The Guilt Free Random Things

Anyone who has spent any time on Facebook has no doubt been tagged by their friends regarding 25 Random Things About Them. I tried to ignore it. But I was plagued by the guilt. You see it comes with tags from your Facebook friends and the tags say it's sent to you because they want to know more about you. Because they care. I know. It's sincere. And I was suffocating under the friend tags. Even though many of their posts were very entertaining. I put it off. But I was needled into it by soon-to-be internationally known singer-songwriter Brien Travis. Who denies it now. Well, we all blame Ambien for something now and then. Ambien and computer hackers. Or Ambien-fueled computer hackers. Now that's a combination. Needless to say, here I am. Randomly summed up in 25 points. Even though I want you to realize that I do want to know more about you. You can read this guilt-free with no tags attached.

1. Everyone thinks my favorite color is purple. Honestly, it’s black. I’m not anti-purple by any means. I am a Pisces and my engagement ring is an amethyst. I love purple. However, I love wearing black. So much so that my husband tells me the crew from What Not to Wear will come to the house and empty out the closet and take away all my black clothes. It’s not that I don’t enjoy wearing other colors. I do. But my first choice will always be black. I think it’s because I wore blue plaid for eight years. More on that next.

2. I went to a private Catholic school for grades one through eight. And it was awesome. The nuns were sweet, beautiful women. The order was the Daughters of Wisdom. I had a lovely experience. And our uniforms were blue plaid. And I should’ve taken up the Monsignor on his offer of fifty bucks to cut off my hair when he made it. Because I did it anyway but the offer had expired. Difference between offering an eight-year-old money and a sixteen-year-old I suppose.

3. The Beatles are the best band ever. I will accept no arguments. I will listen to no arguments. I have no time for you non-believers. And thank you to my oldest sister Judy for brainwashing that into me. The very first album I remember is A Hard Day’s Night. She would take me to her room, sit me down and tell me to listen to the best band in the world. She was right of course.

4. I find the Marx Brothers funnier than the Stooges. I also adore the comic timing of Jack Benny. Classic Steve Martin slays me. When it comes right down to it, I think raising an eyebrow, if done properly, can be truly hilarious.

5. My favorite tastes are those of chocolate and coffee. Combined. There’s nothing I’d rather have in my mouth. Now, I gave up candy a year ago so I have not been able to take it to it’s highest form, and that’s a dark chocolate Hershey kiss, or reasonable facsimile, stuck to the roof of my mouth, while I’m drinking coffee. Oooohhhh, just the thought of it. What? Addicted you say? Tell me something I don’t know.

6. I have three older sisters. The way I tell it, much older. I am trying to think the last time all four of us were in the same room at the same time. I wonder if it was even during this millennium? They all live in Virginia. I’m the only one away from them. But we do all talk to each other. We’re just physically distant. Well, we can be in a room and still be physically distant. My family. Not huggers.

7. I started taking tap dancing lessons when I was three and a half years old. My teacher was a former Rockette. Not a Rockette fill-in from another city but a New York Rockette. I always wanted to be a Rockette. I never grew tall enough. I have never outgrown the desire. I think that explains my love of high heels, sequins and false eyelashes. Because I didn’t know any drag queens when I was a child.

8. Saying the phrase “that was before my time” gets on my very last nerve. Bone up. Read a book. Remember some history. Learn something. That also applies to music. I’m not saying you have to read encyclopedias and learn entire genres of music like I did. For fun. Though it wouldn’t hurt you. Just be aware. There’s already too much stupid going around.

9. Which brings me to my next point. I have always had the suspicion that those not in my inner circle-- who am I kidding? I have always had the suspicion that most people do not think I am genuinely nice. Imagine that.

10. I love to read. Constantly. And have little patience with those who say they don’t read anything. Ever. Wow. It blows my mind. It is beyond my ability to understand. I have to be reading. Sometimes I’ll do three books at once. Yes, it’s my addictive personality. Got to have more. I prefer mysteries. Rex Stout is my favorite author and I will reread his Nero Wolfe mysteries as a type of brain comfort food. When I first read his books I had to have a dictionary next to me because some of his protagonist’s words were out of my league. Nero is a genius after all. I can handle it now. I love a good biography. Steve Martin’s Born Standing Up is brilliant. And he wrote it himself. So that would be an autobiography not an “as told to.” Even a sub-par Michael Crichton is a good book. But even if I’m reading a perfectly hideous book, I have to find out how it ends. I always need closure.

11. Let’s settle this right now. Captain Kirk was far more entertaining that Picard. Whose shirt gets ripped across the chest in the first ten seconds of a fight? Kirk’s. Who gets the freaky space chicks? Kirk. Though Picard may have followed the rules more. The other Star Trek captains, sure I can name them, but no one ever asks who was better now do they? I…must…choose… Shatner.

12. Speaking of Star Trek. And Star Trek II Wrath of Khan being one of my favorite movies in the sci-fi genre, I am not a fan of so-called chick flicks. I am bored with such films. Beaches? Haven’t seen it. Terms of Endearment? Hated it. Seriously. Give me some hobbits, a few explosions, Han Solo. Really, just give me Han Solo. Or I’ll swing the other way and get into my movie musical vibe, Hitchcock vibe, or films from the late 1930’s and 1940’s. If Cary Grant was in it, I’ve seen it. But if there was a chainsaw or Luke Wilson, chances are I passed.

13. I love to cook. As a food addict and former super morbidly obese person, this should come as no surprise. Inasmuch as I love to cook, I consider myself to be a better baker. If it’s a cookie or dessert you want, I here for you. I am told they make frosting that comes in a can. Brownies from a box. I am unfamiliar with such things. And I am a horrible enabler. I show that I care through food. There’s an entire episode of The Simpsons on Marge’s tendency to do the same thing. Anyway, heaven forbid you’re trying to lose weight around me and I feel the need to shower you with goodies. Because I can’t eat them anymore and I just want to lick the bowl. I should know better.

14. I can’t sleep when it’s completely quiet. This started in college. You see, in my dorm there was no such thing as air conditioning. We had a huge window fan. I got used to hearing the fan. I still sleep with a fan turned away from me just for the sound. When I do sleep. I’m a poor excuse for a sleeper.

15. I knew I would marry Jim the very first time I saw him. I suspected it the very first time I spoke with him. I also set my dogs upon him the first time he came over to my house. I wanted to see if he passed the dog test. He did. I was tired of guys who wanted the dogs put outside. The dogs were there first as far as I was concerned. The dogs were going to stay.

16. I have recently lost the ability to park as I have gained the ability to accessorize like a pro. That’s the only explanation I have. Trading one skill for another.

17. I have had headaches since I was 11. Every day. I learned to deal. If there had been a no drugs in school thing, which I totally understand but which I believe applies to things like Advil, I would’ve never lasted the day. Excedrin got me through high school. Advil got me through college. And now, because of my gastric bypass surgery, I can only take Tylenol, which never did a thing for me. I miss my Advil. The coating tasted like M&M’s to me. Wow, now I sound like a crazy addict.

18. I wish I had a talent like the ability to play an instrument. I took piano lessons, as did all my sisters, but I learned only a few things and that was at home. I took guitar lessons but I refused to cut my nails and never learned a thing. I mean not a thing. But my guitar teacher looked like Jim Stafford so Spiders and Snakes, the song, came up a lot. Oh, and I never practiced either. Huh, that was probably part of the reason why I never amounted to much of a musician.

19. I am an exceptionally fast typist and was once clocked at 96 words per minute, no errors, and that was on an electric typewriter, not a computer keyboard, with the long fingernails. Take that guitar teacher guy. Oh, that electric typewriter was in a museum and it was some sort of speed contest. Yeah, that’s what it was.

20. I’m a little out of practice, but for a few years I was really into bird watching. Really into it. I started learning some birdsongs too. It bugs me when I see or hear something and I don’t know what it is. I like to at least be able to identify all the trees and shrubs and birds around my house. I still get excited when the green herons fly over the house at dusk during the summer. It’s the little things.

21. I have two mini-me daughters. I know my mom just sits at her house and laughs. I was born on her father’s birthday. Her parents died before I was born. She says he always told her that one day she’d have one that would get her back for everything she ever did. She told me that I managed to do that, and more. Well, I suspect that Anna Grace and Jenna are doing the same. I had no idea how many times a day I say “that’s ridiculous.” Apparently, quite a lot. And they don’t have butts. They have bums, or tooshies, or moneymakers. Oh, they’re trouble.

22. My mom always told me to laugh like a lady. It is one thing that I consciously ignored. I laugh like I laugh and it is in no way ladylike. Which, by the way, I never could figure out what that should sound like. My laugh is big and raucous, sometimes I snort, and sometimes it sounds downright naughty. I can’t imagine any of that is how a lady should laugh. Oh well.

23. I think that peanut butter tastes great on all pork products. Even kielbasa. I mean, bacon or sausage, that’s a given. There’s just something magical about it.

24. I love shoes. I love shopping for shoes. I love trying them on. I love thinking about them. Buying shoes genuinely makes me happy. And it has since I was a child. My youngest loves shoes so much she wants to sleep in hers. You are clearly born to love or not love shoes because I have not had the opportunity to sit down with her and tell her how wonderful shoes are. She just knew it. I love that I can wear four-inch heels for hours and it doesn’t hurt. I think shoes are a thing of beauty.

25. Oh I could end this never-ending sucked away too much of my time list with something about how I truly have some fiercely loyal people in my life who I love more than anything. But that would be too sweet of me. Some of them who have been my friends since I was a child mind you. Instead let me say that I have always been a believer in now. Carpe diem. That’s Latin you know. Seize the day. You want to accomplish something? Do it now. Because you have a now. It’s yours. The past is just that. Get the lead out and make your future worth talking about.