his clothes. Well, the problem with that was there was no, shall we say, evidence of such a disturbance in his truck. So he went to jail. I would like to add that as a former dispatcher, what a call to assign. Let's just say everyone is available. Who do you pick to do on that one, hmm?

More naked, this time near where I went to college. A guy in Stafford, Virginia was running around. Seems he had gotten into magic mushrooms. Then walked into the path of a train. Luckily for him the train was going nine miles an hour. He's alive.

Saw the Shaun Cassidy biography that came out in 2008 on BIO this week. Interesting. His mom, Shirley Jones, his half brother David Cassidy, and his brothers Ryan and Patrick, all there. But no Shaun. And no permission to use the music either. And they name his first wife and child, seems Caitlyn Cassidy is something like 28 now. Then they say he and whoever got married in 2005 I think and have maybe three kids, could be four by now. They named her. However they glossed over other wives and kids. Odd. I loved his shows American Gothic, Roar and Invasion. LOVED THEM. But I digress.

Movies out this weekend: Disney's A Christmas Carol in 3 D is PG animated and family with Jim Carrey doing many of the voices, plus Robin Wright Penn and Bob Hoskins. The Men Who Stare at Goats is an R Drama with George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges and Ewan McGregor. The Box is PG 13 Horror with Frank Langella, Cameron Diaz and James Marsden. Precious is an R drama getting all the critics raving about it. The Fourth Kind is PG 13 action. Pretty big weekend compared to last.

Oh, and today was the Michael Jackson seance in London. Wonder how that went. I mean, did they say he showed up by moonwalking or something? I've been recording an audio book and have been in the studio all day. I suppose I could find out. Well, I did find out for Wendy of the Crack Research Team who needed to know what Orthanc was. Naturally, it's where Saraman was. You know, the tower. Duh. Wasn't that enough?


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #172 Thu 11.05.09

Ah, the art of the quickie. Show that is. Adam and I had so little time today. Much desire, little time. See, practically the same thing. Technical and deadline issues were a bit of a problem today. However, we did bring up a few things. There was a story about Wal-Mart allegedly punishing people who took sick leave. Which seems foolish. The National Labor Committee is the one making the complaint. Adam says it's never been an issue. Someone's sick, they're sent home, that simple. Nobody wants you coughing and hacking all over the merchandise and each other.

This guy said he was allergic to his wife. Sure it's some compound in her body lotion. Whatever. But it gives him rapid heartbeat and he swells up. Again, sounds like normal man woman stuff. Anyway, they are still together. Who knows how that will work out.

Jim discovered this today. It is incredibly funny.

If you can find a copy of today's Tennessean, feel free to look in the main section, page 8, it's all me baby. Of course, you don't get the pull out poster effect online. But you can read it at www.firstinhealth.com.

Kim Abston of Cookeville is our first winner of the chemical peel from Manhattan Salon. We have two more to giveaway so register today.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary Wed 11.04.09

First it was all that sushi leading to mercury poisoning. Now it's 12 cups of soy milk today apparently giving Jeremy Piven man boobs. Adam says that Jeremy's real problem is gluttony. Once he finds something he likes he just goes overboard with it.

James Franco is going to do a few appearances on 30 Rock. Adam and I, overlooked again. We were second runners up to host the Oscars. But we don't mind that it's Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin hosting it March 7.

So this guy, the same age as Adam (29), didn't want to go to work. He called the police, went to the hospital with his thigh ripped apart with knife wounds. Those Mexicans, or skinheads, had attacked him. Oh, no, it was just he didn't want to go to work and did it to himself. What do you do to yourself the next month? Try to break your leg?

OK, so I mixed up Marmaduke and Clifford the Big Red Dog. Good thing too because I wasn't hearing the voice casting of Owen Wilson as Clifford. I can hear him as Marmaduke. Adam and I both agreed that you should not write off Marley and Me. It is a surprisingly good movie for a number of reason. The last one being the house they end up in at the end of the film. That's a gorgeous home. We covet that home.

Adam and I had a brilliant show. I'll admit it. You have to hear it, We even discussed the ignorance of raging old redneck who hurled venom at one of our gay friends yesterday. Read about it under Read Jane The One About Ignorance. Everyone I have told about it said they didn't know such things happened these days. It is hard to believe. Especially when it doesn't happen to you. It's revolting behaviour.

Anyway, go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane. Also, go to www.brientravis.com because it's time to start shopping for the holidays. And you can own Brien. Well, his music. Not him. I would say I own him but he would take issue with that and so on. We just won't bring that up. Then my other men would be jealous. Can't have the boys acting up. It would bring about unpleasantness.


The One About Ignorance

A very dear friend of mine, who happens to be both African American and gay, was called both the n word and the f word today. The ignorant old white guy who did it was, in turn, blown a kiss. We talked about it. I asked him which was worse. He said, as I would expect, they're both pretty bad. He also said, they're both just words.

Then we both agreed what a horrible life that guy must lead. He's in a store. My friend has done nothing but come in visual contact with this joker, and this sixty some year old adult can only hurl venom at him. What kind of hideous brainwashing did he go through that he accosts strangers with hatred? Sadly, this happens more often then not. I told this story to a girlfriend of mine. A white friend, close to the age of 40, and she was appalled that this had ever happened. I told her yes, this wasn't the first time.

I told my friend what we both already knew. The guy is clearly an ignorant ass. And I was even more proud to have this gay, black man in my life who could see the stupidity, ignorance, and hatred in this man. That geezer must boil over to random people about other things as well. Oddly enough, the man with the offensive mouth and complete lack of manners in no way resembled George Clooney, who most people, myself included, think looks like a pretty handsome guy. No, he was just an ordinary slob. Maybe we could've accepted an insult from the perfection that is Clooney. But not this creature who felt he could label another man. Did he think my friend didn't know he was gay? Guess what? He's not just a little gay, he's a lot gay, and he knows it. And he's proud of it. Oh, and he knows just what shade of cafe Au lait he is too. Did the loser think that the name calling would turn him straight or white like him? I just don't see the point.

Many is the time I had been called fat by just such a jerk. Again. I knew I was obese. Unfortunately, by being called fat I didn't magically become thin. If telling an obese person they're fat, (because, seriously, they don't have a clue and rely on the kindness of strangers to let them know) would turn them thin, then there wouldn't be an obesity epidemic.

Try the same thing on a balding guy. They know they're losing their hair. Trust me. They have the remaining ones counted. You don't have to shout out "hey baldy" just when someone with a comb over walks by. It's uncool.

Sure, I talk about people. Bad hairdo, hideous shirt, what's with those pants, yikes. I'll admit it. It's fun. However, I would never intentionally say anything harmful within hearing of anyone I'm talking about. I usually do it to the TV. Usually anchor people (sorry in advance). Come on, isn't that why you watch pageants? When it comes down to it, there's enough hurt in the world and I don't feel the need to add to it. And I sure wouldn't just say something incredibly hurtful to someone on purpose unprovoked.

Provoked, well, you wake the sleeping giant, then it's your funeral.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #170 Tue 11.03.09

Drunk clowns are only funny when they are named Krusty. This guy was driving erratically, not erotically (which would've been weird) around Vancouver in a clown costume. And he crashed into a police car. In our version, then 20 clowns got out of the car and the cop pulled one pair of handcuffs after another out of his pocket. It's just a better visual that way.

I was irritated by the Avatar trailer because the CGI people looked so familiar. During the course of the show, we got the actual name. Because if you just type in Jabba dancing girls you don't get porn. Which is what Adam and I expected. It's not Wikipedia, it's Wookiepedia, all things Star Wars. Look at Oola, then watch the Avatar trailer, then tell me I'm not imagining things, OK? Adam totally saw it.

What do most people use Facebook for? My fanpage? Adam's amusing remarks? No. It's Farmville. Isn't that like Pong but with farm animals. Adam and I admit we have never used it. However, it just seems like it would be a tad lame. But what do we know.

You really have to hear the show, click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com to hear Adam imitate Jim when he said he didn't need the internet because he already knew everything. It was rich. I'll say.

At www.nytimes.com they have a feature that looks up their snooty words for you. Now, I'm pretty smart. Even for me. Laconic, solipsistic, banal, apoplectic, antebellum, fealty, enervating feckless, sumptuary, penury. Those are pretty run of the mill. Oh, and swine. People have to look up swine? I can see the need for Sisyphean, inchoate, schadenfreude, fungible, and our favorite, bildungsroman. Oh that Bildungsroman, what a guy.

There's a new Hollywood Vine up. Register for the Manhattan Salon giveaway. And for many it is Election Day so Elect Away and listen to an Arcadia song. (It was Arcadia, a variant of Duran Duran, right?)


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #169 Mon 11.02.09

Halloween was very entertaining. The girls changed costumes back and forth. They were at different times a flower, Cinderella, a princess and a ladybug. Best part is we had all these given to us last year. Unfortunately, none of them will fit next year. Sigh. As usual, we had no trick-or-treaters.

Jim has mocked my first time appearance in a nationally prominent video. Well, as one of my friends put it, if Jim actually like something I did, we wouldn't know it was him. The pod people would have replace him. You can watch Hillbilly Bone at www.cmt.com by Blake Shelton and Trace Adkins. I'm just in it. It's not "my" song. I have a few friends who wanted to see more of me. So I told them to take me out to lunch. Trust me, no one is going to recognize me because of my appearance in the video. But it was great fun doing it and I was so glad I got the opportunity.

This guy is suing Axe because he says their ads led him to believe that by using all their products he would attract girls. He's used them for years and so far, no luck. Wonder if he's using too much or too little or if he's just a dud.

A guy in San Diego was on trial for a home invasion robbery. He thought it would be a good idea to smear feces on his lawyer then throw it at the jury. You know? It wasn't. He got 31 years.

This Is It made $101 worldwide and $21.3 domestically, which is good for a concert film. It's bound to made tons in DVD sales.

Remember to change your calendar. It's Rollvember as Jim loves to say. I'll be in Thursday's Tennessean if you want something to look forward to. Adam and Jim will do the show with me tomorrow. Ah, happiness.

The recipe of the week is coconut shrimp with apricot sauce. Delightful. It's on the Cook Jane page. Enjoy the show. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.