A very dear friend of mine, who happens to be both African American and gay, was called both the n word and the f word today. The ignorant old white guy who did it was, in turn, blown a kiss. We talked about it. I asked him which was worse. He said, as I would expect, they're both pretty bad. He also said, they're both just words.
Then we both agreed what a horrible life that guy must lead. He's in a store. My friend has done nothing but come in visual contact with this joker, and this sixty some year old adult can only hurl venom at him. What kind of hideous brainwashing did he go through that he accosts strangers with hatred? Sadly, this happens more often then not. I told this story to a girlfriend of mine. A white friend, close to the age of 40, and she was appalled that this had ever happened. I told her yes, this wasn't the first time.
I told my friend what we both already knew. The guy is clearly an ignorant ass. And I was even more proud to have this gay, black man in my life who could see the stupidity, ignorance, and hatred in this man. That geezer must boil over to random people about other things as well. Oddly enough, the man with the offensive mouth and complete lack of manners in no way resembled George Clooney, who most people, myself included, think looks like a pretty handsome guy. No, he was just an ordinary slob. Maybe we could've accepted an insult from the perfection that is Clooney. But not this creature who felt he could label another man. Did he think my friend didn't know he was gay? Guess what? He's not just a little gay, he's a lot gay, and he knows it. And he's proud of it. Oh, and he knows just what shade of cafe Au lait he is too. Did the loser think that the name calling would turn him straight or white like him? I just don't see the point.
Many is the time I had been called fat by just such a jerk. Again. I knew I was obese. Unfortunately, by being called fat I didn't magically become thin. If telling an obese person they're fat, (because, seriously, they don't have a clue and rely on the kindness of strangers to let them know) would turn them thin, then there wouldn't be an obesity epidemic.
Try the same thing on a balding guy. They know they're losing their hair. Trust me. They have the remaining ones counted. You don't have to shout out "hey baldy" just when someone with a comb over walks by. It's uncool.
Sure, I talk about people. Bad hairdo, hideous shirt, what's with those pants, yikes. I'll admit it. It's fun. However, I would never intentionally say anything harmful within hearing of anyone I'm talking about. I usually do it to the TV. Usually anchor people (sorry in advance). Come on, isn't that why you watch pageants? When it comes down to it, there's enough hurt in the world and I don't feel the need to add to it. And I sure wouldn't just say something incredibly hurtful to someone on purpose unprovoked.
Provoked, well, you wake the sleeping giant, then it's your funeral.
Excellent column, Jane. Sadly, there are still ignorant people all over the place who spew hatred because they can. Their self-esteem is so low that to make themselves feel good they verbally abuse others. It's pathetic. People like that ill-bred and boorish man in the store are a throw back to a time that has thinking people shaking in their boots. Too bad the management of the store (if they were aware of what was going on) didn't take action and remove the cretin from the premises. I guess it all comes down to the fact that people and their attitudes towards others have not progressed much over the years though I like to believe we have become more accepting. Thank you for posting this commentary. Hopefully, some will learn from reading it. Those that do not -- well, there is no hope for them anyways.
ReplyDeleteWow. If I didn't know better.. I would think you were in Northern VA.. I just witnessed a similar episode not too long ago. Fear is a terrible disease... it's just a shame.
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