The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #249 Thu 03.18.10

What will you do for your Little Debbie Oatmeal cookies? This 80-year-old took his hoe (had have taken his ho' that would've been an entirely different story, and perhaps more entertaining) and started to bang on his neighbor's door. He thought he had seven boxes of cookies in his house and was positive his neighbor and absconded with said cookies. Well, the police were summoned and they checked the guy's house. They found five boxes of cookies and a receipt showing he had bought only five boxes. So he had forgotten that he had only purchased five boxes and just forgotten. How droll. See, would've been funnier if he had been pounding the door down with an actual woman.

Some guy got on the public address in a Wal-Mart in South Jersey and did one of those "attention Wal-Mart shoppers, will all the black people please leave the store." Now, what would've made the joke funny is if he would've followed it with "would all the blonde women leave the store...would all the Asians leave the store... would all the nerds leave the store." You know, hit up everybody. Now I could see where that could be slightly amusing. Or, was it a black guy who did it? I have no idea, just speculating. Anyway, the joke was not well received, if indeed it was meant to be a joke. I mean, I'm guessing it was. I don't know, I didn't do it, I wouldn't do it. But that's beside the point. I just happen to come from the Don Rickles school of comedy, insult everybody. That's really my only point.

My other point is, everyone I know is on a Z-Pak this week. It's as if we're in a club. I feel certain mine will kick in any minute now. Like now. Or, wait for it, now. OK, until then. I'm done. The show amused me. Give it a listen. Friday's show will be up around 2pm central. Ish, or as close as I can get it. I would say by 2 is safe. And the amazing Ray will be doing it with me. Ray is amazing because there are so many accents in him you never know which one is going to come out. I'm all a tingle about it.

Until then have fun with the Thursday show. Listen to it once or twice even. You might learn something. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. For instance, today I learned that children will paint on walls. Even the floor, or the fridge. Being a genius, I only have water-based paints in the house so it's like a two second clean up, but still, my mantra of "paper only" (meaning draw or paint on) has clearly not sunk in. Yet. I'm sure many other of my mother mantras will not sink in either like "no tattoos" or "he's no good for you" I could go on, but I won't waste my breath now, or then. See, I'm trainable.