Just Say No. That's what Kelly Osbourne has done. And she hasn't even been asked yet. But if Playboy gets any crazy ideas. She's not gonna do it. Unlike me and Adam. We'll take our clothes off for a decent amount. Kelly is safe on DWTS. Kathy Ireland is gone. And regarding that reality show appearance money those people from The Hills get. For 25 large you could get me, Adam, Brien AND Nathan. And we'd stay more than just two hours. Now that's some serious entertainment. Plus Adam would strip down for you too.
A poll was conducted and 15,000 women supplied the answers we needed. German men are the world's worst lovers because they are too smelly. English are too lazy and Swedish men are too quick. Americans are too dominating and Dutch are too rough while Greek are too soppy. What's soppy? The best are the Spanish, followed by the Brazilians (because they wax) and the Italians.
This creepy guy in Illinois was sneaking into apartments and rubbing on the legs of women until they woke up and then running away. This led Adam and I to speak like the pedophile on The Family Guy. Therefore you have to listen to the show to appreciate it www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.
Jon & Kate Plus 8 will soon be Kate Plus 8 with rare appearances by Jon. Hey, he just contributed the sperm anyway.
We also chatted about Kim Cattrall and Star Trek because we could. I have a lot of cooking to do. And cleaning. But I'm not barefoot. And I'm not pregnant.
9.29.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #145 09.29.09
Today we had an extra special super sexy superstar on the show. I mean other than me. Nathan Stoops was on the show. I met Nathan last week while filming the video in Nashville. He is a singer/songwriter/artist and total hottie and by the way, Chris Cagle's fiddle player. He also has a wicked sense of humor and we instantly bonded. Nathan has much to offer and you will hear a lot about him on the show and in general on a national level.
We all discovered we should be on The Hills. The "stars" make between $65 and $125 large per episode and $20-$25 large per two hour appearance. By appearance I mean a club opening. Yeah, we should be doing that. I have never seen The Hills on MTV. It's been on since 2006. Those people pulling down that change would be be Heidi Montag, Lauren Conrad, Audrina Partridge, Kristin Cavallari.
Hey, who is ready for your holiday dollars starting November 24? It's Britney Spears. Ten years have passed since Hit Me One More Time Came Out. She is releasing The Singles Collection. Her new single is called 3.
So, you're director Lee Daniels. You have a drama called Precious. It has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings, which is a shame. Award-winning actress Helen Mirren cannot play the social worker so who do you get? Nathan suggested me. Smart man. But no. You get Mariah Carey. Adam asked if he had seen Glitter. And, yes. I have nothing to add.
Simon Cowell's highly successful The X Factor is in the process of being a show on American television.
DWTS Aaron Carter and Mya both scored 27. Kathy Ireland and Tom DeLay both scored 18.
We asked Nathan what is the most interesting thing that has been thrown at him on stage. No things. Only actual people. Yes, women have thrown themselves at him. In the future he suggests cookies or, better yet, gift certificates to http://www.hotbuckles.com/.
Hey, guess what? None of us have an issue with pedophiles in Warsaw getting chemical castrations. Didn't know you could get a chemical castration either.
This is really a show you need to hear to appreciate. Go to Hear Jane at http://www.thejaneellen.com/. Sign up for the Manhattan Salon giveaway while you're there.
We all discovered we should be on The Hills. The "stars" make between $65 and $125 large per episode and $20-$25 large per two hour appearance. By appearance I mean a club opening. Yeah, we should be doing that. I have never seen The Hills on MTV. It's been on since 2006. Those people pulling down that change would be be Heidi Montag, Lauren Conrad, Audrina Partridge, Kristin Cavallari.
Hey, who is ready for your holiday dollars starting November 24? It's Britney Spears. Ten years have passed since Hit Me One More Time Came Out. She is releasing The Singles Collection. Her new single is called 3.
So, you're director Lee Daniels. You have a drama called Precious. It has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings, which is a shame. Award-winning actress Helen Mirren cannot play the social worker so who do you get? Nathan suggested me. Smart man. But no. You get Mariah Carey. Adam asked if he had seen Glitter. And, yes. I have nothing to add.
Simon Cowell's highly successful The X Factor is in the process of being a show on American television.
DWTS Aaron Carter and Mya both scored 27. Kathy Ireland and Tom DeLay both scored 18.
We asked Nathan what is the most interesting thing that has been thrown at him on stage. No things. Only actual people. Yes, women have thrown themselves at him. In the future he suggests cookies or, better yet, gift certificates to http://www.hotbuckles.com/.
Hey, guess what? None of us have an issue with pedophiles in Warsaw getting chemical castrations. Didn't know you could get a chemical castration either.
This is really a show you need to hear to appreciate. Go to Hear Jane at http://www.thejaneellen.com/. Sign up for the Manhattan Salon giveaway while you're there.
The One About Time
It's happening to me again. Spiraling. Spiraling. Not quite out of control. Give me a minute. I'll get there. It's October now. One of my favorite months. And I never finished sending all my Christmas cards from 2008. Or 2007 for that matter. And now I can't find my addresses. That's a bit of a conundrum. So if I don't want to find myself in a similar situation I have to really suck it up and find the addresses, start writing the letters I have in mind to write oh, let's say, now, and have those suckers in the mail the day after Thanksgiving. Clearly, I'm just writing this down for myself to make it all real. It's the only way I might, I say might get it done.
I've been doing more auditions and television work lately. None of it has aired yet. But so far you'll be seeing a lot of me on CMT and GAC. I'll tell you more when these projects actually are ready to be seen. They're nothing big for me. You'll just see me. That's all. Seriously.
But when I do these things I have to haul out clothes and jewelry and once I haul out I'm not so good at putting away. There is currently a small path in my bedroom passable only by tiny sure-footed burros. I really need to address that situation. It's begun to irritate even me. And it seems the house elves are on strike.
My girls are growing. This instant. I keep trying to force them into shoes and clothes that don't fit. They just got new shoes about a month ago. Anna Grace told me her feet hurt. Naturally I told her they didn't. How could they? They were a size bigger than the old ones. Well, now I can't even cram her feet into them. Wow they're growing fast. I don't recall sprinkling Miracle-Gro on them overnight. But I have been sleep-deprived so maybe I did.
I keep trying to get up earlier and get everyone out of my hair earlier so I can start working on the seemingly endless list of things it falls on me to do. Only problem is the list is growing. Just like the girls. Can a list have a growth spurt? I'm not sitting around eating bon-bons and yet time is slipping away. Hasn't anyone created something that will slow it down and at the same time give me a few days where I'm not exhausted and feel great all day? Why are you hiding it from me?
How can I stop and smell the roses when I have to pick up the dog doo and cut back the shrubs and try not to get poison ivy again? Oh, I guess I missed the roses. But the pansies and mums are out. That's a plus.
There's really only one way for me to even try and deal with this. It's time to make a list.
I've been doing more auditions and television work lately. None of it has aired yet. But so far you'll be seeing a lot of me on CMT and GAC. I'll tell you more when these projects actually are ready to be seen. They're nothing big for me. You'll just see me. That's all. Seriously.
But when I do these things I have to haul out clothes and jewelry and once I haul out I'm not so good at putting away. There is currently a small path in my bedroom passable only by tiny sure-footed burros. I really need to address that situation. It's begun to irritate even me. And it seems the house elves are on strike.
My girls are growing. This instant. I keep trying to force them into shoes and clothes that don't fit. They just got new shoes about a month ago. Anna Grace told me her feet hurt. Naturally I told her they didn't. How could they? They were a size bigger than the old ones. Well, now I can't even cram her feet into them. Wow they're growing fast. I don't recall sprinkling Miracle-Gro on them overnight. But I have been sleep-deprived so maybe I did.
I keep trying to get up earlier and get everyone out of my hair earlier so I can start working on the seemingly endless list of things it falls on me to do. Only problem is the list is growing. Just like the girls. Can a list have a growth spurt? I'm not sitting around eating bon-bons and yet time is slipping away. Hasn't anyone created something that will slow it down and at the same time give me a few days where I'm not exhausted and feel great all day? Why are you hiding it from me?
How can I stop and smell the roses when I have to pick up the dog doo and cut back the shrubs and try not to get poison ivy again? Oh, I guess I missed the roses. But the pansies and mums are out. That's a plus.
There's really only one way for me to even try and deal with this. It's time to make a list.
9.28.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #144 Mon 09.28.09
Dropping the F-bomb is one way to make a memorable debut. That's what Jenny Slate did on the season opener of SNL. It was unintentional. She was supposed to use the word freakin' and that word was being used over and over again in a sketch called Biker Chick Chat. She realized what she did and just went on. Welcome to live TV. It was changed to freakin' for the West Coast feed.
Seems Miley Cyrus has a cameo in Sex and the City 2. She and Samantha are at the same red carpet event. Samantha has gone to great pains to dress young and hip and they are both wearing the same dress. She has no lines in the movie.
Jim expressed his distress over Popeye cartoons. Yes, Bluto could be tried for assault and attempted rape. But nobody talks about that.
Justin Guarini (American Idol Season 1 runner up to Kelly Clarkson in case you didn't know) got married. He co-hosts Idol Tonight on the TV Guide Network and is working on his third album.
October 28 is when Michael Jackson: This Is It will be released in theaters. Fans lined up for three days ahead of time just to get preview tickets. 3,000 tickets were available and they were gone in two hours.
I realize it is my failing as a Catholic to keep forgetting that Benedict is the Pope and not JP II, but he was Pope for 26 years and, honestly, I just haven't buried him in my mind, you know? Anyway, Benedict was in Prague talking to politicians and diplomats. He was being projected on the big screen. And I only wish I could've heard the conversation among the press. There was a rather large multi-legged creature on him. Now, he had his Pope robes on. Yes, I know they are called vestments. So, he really couldn't feel the spider. But it stood out in great relief against all the white. Imagine you're watching it as it gets closer, closer, closer, ah it's on his face. That's when he brushed it away. It ended up crawling down him and returning to its web. Now, you can't just rush the Pope and squash it. That would be gross and the Swiss Guard would think you were attacking him. But doesn't he have people who could've removed it? Believe me, I have people who tell me when I have lipstick on my teeth. The Pope has to have people who could just brush away an enormous spider. Wouldn't you think?
Search the internet for a new game in town it's called Nosh for Posh. The idea is to throw food at an underweight Posh Spice. Ah, comedy.
Check out www.thejaneellen.com. When you go to Cook Jane the banner does something magical. Ooh. My webmaster has some serious skills. Adam has much to say about the Wizard of Oz in Geek Chic. And that's just the beginning. You have a lot to do and many new things to experience so start poking around, and sign up for the giveaway while you're at it.
Seems Miley Cyrus has a cameo in Sex and the City 2. She and Samantha are at the same red carpet event. Samantha has gone to great pains to dress young and hip and they are both wearing the same dress. She has no lines in the movie.
Jim expressed his distress over Popeye cartoons. Yes, Bluto could be tried for assault and attempted rape. But nobody talks about that.
Justin Guarini (American Idol Season 1 runner up to Kelly Clarkson in case you didn't know) got married. He co-hosts Idol Tonight on the TV Guide Network and is working on his third album.
October 28 is when Michael Jackson: This Is It will be released in theaters. Fans lined up for three days ahead of time just to get preview tickets. 3,000 tickets were available and they were gone in two hours.
I realize it is my failing as a Catholic to keep forgetting that Benedict is the Pope and not JP II, but he was Pope for 26 years and, honestly, I just haven't buried him in my mind, you know? Anyway, Benedict was in Prague talking to politicians and diplomats. He was being projected on the big screen. And I only wish I could've heard the conversation among the press. There was a rather large multi-legged creature on him. Now, he had his Pope robes on. Yes, I know they are called vestments. So, he really couldn't feel the spider. But it stood out in great relief against all the white. Imagine you're watching it as it gets closer, closer, closer, ah it's on his face. That's when he brushed it away. It ended up crawling down him and returning to its web. Now, you can't just rush the Pope and squash it. That would be gross and the Swiss Guard would think you were attacking him. But doesn't he have people who could've removed it? Believe me, I have people who tell me when I have lipstick on my teeth. The Pope has to have people who could just brush away an enormous spider. Wouldn't you think?
Search the internet for a new game in town it's called Nosh for Posh. The idea is to throw food at an underweight Posh Spice. Ah, comedy.
Check out www.thejaneellen.com. When you go to Cook Jane the banner does something magical. Ooh. My webmaster has some serious skills. Adam has much to say about the Wizard of Oz in Geek Chic. And that's just the beginning. You have a lot to do and many new things to experience so start poking around, and sign up for the giveaway while you're at it.
9.25.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #143 Fri 09.25.09
Headlines should be newsworthy, don't you think? But "Jon Gosselin rides ATV, smokes cigarette" really now. How about "Jane Ellen does dishes" does that rate? Jim says that never happens so if I did actually do the dishes it would make the headlines. Seriously.
Opening today Surrogates is a PG 13 sci-fi action with Bruce Willis. Fame, yes, remember my name. It's a remake of the 1980 film, it's a PG 13 drama/musical with Debbie Allen (who said one word "wicked" in the original film and was in the TV show), Kelsey Grammer, Megan Mulally and Bebe Neuwirth, and Michael Moore's documentary Capitalism: A Love Story.
Barbie is getting a live action film just like GI Joe and Transformers did, only I don't think there will be things blowing up. I have offered myself as Barbie's friends hot mom who looks like a MILF but is really just the cool mom whose husband is played by George Clooney. It sounds perfect, doesn't it?
Let's talk about penises, shall we? Some nut job, I couldn't help it, thought that it would be a grand idea to make his longer by attaching a metal weighted ring to his. After about three days it started to cut off circulation and his member turned black and swelled up about five times its normal size. Emergency workers had to sedate him and tie him down to remove the metal ring to save his penis which was about to die because the blood flow had been cut off. Craaaazy.
And, in a related note, a judge had to think really hard about this one. Was it animal cruelty or just weird when a police officer put his penis in the mouths of five calves. Did the bovines think they would be getting milk? So bizarre. He is no longer a police officer and has many, many issues. I think that much is obvious.
Be sure and sign up for the Manhattan Salon giveaway on the main page of the website at www.thejaneellen.com. Have a terrific weekend.
Opening today Surrogates is a PG 13 sci-fi action with Bruce Willis. Fame, yes, remember my name. It's a remake of the 1980 film, it's a PG 13 drama/musical with Debbie Allen (who said one word "wicked" in the original film and was in the TV show), Kelsey Grammer, Megan Mulally and Bebe Neuwirth, and Michael Moore's documentary Capitalism: A Love Story.
Barbie is getting a live action film just like GI Joe and Transformers did, only I don't think there will be things blowing up. I have offered myself as Barbie's friends hot mom who looks like a MILF but is really just the cool mom whose husband is played by George Clooney. It sounds perfect, doesn't it?
Let's talk about penises, shall we? Some nut job, I couldn't help it, thought that it would be a grand idea to make his longer by attaching a metal weighted ring to his. After about three days it started to cut off circulation and his member turned black and swelled up about five times its normal size. Emergency workers had to sedate him and tie him down to remove the metal ring to save his penis which was about to die because the blood flow had been cut off. Craaaazy.
And, in a related note, a judge had to think really hard about this one. Was it animal cruelty or just weird when a police officer put his penis in the mouths of five calves. Did the bovines think they would be getting milk? So bizarre. He is no longer a police officer and has many, many issues. I think that much is obvious.
Be sure and sign up for the Manhattan Salon giveaway on the main page of the website at www.thejaneellen.com. Have a terrific weekend.
9.24.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #142 Thu 09.24.09
No big surprises on DWTS. Macy Gray and Ashley Hamilton were the first two celebrities to be eliminated. It's not just about skills, or lack thereof, it's about fan base. And, because I'm about shameless self-promotion, I almost qualify now for Dancing With the Almost Recognizable.
Wednesday I was part of a country music video. I won't tell you what it was. Yet. But it does feature two major male country music singers who do not normally sing together. I met some fabulous people. And do not say that sarcastically either. I have many stories to share. I only told a few on today's show due to my increased tendency to ramble. The extreme lack of sleep was really kicking my arse. I told you I would arrive in my AC/DC shirt to show how I cool I was. It worked on Nathan who recognized my coolness immediately and we bonded. Nathan Stoops is not only super hot, he is a songwriter and is country singer Chris Cagle's fiddle player. He also has a wicked sense of humor. And he can transform into Cary Elwes circa The Princess Bride. "As you wiiiish!"
I will save my mocking of Cassie's food choices for a later show, because it's worth it. Some photos are up on my Facebook, more to come. The video should be done in about 2-3 weeks. Besides one of the singers, d'oh, I am the only one wearing a black hat. No, not a cowboy hat, but a vintage pillbox with a veil. No, it's not over my face take that back how dare you!
Hey, it's National Punctuation Day. Punctuation and spelling, two things that really, really need to be checked. Especially if it's on a sign. So what I love about this site is if you see something incorrect on a sign, they'll post the picture you send. Ah, that's rich. I'll say.
The Facebook movie is actually going to be called The Social Network. I had no idea Jim was such a huge fan of Justin Timberlake's acting skills. But he has seen all of his movies. No lie. He says he's very good. And that's a big deal because Jim hates everyone. Justin has been cast as Sean Parker who started Napster and had a hand in Facebook as well.
In North America, Japan (where our Brien Travis is HUGE), and in Great Britain, The Beatles sold 2.25 million copies of the remastered box sets which are roughly $300 each. Yowza. Oh, in five days.
Flash Forward makes its debut tonight TV. Listen up. It's a SCRIPTED television show. I know, I know. How fresh. Now it is against Survivor Samoa. But still, record it. The entire world blacks out at the same time and gets a glimpse of what they will be doing six months in the future. So the question is, do we see it play out? Will the couple about to be married and who have seen themselves miserable go through with it? Will those who see nothing do things differently because they will be dead? Can the future be changed? Fascinating. Sounds a bit Lostian, yet I am intrigued.
Wednesday I was part of a country music video. I won't tell you what it was. Yet. But it does feature two major male country music singers who do not normally sing together. I met some fabulous people. And do not say that sarcastically either. I have many stories to share. I only told a few on today's show due to my increased tendency to ramble. The extreme lack of sleep was really kicking my arse. I told you I would arrive in my AC/DC shirt to show how I cool I was. It worked on Nathan who recognized my coolness immediately and we bonded. Nathan Stoops is not only super hot, he is a songwriter and is country singer Chris Cagle's fiddle player. He also has a wicked sense of humor. And he can transform into Cary Elwes circa The Princess Bride. "As you wiiiish!"
I will save my mocking of Cassie's food choices for a later show, because it's worth it. Some photos are up on my Facebook, more to come. The video should be done in about 2-3 weeks. Besides one of the singers, d'oh, I am the only one wearing a black hat. No, not a cowboy hat, but a vintage pillbox with a veil. No, it's not over my face take that back how dare you!
Hey, it's National Punctuation Day. Punctuation and spelling, two things that really, really need to be checked. Especially if it's on a sign. So what I love about this site is if you see something incorrect on a sign, they'll post the picture you send. Ah, that's rich. I'll say.
The Facebook movie is actually going to be called The Social Network. I had no idea Jim was such a huge fan of Justin Timberlake's acting skills. But he has seen all of his movies. No lie. He says he's very good. And that's a big deal because Jim hates everyone. Justin has been cast as Sean Parker who started Napster and had a hand in Facebook as well.
In North America, Japan (where our Brien Travis is HUGE), and in Great Britain, The Beatles sold 2.25 million copies of the remastered box sets which are roughly $300 each. Yowza. Oh, in five days.
Flash Forward makes its debut tonight TV. Listen up. It's a SCRIPTED television show. I know, I know. How fresh. Now it is against Survivor Samoa. But still, record it. The entire world blacks out at the same time and gets a glimpse of what they will be doing six months in the future. So the question is, do we see it play out? Will the couple about to be married and who have seen themselves miserable go through with it? Will those who see nothing do things differently because they will be dead? Can the future be changed? Fascinating. Sounds a bit Lostian, yet I am intrigued.
9.23.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #141 Wed 09.23.09
I am just leaving for the Music City for an undisclosed location. Well, undisclosed to the public, to shoot a country music video. So this is not much of a blog. Why I felt the need to totally doll up at this ungodly hour when I am headed into glam (that's industry talk for hair and make up) only shows the depth of my narcissm. I am wearing my Shane Langford distressed black jeans that rock and my AC/DC jeans. That means I'm cool. Just putting it out there. I will be all done up as a rich woman. Which I'm not, but have every desire to be. Why? Because my family has instilled in me the taste for finer things. Why? Because they don't break as quickly.
Jim and I discuss DWTS. See, I am such a minor, minor celeb I practically qualify for the show now. Kelly Osbourne was surprisingly good. Listen to the show. It'll make me feel happy. The site is experiencing a fall makeover. Dig it. Go to www.thejaneellen.com. And register for the chemical peel from Manhattan Salon. We will give away three of them, each worth $100. You do have to be able to get yourself to the salon on your own dime though.
Jim and I discuss DWTS. See, I am such a minor, minor celeb I practically qualify for the show now. Kelly Osbourne was surprisingly good. Listen to the show. It'll make me feel happy. The site is experiencing a fall makeover. Dig it. Go to www.thejaneellen.com. And register for the chemical peel from Manhattan Salon. We will give away three of them, each worth $100. You do have to be able to get yourself to the salon on your own dime though.
9.22.2009
The One About Appearances
I find it fascinating that I have moved from a medium where I am judged on my looks first as opposed to what I sound like. It has so many layers to it. Much like, as Shrek would say, an onion. I had a troll, I mean a professor, in college who told me I could only be a writer in the entertainment industry because I was too ugly. Writer was as close as I could hope to get. At the time I had no intentions of being in front of a camera so I really didn't care what she said. But, seriously, I think she did live under a bridge.
I have vivid memories of being called a manatee, thank you Mary Elizabeth, the ugliest girl in the world, thank you Sean, and fat, by just about everyone else (so you got off easy because of the vast numbers of you who were not clever enough to be different). But I knew I was fat so that was no shock to me and I knew I wasn't ugly so try a different approach.
Broadcasting was something I fell into because I liked music and running my mouth and it just fit. I spent my entire radio career ignoring people who told me I talked too much because I was just that interested in what I was saying. Now even Ryan Seacrest is being told to cut the chatter. I will venture to say that once the fun goes out of it for him that's the first job he will ditch. He's pulling down $45 million for Idol alone. He doesn't have to get up before dawn to jock a morning radio show just to be told to not talk. I can imagine that went over big with him.
I find it funny, funny ha ha that is, that I am in no way bothered about the fact that I go on audition after audition and some of them you are just looked over for thirty seconds, you say your name and agency for the video camera, then you're gone and the next one comes in. The director is seeking a certain look. You've got the look they want or you don't. Which really takes the pressure off as far as I'm concerned.
Sure, the competitive side of me wants to get it every time. But that's just not realistic. As you read this, but not as I write this, I will have already filmed a major country music video. To get it I actually did more than just stand there. Though I had already auditioned for something else for the same director and my photos had been seen by the director so I had, in a way, passed the look test. I then had to get through the performance part.
There are many successful broadcasters who have made their way in the world, winning awards even, by reading material written by others. It is a skill to be a good reader. I am a great reader. But I can write my own material better than anyone else. So I never was much for reading jokes. I preferred improvisation. I like the feel of it. It's more exciting and satisfying to see where something will take you. Turns out, I was getting valuable training for auditions. Had no idea knowing how to improv through something was going to be a skill I would need. This week, it worked. My natural facial expression of looking condescending, I really can't help it, and my terrific jewelry and wardrobe collection, except for the shoes all given to me, I got the part. I had to look rich. I'm not. That's why it's called acting.
I have vivid memories of being called a manatee, thank you Mary Elizabeth, the ugliest girl in the world, thank you Sean, and fat, by just about everyone else (so you got off easy because of the vast numbers of you who were not clever enough to be different). But I knew I was fat so that was no shock to me and I knew I wasn't ugly so try a different approach.
Broadcasting was something I fell into because I liked music and running my mouth and it just fit. I spent my entire radio career ignoring people who told me I talked too much because I was just that interested in what I was saying. Now even Ryan Seacrest is being told to cut the chatter. I will venture to say that once the fun goes out of it for him that's the first job he will ditch. He's pulling down $45 million for Idol alone. He doesn't have to get up before dawn to jock a morning radio show just to be told to not talk. I can imagine that went over big with him.
I find it funny, funny ha ha that is, that I am in no way bothered about the fact that I go on audition after audition and some of them you are just looked over for thirty seconds, you say your name and agency for the video camera, then you're gone and the next one comes in. The director is seeking a certain look. You've got the look they want or you don't. Which really takes the pressure off as far as I'm concerned.
Sure, the competitive side of me wants to get it every time. But that's just not realistic. As you read this, but not as I write this, I will have already filmed a major country music video. To get it I actually did more than just stand there. Though I had already auditioned for something else for the same director and my photos had been seen by the director so I had, in a way, passed the look test. I then had to get through the performance part.
There are many successful broadcasters who have made their way in the world, winning awards even, by reading material written by others. It is a skill to be a good reader. I am a great reader. But I can write my own material better than anyone else. So I never was much for reading jokes. I preferred improvisation. I like the feel of it. It's more exciting and satisfying to see where something will take you. Turns out, I was getting valuable training for auditions. Had no idea knowing how to improv through something was going to be a skill I would need. This week, it worked. My natural facial expression of looking condescending, I really can't help it, and my terrific jewelry and wardrobe collection, except for the shoes all given to me, I got the part. I had to look rich. I'm not. That's why it's called acting.
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summery #140 Tue 09.22.09
Good news. 30 Rock won the Emmy for best comedy. Bad news. It's not back yet. And there was much crying and gnashing of teeth.
Dancing With the Stars returned for the first of a three night extravaganza. I will now only refer to it as DWTS because I'm already tired of all the typing. As expected, Aaron Carter performed well, as did Donny Osmond. Karina Smirnoff got Aaron so she finally has chance this season. She hasn't had a decent shot since Mario Lopez. Aaron has the highest score with 32. Michael Irvin got the new professional dancer Anna. They have the lowest score with a 19. The women dance tonight. Hello Maksim.
Today I explained how whenever I say or hear the word explosive I expect it to be followed with the word diarrhea. In turn, I expect diarrhea to be followed with cha cha cha. It's just how my brain works. Then I entertained Adam with some quality comedy that had come out of Anna Grace's mouth recently. I mean quality. You need to hear it from mine. Go to Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.
Love it how they say Chaz Bono got a "handsome deal" of six figures for his tell all book on how he became a man. Adam said he knows now that men make more than women so he should've held out for more. We had many other questions which we were unable to have satisfactorily answered.
Chris Sligh, who finished number ten on season six of American Idol has posted some advice to those who participate in the reality show. Interesting.
And do an bing image search on Yu Zhenghuan. He is 32 and 96% of his body is covered with hair. He calls himself Monkey Man. But he has no tail so he should be chimpanzee or gorilla man. Let's get our primates straight, shall we?
My naturally condescending expression totally worked for me in yesterday's audition so I got the part in the country music video. I do not know yet if there will be a Wednesday podcast. We shall see. I have to be on set by 6am. But Thursday's show will be chock full-o-stories that's for sure.
Check out the website as many new and fun stuff is there. And enjoy the first day of Autumn. My calendar confirmed it.
Dancing With the Stars returned for the first of a three night extravaganza. I will now only refer to it as DWTS because I'm already tired of all the typing. As expected, Aaron Carter performed well, as did Donny Osmond. Karina Smirnoff got Aaron so she finally has chance this season. She hasn't had a decent shot since Mario Lopez. Aaron has the highest score with 32. Michael Irvin got the new professional dancer Anna. They have the lowest score with a 19. The women dance tonight. Hello Maksim.
Today I explained how whenever I say or hear the word explosive I expect it to be followed with the word diarrhea. In turn, I expect diarrhea to be followed with cha cha cha. It's just how my brain works. Then I entertained Adam with some quality comedy that had come out of Anna Grace's mouth recently. I mean quality. You need to hear it from mine. Go to Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.
Love it how they say Chaz Bono got a "handsome deal" of six figures for his tell all book on how he became a man. Adam said he knows now that men make more than women so he should've held out for more. We had many other questions which we were unable to have satisfactorily answered.
Chris Sligh, who finished number ten on season six of American Idol has posted some advice to those who participate in the reality show. Interesting.
And do an bing image search on Yu Zhenghuan. He is 32 and 96% of his body is covered with hair. He calls himself Monkey Man. But he has no tail so he should be chimpanzee or gorilla man. Let's get our primates straight, shall we?
My naturally condescending expression totally worked for me in yesterday's audition so I got the part in the country music video. I do not know yet if there will be a Wednesday podcast. We shall see. I have to be on set by 6am. But Thursday's show will be chock full-o-stories that's for sure.
Check out the website as many new and fun stuff is there. And enjoy the first day of Autumn. My calendar confirmed it.
9.21.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #139 Mon 09.21.09
Sarah McLachlan singing I Will Remember You was a lovely choice to frame all those television people who had passed away this year. She looked stunning and sounded ethereal as always. Loved that Neil Patrick Harris was sporting a Rick from Casablanca looking tux as he hosted the Emmys. It totally worked. Jim and I had quite the discussion regarding fashion. He pointed out that at any formal event men are in jackets and women are in sleeveless or strapless numbers. I explained it's not their fault. Designers think, I have concluded, that sleeves aren't formal. Which is ridiculous. Only women "of a certain age" seem to get a sleeve or part of a sleeve. There's nothing wrong with a sleeve here and there. A sheer sleeve, some lace, everyone doesn't have to have bare arms at all formal events. But go in a dress shop and the only things with sleeves are wedding gowns and frumpy mother-of-the bride dresses. Hideous. That's why I have so many of my things made for me. I like options. Plus, no matter how much weight I've lost, I still have upper arms the size of canned hams. One day plastic surgeon, one day.
Speaking of clothes, Beyonce is planning to play in Malaysia and the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party is already complaining that what she wears and does on stage is offensive. Which led to a lovely story about Brien's scandalous clothing and how he offended a religious group.
Friday, People Magazine will have their best and worst list out on stands. And they're just making up categories now like best accessible glamour and best hippie chic and so on. So I'm just that much closer. Like best dressed pretend celebrity or something. Hey, if they're making it up, so can I.
OOHHH, Dancing With the Stars is on tonight.
Jim would like you to count how many times I say "there's a tree in my neck" during today's show. There is no prize. Just click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com. We tell a true story about a woman who survived a tree impaling her neck. She's just fine now. But the photo I saw. Aaahhhhh.
Well, today's audition I must be a rich woman. That's why it's called acting.
Speaking of clothes, Beyonce is planning to play in Malaysia and the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party is already complaining that what she wears and does on stage is offensive. Which led to a lovely story about Brien's scandalous clothing and how he offended a religious group.
Friday, People Magazine will have their best and worst list out on stands. And they're just making up categories now like best accessible glamour and best hippie chic and so on. So I'm just that much closer. Like best dressed pretend celebrity or something. Hey, if they're making it up, so can I.
OOHHH, Dancing With the Stars is on tonight.
Jim would like you to count how many times I say "there's a tree in my neck" during today's show. There is no prize. Just click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com. We tell a true story about a woman who survived a tree impaling her neck. She's just fine now. But the photo I saw. Aaahhhhh.
Well, today's audition I must be a rich woman. That's why it's called acting.
9.18.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #138 Fri 09.18.09
Jim brought a Dilbert to my attention as it reminded him so much of me. I shall share it with you. Devil boss guy whose name I know not "Alice. I thought it was time for us to have a little mentoring session." "How does this make sense when I'm more capable than you in every important way?" "Maybe we can skip the part where I say you need to be more confident and speak out at meetings." "Duh." I believe I may have even said such things like that to various supervisors. All of it warranted.
Movies in theaters this weekend: the animated Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs is PG Family, The Informant is R Action, Jennifer's Body is R Horror, Love Happens is PG 13 Drama.
T-Rex, big and scary. And 35 million years before it Raptorex. 150 lbs. and 9 feet long. Here's the catch, it also had the tiny arms. That's kind of having scientists rethinking the whole why did T-Rex have tiny arms theory. Remember when there used to be a brontosaurus and they had the wrong head on the skeleton and...am I dating myself here?
Katherine Jackson will receive $86,804 a month to support Michael's three kids. What we don't know is this. Is that just clothing and food and fun money or is that pay a security and teaching staff money? Jim said if it's fun money buy them a ball, they're good, that's a lot of dough.
There's this poor guy who has been in traction for almost half a year. He says the hospital has been great to him. But the food, not so much. He has started a game called Hospital Food Bingo and you can see the photos he has posted. It's awesome.
Allegedly, women can only keep a secret for 47 hours and 15 minutes. You must hear the discussion at www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
Movies in theaters this weekend: the animated Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs is PG Family, The Informant is R Action, Jennifer's Body is R Horror, Love Happens is PG 13 Drama.
T-Rex, big and scary. And 35 million years before it Raptorex. 150 lbs. and 9 feet long. Here's the catch, it also had the tiny arms. That's kind of having scientists rethinking the whole why did T-Rex have tiny arms theory. Remember when there used to be a brontosaurus and they had the wrong head on the skeleton and...am I dating myself here?
Katherine Jackson will receive $86,804 a month to support Michael's three kids. What we don't know is this. Is that just clothing and food and fun money or is that pay a security and teaching staff money? Jim said if it's fun money buy them a ball, they're good, that's a lot of dough.
There's this poor guy who has been in traction for almost half a year. He says the hospital has been great to him. But the food, not so much. He has started a game called Hospital Food Bingo and you can see the photos he has posted. It's awesome.
Allegedly, women can only keep a secret for 47 hours and 15 minutes. You must hear the discussion at www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
9.17.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #137 Thu 09.17.09
Adam was my Charlie today, speakerphone and all. His batmobile was non-functional and we just had time for a quickie. I had to leave for quality time with my brilliant plastic surgeon Dr. Caroline Chester. She is tweaking the brilliant work she has done on my remodeling. Today we went with the fraxel laser. Adam and I wondered if she thought of Dr. Evil every time she picked up the "laser." Because my touch of OCD would not let me stop. "Laser." Adam figured she had heard that joke over and over. Adam was wrong. She had never seen any Austin Powers films. So it was all fresh. Best part, if you put the laser on let's say, my arm, it said in a computer voice "don't touch me there." Oh, it was hilarious.
Abercrombie & Fitch are suing Beyonce because they say the fragrance she is releasing through Coty called Sasha Fierce. A&F have had a men's cologne called Fierce since 2002. You can see how a women's fragrance with Beyonce's face on it called Sasha Fierce would be confusing. They say they have the trademark on the word fierce. Uh-huh.
Did you know there is a Pole Dance Doll aimed at little girls? Well, there is. And don't be all appalled because the doll isn't even all tarted it up. It's stupid-looking. It's not like it's a Bratz doll on a pole. It's just bizarre and awkward-looking.
Dancing With The Stars begins Monday and Tom DeLay has already got a pre-stress fracture in his foot. He says he knows if it breaks he'll have to leave the show but he's going to continue to dance on it until it does. His partner is Cheryl Burke.
"I'm so sorry, he's from Barcelona." Fawlty Towers. Good times. Seems the phrase "son of a bitch" is used to commonly in Barcelona that a man who called his boss that, and crazy, and was fired because of it, got his job back on appeal. Or would get what amounts to almost ten grand in compensation. Don't know if the employer chose to have him back or just pay him. Well, to have him back would just be crazy.
Do listen to the show, Adam sounds like he's talking through a Star Trek communicator. It amused us. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
Abercrombie & Fitch are suing Beyonce because they say the fragrance she is releasing through Coty called Sasha Fierce. A&F have had a men's cologne called Fierce since 2002. You can see how a women's fragrance with Beyonce's face on it called Sasha Fierce would be confusing. They say they have the trademark on the word fierce. Uh-huh.
Did you know there is a Pole Dance Doll aimed at little girls? Well, there is. And don't be all appalled because the doll isn't even all tarted it up. It's stupid-looking. It's not like it's a Bratz doll on a pole. It's just bizarre and awkward-looking.
Dancing With The Stars begins Monday and Tom DeLay has already got a pre-stress fracture in his foot. He says he knows if it breaks he'll have to leave the show but he's going to continue to dance on it until it does. His partner is Cheryl Burke.
"I'm so sorry, he's from Barcelona." Fawlty Towers. Good times. Seems the phrase "son of a bitch" is used to commonly in Barcelona that a man who called his boss that, and crazy, and was fired because of it, got his job back on appeal. Or would get what amounts to almost ten grand in compensation. Don't know if the employer chose to have him back or just pay him. Well, to have him back would just be crazy.
Do listen to the show, Adam sounds like he's talking through a Star Trek communicator. It amused us. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
9.16.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #136 Wed 09.16.09
September 22 the DVD of Tennessee Top Model will be available as will all the photos. One month from now is my 16 year wedding anniversary. Feel free to shop ahead.
Great letter from the Transformers crew about Megan Fox. Not Kelly Clarkson to Kanye West great, but close. Speaking of Kanye, Adam and I think he and Taylor need to do a duet. Seriously, what kind of crazy press would that not generate? And the video should be chock full-o-crazy. I think it just might happen too. Remember, we said it first.
LeeLee Sobieski is expecting. As is Jenna Elfman.
Hey, did you find a frog in your soda can? Bummer, Fred Denegri did. He said it was there when he opened it. The Pepsi people said the production line goes so fast there's no way it could've gotten in there beforehand as it runs 1,250 cans a minute. Hmmm.
Adam is still bitter over the cancellation of Enterprise. We have added Firefly to the list. We both love Nate Fillion. He is steeped in deliciousness. And I think that Seth MacFarlane is mighty, mighty handsome. Adam pointed out that he must bathe in his money.
There's something alive in my fireplace. That shouldn't be there. And it isn't Santa. It's raining so much that I feel it is God's way of saying I really need to nap. Listen to the show. You need to. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
Great letter from the Transformers crew about Megan Fox. Not Kelly Clarkson to Kanye West great, but close. Speaking of Kanye, Adam and I think he and Taylor need to do a duet. Seriously, what kind of crazy press would that not generate? And the video should be chock full-o-crazy. I think it just might happen too. Remember, we said it first.
LeeLee Sobieski is expecting. As is Jenna Elfman.
Hey, did you find a frog in your soda can? Bummer, Fred Denegri did. He said it was there when he opened it. The Pepsi people said the production line goes so fast there's no way it could've gotten in there beforehand as it runs 1,250 cans a minute. Hmmm.
Adam is still bitter over the cancellation of Enterprise. We have added Firefly to the list. We both love Nate Fillion. He is steeped in deliciousness. And I think that Seth MacFarlane is mighty, mighty handsome. Adam pointed out that he must bathe in his money.
There's something alive in my fireplace. That shouldn't be there. And it isn't Santa. It's raining so much that I feel it is God's way of saying I really need to nap. Listen to the show. You need to. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
9.15.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Summary #135 Tue 09.15.09
If it were not for Adam Cravens I would not have known that, in the world of comic books, Bruce Wayne died and he had a kid and they're on the third Robin and all this has happened basically over the past year. For that I'm thankful. If all this had taken place over the past few years I would've felt really stupid. Now I just feel a little out of the loop.
All this came up because of Elton John. At the moment, the Family, Youth and Sports Minister in the Ukraine said Elton John won't be allowed to adopt 14-month-old Lev, who is HIV-positive and who is an orphanage because both his parents died of AIDS, because in the Ukraine you have to be married and not more than 45 years older than the child. Now, Elton is married, but the Ukraine doesn't recognize the union. His partner does meet the age requirement, but still, union non recognized. So, I hoped that as this was sorted out that Elton would be able to provide for the child. It sickens Adam and I that antiquated laws like this exist. Many married and straight people are not good parents. Many are. It needs to go on a case by case basis. Just because you are married or you are straight doesn't mean you are going to be able to provide a perfect life for a child. This is a baby that will need medical care and has no family. Here is someone who can more than adequately provide for that baby. It is unconscionable to me that this is happening. And not because it is Elton John. If anyone with the means to take care of this boy could do it.
Kelly Clarkson ripped Kanye a new one. It was awesome. She posted in her blog how she felt about his actions at the VMA's. It's some seriously good reading. Adam feels Kanye is the go-to guy for crazy these days. He also thinks that MTV may have put him up to it just to get some chatter going about the show. If that's the case, then it worked.
Sept. 9, 1945, at Harvard, back when computers were BIG, a moth was found in one. When it was removed, they said the computer had been "debugged." And so the term was born. The moth was taped to the report and it is on display at the Naval Surface Warfare Center Computer Museum in Dahlgren, VA. I used to live in King George, which is outside of Fredericksburg, where I matriculated. How's that for use of my degree? Oh, King George is on the other side of Dahlgren, that's why it jumped out at me.
Indiana Jones 5 is in the works. For real.
Recipe of the Week is an Italian meat pie, I call it the How You Doin' Meat Pie. Wendy's Book Shelf is posted and Jay's gardening column has a few brief recipes telling you what to do with your harvest.
If you would like to hear how not to get a girl to like you, be sure to listen to the show. It's creepy and didn't quite work out. But the girl is OK, so I would say it has a happy ending. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
All this came up because of Elton John. At the moment, the Family, Youth and Sports Minister in the Ukraine said Elton John won't be allowed to adopt 14-month-old Lev, who is HIV-positive and who is an orphanage because both his parents died of AIDS, because in the Ukraine you have to be married and not more than 45 years older than the child. Now, Elton is married, but the Ukraine doesn't recognize the union. His partner does meet the age requirement, but still, union non recognized. So, I hoped that as this was sorted out that Elton would be able to provide for the child. It sickens Adam and I that antiquated laws like this exist. Many married and straight people are not good parents. Many are. It needs to go on a case by case basis. Just because you are married or you are straight doesn't mean you are going to be able to provide a perfect life for a child. This is a baby that will need medical care and has no family. Here is someone who can more than adequately provide for that baby. It is unconscionable to me that this is happening. And not because it is Elton John. If anyone with the means to take care of this boy could do it.
Kelly Clarkson ripped Kanye a new one. It was awesome. She posted in her blog how she felt about his actions at the VMA's. It's some seriously good reading. Adam feels Kanye is the go-to guy for crazy these days. He also thinks that MTV may have put him up to it just to get some chatter going about the show. If that's the case, then it worked.
Sept. 9, 1945, at Harvard, back when computers were BIG, a moth was found in one. When it was removed, they said the computer had been "debugged." And so the term was born. The moth was taped to the report and it is on display at the Naval Surface Warfare Center Computer Museum in Dahlgren, VA. I used to live in King George, which is outside of Fredericksburg, where I matriculated. How's that for use of my degree? Oh, King George is on the other side of Dahlgren, that's why it jumped out at me.
Indiana Jones 5 is in the works. For real.
Recipe of the Week is an Italian meat pie, I call it the How You Doin' Meat Pie. Wendy's Book Shelf is posted and Jay's gardening column has a few brief recipes telling you what to do with your harvest.
If you would like to hear how not to get a girl to like you, be sure to listen to the show. It's creepy and didn't quite work out. But the girl is OK, so I would say it has a happy ending. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
The One About Mothering
I know a lot of mothers. Muthas too, but that's another column. And I do enjoy hearing how we all approach our jobs. I get ideas from them. And others, not so much. The other day I was talking to a mother of three who was telling me all the responsibilities she has given her daughter who is four, same age as Anna Grace. Her child is responsible for keeping her dance clothes in her dance bag. And she had played dress up the day before and had neglected to put the dance clothes back. Her mom didn't know that. She gets to school with an empty dance bag. Empty except for her shoes. And she had to tell her dance teacher why she was inappropriately dressed and find out the consequences (she was allowed to participate). Well, her mom, who is a good friend, dressed me down for not giving my girls enough responsibilities. I tried to explain to her that my mom did most everything for me and I was perfection itself. I received full-frontal eye roll for that remark.
Another friend of the girls was over and informed them that their rooms were a mess (the rest of the house wasn't by the way, just their rooms). She then started to clean up. Unfortunately, she did not finish the job. Her mom had her apologize to me for saying the rooms were messy. Which I understand. But she was dead on. You see the laundry was done, but I had not had the time to hang up all their clothes and the girls and taken the neat pile of clothes and covered every inch of the floor with their clean clothes. Jenna had tossed some Cheese Puffs on top just to decorate. Yes, it was a total mess.
Now I do know some mothers who use all sorts of questionable language in front of their children. And I'm sure the language I use may be questioned by others. Now I don't go dropping the F bomb. But my girls do say "that's ridiculous" all the time. Apparently it's one of my catch phrases.
I do let them wear make up, but I'm only talking lip gloss. And they've been wearing it since the day they were born. They started slow, with Vaseline, which is a most excellent lip gloss stand in if you ask me. I still use it as one. They're not all tarted up with mascara and eyeliner for daycare. Yet. No, that's just for dance recitals. And even then I don't think they're tarted up. Then it's just glam.
They are given things to do. And usually Anna Grace responds by moving very, very slowly. Jenna responds by saying "I want you to do that." Granted, that's very clever on both their parts. And while I appreciate their cleverness, I only let that fly for so long. Until they are supporting me with my own entourage, oh, I already have that, but my point being, until they are learning to be self-sufficient, I am going to insist that they learn how to do things. Actual things. For real.
They already know how to accessorize. And that's a serious skill. They're learning how to dance. Again, important. I'm teaching them to notice and remember details. They can already crack eggs. Not just break them randomly. And they know that milk goes bad in the night. And chocolate makes dogs sick. In my list of motherly things to teach, Anna Grace and Jenna have learned manners, they've learned that timing really makes the joke, the joys of a snuggly blanket, how to rock out to ZZ Top and the Rolling Stones, and that the best part of the day is when the three of us lay in bed together and talk about our day. They've also learned to always take off their shoes when they get weighed, that garlic salt and Parmesan cheese on popcorn makes a great Saturday morning breakfast, and that mommy's friends give them anything they want. Or men do. Or that mommy's friends are all men with stores. Anyway they look at it, it's all good. We're going to work on the cleaning part of the regimen. But as I have pointed out before, it's not one of my strong points. As a matter of fact, today the cleaning lady comes to my house today. See, everyone needs a job. And I'm willing to pay for a service that I do not excel at. It's a win-win. I'm teaching the girls that too. You're not good at. You hate it. You pay someone who is better at it than you are to do it for you. This does not apply to college term papers however. Just things like fixing the car and cleaning the house and mowing the yard. Which reminds me, I have to clean the house before she gets here.
Another friend of the girls was over and informed them that their rooms were a mess (the rest of the house wasn't by the way, just their rooms). She then started to clean up. Unfortunately, she did not finish the job. Her mom had her apologize to me for saying the rooms were messy. Which I understand. But she was dead on. You see the laundry was done, but I had not had the time to hang up all their clothes and the girls and taken the neat pile of clothes and covered every inch of the floor with their clean clothes. Jenna had tossed some Cheese Puffs on top just to decorate. Yes, it was a total mess.
Now I do know some mothers who use all sorts of questionable language in front of their children. And I'm sure the language I use may be questioned by others. Now I don't go dropping the F bomb. But my girls do say "that's ridiculous" all the time. Apparently it's one of my catch phrases.
I do let them wear make up, but I'm only talking lip gloss. And they've been wearing it since the day they were born. They started slow, with Vaseline, which is a most excellent lip gloss stand in if you ask me. I still use it as one. They're not all tarted up with mascara and eyeliner for daycare. Yet. No, that's just for dance recitals. And even then I don't think they're tarted up. Then it's just glam.
They are given things to do. And usually Anna Grace responds by moving very, very slowly. Jenna responds by saying "I want you to do that." Granted, that's very clever on both their parts. And while I appreciate their cleverness, I only let that fly for so long. Until they are supporting me with my own entourage, oh, I already have that, but my point being, until they are learning to be self-sufficient, I am going to insist that they learn how to do things. Actual things. For real.
They already know how to accessorize. And that's a serious skill. They're learning how to dance. Again, important. I'm teaching them to notice and remember details. They can already crack eggs. Not just break them randomly. And they know that milk goes bad in the night. And chocolate makes dogs sick. In my list of motherly things to teach, Anna Grace and Jenna have learned manners, they've learned that timing really makes the joke, the joys of a snuggly blanket, how to rock out to ZZ Top and the Rolling Stones, and that the best part of the day is when the three of us lay in bed together and talk about our day. They've also learned to always take off their shoes when they get weighed, that garlic salt and Parmesan cheese on popcorn makes a great Saturday morning breakfast, and that mommy's friends give them anything they want. Or men do. Or that mommy's friends are all men with stores. Anyway they look at it, it's all good. We're going to work on the cleaning part of the regimen. But as I have pointed out before, it's not one of my strong points. As a matter of fact, today the cleaning lady comes to my house today. See, everyone needs a job. And I'm willing to pay for a service that I do not excel at. It's a win-win. I'm teaching the girls that too. You're not good at. You hate it. You pay someone who is better at it than you are to do it for you. This does not apply to college term papers however. Just things like fixing the car and cleaning the house and mowing the yard. Which reminds me, I have to clean the house before she gets here.
9.14.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #134
Tennessee Top Model is, sadly, over and done with. I have to say it was magnificent. It will be available on DVD. I'll have the details for you later. Junior Top Model winner was Catherine Clendenen and Top Model Winner was the incredibly tall Anna Herndon. I am so glad I was not one of the judges. I am even more glad that I got to interview the escorts. I posted just a few tantalizing photos on Facebook. Thank you Shane Langford for my two amazing outfits. My leather and jeans are featured on the main page of the website. The girlie girl outfit I wore in the second half of the show is seen above. Many, many photos were taken of everyone and will soon be seen at www.studiosixlimited.com.
We talked to Dan from RunPee at this weekend's box office. Dan is awesome, and so is his website. Freakin' brilliant if you ask me. And, is predicted, it was Tyler Perry's film that came in number one.
The MTV VMA's were on last night. And, because it's MTV, it will be played over and over. Madonna's spoken tribute to Michael Jackson was lovely. And the dance tribute to him was terrific. It started with the Thriller video and then the live dancers came in, they did Smooth Criminal and Bad, and then started the video for the duet he did with Janet called Scream. My favorite part was the camera angle in which he was over her right shoulder and they danced together. Very tough, perfectly in sync, very, very cool.
Pink did a Lil' Kim and wore a heart over her breast. It didn't come off. And that classy Kanye. Teenage Taylor Swift is up there accepting her very first VMA and he takes the mic from her to say how great Beyonce's video is. Camera goes to Beyonce. She's mortified. Two women feel sick about it now. What did that accomplish Kanye? Oh, you got press, OK.
Ah, and the penis stories. If it works fine after it's reattached, should the woman who cut it off have to go to jail? Really now? Listen to the whole story on the show www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.
9.11.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #133 Fri 09.11.09
Badass. That's really the only way I can describe outfit number one I'm wearing Saturday night at Tennessee Top Model designed and made by Shane Langford. I may wear it every day for the rest of my life. It's the most amazing leather jacket and distressed black jeans. It's one of those outfits that feels great on and I feel good in it. You know how you have clothes you like and then you have clothes you love to wear? Well, this is a love to wear outfit. I didn't want to take it off yesterday, and it's not even totally done yet. Then I go the exact opposite route to a 1950's vintage look, rather Grace Kelly, with black velvet wrap for the body and this incredible vintage silk for full skirt. Oh, and we've added a bow. Yes, I'm wearing a bow. Practically unheard for me. Very girlie. There will be other beautifully dressed women and young girls there too. I guess. :) You can still get tickets at www.tennesseetopmodel.com or at the door Saturday night at the Cookeville Performing Arts Center on Broad Street. This is a fashion competition like you've never seen. The Junior Top Model contestants and Top model contestants are each competing for one year contract with the DAN Agency. It's a place very near and dear to my heart because they had the good sense to sign me. Clearly, they know talent when they see it. And the amazing chief poobah of the DAN Agency will be there in person to check out everyone. That in itself is a big, big deal.
Movies out this weekend are 9 set in the "too near future" as opposed to the "not to distant future" like last week's Gamer. This is animated PG 13 sci-fi/fantasy. Tyler Perry's I an Do Bad All By Myself is PG 13 and a comedy. Whiteout is an R thriller with Kate Beckinsdale who plays a very angry administrative assistant who makes a lot of errors. No, that's a whiteout joke. Never mind.
Sunday Janet Jackson opens the VMA's with a tribute to Michael. And there will be a New Moon trailer played at some point during the show.
What's in blood sausage, aka black pudding? Here, I'll tell you. Pig's blood, onions, suet,oatmeal, and apples. And while Jim and I discuss food from across the pond we bring up spotted dick, a dessert. Dick is slang for pudding. Unlike how we use it in the States, as slang for detective. The spots are the raisins or currants. Well, a restaurant in Wales changed it on the menu to Spotted Richard because a few people laughed at the name Spotted Dick. Naturally, the locals had no idea what Spotted Richard was.
A 30 year old man in Oslo, who just naturally assume lives in his mom's basement, legally changed his name to Julius Andreas Gimli Arn Chewbacca Highlander Elessar Jankov. Can you tell he likes sci-fi/fantasy? You really should see him too.
I also use a term on the show that Jim doesn't know. And, as I write this, there is a point during the show where I forget what I was going to say, I remember it now. Next time I say I want to wear leather and velvet remind me that leather and velvet are hot, physically hot. And under stage lights will not doubt be even hotter. Never crossed my mind. Well, sometimes, beauty is pain. The show should please you www.thejaneellen.com.
Movies out this weekend are 9 set in the "too near future" as opposed to the "not to distant future" like last week's Gamer. This is animated PG 13 sci-fi/fantasy. Tyler Perry's I an Do Bad All By Myself is PG 13 and a comedy. Whiteout is an R thriller with Kate Beckinsdale who plays a very angry administrative assistant who makes a lot of errors. No, that's a whiteout joke. Never mind.
Sunday Janet Jackson opens the VMA's with a tribute to Michael. And there will be a New Moon trailer played at some point during the show.
What's in blood sausage, aka black pudding? Here, I'll tell you. Pig's blood, onions, suet,oatmeal, and apples. And while Jim and I discuss food from across the pond we bring up spotted dick, a dessert. Dick is slang for pudding. Unlike how we use it in the States, as slang for detective. The spots are the raisins or currants. Well, a restaurant in Wales changed it on the menu to Spotted Richard because a few people laughed at the name Spotted Dick. Naturally, the locals had no idea what Spotted Richard was.
A 30 year old man in Oslo, who just naturally assume lives in his mom's basement, legally changed his name to Julius Andreas Gimli Arn Chewbacca Highlander Elessar Jankov. Can you tell he likes sci-fi/fantasy? You really should see him too.
I also use a term on the show that Jim doesn't know. And, as I write this, there is a point during the show where I forget what I was going to say, I remember it now. Next time I say I want to wear leather and velvet remind me that leather and velvet are hot, physically hot. And under stage lights will not doubt be even hotter. Never crossed my mind. Well, sometimes, beauty is pain. The show should please you www.thejaneellen.com.
9.10.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #132 Thu 09.10.09
Ellen. Jane Ellen. Almost the same. Which is why I am thrilled that Ellen DeGeneres is filling the vacant chair left by Paula Abdul for season 9 of American Idol. Ellen will not be a part of the auditions, however. The guest judges are Victoria Beckham, Mary J. Blige, Kristin Chenoweth (why ABC, did you have to cancel Pushing Daisies, why?), Joe Jonas, Neil Patrick Harris, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry, and Shania Twain. Now, it is true, I was in the running for the judge's chair. But it was just the chair, not the actual job. Sigh. I think that with Ellen there it will reinvigorate the show. She loves music, she's a fan of the show, and she's naturally funny. She will bring something entirely different to it. I cannot wait to watch.
Sparrow. Keep your eyyyyyyyyyyyeeee on the Sparrow. OK, Jim sang the theme from Barretta today. But that's because just after midnight on September 9 Nicole Richie and Joel Madden had a baby. For some reason I thought that Sparrow was a girl's name. It is not. Their son is Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Their daughter, Harlow, is 2.
Army Archerd passed away Tuesday at the age of 87 from cancer. He wrote an entertainment column in Daily Variety and was known for fact-checking. His biggest story was that Rock Hudson had AIDS in 1985. He also broke the story in 1991 that Julia Roberts had broken up with fiance Kiefer Sutherland and in 1992 that longtime bachelor Warren Beatty was marrying Annette Bening. They are still married. I think they have four kids. Mark Lester is the father of none of them.
You must see the video of the guy in Venice who started to strip for George Clooney during the press conference. It shows why I love Clooney. He is charming and funny. Yes, he's devastatingly handsome. But even if he wasn't, he's got the charming and funny down. Jim and I go on to discuss my fantasy world where I would like to believe that Clooney isn't like other men, when I am quite sure he is. You see, I've already got a husband, I know what that's like. You need to hear it. Trust me. You. Need. To. Hear. It. Click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.
I have much to do to prepare for Tennessee Top Model today so I am off. Have a fantastic Thursday.
Sparrow. Keep your eyyyyyyyyyyyeeee on the Sparrow. OK, Jim sang the theme from Barretta today. But that's because just after midnight on September 9 Nicole Richie and Joel Madden had a baby. For some reason I thought that Sparrow was a girl's name. It is not. Their son is Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Their daughter, Harlow, is 2.
Army Archerd passed away Tuesday at the age of 87 from cancer. He wrote an entertainment column in Daily Variety and was known for fact-checking. His biggest story was that Rock Hudson had AIDS in 1985. He also broke the story in 1991 that Julia Roberts had broken up with fiance Kiefer Sutherland and in 1992 that longtime bachelor Warren Beatty was marrying Annette Bening. They are still married. I think they have four kids. Mark Lester is the father of none of them.
You must see the video of the guy in Venice who started to strip for George Clooney during the press conference. It shows why I love Clooney. He is charming and funny. Yes, he's devastatingly handsome. But even if he wasn't, he's got the charming and funny down. Jim and I go on to discuss my fantasy world where I would like to believe that Clooney isn't like other men, when I am quite sure he is. You see, I've already got a husband, I know what that's like. You need to hear it. Trust me. You. Need. To. Hear. It. Click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.
I have much to do to prepare for Tennessee Top Model today so I am off. Have a fantastic Thursday.
9.09.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #131 Wed 09.09.09
Number 9, number 9, number 9. That's today. And a suh-weet $250 Beatles set of all 14 fully-remastered albums has been released. Ah, who is purchasing it for me, anyone? Anyone? Money can buy happiness. And, if you have this, you will learn that happiness is a warm gun, mama, yes it is. However, I am peeved, as always, that the bookies say Sgt. Pepper will be the biggest seller. Because you can buy the remastered albums, well, CD's separately. We all know Rubber Soul is their finest album. Followed by Abbey Road. And Abbey Road really needs to appreciated as an album, a two-sided album. I know, some are unfamiliar with the concept, but that is how it was meant to be heard. Side one is completely different fro side two, which is, in essence, one long track. Quite ground-breaking at the time.
Adam also reminded me, because I already knew of course, that this is the ten year anniversary of the release of the Dreamcast. And then we came up with the idea of a new game patterned after his wife. We call it Angry Angry Autumn. Now, she is very low key. The game is Autumn is shopping, cooking, doing every day stuff. Sure, it may sound mundane, but the suspense comes in you never know what will make her snap and pow! It turns into a first person shooter.
Our Brien Travis is a huge hit in Japan. Adam realized that he is like Germany's Hasselhoff. If only Brien had his own TV series to boot. Tales of Lazy Wednesdays does not have any songs about Adam or me, but we feel certain his future works will.
Saturday, Brien and I will be at Tennessee Top Model. You can see the contestants at http://www.tennesseetopmodel.com/ and order your tickets. They're $5 in advance and $10 at the door at CPAC. My gal Shan Burklow is the co-host with me. I am wearing two designs by Shane Langford. Shan's gowns are still top secret. And my agent Stephanie will be there. She is stunning. You see, the two winners get a year's contract at the DAN Agency.
Adam and I were disgusted at the fair competition in Wisconsin. Cricket-spitting. Yes, thawed crickets are placed in the mouth and spit out. Groooooooooooosssss.
I, it seems, have "mad skillz" and researcher Wendy proved it. During the podcast these topics came up and Wendy fact checked. We were discussing the names of the whales in Star Trek IV, Gracie and George. I thought one of them, the actual couple, had been married before. It was George. He said his first marriage was annulled because it had never been consummated.
In another Star Trek related discussion, really, you have to listen at http://www.thejaneellen.com/ to find out why, we went from Star Trek to Sound of Music, there are two connections by the way, and I said that one of the girls was married to Robert Urich. It was Robert's second wife, Heather Menzies, who played Louisa. And, in discussing places other than Japan where Brien could be a huge success, I said Sri Lanka, or Ceylon. I had forgotten which it was currently. In 1972 Ceylon became Sri Lanka (which is where the Duran Duran Hungry Like the Wolf video was filmed) and What's Happening was on from 1975 to 1978 which explains why Brien doesn't know it but doesn't explain why Adam knows it.
Loretta J. Crouch who works at the Swallows Insurance Agency and lives in Rickman, TN has won a copy of Brien's CD Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. Thank you everyone for entering. Another contest on the way.
Adam also reminded me, because I already knew of course, that this is the ten year anniversary of the release of the Dreamcast. And then we came up with the idea of a new game patterned after his wife. We call it Angry Angry Autumn. Now, she is very low key. The game is Autumn is shopping, cooking, doing every day stuff. Sure, it may sound mundane, but the suspense comes in you never know what will make her snap and pow! It turns into a first person shooter.
Our Brien Travis is a huge hit in Japan. Adam realized that he is like Germany's Hasselhoff. If only Brien had his own TV series to boot. Tales of Lazy Wednesdays does not have any songs about Adam or me, but we feel certain his future works will.
Saturday, Brien and I will be at Tennessee Top Model. You can see the contestants at http://www.tennesseetopmodel.com/ and order your tickets. They're $5 in advance and $10 at the door at CPAC. My gal Shan Burklow is the co-host with me. I am wearing two designs by Shane Langford. Shan's gowns are still top secret. And my agent Stephanie will be there. She is stunning. You see, the two winners get a year's contract at the DAN Agency.
Adam and I were disgusted at the fair competition in Wisconsin. Cricket-spitting. Yes, thawed crickets are placed in the mouth and spit out. Groooooooooooosssss.
I, it seems, have "mad skillz" and researcher Wendy proved it. During the podcast these topics came up and Wendy fact checked. We were discussing the names of the whales in Star Trek IV, Gracie and George. I thought one of them, the actual couple, had been married before. It was George. He said his first marriage was annulled because it had never been consummated.
In another Star Trek related discussion, really, you have to listen at http://www.thejaneellen.com/ to find out why, we went from Star Trek to Sound of Music, there are two connections by the way, and I said that one of the girls was married to Robert Urich. It was Robert's second wife, Heather Menzies, who played Louisa. And, in discussing places other than Japan where Brien could be a huge success, I said Sri Lanka, or Ceylon. I had forgotten which it was currently. In 1972 Ceylon became Sri Lanka (which is where the Duran Duran Hungry Like the Wolf video was filmed) and What's Happening was on from 1975 to 1978 which explains why Brien doesn't know it but doesn't explain why Adam knows it.
Loretta J. Crouch who works at the Swallows Insurance Agency and lives in Rickman, TN has won a copy of Brien's CD Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. Thank you everyone for entering. Another contest on the way.
9.08.2009
The One About Movies
There are certain movies that are important to me. I'm sure that lots of people feel that way. You connect with it in some way because you went through something like it or you wish you did, it made you laugh, it was beautiful, it touched you, it was sexy, it took you someplace completely different from where you are, it did something. And so you may return to it again and again. One of my friends loves certain movies because he first saw them at a time in his life before many traumatic things happened. And some of his favorite movies take him to a happy place. A time of innocence so-to-speak.
I have another friend who uses certain movies he loves as a filter. A friend filter that is. If you react a certain way to one of his favorite movies he know that you'll never be in his inner circle because, well, you're just not wired the same way he is. There is a certain logic to that. Some people employ that tactic on first dates as well. If the prospective partner reacts poorly to the other's favorite movie list, you may not have a common core.
I'm a bit like that. On the one hand, I don't judge people. Not intentionally. Unless it's something concrete. Like their movie choices. Now that's a different story all together. And I accept that I was brainwashed into knowing and loving some movies because of the, how shall I put it, forcefulness of my oldest sister Judy. Judy has a tendency to tell you what you will like. I believe she is the one who steered me toward The Great Escape, Bullitt, A Hard Day's Night, and The Pink Panther.
I have to say, if you don't find Young Frankenstein or Animal House funny, perhaps we don't have much more to say. The movie that makes me happiest in the world is Singin' in the Rain. It's clever, pithy, the songs are amazing, as is the dancing, and it's gorgeous to look at. I am also partial to Star Trek II Wrath of Khan. And the Lord of the Rings trilogy. If Bogart's in it or Hitchcock directed it, I tend to be partial to it as well.
No Beaches, no Terms of Endearment for me. Give me double secret probation any day. So use your love of movies as a barometer. See if your inner circle of friends is really on the same page as you are. If not, I guess you'll have to watch your favorite movies by yourself. Their loss.
I have another friend who uses certain movies he loves as a filter. A friend filter that is. If you react a certain way to one of his favorite movies he know that you'll never be in his inner circle because, well, you're just not wired the same way he is. There is a certain logic to that. Some people employ that tactic on first dates as well. If the prospective partner reacts poorly to the other's favorite movie list, you may not have a common core.
I'm a bit like that. On the one hand, I don't judge people. Not intentionally. Unless it's something concrete. Like their movie choices. Now that's a different story all together. And I accept that I was brainwashed into knowing and loving some movies because of the, how shall I put it, forcefulness of my oldest sister Judy. Judy has a tendency to tell you what you will like. I believe she is the one who steered me toward The Great Escape, Bullitt, A Hard Day's Night, and The Pink Panther.
I have to say, if you don't find Young Frankenstein or Animal House funny, perhaps we don't have much more to say. The movie that makes me happiest in the world is Singin' in the Rain. It's clever, pithy, the songs are amazing, as is the dancing, and it's gorgeous to look at. I am also partial to Star Trek II Wrath of Khan. And the Lord of the Rings trilogy. If Bogart's in it or Hitchcock directed it, I tend to be partial to it as well.
No Beaches, no Terms of Endearment for me. Give me double secret probation any day. So use your love of movies as a barometer. See if your inner circle of friends is really on the same page as you are. If not, I guess you'll have to watch your favorite movies by yourself. Their loss.
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #130 Tue 09.08.09
Labor Day was yesterday, and yet so many people had to labor. Adam postulated a theory. 3% of the population probably love working. And then there's everybody else. So if you have to work on the one day when you know most people are off, it drives your bitterness level through the roof. And it rained yesterday afternoon which drove so many people out of their homes and into the places of employment of my friends. Much to their dismay. There was much angst to be sure.
Courteney Cox has a new sitcom coming out on ABC September 23. She is 45, and looks amazing, and it's called Cougar Town. What I have seen of it looks edgy and funny. The three-minute preview I saw made me want to see more. Even though I realized those were probably the funniest three minutes they had.
Emma Watson has started school at Brown University in Rhode Island. Much as she has asked to be treated as a regular student, it has been a bit of a madhouse. We suspect that eventually it will die down, a bit anyway. Jodie Foster, Natalie Portman, Brooke Shields, they were all able to attend college.
Dragon Con took place in Atlanta. Sadly, Adam and I could not attend with our dragons. However, there was a record-breaking event at the sci-fi convention. 900 stormtroopers and zombies and all manner of aliens recreated Thriller. The previous record holders were a group of 242 at the College of William & Mary. That's right, the college that did not accept my application. But did accept Jon Stewart's.
Seems a woman in Putnam County allegedly asked to pet her marijuana plants because she had allegedly grown them from seed and had allegedly grown fond of them. She and her man had allegedly planted them next to the road.
Tennessee Top Model is this Saturday. You can see the models who are competing by going to www.tennesseetopmodel.com. And Brien Travis will be performing. It's in Cookeville at the what was formerly the Drama Center and is now the Cookeville Performing Arts Center. You can order your tickets online for $5 or get them for $10 at the door at the top model website. I am co-hosting with Shan Burklow.
Courteney Cox has a new sitcom coming out on ABC September 23. She is 45, and looks amazing, and it's called Cougar Town. What I have seen of it looks edgy and funny. The three-minute preview I saw made me want to see more. Even though I realized those were probably the funniest three minutes they had.
Emma Watson has started school at Brown University in Rhode Island. Much as she has asked to be treated as a regular student, it has been a bit of a madhouse. We suspect that eventually it will die down, a bit anyway. Jodie Foster, Natalie Portman, Brooke Shields, they were all able to attend college.
Dragon Con took place in Atlanta. Sadly, Adam and I could not attend with our dragons. However, there was a record-breaking event at the sci-fi convention. 900 stormtroopers and zombies and all manner of aliens recreated Thriller. The previous record holders were a group of 242 at the College of William & Mary. That's right, the college that did not accept my application. But did accept Jon Stewart's.
Seems a woman in Putnam County allegedly asked to pet her marijuana plants because she had allegedly grown them from seed and had allegedly grown fond of them. She and her man had allegedly planted them next to the road.
Tennessee Top Model is this Saturday. You can see the models who are competing by going to www.tennesseetopmodel.com. And Brien Travis will be performing. It's in Cookeville at the what was formerly the Drama Center and is now the Cookeville Performing Arts Center. You can order your tickets online for $5 or get them for $10 at the door at the top model website. I am co-hosting with Shan Burklow.
9.04.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #129 Fri 09.04.09
Eating in all sorts of forms came up on today's show. For instance, a 26-year-old man called 911 twice because he needed a ride. He was hungry you see. Well, he got a ride, to jail. Being hungry is not a real emergency. Pat Bertoletti won the Best in the West Nugget World Rib Eating Contest by eating 5.8 lbs. or ribs in 12 minutes. The prize is $2500 and his name on a trophy that has three golden pigs on it. Honestly, not that great of prize considering what you've just done to your body.
But at least there is not a competitive eating contest of feces. A guy in Ohio was on trial for aggravated robbery and kidnapping. He told his lawyer he was hungry while in court. But there was no time for food. So what's a guy to do except empty his colostomy bag and start chowing down? Oddly enough, his legal team is trying to prove he's mentally incompetent. I've got to say that if I'm not, and my lawyer says to eat my own waste, um, I'm not going to.
A study says more intelligent guys have healthier sperm. And they may be smart and funny to, to possibly make up for not being super hot. Got to attract the ladies and spread that DNA around somehow.
Look up the name Lee Redmond from Salt Lake City. She used to hold the Guinness World Record for longest nails on a woman. They were 28 feet long in 2008. Her longest nail, her thumb on her right hand, was 2 feet, 11 inches. She didn't but her nails for 30 years. She's 68. She was in a car accident this year and her nails broke. She's not planning to grow them back and is amazed at how light her hands feel.
This chick dropped her purse into the port-a-potty and tried to get it back. Natch. Only she used both hands. And got stuck. The whole thing had to be taken apart to free her. She now has over 14,000 fans on the Poo Girl Leeds Fest 2009 Appreciation Society page on Facebook. Unbelievable.
The movies out this weekend are All About Steve PG 13 comedy with Sandra Bullock. Gamer is an R sci-fi with Gerard Butler. And Extract is an R comedy from Mike Judge with Jason Bateman.
Ooh, Maks and Karina ill dance at the Emmys September 20. Suh-weet.
OK, go listen to the show, it'll be good for you. And check out the new recipes www.thejaneellen.com.
But at least there is not a competitive eating contest of feces. A guy in Ohio was on trial for aggravated robbery and kidnapping. He told his lawyer he was hungry while in court. But there was no time for food. So what's a guy to do except empty his colostomy bag and start chowing down? Oddly enough, his legal team is trying to prove he's mentally incompetent. I've got to say that if I'm not, and my lawyer says to eat my own waste, um, I'm not going to.
A study says more intelligent guys have healthier sperm. And they may be smart and funny to, to possibly make up for not being super hot. Got to attract the ladies and spread that DNA around somehow.
Look up the name Lee Redmond from Salt Lake City. She used to hold the Guinness World Record for longest nails on a woman. They were 28 feet long in 2008. Her longest nail, her thumb on her right hand, was 2 feet, 11 inches. She didn't but her nails for 30 years. She's 68. She was in a car accident this year and her nails broke. She's not planning to grow them back and is amazed at how light her hands feel.
This chick dropped her purse into the port-a-potty and tried to get it back. Natch. Only she used both hands. And got stuck. The whole thing had to be taken apart to free her. She now has over 14,000 fans on the Poo Girl Leeds Fest 2009 Appreciation Society page on Facebook. Unbelievable.
The movies out this weekend are All About Steve PG 13 comedy with Sandra Bullock. Gamer is an R sci-fi with Gerard Butler. And Extract is an R comedy from Mike Judge with Jason Bateman.
Ooh, Maks and Karina ill dance at the Emmys September 20. Suh-weet.
OK, go listen to the show, it'll be good for you. And check out the new recipes www.thejaneellen.com.
9.03.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #128 Thu 09.03.09
Three great minds together for one great show. That's what today is all about. Adam and Jim together again. They could hardly contain themselves with joy. And we had much to discuss. But really, I'm not going to spill all of it for you here. This was such an entertaining show, you're just going to have to listen to it yourself www.thejaneellen.com.
Jenny McCarthy blurted out that she's 5'6" and weighs 125 lbs. Um, big deal. She says she weighed 200 lbs. when she had her son. Hey Jenny, I lost 200 lbs. I don't really care what anybody weighs or why they feel the need to share it. I care that people are healthy and feel good about themselves.
Jim explained that he's not filled with bitterness, he is merely a curmudgeon. Adam says he is actually bitter. He also explained that he has no butt. And went on to talk about his gaming skills. The Beatles Rock Band game is coming out. We figured Martha, My Dear wasn't going to be one of the songs featured on that one. Or The Long and Winding Road. We made plans to video Adam playing AC/DC, in his Star Trek uniform. That'll be rich.
Which led to a discussion of what we would do to be on Star Trek, in a series or film. Adam said he would make out with Shatner. I said I would make out with Chris Pine. I think that's a fair trade. We went on about what we would do to be on several TV shows for some time. I'm sure the networks are listening.
We discussed Sean Lennon's kind of sort of remake of his parents famous nude photo, photographed this time for Purple Magazine.
And we talked about the new prime minister of Japan's ex-wife's tale of going to Venus 20 years ago. Good times.
Jenny McCarthy blurted out that she's 5'6" and weighs 125 lbs. Um, big deal. She says she weighed 200 lbs. when she had her son. Hey Jenny, I lost 200 lbs. I don't really care what anybody weighs or why they feel the need to share it. I care that people are healthy and feel good about themselves.
Jim explained that he's not filled with bitterness, he is merely a curmudgeon. Adam says he is actually bitter. He also explained that he has no butt. And went on to talk about his gaming skills. The Beatles Rock Band game is coming out. We figured Martha, My Dear wasn't going to be one of the songs featured on that one. Or The Long and Winding Road. We made plans to video Adam playing AC/DC, in his Star Trek uniform. That'll be rich.
Which led to a discussion of what we would do to be on Star Trek, in a series or film. Adam said he would make out with Shatner. I said I would make out with Chris Pine. I think that's a fair trade. We went on about what we would do to be on several TV shows for some time. I'm sure the networks are listening.
We discussed Sean Lennon's kind of sort of remake of his parents famous nude photo, photographed this time for Purple Magazine.
And we talked about the new prime minister of Japan's ex-wife's tale of going to Venus 20 years ago. Good times.
9.02.2009
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #127 Wed 09.02.09
Little League. Adam Cravens has such fond memories. He got to play right field. He informed me that unless you are in the professional league that is the short bus position. And his coach was a bit of a jerk and wouldn't let him use the restroom. And so, young Adam, wet himself. Earning the nickname Pisser. Sometimes you can't just tough it out or walk it off.
I need to get footage of my oldest eating ketchup. Sometimes she sits on the couch like a wine-o (or, how I imagine a wine-o would) and just sucks it back out of the bottle. At other times, she sucks it off of her toes. This footage will come in handy when she's older and will need to be embarrassed. But she is very bendy. She can put her feet back to her ears. That's a talent.
Whitney Houston sang publicly, first time in years, blamed Oprah for missing the high notes. Adam said he would've blamed the crack. I mean, you wouldn't like Oprah when she's angry.
Demi Moore, we both agree, is smokin' hot. And she alleges she HAS loose skin and stretch marks. And she has NOT has plastic surgery. But she's cool about it if other people have had it. Adam says that's just so when it comes out that she has already had it, she has said it's OK. Look, I've had 15 pounds of loose skin removed. I've had plastic surgery. And I would like some more please.
We discuss the films of Jack Black and Will Ferrell versus their personal appearances. You need to hear that www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane. And we go into how burglars use social networking sites to see when you're gone and what stuff you have. I believe my favorite part of the show is the last ten minutes when Adam describes just what he'll do to you if you try it at his house. Oh, it's worth listening to. And how he knows which squirrels have STD's I don't know, but he has super powers. Don't knock him.
I need to get footage of my oldest eating ketchup. Sometimes she sits on the couch like a wine-o (or, how I imagine a wine-o would) and just sucks it back out of the bottle. At other times, she sucks it off of her toes. This footage will come in handy when she's older and will need to be embarrassed. But she is very bendy. She can put her feet back to her ears. That's a talent.
Whitney Houston sang publicly, first time in years, blamed Oprah for missing the high notes. Adam said he would've blamed the crack. I mean, you wouldn't like Oprah when she's angry.
Demi Moore, we both agree, is smokin' hot. And she alleges she HAS loose skin and stretch marks. And she has NOT has plastic surgery. But she's cool about it if other people have had it. Adam says that's just so when it comes out that she has already had it, she has said it's OK. Look, I've had 15 pounds of loose skin removed. I've had plastic surgery. And I would like some more please.
We discuss the films of Jack Black and Will Ferrell versus their personal appearances. You need to hear that www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane. And we go into how burglars use social networking sites to see when you're gone and what stuff you have. I believe my favorite part of the show is the last ten minutes when Adam describes just what he'll do to you if you try it at his house. Oh, it's worth listening to. And how he knows which squirrels have STD's I don't know, but he has super powers. Don't knock him.
9.01.2009
The One About Wanting
Need, want, have to have. I suppose they're all basically the same thing. Just basically. You need water to survive. You don't have to have a new pair of jeans if you already have twenty, but you want it. You want it. The new stuff. Perhaps you just want stuff.
Many people love to acquire things. I'm not even talking about hoarders. Or those with any other type of illness or addiction that causes them to purchase anything they don't really and truly need. Because, easy as it is to laugh at, there are genuine issues associated with that behavior. I'm just talking the generic I want it.
For instance, I want new technology. All the time. I am not alone in this. Many of my friends are still irritated that we, the people, do not yet have Star Trek technology. Why can't you just put a device on my forehead or hold something up next to me and tell me everything that's wrong and how to fix it? I've seen it so many times that I have become to think of it as real. And I know that scientists are working on important stuff like that. Why I even heard that they're trying to make an invisibility cloak like Harry Potter has. Is that really necessary? No, but it's cool and if they make it, I want it.
Recently I was having a dialogue with a friend and it developed into what we wanted. As in have always wanted. We both want to not be plagued with headaches or ever have the overwhelming urge to eat. Oh, we still want to eat, but, as food addicts, we don't want to have to punch that urge to eat in the face all the time. We just want it removed. I want to be the type of person who forgets to eat. That's awesome. From my perspective.
I have more esoteric wants. I want my children to always be happy. I want a house where the windows open. No joke, only two windows in my home open, the rest are just floor to ceiling pieces of glass. The problem is, my spouse would close every window and door. He doesn't do nature. I want to have a basement, and a cool attic room. I want nooks and crannies in places other than an English muffin or my body.
I want two porches. I need a hammock. I mean, I've had them before. I am also desirous of a picnic table. We had one when I was growing up. It just doesn't feel like home to me without a picnic table.
I want an over sized leather chair with studs in it. Or studs on it. I'm cool with either. I want a bigger bathtub. I want counter tops that aren't orange. I want to be able to make decent coffee at home. I need a sugar free frozen vanilla latte with two extra shots.
I want to remember almost everything I have forgotten. Some things I am glad to have forgotten. But recently, those who I have known for quite some time have been telling me stories about me. I have no idea what they're talking about. It's as if my mind was wiped clean. Did I really approach strangers and offer them Advil if they would supply me with directions? So it would seem. But I don't recall. (A for real don't recall, not a Bill Clinton don't recall.)
I want to spend more quality time with those I care about. I want to know I'm doing the right thing. I have to have a purpose.
And, come to think of it, I need another pair of shoes.
Many people love to acquire things. I'm not even talking about hoarders. Or those with any other type of illness or addiction that causes them to purchase anything they don't really and truly need. Because, easy as it is to laugh at, there are genuine issues associated with that behavior. I'm just talking the generic I want it.
For instance, I want new technology. All the time. I am not alone in this. Many of my friends are still irritated that we, the people, do not yet have Star Trek technology. Why can't you just put a device on my forehead or hold something up next to me and tell me everything that's wrong and how to fix it? I've seen it so many times that I have become to think of it as real. And I know that scientists are working on important stuff like that. Why I even heard that they're trying to make an invisibility cloak like Harry Potter has. Is that really necessary? No, but it's cool and if they make it, I want it.
Recently I was having a dialogue with a friend and it developed into what we wanted. As in have always wanted. We both want to not be plagued with headaches or ever have the overwhelming urge to eat. Oh, we still want to eat, but, as food addicts, we don't want to have to punch that urge to eat in the face all the time. We just want it removed. I want to be the type of person who forgets to eat. That's awesome. From my perspective.
I have more esoteric wants. I want my children to always be happy. I want a house where the windows open. No joke, only two windows in my home open, the rest are just floor to ceiling pieces of glass. The problem is, my spouse would close every window and door. He doesn't do nature. I want to have a basement, and a cool attic room. I want nooks and crannies in places other than an English muffin or my body.
I want two porches. I need a hammock. I mean, I've had them before. I am also desirous of a picnic table. We had one when I was growing up. It just doesn't feel like home to me without a picnic table.
I want an over sized leather chair with studs in it. Or studs on it. I'm cool with either. I want a bigger bathtub. I want counter tops that aren't orange. I want to be able to make decent coffee at home. I need a sugar free frozen vanilla latte with two extra shots.
I want to remember almost everything I have forgotten. Some things I am glad to have forgotten. But recently, those who I have known for quite some time have been telling me stories about me. I have no idea what they're talking about. It's as if my mind was wiped clean. Did I really approach strangers and offer them Advil if they would supply me with directions? So it would seem. But I don't recall. (A for real don't recall, not a Bill Clinton don't recall.)
I want to spend more quality time with those I care about. I want to know I'm doing the right thing. I have to have a purpose.
And, come to think of it, I need another pair of shoes.
The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #126 Tue 09.01.09
Gotta love a record-breaker. Jason Mraz is having a very good year. I'm Yours first hit the Billboard Hot 100 chart in May 2008. It made it to #6 in September 2008. It's been on the charts for 71 weeks. The former record-holder was How Do I Live, the LeAnn Rimes version that sat on the charts for 69 weeks. You see, there was also a Trisha Yearwood version, meant for the film Con Air. I forget which singer the movie chose in the end, but both released the song. Hey, Con Air was a while ago. But it did have John Cusack in it as I recall. Sigh.
Speaking of attractive, yes, I agree, Richard Gere does have a nice head of hair and he still looks good in those jeans. As promised I did watch Nights in Rodanthe. And thought of Dan from RunPee who likes to get three minutes of time in which you can break away from the movie. Well, I thought you could leave the movie pretty much the entire run of it. Though the house/hotel on the beach and the interiors were stunning. And Richard did pose in a lot of doorways and lean on stuff and just look dapper. But there were so many stretches of no dialogue and then when there was dialogue I found it to be, what's the word, ponderous. And then there's all the crying at the end. Adam asked if it was a Nicholas Sparks story. And yes indeed, he was right. I have been accused of only liking movies where things blow up and go fast. That's not true. Casablanca is one of my favorites, as is Notorious, and they're pretty darn romantic when you get right down to it. However, they are also well-written with interesting stories to tell. I have been accused of not being sentimental and having too much testosterone. Meh. I just want to be entertained. And when a movie is plodding and boring, I start wanting my life back. That's all. But, if you want to look at something pretty, and you don't want to have to pay attention to a story, then, by all means, get Rodanthe. You will love it.
Disney has bought Marvel for $4 billion. Stan Lee, the creator of many Marvel characters, says he leaves his creations in good hands. Adam says Stan Lee has been crazy for years. Coming soon, Ashley Tisdale as Storm. Imagine the marketing. Imagine. Nobody pimps better than Disney. I tell you, Walt's frozen head is still calling the shots and still brilliant.
Remember that horrible end of season song No Boundaries for American Idol. Judge Kara DioGuardi was one of the writers. It was so poorly received that it was dropped from the Idol tour. She has recorded her version and put it on YouTube over the weekend. And the buzz is her version makes it listenable.
Adam hinted that The Hobbit may be out in 3D. Ian McKellen will be Gandalf. But Ian Holme will not be Bilbo. Adam and I made it clear that we are available for cameos. Or Peter Jackson boot licking. Whatever's open.
Make sure you visit www.thejaneellen.com to hear the rest of the show. Adam's column Geek Chic is up now. We even discuss how it is put together. It takes four people at least before you see it. Many, many new recipes are on the Cook Jane page. So go and visit. And change your calendar. Oh, and Happy Birthday to my sister Patty. This is your card.
Speaking of attractive, yes, I agree, Richard Gere does have a nice head of hair and he still looks good in those jeans. As promised I did watch Nights in Rodanthe. And thought of Dan from RunPee who likes to get three minutes of time in which you can break away from the movie. Well, I thought you could leave the movie pretty much the entire run of it. Though the house/hotel on the beach and the interiors were stunning. And Richard did pose in a lot of doorways and lean on stuff and just look dapper. But there were so many stretches of no dialogue and then when there was dialogue I found it to be, what's the word, ponderous. And then there's all the crying at the end. Adam asked if it was a Nicholas Sparks story. And yes indeed, he was right. I have been accused of only liking movies where things blow up and go fast. That's not true. Casablanca is one of my favorites, as is Notorious, and they're pretty darn romantic when you get right down to it. However, they are also well-written with interesting stories to tell. I have been accused of not being sentimental and having too much testosterone. Meh. I just want to be entertained. And when a movie is plodding and boring, I start wanting my life back. That's all. But, if you want to look at something pretty, and you don't want to have to pay attention to a story, then, by all means, get Rodanthe. You will love it.
Disney has bought Marvel for $4 billion. Stan Lee, the creator of many Marvel characters, says he leaves his creations in good hands. Adam says Stan Lee has been crazy for years. Coming soon, Ashley Tisdale as Storm. Imagine the marketing. Imagine. Nobody pimps better than Disney. I tell you, Walt's frozen head is still calling the shots and still brilliant.
Remember that horrible end of season song No Boundaries for American Idol. Judge Kara DioGuardi was one of the writers. It was so poorly received that it was dropped from the Idol tour. She has recorded her version and put it on YouTube over the weekend. And the buzz is her version makes it listenable.
Adam hinted that The Hobbit may be out in 3D. Ian McKellen will be Gandalf. But Ian Holme will not be Bilbo. Adam and I made it clear that we are available for cameos. Or Peter Jackson boot licking. Whatever's open.
Make sure you visit www.thejaneellen.com to hear the rest of the show. Adam's column Geek Chic is up now. We even discuss how it is put together. It takes four people at least before you see it. Many, many new recipes are on the Cook Jane page. So go and visit. And change your calendar. Oh, and Happy Birthday to my sister Patty. This is your card.
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