The Laptop

Where some things are concerned, I am very knowledgeable and timely. You won’t catch me with unmanicured nails or my hair in need of doing. I have visited the dentist every six months since I was three years old. I get the oil changed in my vehicles every 3,000 miles. Get the picture? And yet, something managed to slip by me. And that would be the maintenance of my laptop computer. Call it a blonde moment if you must. But I didn’t know it needed any. I kind of thought it did for itself. I was wrong.


In preparing for my worldwide domination with the launching of http://www.thejaneellen.com/, there was a need to load programs onto my laptop. Now I knew that I had a lot of photos stored on there. I just didn’t know there were over four gigabytes of photos on there. And then some.
Just the other evening it was pointed out to me that the laptop could’ve crashed at any time. Whaaaat? Never crossed my mind. It was so new. As old as Jenna. OK, so she’s turning three in August. It seems like I just got it. It seems like I just got her. And she’s the youngest. Anyway, I digress. The laptop, in my mind, was a mighty fortress-- with so much room it would never be full. Plus, the laptop became mine as the desktop became my husband’s. I just assumed if something needed to be done to it then he would do it. I assumed incorrectly. I guess he thought my ability to read and brilliant mind would be enough to keep it from crashing. Instead it was my friend Brien’s ability to read and brilliant mind that kept it from crashing. And who pointed out all the things I’ve done wrong with my laptop.


As a matter of fact, he made me a list. He knows I love a good list. Or was it because I just glazed over when he told me what I needed to do to? Honestly, don’t we live in the Star Trek age yet with sentient computers? Hasn’t Hal opened the pod doors yet? Ah, but it seems I willfully ignored all the times the laptop firmly suggested I delete things from the C drive. What I didn’t know is that it was about to start deleting things on its own. There’s the thinking for itself computer I thought I already had.


So it seems not everyone has about 2,000 emails. Is that so wrong? Apparently, it is. There is a delete button. I have since learned how to use it. The gajillion photos? Mostly of my beautiful children but a good many of my beautiful self? They’re on jump drives now. But I have now learned about external hard drives. Why, you can even get portable ones that come in pretty colors. And they’re more expensive than the less pretty desktop ones—how surprising.


(By the way, I don’t trust or believe that my photos are on the jump drives even though for two days after the transfer I stuck them back in and checked. It just seemed impossible. It seemed wrong. And it seems that I now have something small and easy to lose that I must now hide from two toddlers.)


I have been instructed and have mastered how to get updates for my laptop. I know, I am also surprised that I was able to do this without handholding. And now I have to clean up my laptop once a week and such. Who knew? I didn’t. Had my laptop had taken in one more teeny tiny bit of information it would’ve ceased to be. And if you thought I had a back up of anything, well, think again. Even I know I should’ve had a back up.


Much like people who don’t start diets but change their eating forever, I am planning to start anew. Even though I am a great one for hanging on to things. I promise to delete emails after I read them. I promise to defrag my C drive. And I promise not to live in a technology bubble where I let my math anxiety surface when I hear too many unfamiliar terms that begin to sound incredibly boring. There. A breakthrough. And I don’t even think it’s my math anxiety. I just think I get incredibly bored and it turns into a buzzing sound and I’d rather be baking or shoe shopping or doing something much more shallow. Or, here’s the real truth, or have someone else do the computer dirty work for me. In return for some baked goods. Well, I already promised. And I do want to set a fine example for my girls that they shouldn’t be dependent. However, if a baked good will get the job done, so be it.