Things That Go Bump in the Night

Recently, +Jim Herrin wrote of things which scared him as a child. This was egged on by our 6 and 7 year old girls watching movies that were, questionable. He said that our oldest is more like him in that images bother her while the youngest is more like me and is far more creeped out by the real world.

What movies scared me as a child? Yes, the Wicked Witch of the West was bothersome, but the monkeys were far more creepy. Whenever someone says the phrase "when monkeys fly out of my butt" I picture those monkeys. The creepy child stealer in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was and is beyond disturbing. As was the clown lamp in the bedroom I shared with my sister. I know full well that clown lamped instigated devilry whilst I slept. Fortunately, sheets can protect you from most bedroom furnishings.

A friend told me the story of how his dad took him and his brother to see JAWS. I believe he was around 5 at the time. He's still not a fan of going into the ocean. Sure, it's funny now. But I would imagine that was more than disturbing seen through the eyes of a child. Oh, yeah, I watched it with Jenna when she was around 5, but there was fast-forwarding and then I thought, you know, funny and fake as it looks to me when Quint gets eaten, I don't know if letting her watch it would be an act of good parenting. So I turned it off. JAWS, to the adult mind, most likely haunts you because of what is not seen. Being caught by surprise, unless cake is involved, is never good.I

I remember there was talk that my nephew had seen Jurassic Park at too young an age. He has not developed a fear of dinosaurs or theme parks to my knowledge. But everyone is just wired differently.

It's true, I won't park anywhere near a panel van. I will also not drive behind trucks carrying logs. Deliverance stayed with me more than Poltergeist did. Because of it I have an irrational fear of banjoess--and pretty mouths, on a city boy. I was raised in the suburbs of Washington, DC. There was a point when I realized that if a bomb was launched at our country, and it was aimed at DC, ducking and covering would be to no avail. Instead I remember a McDonald's shooting in the mid '80's. Sitting in the back row was always within my comfort zone.

Sometime between only sitting in the back row at church (family of six, easier to control the children) and this incidenct, I developed a distinct need to always sit in the back and/or in the position where I could see who was coming in, and could make an exit strategy. Every classroom, every restaurant, all the time, that's what I'm thinking. Perhaps I just took it for granted that my world was a target so I always expect the worst case scenario. I really do have a blanket, a candle, and every type of emergency situation stuff in my car, and I always have. I walk to the car with my keys in my hand and one key pointing out. Always. If I see one more victim in a movie drop their keys or, heaven forbid, just begin to look for them in a dark alley, well, quite frankly, she's an idiot.

Movies that are a bit more real, I won't watch. Saving Private Ryan is, from the bits I've seen, is a superb movie. But it's too real. My dad was in that war. Lot's of people had dads in that war. I don't want to watch it. It's too well made. I prefer the beheading of Orcs to a really real movie. Sci/fi fantasy is my world. Shower me with musicals (Glitter aside)and I'll be happy.

My boyfriend in college cajoled me into watching Nightare on Elm Street. I remembered putting up quite the resistance. However, I acquiesed and watch it I did. You know, Nightmare on Elm Street really isn't a movie for someone who has night terrors already. It took about ten years for that crawling on the ceiling business to fade away from my mind. If only Freddy Kreuger had used jazz hands then I wouldn't even be telling you this now.

They say that public speaking is what most people fear. Pffftttt. That scares me not. Flop sweat when you're dying out there, even that's not scary. Me, failing, is actually pretty funny stuff. That's why I do it so often. I used to think not having a job would scare me. Four years after being laid off, I'm not scared, I'm not pining for the fjords, and I'm not looking back. You see the only thing I am truly scared of is a life of regrets. It may sound trite, but it's true. I live my life as an adventure. But without all the skydiving because, seriously man, you're just baiting fate with that.

Everybody Loves A Comeback

Hello first blog. I am back. Been awhile since I have visited here. I started this blog years ago for two purposes. As part of my broadcaster duties I wrote a blog on the radio station website at which I worked. I went over the topics of the day and commented even more I mean six minutes was not nearly enough time for me to express myself at each stopset. When I started to do podcasts I kept the same habits. I also wrote for a small town newspaper so I put those columns in here as well. The blog was named after my show, The Jane Ellen Experience. I thought it fitting for #throwbackthursday to update this today. Should you read any of the original posts, you will discover hat I found of interest that day. Of course, the podcasts are better. I have them saved on a hard drive. Maybe they are in a cache somewhere on the interwebz. My more recent posts are on my WP blog called Jane's Addiction. Primarily, on that site, I write about food. Food addiction. More food. Head hunger, stupid wantsies. Weight loss. Food again. Bariatric surgery. And food. Lately I felt the need to write in greater depth about whatever strikes my fancy. My fancy gets struck a lot. But I did not want to keep it just to the food topic. And thus, this dreck has emerged. No, I am far too tired to write you something decent. No, not tonight. Just thought I would wave from the back of the room. Oh, eight months until Christmas.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #270 Mon 04.19.10

So hard to focus what with the poison whatever, ivy let's say. Had such plans for today. After the show plans. Now, I barely recall the show. Well, let me explain something. None of us recall the show seconds after we finish it. It's hard to explain. Once we empty our brains, they remain empty. Jim and I talked about some guy who says he's sensitive to electromagnetic fields and is suing his neighbor to get her to turn off her TV and such. I think he should move. Far, far away. Be a hermit or something. I'm not saying there isn't something wrong with him. Clearly there is. Clearly.

We discussed how Jim gets to work with the public more and get their germy germs. Nice. Wow, this stuff is itchy. It's just popping up all over me. Now my friend Rhonda got poison ivy from her cat. Oh yes. Cat got into it, she pet her cat, she got poison ivy. She's miserable. The cat, not so much. We're both living the Z-Pak life. Thank God for Z-Paks by the way.

There is a church, a Catholic Church, with a crucifix that has caused some disturbance. I don't see anything wrong with it. I get why some people think the shape on the abdomen looks like a penis, but the shape is ON THE ABDOMEN of Christ. It's abs. It's not a penis. It's a classic work of art. It's not pornographic in any way. Yet people are outraged. Look at it. If that same shape was on a different part of the body, sure, I get it. But it's on the abdomen. And it's on a crucifix. Seriously.

OK, so the rest of the show was I'm sure a laugh riot. I've been suffering from tooth pain for days and I barely recall my name. We're working on fixing that issue. In the late afternoon I was asked if I could try and pass as a Dolly Parton impersonator. That meant I had to put on fake eyelashes (which I always have in the house) and attempt to look like Dolly and then, here's the kicker, take pictures of myself. You know what? That's not easy. Sure I've got a tripod and a timer, but still. You know what I think? I think I don't look anything like Dolly Parton.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #268 Thu 04.15.20

Happy Birthday to my niece Melissa and Happy Tax Day! Jim and I commented on Tuesday's Hurley-centric episode of Lost. There are now what one can only call Spanx for men, but they're not Spanx, but you get the idea. There's a study about the attractiveness and success of mixed race people. Well, they are gorgeous. Hello. Halle Berry. And we had just an amusing show. Trust me. Then I got to go to the dentist and it was a delight. Well, I am fond of my dentist. But it is even better to have the feeling of my tongue back. Might even use it tomorrow. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #267 Wed 04.14.10

I know, I know, I've been a writing slacker. I'd give you valid reasons, but I'd have to write them down and quite frankly, I don't have the time or the patience. Today's show, do listen. (Hey, if you didn't hear how Adam and I brought together the Mickey Mouse clubhouse characters and questions concerning bestiality, that's Tuesday's show.) Adam has eaten and fallen in love with KFC's Double Down sandwich. He now wants all his sammiches in between two pieces of fried chicken. We sang the theme song from Star Trek's Enterprise. Several times. It had to be done. There were a few other sci-fi songs kind of thrown into the mix too. We talked about The Avengers. But not the one with Mr. Steed. Even though Adam patiently let me go on and on. Some sort of comic book thing. And Joss Whedon is involved so it could be all good. It's a must listen. I have to say I was amused. And really, isn't that what it's all about? Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #256 03.30.10

Yes, it was a quickie today. Adam and the Amazing Ray and I only had a limited amount of time to spend together today. But we did manage to pass on a few odd stories. There has been a study that says the "myth" of the grumpy old man is a myth indeed. Clearly, those who did the study do not know Jim. We also talked about a whacked out vegetarian who was ticked off at his grandmother's pot roast and went to a grocery store and hacked up $200 worth of meat. Certainly, a show worth listening to at www.thejaneellen.com. I had to high tail it to Nashville with our Brien Travis for a pre-birthday celebration. And it was exceptional.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #255 Mon 03.29.10

Threesome. Word of the day. Me, Adam and the Amazing Ray. It was a momentous occasion as they had never actually met before. I asked they were in love. They informed me that love takes time. Sigh. I had been a part of a conversation regarding threesomes, oddly enough. No, I have not actually taken part in one. But, you do need to hear the show to know what we spoke of. Excuse me. To know about which of we spoke. Don't want anyone to go all Churchill on me. What? You have to look that one up? Go ahead. Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. It wasn't naughty talk, but we did have quite the time with it.

Adam says Hot Tub Time Machine is a must see. Just don't spend too much time thinking about the space time continuum. And it does keep with the theory that John Cusack and water means a good time. Oh, thank you Wendy, Rob's sitcom that should've made it was called The Winner.

We discussed how delicious a sausage Twinkie would be. And there was much rejoicing. Really, top-notch entertainment. Enjoy it, because tomorrow we will be in a super big hurry. Just warning you.