The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #168 Fri 10.30.09

Hillbilly Bone. The Video premiere. Blake Shelton, Trace Adkins. And so many others. Including me, Nathan, and Cassie, to name but a few. Can Roman White direct an award-winning video or what? (I'm just assuming.)

The only movie out this weekend is Michael Jackson's This Is It. It made $7.4 million in the US on Wednesday alone. I suspect it will do well.

You know, just because a can of spray stuff in the house with a tiny straw doesn't make it compressed air. Sometimes it makes it silicone, you know, like WD-40. Not what is recommended to spray all over the keyboard of your laptop. Yet, that's just what I did. And mine still works. Not perfectly, but it works.

Remember to change your clocks this weekend. Going back to standard time. The way it's supposed to be.

Donny and Marie are making a new album. First time in about 30 years. Really.

Halloween on a Saturday night. Here there is an excellent chance of rain. Don't know why that makes me cackle. Also makes me want to go to the gay club. I am told that Halloween night is THE night to attend. I really have been meaning to go. I have also been told it doesn't get rolling until 11pm. That is a tad late for a mother of toddlers. But I would be willing to make an exception.

Have a glorious weekend. Talk to you in November.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #167 Thu 10.29.09

As I write this a man is cleaning. Now I don't write that in the way somewhere a butterfly flaps its wings and a storm begins somewhere else. No, nothing so esoteric. I mean a man, not a pretend one, but an actual man is cleaning. Just a few feet away from me. Now it would be awesome if it were Jensen Ackles. But it's not. For the sake of this I will pretend it is. He's actually cleaning the furniture. Not to gross you out or anything but, it's just the way it went down. Part of Raven's illness, her cancer, was in her mouth. She drooled something fierce. And not normal clear drool but gobs of brown stuff. See? Already you're gagging. Well, point being, her favorite spots on the furniture retained a bit of an odor. He said he'd give me an estimate I said don't bother. Just clean it.

Jim and I did a very brief show due to some technical difficulties which have now been fixed. And, it was bound to happen. Brien is next to Brent in my contact list in my phone. And the program I use is called Acid. Suspicious sounding I know. We also speak in shorthand to each other. Now, Acid was giving me issues. I was angry at Acid. Words were exchanged. And I sent a message to Brent that was meant for Brien. Ah, comedy. Brent was just happy to hear from me. And happy to hear that I was not "doing" acid.

I posted some interesting video, interesting to me anyway, which is the point of my entire show, of the body of a great white shark which had been pretty much bitten in half by another great white shark. The biter had to have been twenty feet long. "You're gonna need a bigger boat." So look for it on my Twitter feed or Facebook.

Creepy that Octomom dressed as a pregnant nun then dressed all her kids as red devils? Yes. Creepier that she and Jon Gosselin might do a reality show about them dating? Yes.

Shakira is on the cover of Rolling Stone. And she says her body is asking her to have babies. And her She Wolf video is a must see. Oh yes.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #166 Wed 10.28.09

Today was Raven's last day with us. She was a most excellent dog. She lived with us since she was four weeks old, a bit unusual I know. But it was just one of those things. I didn't talk about it during the show because I tend to feel the show is about being entertaining. The written word is a different form of expression. Raven had turned ten this past May. She was very young, especially compared to my other pets. But the cancer showed up and spread quickly through her mouth and neck. Raven was a Rottweiller/Black Lab mix. She looked like a Rottie puppy her whole life and weighed around 55-60 pounds during her youth. But she was lower to the ground and really a medium-sized girl, even though she sounded huge when you described her. She was a great bird catcher. She loved to chew them, head first, until they lost their flavor, then spit them out. It's so strange now, to be in this house, with only Gracie. For the past 20 years I've always had two to three to even four pets (not including the fish). Now, to be down to just one again, it's like when I just had Magnum, the world's most perfect dog. He lived to be 13. Gracie, who is now seven, favors him in the breed department. But she is a tad insane. Real pretty though. No doubt the loss of Raven today had me reaching for one of my favorite songs that was never a hit, just an album cut, that I simply stuck with me. It's from Mary Chapin Carpenter's State of the Heart called It Don't Bring You. Definitely worth your time. Pretty much anything she sings is.

Adam and I did the show before Raven's final trip to the vet so there was room for some funny. Taylor Lautner from the latest in the series of Twilight films, he's a werewolf you know, wants people to recognize him for his acting, not his chest. Adam's wife is sooooo into those films and he called Taylor Johnny Nip Nip the Werewolf and Count Sparklethorpe. Now that's some comedy right there.

We discussed Kevin Spacey's acting career. He took on Superman, he took on Santa Claus. That leaves, pretty much, Jesus for him to take on, in the movies that is.

Rosie O'Donnell said there was a time when she and Angelina talked about getting together but nothing happened. Adam had A LOT to say about that.

Brien named his stomach. And then we ended up talking about Designing Women. Again, you need to hear it. Go to www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.


The One About Beds

Sleeping. I am all for it. And because I have a history of failing to do it properly, I am intrigued by how people choose to sleep. Meaning their surroundings. When it comes down to it, everyone is a little particular about their beds. I am most familiar with mine, so I'll start us off.

First of all, I have to have a high thread count 100% cotton sheet. None of that half cotton half polyester stuff. Hate it. Won't have it near me. It pills up. I barely tolerate the 400 thread count to be perfectly honest. And this all started by mistake, but what a glorious mistake it was. I was living on my own and needed sheets. So I figured white sheets would be the least expensive. I didn't know anything about thread counts. And I certainly didn't look at the price. And had no idea it was going to cost $60 per sheet. But I bit the bullet. Those sheets lasted about 15 years and only got better with each washing. I learned.

I think we, humans, that we, not the royal we, spend about one third of our lives in our beds. So, shouldn't they be a place of comfort? I am all about a good sheet now. Even my girls prefer a higher thread count. They will go for their Dora pillowcases but they realize the Dora sheets feel different from the burgundy sheets. Well, they do.

The house I have lived in the longest in Tennessee has a master bedroom which I call the cave. Which is funny because my friend Brien calls his bedroom the nest. Similar reasons. Because my husband and I used to do shift work I made the room dark on purpose, thus the name. It has a king sized bed with awesome sheets and, on average, three to six layers on top. I like to sleep cold. Translated that means I like the room cold but me warm underneath the covers.

Seems Brien likes it the same way. (I don't know this from personal experience so keep your minds out of the gutter please.) The really fascinating thing to me about his nest is he currently has 13 layers on his bed and I suspect it will make it to 18 or during the winter. Same theory. Sleep cold, under covers. However, he can control the temperature in his nest. I have to accommodate Jim who does not allow a window to be open. Heaven forbid any fresh air enter our home.

Just in case you were wondering, Jim doesn't care how many covers Brien, or anyone else, happens to sleep under. He is barely conscious that we have covers on our own bed. Except when they are off of him. Then he is aware of it and all hell breaks loose.

I know some people who sleep with their Star Wars sheets. I'm cool with that. Yes, they are over 21. Some prefer satin. Some have to have everything match. I have friends who have very girlie bedrooms that their husbands just sort of pass through. Their husbands, in turn, have a Manland elsewhere. My bedroom isn't all that girlie. None of my house is. I encompass all that is girlie. I don't need furniture to do that for me.

I have friends who have bedrooms with sitting rooms and bathrooms that are so awesome I could simply live there. I would like to take bits and pieces of my friends' homes though. I would like to be able to sleep hearing the water like Brien does. I would like Leslie's bathtub. Though I fear she would know it was I who stole it. I covet Shan's dining room table. But that has nothing to do with how one sleeps. I thought I'd throw that in here in case she wanted to give it to me. And I really want a set of 1,000 count sheets just because I am curious. I don't do drugs. But I do do sheets. I just said do do. Ha! Well, it's true. And Jim, in case I forget to tell you, I am planning to repaint the bedroom soon. Not this week, not next, but soon. Now I will feel like I have told you. I have witnesses.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #165 Tue 10.27.09

Adam and I, and Jim for a wee bit, had quite a time today. First of all, there was this chick in Florida. She got charged with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident. She nearly hit a person and ran over mailboxes. Which is amazing. Because she told the deputy that she had some vodka. Her blood alcohol level was .088 percent. And she had smoked some crack. And she had some Oxycodone, and Clonopin. Oh, and there was the Baklaphine she took, and the Lirica. Um, let's see, she also took some Tegradol, and the Paxcil, and the Dilantin, and the Lamiktal. Hope she didn't leave anything out. How was she even able to express all that with all those meds in her? That is a feat in and of itself. I am also impressed that she didn't do any more damage to herself and others. Wow.

In Athens, GA a woman scared away a burglar by getting on all fours and acting like a dog. What breed of dog remains to be seen.

I was in the Music City yesterday and stopped by the Starbucks near the Vanderbilt University campus. I was describing those inside to Adam. He put it well. It was like the cast for a high school musical movie. So beautiful. Even the lighting was lovely. I went to college. So did Adam. I had never seen so many beautiful people in one place at one time before. No one was significantly overweight either. I guess that's what Southern California is like.

Brien Travis really should be on film at all times. He went to a place, not a Starbucks, for coffee yesterday. And the chick handing him his coffee thought the best thing to do would be to pour it in his lap, reach for the money, and then run away. This caused his Tourette's to flair up and he could not control himself verbally. As is often the case. Adam works in retail and said that some times the his co-workers really do bring the abuse upon themselves. It all rolls into the theory that the majority, and quite possibly all of my male friends with the exception of Jay from high school are, what my husband call, my Asshole Friends. And he is King of the Assholes. They are nice to very few people. I am one of those people. It is a peculiar personality trait. Kind of like me being a lion tamer. Only I tame them with baked goods and sarcasm.

Do listen to today's show. We amused ourselves greatly. As we often do. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #164 Mon 10.26.09

What actor, alive today (this is a real question) could play Clark Gable in a biopic? Only one answer. Only one guy has the style, the carriage, the panache. And that's Clooney. Don't know if such a film is being planned. But seriously, no one else could even come close to pulling that one off. Obviously.

The Bee Gees have made 50 years of music and Robin Gibb remarked that Saturday Night Fever had a pretty profound effect on culture, as did Sgt. Pepper and Thriller. I would have to concur.

Jim totally grossed me out by sending me this link of a guy putting 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches in his mouth just to break a record. The hard part was trying to prevent them from crawling down his throat. Oh that's so disgusting I can't believe I just wrote it. Here, you watch it. I'm going to be sick.

Garth Brooks has sold out the first 20 of his Vegas shows in less than five hours. Each ticket is about $125. The theater seats 1500. He is the best-selling solo act in history by the way.

Well, I had a grand day today. Got my stitches out. Had lunch with my too cute friend Dana McDowell. I really hate being out in public with her because she just IS that attractive. Then I went to an audition for a commercial where most of the actors appeared to be about 15 to 20 years older than I am. I knew my lines. That wasn't the issue. But I can't say that I have a good feeling about getting this gig. But I had a delightful time nonetheless. Was floored at Starbucks though. It was nowhere near the audition and yet it was like model central. Do you have to be a model to attend Vanderbilt, or just look like one? Unbelievable.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #163 Fri 10.23.09

You've heard the phrase "swing a dead cat" but even "throw a dead rabbit" was new to me, and Nathan. Seems it's a great way to kick off the pig hunt in New Zealand. And it's fun for the kids. There are something like 30 million wild rabbits in New Zealand so they are looked upon as somewhat of a pest. They do about $22 million worth of crop damage. However, I don't get it how someone thought hey, this would be a great idea for us to get our kids to sling them around. Nathan wondered what would be the best technique. Grabbing the carcass by the ears and winding it up, just giving it the heave ho, really, we could go on, and we did. Listen to it as www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.

Adam Lambert is getting all sorts of press again. His new single was mysteriously released early then grabbed by SONY. Now there are many, practically soft core porn shots of him and, wait for it, wait for it, a woman. He says he likes kissing some women because they're pretty too.

So this guy who lives, no lie, around the corner from my family in Virginia, got arrested for indecent exposure. Seems he got up wearing nothing but a smile and went into the kitchen to make coffee. A woman and a seven-year-old walked by his house and saw him. The police took him in because they said he did it on purpose with the intent of being seen by neighbors. He said he was naked in his own home, wasn't rubbing up against the window, just making some coffee and had no idea he was being watched. He says he's going to fight it. By the way, my family did not lodge the complaint.

New movies out this weekend are Amelia PG with Hilary Swank and Richard Gere. Subject matter is fascinating but all the reviews I have read say they have sucked the life out of her story. Animated Astro Boy is PG with voices of Nic Cage and Kristen Bell. Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is PG 13 with John C. Reilly and, there have been five already? Saw VI is out.

The website has been updated. That means Hollywood Vine, books, music, Geek Chic, Tube Job, Can You Dig It, all new toots. Go and see www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #162 Thu 10.22.09

Kanye West is alive and well, no matter what you heard. Rosie O'Donnell and her wife Kelli have separated. Michael (Harold Perrineau) says he's not coming back to Lost because he was never asked. Or it's the Walt conundrum. The child actor has grown so much it's a time space continuum problem. Carnie Wilson is getting her own reality show on Game Show Network. It will start in January and it's called Unstapled.

Other than those topics, Adam and I talked about my delightful surgery experience yesterday. Hey, when you get to quote lines from Animal House and Stripes, it's a good day. When the staff wonders what they'll do without you the next day, you know you've done your job. Being a patient isn't just about cooperating. It's about bringing your A game to the people around you who are going to be taking care of you. The nicer and more fun you are to them, the better it is for everyone. Because, hard to believe, some people do not go into a surgical procedure yukking it up, before they hit you with the meds even. But, it has been established, I am not just some people.

Now that I am full-o-prescription painkillers, for at least two more days, I am going to just let you listen to the show. That's what you need to do anyway. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #161 Wed 10.21.09

Adam and I had a very unusual show today. I really should change the name of the podcast to In Bed With Jane. I have a rather large bedroom and a king-sized bed. Sometimes we move all the equipment int there. It's very cozy. Which is why I told hi the story of how I taught the girls how to fly the bed. It's one of the games we play at night. We have to flap our arms, turn it sideways to get out of the house, then we rise above the trees and I ask the what they see. And the first thing Jenna always sees is a dragon. Hers are invariably purple. Adam went on to tell of how he was telling 5th graders about Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox and one of the kids was stuck on the fact that the ox spoke. Not that it was blue or this mountain of a man could catch a comet by a tail. Hmmm.

Reviews are memorable to those being reviewed if they are good. They are memorable to those reading them if they are vicious. Seems the revival of Bye Bye Birdie was not that well received by whoever wrote the review for Reuters. Let me just include the last sentence. "Nolan Gerard Funk might be a star on Nickelodeon, but as Conrad Birdie, he is less suggestive of Elvis than of a missing Jonas brother."

A guy in Birmingham loved Racer X so much he put seven X's on his license plate. That messed up the computer system because officials put seven x's down when the license plate is missing. He gets about ten tickets a day. Well, he doesn't. But they're issued to him.

Anyway, I've got nothing else to do today so I'm going to go and have some surgery. We should be back tomorrow. That's the plan anyway. Listen to the show. We worked hard for you. And Still, no site updates do to the computer virus on our beloved webmaster's computer. No one is happy about that, believe me.


The One About Coffee

My favorite aisle in the grocery store is the coffee aisle. I find it intoxicating. I have many a fond memory of coffee. I remember talking to my mom as she attempted to count the scoops into the coffee maker. Such great timing on my part. I never realized what a distraction I was until my girls started to do it to me. It makes me laugh every time.

I remember that I started to drink coffee in the seventh grade. Just a half a cup. But I had already developed a taste for it. My parents are from Providence and up thataway there is a magical thing that you can put in milk instead of chocolate syrup called coffee syrup. Oh it's sensational. You haven't had milk until you've had it with coffee syrup, so sweet, so addictive. It's no wonder.

Surprised that my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee? Oh, come now. I'm sure they started me on that very early. I remember when I first moved to Tennessee it was so hard to find. And I would ask for iced coffee and people would look at me like I was crazy. Thank goodness there are now many coffee shops and it's all the rage. Thank goodness the rest of the world caught up with me and mine.

Yes, I started my girls on coffee ice cream early on. Unfortunately, they will choose vanilla first. That is a bit ponderous but I feel certain they will grow out of that. Jenna does like coffee and tea. I do not intentionally caffeinate my three-year-old. I just thought I would stop her from trying to drink my iced coffee so I told her to help herself. And, turns out, she liked it. So now I have to keep her from it. What can I say? She knows a good thing when she tastes it.

I adore chocolate-covered coffee beans. But those suckers will leave telltale signs between your teeth. Got to hide the evidence with those puppies.

I am particular about my coffee too. Coffee snob? Yes. I won't just drink ordinary swill. It has to be strong enough to put hair on my chest, as my dad would say. It has to be chock full-o-Splenda because I likes it sweet. And I like my sugar free creamers too. Flavor it up. And sometimes I just turn myself completely over to Joey or Alexandra at Poet's in Cookeville. I tell them my desires and they turn them into reality. And then I try to control my overwhelming desire to touch Joey's hair. So far I have succeeded. But one day I won't be strong enough.

My love of coffee beans is shared by my Nathan, my addiction to coffee is shared by my Brien and Beth, my hairdresser Cindy, my friend gastric bypass buddy Shawn. That reminds me Shawn, you stood me up on a coffee date. Sure, it was valid. But you still owe me. And where coffee is concerned, I am not likely to forget.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #160 Tue 10.20.09

Adam and I had a George Clooney lovefest today. It all started because of a story in which he said that in some of his relationships he said he was lonely. Well, we, and we include superstar in Japan Brien Travis, would've happily been there for him. You truly need to hear our conversation. We assume that Clooney sparkles like the vampires in Twilight. We figure that on some days his shower just shrugs and says, "George, you're good." Do go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

Sadly, drummer Phil Collins can drum no more, for the time being anyway. He had surgery in April for a dislocated vertebra in his neck and now he has no feeling in his fingers. However, he does still write music and sing. In 2010 he is planning a CD of 30 remakes of Motown songs that he hopes sound just like the originals. Thing is, if it sounds just like the original, why do it in the first place?

Whitney Houston had a wardrobe malfunction when she performed on the X-Factor. Wonder who caught it after she finished? No skin showed, but it had to be annoying. Because if it's one thing want to happen when you're performing, you want your clothes to stay on.

Anyway. I got to spend almost two and a half hours waiting in a doctor's office today. Delightful. Thank goodness I got to text the time away. But I did have other things to get on with. Like the rest of my life.

My beloved webmaster's computer has an evil virus and it looks like his entire hard drive is going to have to be wiped clean. That is why there are no new updates this week. Oh, we did them, they just won't load. And that's irritating for all of us.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #159 Mon 10.19.09

Go Dog Go is better than Where the Wild Things Are? And that is where Jim and I part ways. Those books do not even compare. He thought Wild Things, the book, was just weird. Ah, what does he know? The movie brought in over $32 million this past weekend. Law Abiding Citizen made over $21 million.

This is the week that IFC is air one hour dealies about the Monty Python TV series. A little bit of brilliance. Jim is not that into British comedy. Really, he finds so few things funny. Saying "the larch" should make a person laugh. Well, it should. Doesn't work on him.

Maksim is back on DWTS because Derek Hough has a fever of 104. It's not boogie fever however. Seems to have the flu. Mark Ballas may be coming down with it too. Not so good.

You really should hear our discussion about Humpty Dumpty. The BBC has changed the ending because they say kids are horrified that he can't be put back together again so the ending is he was made happy again. Well, wasn't he an egg? That's the basis for the discussion. Go to www.thejaneellen.com and choose Hear Jane. Now, when I tell nursery rhymes or fairy tales, my versions are embellished. Worth listening to.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #158 Fri 10.16.09

Meghan McCain has shown Nathan Stoops and I the way. Clearly, if we want thousands and thousands of followers, we need to take more interesting photos. Meghan has removed the one she recently posted because of all the flak she received. It's her holding an Andy Warhol bio and her bodacious ta-tas that reach just about under her chin. Some people felt it was NSFW (not safe for work). We felt it was safe enough. But Nathan and I have some photos that we need to take. Of each other. Chris Cagle is playing in Chicago tonight so I suggested to Nathan that he get a famous Chicago pizza a hold it in front of his nude body. That would generate some buzz on Twitter.

Garth Brooks has come out of retirement. He'll be playing at the Wynn Resort in Vegas for just the weekends doing acoustic concerts. Then a private jet will fly him home so he can take his kids to school. He'll work just 15 weeks a year for five years. He said, "We're going to take the retirement roof off over our head, and I already feel taller." I love it when he speaks plural or third person.

Taylor Swift is hosting Saturday Night Live on November 7. Can you smell the Kanye jokes?

Nathan and the the rest of the guys will be playing on Halloween night so after I walked the road of deciding how good he would look as a woman, I decided he needed to be Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride. It would be an easy costume to come up with and he so looks like Cary Elwes when he pulls his hair back. So doable. Decision made.

Movies out this weekend are Where the Wild Things Are. I loved the Maurice Sendak book and the trailers actually look like the book. It's a mix of puppeteering, CGI and live action. Spike Jones is the director and it's PG Family. Law Abiding Citizen is R with Gerard Butler and Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx is the DA and Gerard Butler is the criminal in jail out for revenge. And The Stepfather is a remake. And it's a PG Horror film, which is unusual. A kid thinks his mom's boyfriend isn't what he seems.

This is the last weekend you can vote for this show for the Podcast Awards. The details are the the main page at www.thejaneellen.com. Please do so. And this weekend we will announce the first winner of the Manhattan Salon giveaway. Register on the main page as well. Brien Travis's Tales of Lazy Wednesdays continues to sell and sell in Japan. Let's try buying it in the U.S. now. You can get in on iTunes and Amazon. It's under $10 so what are you waiting for? Have a great weekend.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #157 Thu 10.15.09

Ah, if only we had done a videocast today. Adam and I were a visual treat as we acted out scenes from Fellowship. "You. Shall Not. Paaaaaaass!" You see, if all goes according to plan. Brien Travis will see Lord of the Rings for the very first time today. Adam is sad he will not get to be a part of this initiation. I just hope he finds something to love about it. I really don't want it to damage our relationship. It's just THAT important to me. Sure, I have friends who married people who didn't love the same movies they do. Wow, that's just so hard to imagine.

George Clooney says he'd rather have a prostate exam than get on Facebook. But he loves my podcast. Too busy he's been squiring around this attractive brunette. What he needs is a classic blonde. You know, I have a Clooney Clause in my marriage. It's all a go when it comes to George. He and Jim are the same age. I can just swap them out. No problem. For real.

Have been talking to some people who enjoy jogging. You know how they get a runner's high? Well Adam experiences a coucher's high. I can see that.

A pet shop owner will not get fined in Virginia for tossing out 200 dead rats. How do you get 200 dead rats all at once. Adam explained that the first rule of Rat Fight Club is don't talk about Rat Fight Club.

Seems in Mexico the rich cuss more than the poor and they cuss about 20 times a day. Saying Ay Caramba! is the equivalent of saying Gosh! Just so you'll know.

We had a big time with Adam's Megan Fox photo shoot, The Extruder movie and more. You have to hear it to believe it. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #156 Wed 10.14.09

Ultimate fighting champ Chuck Liddell and Anna T are the latest to be cut from DWTS.

If you have committed bank fraud and are living it up in Cancun, perhaps you should not add a friend who is a former justice department official. And perhaps you should not post how you are having such a grand time on all that stolen money. Maxi Sopo will be extradited back to the US now.

Taylor Swift and Michael Jackson are up for five American Music Awards. Here's the deal, Michael's award nominations are for the album Number Ones. Which came out in 2003. Here's the deal again. Part of the AMA nomination process reflects sales and it's booming. So that would make it valid. On the up side, Kanye won't be interrupting him should he win.

Adam and I came up with what I think is a brilliant idea. During sweeps week, Kanye could just walk onto shows and make remarks. Or perhaps just movies on TNT or something. You know, throw him in digitally. That could prove to be hilarious.

Adam has had quite the time trying to explain Superman and Star Wars A New Hope to his 15 year old cousin. CGI and cell phones. Yeah, mid to late 70's things were different.

Thursday looks like Brien will be watching Lord of the Rings with me. You see I watched Nights in Rodanthe for him. Now Adam and I love LOTR. If Brien can't fake or feign mild interest, it could tarnish our relationship. I can't imagine him not loving it. I don't want to live in a world like that.

Ralph Lauren has fired 5'10" 120 lb. Filippa, that size 4 model that they digitally downsized, for being too fat. Wow. That's harsh.

And do hear our take on the deer attack. The good news is, the kids are alright. Go to www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.


The One About Hillbilly Bone

Sometimes I get lucky. I don't ever expect anything. That way I'm not disappointed. But when I was called in to audition for a country music video specifically casting people who looked rich and snooty, well, even my mom thought I had it in the bag. Let me just say I am far, far from rich. Although I do have rich tastes. As a matter of fact, I have a special talent of being able to pick out the most expensive item in a store without even seeing the price. It's a gift.

It has been said that I look a bit stand-offish. It is purely unintentional. It's simply my generic facial expression. And it is often translated as, well, snooty. Trust me, I put in a lot of effort to really work the warm. I'm fighting the DNA that arranged my face in such a way that says keep your distance, bow to me, whatever signal it's sending. I'm really a very pleasant person. That being said, I had a feeling that I could pull off this audition.

The video treatment asked for us to look rich. Last Christmas, my sister Patty had graciously gifted me with a glorious faux fur coat. What says rich more than a fur? I've got killer high quality costume jewelry. Honestly, nothing is real about except my teeth. And I dolled up in velvet, wool, and fur, my longest fake eyelashes, drove to Nashville to audition.

I was just coming off of an audition where my looks had not worked for me. Everyone in the room had long, straight hair and tattoos. Except me. Needless to say, I did not get the job. This time, as I said, I got lucky. Real lucky. And that's how I came to be cast in Hillbilly Bone. It's the new song by Blake Shelton and Trace Adkins. You can hear it now at http://www.blakeshelton.com/. They will be posting photos from the set. We shot it at the Stockyard Restaurant in Nashville.

The video is directed by the prolific and hilarious Roman White who has done many a great video such as Jesus Take the Wheel, Small Town Southern Man, The More I Drink, and Fifteen, and I could fill this entire blog just naming his work.

So, what's it like to shoot a video? Much as you hear actors speak of it on talk shows, it's a lot of sitting around. For real. You do a lot of the same scenes from different angles. By the way, camera guy. Hot. Luckily, I spent the majority of my time with some great people, Vicky, Nicole, Joe, Hailey, Cassie, and Nathan. Nathan Stoops has become a regular on my podcast. He is the fiddle player for Chris Cagle and is as funny and talented as he is attractive. He was the first person I met at 6am and it was love at first sight for the both of us. Twisted minds can sense each other from across a crowded room. Nathan was cast as the snooty violin player.

Cassie Piersol-Chapman is too cute for her own good and is one of the diners. Thank God she wasn't put at my table because that would make me look bad. I can say that Cassie, Nathan, and I are all part of the DAN Agency talent pool and would love to make someone else's video, ad, or commercial look fantastic. Yes, that is a hint. Take it and run with it.

So, as to what we did for the video. We are told where to sit and how to act and react. Then we do it a few times. More of this, less of that. I smack Blake Shelton on the butt. I take a guy's clothes off. Just his jacket and vest. Calm down. Who knows what will or will not make it to the final edit. But we will all know November 3. That's when it will premiere. No doubt it will be on CMT and GAC and on Blake's website, and mine if I have any say about it. Like I said. Sometimes, I get lucky.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #155 Tue 10.13.09

Adam Cravens and I had a juicy old time today. We had a disgusting Facebook story. A Karl Lagerfeld disses curvy chicks. Washing your mouth out with soap. Avery Brooks as Hawk on Spenser for Hire. And Elvis Presley's hair. And what not to do as a newlywood. All on today's show. And you need to hear Nathan's new song www.myspace.com/nathanstoopsmusic. So listen to today's show at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #154 Mon 10.12.09

Who knew that the thought of 25,000 Swedish women living together in the allegedly made up city of Chako Paul City would attract the attention of so many Chinese men? But it has. The story is that a man-hater formed it in northern Sweden in 1820. But no one can actually find the city. Swedish officials have officially denied its existence. Sounds like a government cover-up to me.

Ralph Lauren is hearing all about his ad for his Blue Label featuring already thin Filippa Hamilton. She appears to have been so drastically digitally thinitized that heroine chic doesn't even cover the size of her waist. Maybe 12 inches?

In Maine Dave Castro carried his 97 pound wife Lacey through an obstacle course in 54.45 seconds. That means they won $485 (five times her weight) and her weight in beer. The course was 278 yards long. You can imagine Jim's disparaging remarks. Feel free to listen at Hear Jane on www.thejaneellen.com.

It's all new, Geek Chic, Tube Job, Can You Dig It, and so on. Jim even wrote a book review. Gasp. It's true. The video that Nathan and Cassie and I are featured in will premiere on November 3. It's Blake Shelton with Trace Adkins and it's called Hillbilly Bone. Be prepared to be amused.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #153 Fri 10.09.09

Nathan Stoops called in from the road today. Or, specifically, the ladies room at the club where he and the rest of Chris Cagle and the guys were playing tonight. We talked in the morning so the club was not yet open for business.

I have a photo shoot to race to so go and listen at www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane. But these are the topic highlights.

Hilary Swank sleeps in the nude. We're cool with that. But the 6-year-old son of her boyfriend sees her that way. What do you think? Rick Springfield is showing full buttal in a four episode arc in Californication starting Sunday on Showtime. WOooooo. Marge Simpson is the cover on Playboy's November issue. Yet Nathan's first guess was Taylor Swift. That's worth exploring.

Miley Cyrus is no longer on Twitter but her dad thinks she should return. Couples Retreat is the only major release this weekend. It's a PG13 comedy with Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau and Jason Bateman.

And there is supposed to be an announcement made regarding our video today. Oh, I guess it's not our video. It's Blake Shelton's. Whatevah.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #152 Thu 10.08.09

Adam and I only had time for a quickie today, but it was quality comedy I assure you. Let me try and sum it up for you. Some chick threw a small dog at a police officer. The good news is the cop is OK. The dog is OK. Now the snarky remark. It would've been visually funnier if she'd thrown a large dog. Not that we want anyone hurt. Just looking for the visual. Well, she had thrown a cell phone at her boyfriend. The chick is apparently quite a thrower. She got arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. This happened in Nebraska.

Adam wants to eat a dinosaur. He feels that will make him cooler. I find that hard to believe.

This funeral director in Texas has been doing icky things. It is unclear whether it has been to more than one corpse or not. But hey, he took pictures. And put it on his computer. Good thing he was harassing his ex-girlfriend so much she had to call the police and they searched his computer. That's how they found the pictures of him with his penis touching the feet of a nude, dead woman. Or women. That's where I'm unclear. That's a class A misdemeanor. And disgusting.

Adam and I had much more to discuss. I suggest you listen to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. Nathan Stoops will be my guest on tomorrow's show. Be sure you go to the Music page at Brien's website. He has done a very cool thing. He has offered an in-depth explanation of all the songs on Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. Brilliant.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #151 Wed 10.07.09

Adam Cravens. He brings the funny. Maybe it was just that I had him under complete control because I had stuffed his arteries full of bacon and pancakes. Then he dipped the bacon into a mound of butter. And he deemed it good eatin'. That's the way to make it all work.

Today's show was a show filled with many voices. That's why it's one of those must hear shows. Certainly, they all are. And by the end of it, Adam was apologizing for the content. Now, was that entirely necessary? Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com and decide for yourself. In short, I had pointed out that Brien, again, not present so unable to defend himself, had said that Sally Field in Norma Rae (he actually reads the Tube Job) was hot. And I said she was all sweaty in that. Much hotter in other films. Then I started speaking in a tone that I assumed the voice in Brien's head used. And Adam assumed the voice in his head sounded like Pacino in Scent of a Woman. And it writes itself.

We had an enormous discussion about a certain actor named Shia. I asked Adam why he is such a big deal. I do not find him repulsive, and yet, he's not that smokin' hot. He doesn't act on a Phantom Menace level, and yet he's not Olivier. Hey, look it up. Adam is filled with much bitterness. You will enjoy it. I know I did.

And it seems the FBI investigated Anna Nicole for a murder plot against her one-time son-in-law. The one who was giving her all the grief over her dead husband's enormous estate. Well, there was no case. Her husband died of natural causes. The son-in-law did too.

There is much to see and do on the website. Enjoy.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #150 Tue 10.06.09

Debi Mazar and my Maks--gone from DWTS. See the quality you get when I wait to write the blog? And this proves my point. It's not just the scores, it's the fan base. Michael Irvin and Anna D. had a 14. But he won three Super Bowls. I know who Debi Mazar is, yet I can't name her films. See? And my head is loaded with minutiae. Tom DeLay and Cheryl had the second to lowest score with the judges at 15 but he decided to step down with stress fractures in both feet. And yet they still went on with the elimination. It had been rumba vs. samba. Tough calls.

Mark Burnett takes Fantasy Island to a whole new level of ponderous. You could win your dream job at a resort. Adam summed it up nicely. Concierge. Yes, 12 contestants will compete to be a real life Mr. or Mrs. (what happened to Miss, or even Ms.?) Roarke who have to help guests fulfill fantasies. No, it won't be on Cinemax either.

Seeing as Brien Travis wasn't on the show, we felt it best to talk about him at great length. There was a valid reason. Drew Barrymore directed Whip It and I know that Adam harbors ill will toward her. And I know that Brien totally digs her. So I sought resolution. You simply must hear why Adam feels the way he does. Then we went through Brien's list, without him there of course, and Adam remarked upon it. And then we went on to say how very successful he is in Japan. I kid you not. Tales of Lazy Wednesdays is a hit. Why it has taken off in Japan and not, let's say, in places where English is the national language, I do not know. But you can buy it on iTunes and Amazon. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

What Adam and I want to know is why did the neighbor of actor David Prowse, the physical body of Darth Vader in the original, cooler trilogy, just assume that a porno was being filmed. Instead of a non-porno film? And called the police saying Prowse was filming a porno. When he wasn't. It was a regular film. Of the non-porn sort. Those types of films use lighting equipment too. How bizarre.

David Boreanaz has the flu and Bones production has been shut down for a bit. Yes, he's just that sick.

The One About Auto-Pilot

When I think auto-pilot, I think about the one in the movie Airplane! A classic of course. Now that one could fly, and smoke, among other things. But I don't know if my auto-pilot is working properly. One of my friends is blaming the change in the weather. It has been overcast and wet. Downright dreary. Perhaps it has put a dampening field upon my usually sharp intellect. Of late some of my sensory readings have started to malfunction. And have caused me to write as if I were on the bridge of the Enterprise.

For instance. After I have ended a text or phone call, instead of just hitting end or closing the phone I have turned off the phone. Now that's the kind of move my sister Patty would do. Not the kind of thing I would do. It's rare for my phone to be silent for long. That's how I have caught it. Oh, what's it doing off? Well, it seems I turned it off. Stupid.

It gets better. I was driving down a main road the other day and actually had to call my spouse to ask if I was headed in the right direction. That was annoying for me. Turns out I was. Now, I could rationalize it a little. Sometimes you just don't go all the way down some roads. And this was one of those times. The more I drove the more I began to wonder. Should I be passing this? Was I supposed to turn? I wasn't truly lost. I knew where I was. I just didn't know if I was supposed to be there. Turns out, I was supposed to be there. Phooey.

My favorite auto-pilot failure was when I bought shampoo. Allegedly. I did have the girls with me. And I was trying to contain them. I thought the shampoo was thicker than usual. And I thought it was not lathering as it should. But it was mixing with the old shampoo so it didn't matter that much to me. But it was so thick I had to get a funnel to fill the bottle. You see I had gotten and enormous jug of the stuff. And Jim was complaining and complaining. So I filled that sucker right up. Then he said he couldn't get it to soap up. That's when I pulled out the jug. What do you know. Conditioner isn't known for its ability to lather.

Least I haven't brushed my teeth with hair spray or put princess underwear in my lingerie drawer. I mean I have nothing against Cinderella. Unlike my girls, I don't have to wear her. Somewhere I'll find the permission slips I have to fill out and the school projects that are due. It seems that school work is meant for parents too, crisis or no, and I have to get this done. Waving about my college degree will not get me out of it either. I already tried it.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #149 Mon 10.05.09

That thing with your mouth. Don't you have to do that thing with your mouth when you put on mascara? So I don't see how you could possibly be putting on eye make up while you are driving. And yet, half a million car accidents are caused by women between the ages of 17 and 21 who admit to doing such a thing. Now, I do keep my car stocked with lip gloss. It fits perfectly in the cell phone holder in the console. But I can do that without looking as I know where my lips are. And I don't have to make that face. Bizarre. Plus, I wouldn't leave the house without mascara. Unclean! Unclean!

Which is completely different from undead, which ruled at the box office. Zombieland made over $25 million. Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs came in second and has, over three weekends, made over $82 million, and the 3D release of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 (which will only be out for 2 weeks) made $12.5 million. You see, Toy Story 3 comes out next year.

Beyonce's parents have been married since 1980. And yet her father has been slapped with a paternity suit by one Alexsandra Wright. She is six months pregnant and says Matthew Knowles is the baby daddy. I assume one DNA test will follow.

Jim and I had quite a discussion over neighbors. Do you know yours well? Would you be the one on TV saying that he always kept to himself? and you never would've expected it? Well, I always expect it. I'm not accusing my neighbors of anything by the way. I'm just saying, expect it. You should hear it www.thejaneellen.com. ESPN reporter Erin Andrews was stalked by her neighbor and the other neighbors were commenting.

It's all new and fresh on the website. Yes sirree. And your nominations are appreciated. For just a few days you can nominate the show at www.podcastawards.com. But go to the main page of the website first because you need two pieces of information first. And we fall under the category of Entertainment, as opposed to Education, though that could be argued, or Religious, etc. There's a giveaway to register for, along with all new columns, a cookie recipe, and more. So look around.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary # 148 Fri 10.02.09

Groucho Marx consistently makes me laugh. Today would've been his 119th birthday. "I'm a different man behind a desk. Just ask any stenographer."

The movies out this weekend are Zombieland an R rated comedy with Woody Harrelson and Abigail Breslin and something about the last twinkie on earth. The Invention of Lying is a PG 13 comedy where Ricky Gervais directs himself as the only guy who has figured out how to lie. Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe and Tina Fey are on board. And the Coen brothers have A Serious Man. An R rated comedy about a man whose life is spiraling out of control who seeks guidance from three rabbis.

Michael Jackson's autopsy was released. Seems he was basically healthy. He was 5 feet 9 inches tall and weighed 136 pounds. That's not underweight for someone of that height. He had a touch of arthritis. His hair was thinning a bit. But all in all he was a healthy 50-year-old who had trouble sleeping. What killed him was the concoction that was injected into him. Which actually makes it worse. Nothing can be done now of course. But I almost wish there had been something wrong, you know? Still sad situation.

If you're going to rob a bank, it always helps to have neat penmanship. Some chick on drugs tried to do it in Oregon but the teller told her she couldn't read the note. When the robber tried to rewrite it more clearly the teller hit the silent alarm. And so it ended. It was nice the robber only asked for $300 I thought. Not so nice she threatened to kill the teller though.

Do check in with the podcast. It's always entertaining. Well, it is to me. But it is my show so one would expect me to say that. Have a great weekend.


The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary # 147 Thu 10.01.09

Rocktober. One surefire way to irritate Jim is to say that every day for the rest of the month. You could then switch to Rollvember but it doesn't have the same panache for me.

Since Jim likes so few things, I demanded that he say just what he does like. If you have been sleepless, wondering what he has approved of, listen at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com. I will only tell you two the films It's A Wonderful Life and Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring. I will let you hear the others from him.

In Pasadena, a woman sought to express her disdain for her former common law husband by frying up the seven goldfish they had lovingly bought together. She only ate three of them. He was distraught to find out that eating fish isn't a crime. Even in Texas.

Hey, what do you get when you kill 83,000 rats? Why a color TV. And in Bangladesh, you get a 14 inch color TV. The guy who did it had to turn in the rat tails as proof. I guess now he uses the line, want to see my 14 inch in color. I suppose it works.

There are many things brewing. Let me just say, if you live in Tennessee, you will want to make sure that you have January 30th open. It will be one fantastic evening. Trust me.