The Jane Ellen Podcast Summary #16 Tue 03.31.09

This just in, Boston Latin School does not have vampires. Thank goodness. I was so worried that it might. The headmaster actually had to say that. Aloud. Probably in Latin. Which is something I can do but I don't want to be a show off (thank you mom for making me take Latin by the way). They feel it's because the Twilight book series is so popular that some of the students are positive they are vampires and one claimed to have been bitten. Bitten by a vampire. Uh huh. And Frank Langella's lush hair grew back. Anyway. Vampire movie reference. Anyone? Anyone? Did you know that Twilight sold 13 million copies when it was released on DVD the first day alone? I enjoyed the Twilight series. I haven't seen the movie yet. However, hark my words as Brien Travis did. Watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series. Then Angel. They're both on DVD. And they're pithy. I love a pithy vampire. It took some convincing on my part because Brien had seen the Buffy movie and was not buying that the TV show was as entertaining as I was claiming it to be. However, I am very hard to say no to. Once he started watching it, he, too, was addicted. Thank you Mr. Whedon.

By the way, it's Brien's 29th birthday today and I will publicly admit that I am entire year older than he is. The video for his song This Fairytale has been posted under Watch Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. Brien has, for some unknown reason, refused to eat bull testicles for his birthday. I don't know why. Luckily, I haven't found any so I really can't push the point. Crack research team member Eda thinks they would taste like ham and is willing to give a fried testicle a try.

Dancing With the Stars featured a perfect score for Gilles and Cheryl and a cold shower for everyone who wasn't Gilles' wife. The dances were the Lindy Hop and the Argentine Tango. The evening began with David and Kym getting a 22 for their hop. It was good. The Lil' Kim and Derek did a most excellent tango and received a 27. She is really a good dancer. They did a great lift too. Chuck and Julianne did the Lindy Hop and got a 22. It was OK, kind of too cutesy for me. But fine.

Lawrence and Edyta got a 19 for their tango. It was also fine, her dress was stunning, what there was of it considering it was mostly black netting. Ty and Chelsie got a 25 for their Lindy Hop and let me just add to the judges by saying Ty, who got a 4 his first week, is now a dancer. I never would've expected him to be so good. After that first week I thought he would be gone. Well, no, I thought Wozniak would be gone but he has this Sanjaya thing going. I know, different show, same principle though. Ty is just so improved and now actually good.

Steve Wozniak and Karina attempted a real tango with no weirdness to it. Karina must've borrowed one of Edyta's barely there outfits. I have no idea how the two red flowers and red hanky stayed on her but if I could wear that out of the house and look like that I would. They did get a 12. Melissa and Tony did a glorious Lindy Hop and got a 29. Why it wasn't a 30 I don't know. Her dress was adorable. She's a joy. Love them.

Holly and Dmitry did a tango. They got a 16. She had a problem staying on her stool. She was slightly injured during rehearsal, but she did do a really cool flip. She has such a coltish way about her. But she is improving.

Steve-O and Lacey did the Lindy Hop. He didn't seem to be in pain but his injuries have put him behind the others. Certainly not up to Melissa and Tony's Lindy Hop. They got a 15.

Now, let's talk perfection. Gilles and Cheryl. They looked stunning. The choreography was smokin' hot. And as Carrie-Ann pointed out, you couldn't tell the difference between the professional dancer and the celebrity. It was everything a tango should be. Steamy really doesn't cover it. Find it online and watch it. If you have never seen this TV show, go and find this dance. You owe it to yourself. And the beautiful thing about Gilles is he's handsome and humble. What a killer combination. I wonder if he's smart and funny too?

Shawn and Mark wrapped things up with their Lindy Hop getting a 25. It was good. It had a lot of flips in it but looked more like a gymnastics routine than a dance. When compared to Melissa and Tony's routine it didn't hold up which looked more like a dance with flips in it. You'd have to see them to get what I'm saying. But still, she's a gymnast, I'd want to have her do flips too.

The results show will eliminate two celebrities and Boyz II Men will perform. And I would like to thank everyone who thinks I actually have a shot at ever being on DWTS. It would be awesome. But, seriously.

And the reason why I always poke a bunch of bananas in the store with a pointed stick before picking them up? In Tulsa, the most deadly spider in the world was found be a Whole Foods employee. The employee is fine. Caught it in a jar. Until today I had never heard of the Brazilian Wandering Spider. Now I'm freaked out about something that can kill you in under 25 minutes. Sure, there's an antidote. If you live in Brazil. Creepy. Crawly, creepy, crawly, Boris the spider. Who reference anyone? OK, that was put in for my sister Judy.