Jane Ellen's Experience

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #270 Mon 04.19.10

2010-04-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

So hard to focus what with the poison whatever, ivy let's say. Had such plans for today. After the show plans. Now, I barely recall the show. Well, let me explain something. None of us recall the show seconds after we finish it. It's hard to explain. Once we empty our brains, they remain empty. Jim and I talked about some guy who says he's sensitive to electromagnetic fields and is suing his neighbor to get her to turn off her TV and such. I think he should move. Far, far away. Be a hermit or something. I'm not saying there isn't something wrong with him. Clearly there is. Clearly.

We discussed how Jim gets to work with the public more and get their germy germs. Nice. Wow, this stuff is itchy. It's just popping up all over me. Now my friend Rhonda got poison ivy from her cat. Oh yes. Cat got into it, she pet her cat, she got poison ivy. She's miserable. The cat, not so much. We're both living the Z-Pak life. Thank God for Z-Paks by the way.

There is a church, a Catholic Church, with a crucifix that has caused some disturbance. I don't see anything wrong with it. I get why some people think the shape on the abdomen looks like a penis, but the shape is ON THE ABDOMEN of Christ. It's abs. It's not a penis. It's a classic work of art. It's not pornographic in any way. Yet people are outraged. Look at it. If that same shape was on a different part of the body, sure, I get it. But it's on the abdomen. And it's on a crucifix. Seriously.

OK, so the rest of the show was I'm sure a laugh riot. I've been suffering from tooth pain for days and I barely recall my name. We're working on fixing that issue. In the late afternoon I was asked if I could try and pass as a Dolly Parton impersonator. That meant I had to put on fake eyelashes (which I always have in the house) and attempt to look like Dolly and then, here's the kicker, take pictures of myself. You know what? That's not easy. Sure I've got a tripod and a timer, but still. You know what I think? I think I don't look anything like Dolly Parton.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #268 Thu 04.15.20

2010-04-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my niece Melissa and Happy Tax Day! Jim and I commented on Tuesday's Hurley-centric episode of Lost. There are now what one can only call Spanx for men, but they're not Spanx, but you get the idea. There's a study about the attractiveness and success of mixed race people. Well, they are gorgeous. Hello. Halle Berry. And we had just an amusing show. Trust me. Then I got to go to the dentist and it was a delight. Well, I am fond of my dentist. But it is even better to have the feeling of my tongue back. Might even use it tomorrow. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #267 Wed 04.14.10

2010-04-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I've been a writing slacker. I'd give you valid reasons, but I'd have to write them down and quite frankly, I don't have the time or the patience. Today's show, do listen. (Hey, if you didn't hear how Adam and I brought together the Mickey Mouse clubhouse characters and questions concerning bestiality, that's Tuesday's show.) Adam has eaten and fallen in love with KFC's Double Down sandwich. He now wants all his sammiches in between two pieces of fried chicken. We sang the theme song from Star Trek's Enterprise. Several times. It had to be done. There were a few other sci-fi songs kind of thrown into the mix too. We talked about The Avengers. But not the one with Mr. Steed. Even though Adam patiently let me go on and on. Some sort of comic book thing. And Joss Whedon is involved so it could be all good. It's a must listen. I have to say I was amused. And really, isn't that what it's all about? Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #256 03.30.10

2010-03-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was a quickie today. Adam and the Amazing Ray and I only had a limited amount of time to spend together today. But we did manage to pass on a few odd stories. There has been a study that says the "myth" of the grumpy old man is a myth indeed. Clearly, those who did the study do not know Jim. We also talked about a whacked out vegetarian who was ticked off at his grandmother's pot roast and went to a grocery store and hacked up $200 worth of meat. Certainly, a show worth listening to at www.thejaneellen.com. I had to high tail it to Nashville with our Brien Travis for a pre-birthday celebration. And it was exceptional.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #255 Mon 03.29.10

2010-03-29T20:35:00.000-07:00

Threesome. Word of the day. Me, Adam and the Amazing Ray. It was a momentous occasion as they had never actually met before. I asked they were in love. They informed me that love takes time. Sigh. I had been a part of a conversation regarding threesomes, oddly enough. No, I have not actually taken part in one. But, you do need to hear the show to know what we spoke of. Excuse me. To know about which of we spoke. Don't want anyone to go all Churchill on me. What? You have to look that one up? Go ahead. Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. It wasn't naughty talk, but we did have quite the time with it.

Adam says Hot Tub Time Machine is a must see. Just don't spend too much time thinking about the space time continuum. And it does keep with the theory that John Cusack and water means a good time. Oh, thank you Wendy, Rob's sitcom that should've made it was called The Winner.

We discussed how delicious a sausage Twinkie would be. And there was much rejoicing. Really, top-notch entertainment. Enjoy it, because tomorrow we will be in a super big hurry. Just warning you.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #252 Wed 03.24.10

2010-03-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

Wings. Adam loves them. Hopefully, you do too. Because you get to hear him eat them throughout the entire show. Now, some people might think that shows are not for eating. We think differently. Plus, I know what makes Adam happy. He is a man who loves his meat on a bone and he loves his gristle. He has many a good story about it too.

So, there's that. More food came into play because there has been a study of paintings made from the past thousand years of The Last Supper. Seems, in those paintings, the portion and plate size has increased. It has been super sized. Interesting. This caused Adam and I to wax poetic about The Last Supper. We thought big thoughts.

The show also drifted toward Free Willy, whose name was actually Keiko, thank you Wendy. And the brilliance of last week's 30 Rock episode. It's magnificent. We mentioned The Italian. Oh this show is worth a good listen at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com. I do believe I snort laughed on several occasions.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #251 Mon 03.22.10

2010-03-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

The Italian did me the honor of passing along his spaghetti sauce recipe. Now, I've never made sauce from scratch. I know, you're appalled. I've always doctored sauces. I took his recipe, made a minor change or two, let it cook about five hours, and it was divine. Shan said it was the best she had ever eaten. Jim said not as good as my doctored sauces. What can you do? Oh, then Jim went on to say I was insulting Italians, I forget why. But I'm sure there was a valid reason, in his eyes. By the way, on of The Italian's recipes is the Recipe of the Week under Cook Jane on the website.

Over the weekend I was part of the Extreme Fashion Show and wore an amazing gown, evocative of vintage Hollywood glamor created by friend Shane Langford. Jim said the dress was "nice" which, for him, is a huge compliment. However, he went on to say (on Saturday mind you) that he didn't like my hair up or the make up and in short preferred fat Jane to newly remodeled Jane. Do listen to this. Weigh in if you will. Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com

And it snowed today. How crazy. It will be sunny and 65 on Tuesday in Tennessee. Just bizarre. But Tennessee weather is like that. Wait five minutes and it's bound to change.

Do note, I made a genius discovery. I usually add a handful of chocolate chips to my brownies. This past weekend I also included a handful of Heath chips. They're teeny tiny Heath bar pieces, but without the chocolate. Insanely good.

The Amazing Ray will be on Tuesday's show, however, that means it will post after noon. Adam's schedule should allow him to be back on the show Wednesday.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #249 Thu 03.18.10

2010-03-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

What will you do for your Little Debbie Oatmeal cookies? This 80-year-old took his hoe (had have taken his ho' that would've been an entirely different story, and perhaps more entertaining) and started to bang on his neighbor's door. He thought he had seven boxes of cookies in his house and was positive his neighbor and absconded with said cookies. Well, the police were summoned and they checked the guy's house. They found five boxes of cookies and a receipt showing he had bought only five boxes. So he had forgotten that he had only purchased five boxes and just forgotten. How droll. See, would've been funnier if he had been pounding the door down with an actual woman.

Some guy got on the public address in a Wal-Mart in South Jersey and did one of those "attention Wal-Mart shoppers, will all the black people please leave the store." Now, what would've made the joke funny is if he would've followed it with "would all the blonde women leave the store...would all the Asians leave the store... would all the nerds leave the store." You know, hit up everybody. Now I could see where that could be slightly amusing. Or, was it a black guy who did it? I have no idea, just speculating. Anyway, the joke was not well received, if indeed it was meant to be a joke. I mean, I'm guessing it was. I don't know, I didn't do it, I wouldn't do it. But that's beside the point. I just happen to come from the Don Rickles school of comedy, insult everybody. That's really my only point.

My other point is, everyone I know is on a Z-Pak this week. It's as if we're in a club. I feel certain mine will kick in any minute now. Like now. Or, wait for it, now. OK, until then. I'm done. The show amused me. Give it a listen. Friday's show will be up around 2pm central. Ish, or as close as I can get it. I would say by 2 is safe. And the amazing Ray will be doing it with me. Ray is amazing because there are so many accents in him you never know which one is going to come out. I'm all a tingle about it.

Until then have fun with the Thursday show. Listen to it once or twice even. You might learn something. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. For instance, today I learned that children will paint on walls. Even the floor, or the fridge. Being a genius, I only have water-based paints in the house so it's like a two second clean up, but still, my mantra of "paper only" (meaning draw or paint on) has clearly not sunk in. Yet. I'm sure many other of my mother mantras will not sink in either like "no tattoos" or "he's no good for you" I could go on, but I won't waste my breath now, or then. See, I'm trainable.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #248 Wed 03.17.10

2010-03-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day, or what's left of it. Adam and I had a lovely show. Listen and find out. I do believe I have heard great. Yes. I think amazingly funny was also said. Got a call from Irish Ray too. Was able to tie in the whole St. Patrick's Day snakes with the movie Snakes on a Plane. You need to hear it at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com. Got some comedy rolling.

Adam accused me of making up the words CookiePuss and Fudgie the Whale. But no. I was simply remember Carvel ice cream cakes. The commercials were classic. Honestly, Adam was positive I was making it all up. But mo, all real. No Carvel in Tennessee.

Anyway, it's almost tomorrow, there are clearly not enough hours in the day.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #245 Mon 03.15.10

2010-03-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Ides of March. As any educated person knows, the ides is the 15th of March, May, July and October, and the 13th of the rest of the months. But the Ides of March was made famous because it was on that day. What, I have to tell you? One of the most famous hits in Italian mob history. Julius Caesar was stabbed by about 60 Roman Senators, including Brutus ("et tu, Brute?" and you, Brutus) on March 15, 44 B.C. But you knew that. Of course you did. Well, that's why I'm here, to remind you that ancient studies needs to be hammered into everyone's heads because it's cool and worthwhile. Even though Jim disagrees. But what does he agree on? So little.

Alice in Wonderland has made a gajillion dollars. OK, that's not a precise amount, but close. It was number one again over the weekend. Man that Irish wrestler guy with the red hair is really pale. But I digress.

So, let's talk Giant African snails. I must admit, this story gave me the giggles. I snort laughed. Couldn't stop. This guy, Charles L. Stewart, has smuggled these illegal snails into Florida. That's the issue. They are invasive. Hey now, here's why, they grow up to ten inches. See why I had issue? Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com. Now he says it's part of his religion and he and his followers drink the snail juice. I don't know if they milk them or sqeeze them or squish them or what. You'd have to listen. I suggest you do.

And a woman who had been arrested for fraud had almosts thirty grand in bills AND receipts in her bra. That's a lot of paper. That's a really big bra. Let's visualize, shall we?

Site updates ready and waiting. Jay talks about asparagus in Can U Dig It. Go look.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #244 Thu 03.11.10

2010-03-11T20:48:00.000-08:00

Things stick in my brain. And when I was at Gary and Cassie's house, his hymnal was open to a page that had In the Sweet Bye and Bye on one side and I'll Fly Away on the other. I connect I'll Fly Away so strongly with the film O Brother Where Art Thou that I start quoting lines from the film. Because I'm a Dapper Dan man. Could not help myself. I'm a bit obsessive compulsive that way. Cookeville, TN is mentioned in that movie too. Nice touch. Gary and I have decided to make our podcasts a little more regular. We had so much fun. I can't imagine why we wouldn't do that. I'll bring more baked goods. I promise. You can hear more from Gary at his new site www.ahymnaweek.com.

Adam Cravens hasn't been on the show lately not because he has been banished, has a case of leprosy, or has been taken by aliens, at least not according to what he says. He has been working. Which is ponderous. And helping out in the community theater production of Cinderella. This caused Jim to make remark. Do listen at Hear Jane on www.thejaneellen.com. Adam says he will be on Friday's show. He alleges.

Seems alleges is a word that some journalists are no longer allowed to use. Along with diva. Can't use diva? How can you describe me then? You simply must read this memo.

Hope all is well and wonderful with you. Am hoping to have The Italian on the show next week. Might need a translator. But it will be soooooo worth it. Grrrrr.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #243

2010-03-10T21:37:00.000-08:00

Gary Chapman. What a show. Go listen. Now. I command you. Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. It's one of the best. Gary sings, he dances. OK he just sings. Gary has a new website called www.ahymnaweek.com. You'll have to visit it or listen to the show to get the full story but the short version is, it's for his parents. It's beautiful.

You know, I've said it before, I'm just lucky to have talented friends. Makes me realize I'm just lucky. I can bake. I can accessorize. I can snort when I laugh. I don't really "do" anything. But Gary can sing and play and it's gorgeous. I even put it on video to prove it. Also to prove that I can accessorize.

We talked about how he knows all the ingredients to the famous Elvis fried peanut butter and banana sammich. It was made for him by the same guy who made it for Elvis. This was relevant because I brought my banana bread which I call The Elvis because of the bananas, a given, the peanut butter chips, and the chocolate chips as well. So terrific warmed up with buttah.

We chatted about Ouja boards and gulllible people. How we could make a few extra grand. Really, a show you shouldn't miss. I may even listen to it again. We will make it a regular thing, trust me. And my friend Cassie, The Mrs. Gary, we even dragged her into it as well. What a perfect day. How I love them both.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #242 Tue 03.09.10

2010-03-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

The Oscar talk continues. Jim and I talked much about Jimmy Kimmel's Handsome Men's Club which is nothing short of hilarious. I almost got Jim to admit he was wrong regarding the first African American woman to win an Oscar, Hattie McDaniel. But it was Butterfly McQueen who said the "birthin' no babies" quote in Gone With the Wind. You had to have heard Monday's show to know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you don't care. I cared that I was right. So Jim agreed that we could all be right.

In Jersey about six women were hospitalized because they chose to get bathtub caulk in their butt for butt implants. Oddly enough, it's not a good thing to go to non-plastic surgeons for this sort of thing. Bathtub caulk for non-medical grade silicone. Seriously. They thought this was a good idea?

I share a story about a straight, male friend of mine who is regularly hit upon by gay men. It's worth a listen at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.

Go to another straight male friend of mine's website www.ahymnaweek.com it's Gary Chapman. Jim shows how I will know none of the songs, yet have a great time with Gary as I do the show from his house tomorrow. If I can ever find it.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #241 Mon 03. 08.10

2010-03-08T21:12:00.000-08:00

Gorgeous Monday, 70 degrees, Miss Slacker can't even write a blog in a timely fashion. What can I say. But that doesn't let you out of your obligation regarding today's show. That's the glory of a podcast. Every day I have people ask me why I'm not doing morning radio. It's been more than a year. I'm not going back. This is one of the things I do now. And you get it on iTunes for free whenever you want or listen from your PC whenever you want. No commercials. All me all the time. Sweet deal, isn't it? I should say so.

Today you get Jim and I talking about the Oscars. Clooney clearly making hand gestures to me throughout the show. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did a fine job though I felt Steve had the best lines. Robert Downey Jr. and Tina Fey were magnificent as presenters. And the biggest omission Bea Arthur and Farrah Fawcett left off of the In Memoriam, yet Michael Jackson remained. I have no issue with Michael being in, but the word given was they were left off because they were known mostly from their television work. Well, he was known mostly for his music. Happy place, Clooney. Sigh. I just know he smells good. Don't ruin it for me. It takes 82 years for a woman to win best director? For crying out loud.

Jim did his once a year bit of yard work for an hour or so and kvetched the rest of Sunday, and Monday. You see, he does clean out the gutter. But without gloves. How lame, and disgusting, is that? But then he doesn't collect the muck, or tree branches, he has torn down. That's for me to do. Luckily, I have people.

Go to the website, plenty of new stuff. There's a seafood dish, it's Lent you know. Jay's Can U Dig It is all about berries. And Adam has a new feature in Geek Chic. Do take a peek. It's www.thejaneellen.com. And the show is at Hear Jane.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #238 Wed 03.03.10

2010-03-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

It's double three day. March the third. Adam called it triple play day. Yes, I know, I've been a total slacker regarding these updates. You'd think I had nothing to do. Today I found out that retail stores can resell used, as in previously worn, underwear. OK, a bra, well, ew, but, not usually an area known for fluids. That's really I'm going to say.

I can't believe I am going to say this though. I'm working on a recipe and, hard to believe, too much butter. Butter makes things spread. Insert joke here. In a cookie it can make it spread too much. So I switched it to a bar. Sure they taste great. But I'm still looking at a 7 when it should be a 10.

Oh, the show. Adam and I talked about my new friend John and whether or not he sounded like Fat Tony from The Simpsons. Adam assumed he sounded like one of the Mario Brothers. Not Mario Lopez. I think Adam's imitation sounded like the Lucky Charms guy by the way. Not like a pisan at all. But Adam's British accent only sounds like Ringo Starr so what are you gonna do?

We simply cannot do a show without mentioning Star Trek. Totally valid. You see, Adam and Brien and I, celebrating our geekiness. Have the original Star Trek communicator noise as our text message alert on our cell phones. The only problem is when we are all together. We realized why wasn't this a problem on Star Trek when their communication devices went off with the same noises? Didn't someone else think it was theirs? Then the comedy ensued. Do go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane. I found it most satisfactory.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #232 Tue 02.23.10

2010-02-23T19:53:00.000-08:00

Panda porn. You don't hear that much about it. But it seems it's all the rage. There are just under 500 pandas in captivity and only about 1600 in the wild. And the males are a tad picky. And they only seem interested, when they are, for about 30 seconds. Some scientists have turned to what they call panda porn to encourage the male pandas to be a bit more attentive in their duties. They claim it works. All this led Adam and I to discuss whether or not there was one particular panda they used for the panda porn. You'll have to listen at Hear Jane to see in what direction we went at www.thejaneellen.com.

We talked about the new version of We Are the World for Haiti. And yes, there is a Huey Lewis only version.

It took until the 1960's for one racial slur in California to be changed to Negrohead Mountain. Now it's officially Ballard, after a pioneer. We then thought about what was perhaps on some maps still. Makes you wonder.

In the meantime, read Adam's Geek Chic, you'll enjoy it immensely.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #230 02.18.10

2010-02-18T21:19:00.000-08:00

"My name is Clareece Precious Jones. I want to be on the cover of a magazine." Those are the opening lines from Precious as spoken by actress Gabourey Sidibe who has had a breakout year. And you would think she would be featured on the cover of Vanity Fair along with all the other young actresses who are having breakout years even though Adam and I didn't recognize half of them. Gabourey feels she has been snubbed. We concur.

Britney Spears has shot a new series of Candies ads for some slides. Adam and I looked at the ads. The shoes are gorgeous. He didn't notice the shoes. Or the pink teddy bear. I feel he was distracted by the white bikini. We then discussed how I noticed, online, that for Valentine's Day it was apparently newsworthy that she and her boyfriend went to a McDonald's drive through. The pictures were stupid. Two people in a care looking at each other like "hey what do you want to get?" Nothing unusual. Nothing newsworthy. And yet, there it was. Again, Brad and Angelina took some of their kids out for ice cream in Venice. Cameras in their faces. Ridiculous. They were just there. Being parents. No need for that. Listen to our discussion. Click on Hear Jane on the website.

Then we talked about who Adam would love to work with. Interesting result. OK, totally predictable.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #229 02.17.10

2010-02-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

So I was not the only one who just didn't realize that today was Ash Wednesday. It snuck up on everyone I knew. I decided to give up snacking. Which is very difficult for me. I shouldn't be doing it anyway. Adam said he could not survive. Truly, you need to see Adam eat. He is so small and yet can consume vast quantities. It's fascinating.

American Idol started to narrow down the field to get it to the final 24 and Big Mike, the new dad, did make it.

Adam and I talked about the Family Guy episode that got the Palin family talking. If you want to hear it, I suggest you go and listen to it at Hear Jane on the website.

OK, I clearly cannot finish this. My husband refuses to stop talking to me.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #228 02.16.10

2010-02-16T20:27:00.000-08:00

So it's Fat Tuesday. Have you overindulged? I made brownies. And then called Nathan Stoops of Scarletta, who I knew was on the road, to tell him of all that I had cooked over the past few days. I'm cruel that way. Jim spent the show suggesting what I could give up for Ash Wednesday. Oddly enough it was in no way helpful, yet it was completely irritating. I am, as yet, undecided. Seeing as, just as Christmas, Lent has completely snuck up on me. And I didn't realize that this was another one of those years when my birthday has fallen on a Friday during Lent. Which translates into, no meatballs at Mauricio's for me. I know, I'm pathetic, like the world revolves around me.

Kevin Smith's Southwest Air episode has now been called Fatgate. Really, if you're not following the story, or him on Twitter, you're missing out.

It's Fashion Week in New York. Apparently, the trend this season for women is to borrow from men's clothing. Well, it depends on how much borrowing we're talking about. Jim was amazed that Victoria Bedckham calls herself a designer. We had quite the discussion regarding that. You should listen to it at Hear Jane on the website.

So live it up, the rest of your Fat Tuesday.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #227 Mon 02.15.10

2010-02-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

The illin' Jim and I talked through surgical masks (I wish) today about Kevin Smith's Southwest Air debacle. You see, he had purchased two tickets as is the norm for someone of his size. Then, there was one seat on an earlier flight that was sold to him. Once ensconced with the sidearms down the captain had him tossed. And oh the tweets. If you don't follow him on Twitter, you should. It's been a scream. They tried to give him a $100 voucher by way of an apology. Like that would help. Not a free ride. Just $100 off. Oh, he's had much to say. All of it, hilarious.

New Scarletta video from their appearance on Balcony TV in Nashville. They do Jealous Boy and you can see it on their Facebook fan page. It's awesome.

Jim's sick therefore he can do nothing and has contaminated his computer. The new season of The Amazing Race has begun and they seem to have cast some real doozies. Jim also let it be known that he is well versed on Barbra Streisand movies and ranked his favorites. I had no idea he felt so strongly.

The website is back up and running. There were two separate issues last week, both of them resolved. So all the columns are new, along with a recipe of the week for spinach haters and even new photos in the gallery. Go explore.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #226 02.12.10

2010-02-12T18:04:00.000-08:00

Server problem is keeping the website down. Keep checking back, it's being attended to. And, yes, it's completely annoying. However, you can listen to the podcast on iTunes and by going directly to the feed www.thejaneellen.podbean.com.

On today's show, Adam and I talked movies. A lot of movies. Seems there will be another Chronicles of Riddick. Now, you may be confused, but remember, it all actually began with Pitch Black. This one they're making with Vin now is really just a glorified commercial, as Adam put it. And it's to sell lunchboxes and action figures. Which is where the whole Riddick thing really made its money on a global level. It wasn't in ticket sales. Then we got to talking about the later Jurassic films. And that's when I started writing a Jurassic film he would like. One with machine guns on the arms of the T-Rex and rocket launchers in the horns of the triceratops. I think I had Scar-Jo riding one, maybe Jessica Alba riding another. It only got better the more we talked. I'm talking, this was nothing short of genius. Or at least on the level of another Riddick film.

New movies out today, Wolfman, Valentine's Day and the Potter lookalike with Sean Bean from Fellowship of the Ring (best death ever) Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.

By the way, just thought I'd throw this into the mix. Jim doesn't find Cougar Town hilarious. There's something wrong with him.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #225 Thu 02.11.10

2010-02-11T20:11:00.000-08:00

Issues. For the next 24 hours or so, to hear the podcast go directly to www.thejaneellen.podbean.com to catch the feed. Or pick it up off of iTunes. The good news is my webmaster now has a new computer and things should slowly be getting back to normal.

Today's show Adam and I talked about fun at Wal-Mart. First of all, never a good idea to take a metal bat from sporting goods and then walk over to the TV's and smash them up. It got one guy in Georgia 29 counts of criminal damage to property. What a waste. Adam says people try to walk into Wal-Mart with all sorts of strange things. For instance, a Ninja sword. And they get annoyed when they are stopped and told they can't bring it in. Yeah, never a good idea.

Neither is trying to buy urine off of kids. That's what an 18-year-old was doing in Manhattan Beach, CA. The police assume it's because he wanted clean urine to pass drug tests. His bail is $150,000. That's what he gets for hanging around elementary schools asking boys for their pee. Adam said if that would've happened to him, he probably, as a child, would've agreed, as child Adam would've seen no down side.

It seems one fifth of adults would rather spend Valentine's Day with their pet. Now we did question what "with" meant. And it seems most of those who answered were from Turkey. But still, interesting. Valentine's Day is Sunday and I do have extra Harry Potter and Mickey Mouse valentines for the men in my life. Oh, I'm not joking.

In case you missed it, the regular columns, Geek Chic, Tube Job, Can U Dig It, all were posted on www.facebook.com/thejaneellen under notes seeing as the whole computer thing meant they weren't going to be up this week. And that was just sad. They were full of joy that was meant to be spread.

Adam's back with me tomorrow to talk about new movies opening this weekend.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #224 Wed 02.10.10

2010-02-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

Snow in Tennessee today meant Adam's Ranger was not giving him good lovin'. He said that rear wheel drive and a stiff wind are not a good combination. So we had to podcast with a phone connection, not our favorite way to do a show. Anway, we talked about our great love of Lost. Amused that the new character who was dressed just like hippie John Lennon was, what do you know, named Lennon. So sad the show will be off the air in the spring. But perhaps the new Star Trek series will be on in 2011. Perhaps. And Ellen DeGeneres made her debut on Idol Tuesday night. She worked out well I thought. She was amusing and snarky when necessary. I thought she worked just fine.

Check out my youtube channel thejaneellen or go to www.facebook.com/scarletta to hear the latest song from our regular guest Nathan Stoops and the rest of his band Scarletta, which would be Benji Harris and Aubrey Collins. The song is called Mad.

Here's the latest on my website updates. My gorgeous webmaster is getting a new computer while the one that crashed is being fixed. I suspect you won't see any changes until the weekend. Sorry to say. Sorry for all of us actually.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #223

2010-02-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

Adam had a big time today. He spent a solid ten minutes talking about the direction the Superman and Batman movies are taking. He would've gone on the entire show, but I had to pull him back. So if you are all about those super heroes then you need to go to the website and click on Hear Jane.

Ever seen a marmot? Seems they're rather common in Alaska. Unlike groundhogs. Groundhog day is not very popular in Alaska and it seems that February 2 is Marmot Day. Just so you'll know.

Did you know you could be cited for eating while driving? It happened in Massachusetts. This trucker choked on some chili and hit the foundation of a house. He's OK, the people in the house are OK. And lovers of Wendy's chili now know not to eat while driving. Well, really, how can you eat chili while driving? How can you?

A third of kids between the ages of 5 and 16 believe one of their teachers is an alien. As Adam put it, a third of kids are stupid.

And on that note, have a great day.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #222 02.08.10

2010-02-08T20:38:00.000-08:00

Where was Adam today? Hmmmm? To talk about his favorite writer, Nicholas Sparks, and the movie, Dear John, number one at the box office? So, Jim had to do it. Jim's response was, well, Avatar had to slip eventually.

Some not new but newly-released (wow, if they were new that would be quite a trick) photos of Marilyn Monroe are up for auction at roughly two to four grand. They're black and white taken I think eight months before she died. The pictures are interesting because they are different and casual, and yet, you're not going to see the iconic Marilyn in them. Perhaps it's the cat's eye glasses that throws it off. Take a look.

We discussed a lawsuit between the Heart Stoppers Sports Grill and Heart Attack Grill. Both of which sell food designed to kill you. Now, no one is suing because it did. Wouldn't that be a trick. One is suing the other over the idea of the themed restaurant. And who wouldn't eat the Chili Chest Pain Fries? And they serve anyone who weighs over 350 lbs. their meal for free.

Jim and I chatted some about the Super Bowl ads. Do listen to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

My favorite new band, Scarletta, has a fan page on Facebook, www.facebook.com/scarletta. Nathan Stoops, who often guests on the podcast, is one-third of the band. Do check them out, won't you?

Funny thing, my friends have not had luck with computers this week. One had theirs stolen. The other had the hard drive crash. Doesn't matter which one was my webmaster's computer. It still means the regular site updates are written, just not posted due to issues. Serious issues. We shall overcome. Stay tuned.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #221 Fri 02.05.10

2010-02-05T19:13:00.000-08:00

What a big movie day. Or rather not. Adam is so down. There are just two movies in wide release today. And Adam and I spent the show reading the revies. It was a delight. Well, for us. They're on Rotten Tomatoes. We had the best time with the Dear John reviews. This led to a revelation from Adam, he knows more about Nicholas Sparks than he does about sports. Sad, seeing as he can't stomach Nicholas Sparks stories. The other film opening is the latest Travolta film called From Paris With Love. And the reviews say he is hilarious in it.

By the way. There is another great movie site that my friend Dan has and it is Run Pee. I highly recommend you visit it. Run Pee is a completely different experience from Rotten Tomatoes and gives you something you can use. Go and look. Give Dan my love.

PBS airs a show called Dinosaur Train. Listen to the theme song. It's an homage to Johnny Cash. Am I crazy? OK, don't answer that. But, it is. Just listen to it.

Shan Burklow, my gorgeous, red-headed BFF girlfriend drove in the pouring rain to do my actor headshots. Mind you, we had to do many of them outside. When it's raining and 40 degrees, it's a cold rain. But we got them done. Oh, actor headshots are supposed to be non-glam, generic, pleasant, blank canvas, everything is possible kind of photos. So a casting director can look at the photo and see what is possible. For me that translated to no lipstick, no hair product, just a smidgeon of make-up and no jewelry except for my wedding ring. Pretty low key for me. And considering I hate being rained on. Tough day. Even tougher for my friend Shan. Luckily she is a genius photographer. I think we pulled it off. I'll let you know if the job offers start rolling in.

My family in the DC area is getting hit with a ton of snow. We're supposed to get a few inches in the next few hours. I'm so over the snow. If it's coming your way, be safe.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #220 Thu 02.04.10

2010-02-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

Adam and I broke it down for you today. Oh yeah, it needed to be down. The whole Star Trek even/odd movie thing. You see, the first film, not so great. The second one, Wrath of Khan, brilliant. Second, two, even numbered film. That's where it all started. Until Star Trek X Nemesis. Craptacular. Oh sure we both saw it. And would've loved to have been in it. But still. In comparison. Suckage. Then it all changed with Star Trek. The 11th film. So, will the 12 film be good or bad? We thought maybe if JJ Abrams decided to fire the new cast, remake Star Trek III or V in the form of a Nicholas Sparks story, then yes, very bad indeed. But we'd still watch it.

Lindsay Lohan said she's a hoarder. Of shoes. Leif Garrett, not doing so well. This week he was arrested for heroin possession. He's 48. Issues.

Apparently, some money shot of Lady Gaga during her Grammy performance with Elton John has laid to rest the rumor that she is a hermaphrodite. In case you were losing sleep over that.

Nick Jones was on Jimmy Kimmel's show talking about Bob Dylan's lack of singing ability. And then Adam went off on how Disney can manufacture whatever they need. I suspect it's from Walt's frozen head. They take a hair, and bam, they've got it. Do listen to www.thejaneellen.com under Hear Jane. Do. Won't you?

While Adam did the show he enjoyed my taco soup. It's incredibly easy and the recipe is on the site under Cook Jane. Look, if you can cook some meat and open a bunch of cans, you can make this. For real.

And then we talked about Valentine's Day, pros and cons.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #219 Wed 02.03.10

2010-02-03T18:03:00.000-08:00

Being shushed is never any fun. But sometimes you deserve it. It's hard to take when it comes from a four-year-old. Even Adam had to admit that he and I deserved it. Anna Grace and Jenna were trying to watch The Simpsons. Anna Grace asked that we keep it down a bit. Well, she couldn't hear the jokes. She was right. We were discussing Lost. Adam said The Simpsons warranted us toning it down a bit. Had it been for something stupid, we would not've let her have her way. But come on, it was The Simpsons.

There's a show called Super Saints? As in some are better than other saints? I'm sure that's not fair. I digress.

Lost spoilers. There's two timelines going on. Oceanic 815 didn't crash and it landed at LAX with Kate in handcuffs, Desmond on board, and Charlie, a suicidal addict, John Locke in a wheelchair, Hurley rich and naive. Then you have Juliet down in the hole still alive for a little while having a moment with Sawyer. Dead John Locke and anti-Jacob (I don't know what else to call him) in the form of John Locke is really the smoke monster. Then Adam and I decide that Smoke Monster John is the best band name ever. Opening for Fat Moses. One night only. And you'll have to decide how we get to the bald men film. It's worth going to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

We talk about the Oscars. And only Shatner on the WWE could be so perfect interpreting their theme songs.

Make sure you go to thejaneellen channel on youtube to see Scarletta perform Jealous Boy and all the footage from A Fashion Affair last weekend. It's well worth it.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary # 218 Mon 02.01.10

2010-02-01T20:22:00.000-08:00

February 1. Did you change your calendar? It is my birthday month. I will be celebrating and accepting gifts all month long. Just putting that out there. Jim and I talked about his love of fashion. Oh, yeah, my mistake. His lack of knowledge regarding said fashion. We ran through a few Fashion Affair stories. I have posted photos and videos on Facebook. Two are on the main page of the website. You can see the entire runway show as well but I had to break it into pieces on youtube so there's the Vintage Furs, then the Student Designs, then Nina D, then Manuel and Finale. Or just follow my channel on youtube which is, conveniently enough, thejaneellen, and you can find them all there. Oh, I forgot, I cannot believe it. Scarletta singing Jealous Boy is also posted. Rock on Benji, Aubrey and Nathan.

Jim and I talked about the surgery game I played with Dan. That was fun. We didn't get out scalpels or anything. Perhaps next time. Just listen, we had a giggling good time today. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

And just because I believe in recycling and this makes for a good visual, I was wearing the first vintage mink you see in the Fashion Affair video that Kristen Motil has on when I tried to dig my van out of the ice this morning. I made it too. Until I stopped it to get the treads out until I got stuck again. And I did. Get stuck again. The children, my mink, and I, stayed home today. Hey, it's been dead long before I was born. No fresh kills for me. But I'll recycle a fur in a heartbeat.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #217 Fri 01.17.10

2010-01-29T18:38:00.000-08:00

Today is my nephew Ryan's birthday. Happy birthday Ryan. Here's your card.

As snow is falling across the Volunteer State, Adam and I discussed the movies out today. Mel Gibson's Edge of darkness. Which caused me to make a catty remark about botox. Adam pointed out that he probably always looked like that except that hi-def has only just now made me notice it. Then there's the new movie When in Rome about magic coins and stuff. It's a comedy/romance thing with Kristen Bell. Not really our (referring to me and Adam) demo. So I rewrote it. I threw in some garroting and maybe aliens. He was amused. Maybe not everyone else would be. Listen and see what you think. Go to Hear Jane at the website.

I had to drive to Franklin today to stay with the most wonderful agent in the world, Stephanie Beck Williams. And her charming husband Dan. A Fashion Affair is tomorrow. I am invading their privacy because of the storm. The ride was not fun. However. I made it. And the show will go on. There are only about two inches of snow in Franklin. Shan says they have about six inches in DeKalb County. And they are coming to photograph the event. Anyway. I'm here. The host is present. It will be awesome. I have no doubt. You see, the trick is, say it with confidence. Then you can carry it off. Drive safe.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #216 Thu 01.28.10

2010-01-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, Avatar is making gobs and gobs of money. But in today's show, Adam and I compare it to the films of yesteryear. It seems that nothing will ever dethrone Gone With the Wind. When you take inflation into consideration, it still made trillions. That's a heapin' helpin' amount of cash.

Adam and I also discussed how we are easily annoyed by those who say they do not like old movies. This caused us to compare newer films like, say, Meet Dave, to The Wizard of Oz. Discuss.

Mind you, there are plenty of old crappy movies. Just as there are new crappy ones. But there are many a brilliant film in black and white and they're not all by Hitchcock. If you would like to hear our many valid points, click on Hear Jane on the delightful website. You'll be fulfilled.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #215 Wed 01.27.10

2010-01-27T19:47:00.000-08:00

American Idol auditions may not mean that much now that the top 23 have been, allegedly, leaked, but still, who doesn't love a good train wreck? Hadn't really thought about it but Glambert wannabes are all the rage this season and they're just not cutting it. Adam and I are in agreement, Simon's pithy remarks will be much missed. Unless we are hired for our scathing comments. We can scathe with the best of them. But, somehow, I don't think that will happen.

We wondered if James Cameron was a coupon cutter, ordered off the dollar menu, or just spent obscene amounts of money. We have nothing to base this on. We don't know his personal habits. We just came up with ideas. Listen and find out what we came up with at Hear Jane on the website.

I'm not quite sure how we got to the subject of whether or not Jesus rocked out or invented karaoke. What with the long hair and all it seemed a natural. But then all of a sudden Adam was talking about a guy named Fat Moses. I thought that was his name. But not, that's just Adam's name for him. Fascinating. And a great name for a band.

We also wondered about people who say they do not read books. We really just don't grasp that personality type. You mean, never? You never read a book? Ever? It's hard for me to hear and understand thoses words used in a sentence.

OK, that's it for now. Tomorrow, more Adam, more movie talk, I can feel it coming on.

There are maybe a handful of A Fashion Affair tickets left for Saturday at The Factory in Franklin. Go here. Buy now.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #214 Tue 01.26.10

2010-01-26T18:23:00.000-08:00

Double dutch bus I've heard of. A double butt chicken named J-Lo is a new one on me. It's in Ocala. Don't worry, they're not going to eat J-Lo. The eight month old chicken has two pubic areas but, so far, does not lay twice as many eggs as the average chicken. They say they're not going to profit over J-Lo. Uh-huh.

Brad Pitt has allegedly bought a house because he and Angelina have allegedly split. What has Adam all aquiver is the house has a cave. Makes sense. He's friends with George Clooney. He was Batman. Adam thinks Brad may be the real Batman. Adam wants a house with a cave.

Oh how we amused ourselves today. Do listen at Hear Jane on the website.

By the way, there are ten, count 'em, ten tickets left for A Fashion Affair this Saturday. If you want them, go to www.avintageaffair.org. The gift bag alone is worth the price of the ticket. And it's all for charity.

The weather in Tennessee is frigid this week, and yet my daffodils are up an inch.
They do always bloom in February.

OK, tell me if this movie on TCM doesn't sound disturbing. It's from 1942 with Ginger Rogers and Ray Milland called The Major and The Minor. This is the DVR movie summary and I quote "A military school major eyes a blonde posing as a half-fare 12-year-old on a train." Ewwwww. Yeah, I get that she's not really 12, but he thinks she is and is still attracted to her. Double ewwwww. At least that's how the summary reads. And Ginger Rogers looks like a brunette or the darkest blonde ever. Hmmmm.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #213 Mon 01.25.10

2010-01-25T18:18:00.000-08:00

Jim is thrilled and excited that the Colts and Saints are in the Super Bowl. You know, the one day of the year that all the good commercials are shown. Wow Mel Gibson could use some Botox. Sorry, distracted by a movie trailer.

A Beauty Affair was delightful. I found out I can actually pick up my friend Cassie. But, you know, petite people probably have to expect that from time to time. Kristen Motil, who models for DAN Agency and was Miss Tennessee 2009 is a dream. And Stella & Dot jewelry is gorgeous. Many thanks to Matt at Maddux Station in Cookeville for whipping up desserts, pecan pies with chocolate chips. Heavenly doesn't cover it. As of this writing, there are only 15 tickets left to A Fashion Affair. That's this Saturday night at The Factory. If you want in, get yours now.

The show was vastly entertaining. Listen for yourself. Click on Hear Jane on my website. We spent some time on the new human bed warmers at some Holiday Inns in Great Britain. Which led to a discussion in the difference between hookers, call girls and gigolos. But back to the bed warmers. They wear hair nets and snugglies with an alarm and thermometer and their purpose is to get the sheets to 68 degrees, optimal temperature for sleeping. I think it's icky but I thought, since I was once super morbidly obese myself, what a great job for someone in that kind of shape. With a wider body you would get more of the sheets warmer and it would be easier on your joints. Jim would not concede. And so on. I stand by it, I was right. I am right.

Oh, eleven months until Christmas so start your shopping early. Or not. I care not.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #212 Fri 01.22.10

2010-01-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

Quick Draw McGraw was a cartoon character. And having a revolver from the 1800's doesn't mean you, a grown man in your 50's, should take it upon yourself to practice your quick draw techniques with a loaded weapon. But some guy in Florida did. And he shot himself in the leg. He'll live. His dignity won't.

In the movies released today we noticed the similiarities between the movies posters for Legion and The Tooth Fairy. For those who don't pay attention, they both have guys with wings. Could lead to some disappointment one way or the other.

Adam made me laugh a great deal today. Listen for yourself and find out why. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

After he left I was supposed to have a playdate, that's what we call it anyway, with world famous, well, in Japan anyway, Brien Travis. But they kept him for jury duty this time. So hard to believe. They kept him. It boggles the mind. Not that he isn't inherently keepable. But. I digress. Which forced me to not put off tedious things. Chores. Hauling slop. Milking things. You know, that type of biznass. And I hung a belt rack, did three loads of laundry, created a new recipe, got caught up on episodes of American Idol and Chuck (sort of, they were on in the background) and did not allow myself the pleasure of a nap. Saturday is A Beauty Affair, all part of A Fashion Affair. Jim claims he knew nothing about it until now. Uh huh. Anyway. A Fashion Affair is on the verge of selling out. Get your tickets at www.avintageaffair.org. However, I have been told, that once the seats have been sold that Standing Room Only tickets will be sold for extremely low prices. You still get the show, the food and drinks, and me of course, you just have to lean, not sit, and no gift bag. Just hinting about that now. We shall see if that actually happens. Have a great weekend. Many new things will show up on the website Sunday night. Be looking for it.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #211 Thu 01.21.10

2010-01-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's show, yeah, never got to that one. But you should. Adam and I were golden. Just like today's. So listen to both. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. Yesterday's show begins with my telling of a story about a meeting I was at, and words that make me laugh. That should be enough to go on.

Today starts with the brilliance of Conan. He is spending NBC's money because, well, they have to pay for everything through tomorrow. So he took the world's most expensive car, a Bergotti, dressed it like a mouse, and played the original recording of the Stones Satisfaction. It cost $1.5 million to do that, including the rights to air that on the internet. Suh-weet.

Jim thinks of Brien a lot. Jim doesn't accept that Brien, a piano player, does not like Barry Manilow. Just like Adam has a music-loving friend who does not like the Beatles. That is just wrong. Jim feels that Brien does not know the entire Manilow catalog. The point is, in 2006, Barry appeared for one hour on QVC and that was the biggest single-hour music sales event in the channel's history. He just did another appearance on QVC, this time he was doing it live from Vegas to pimp his latest album The Greatest Love Songs of All Time. Wonder if Brien appeared on QVC if his Japan sales would soar even more?

I have encouraged Adam to read the Stephanie Meyer comic book. The review I read and posted on Twitter and Facebook was very amusing. He doesn't want it to touch his other comic books and said everything 12-year-old girls liked was stupid. Then apologized. And said he liked ponies. That got us talking about Superman and I suggested an alternative storyline. Really, you have to hear it. I, uh, I just can't put it into words. If Adam reads it, his eyes might break. Hearing it was painful enough.

And you can put peanut butter on chicken and eat it. Yes you can.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #209 Tue 01.19.10

2010-01-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

46 bottles of vodka enough fer ya? It is, if you're Scottish. Seems about average actually. That's what they're downing with their haggis. And that would seems to be a bit much. Now I've had vodka. But never an entire bottle. In my entire life. So, certainly not 46 bottles of it a year. Seems there be more than dragons there. (I don't know, just wanted to throw that it.)

I made spaghetti recently. Jim complained, yes, complained, that I cooked the sauce for over six hours. I informed he that he didn't have to eat superior sauce. He complained about it. "What? Who does that? You open a can, you're done. Nobody cooks sauce for over six hours." It sickened me.

John Denver is a delightful singer. Yet, when I asked Jim who he was most likely to rock out to, He responded with what I expected, KISS and Queen. But a guy in Wisconsin was fined for rocking out to John Denver. That Sunshine on My Shoulder does get pretty raucous.

Oh, you were wondering how great Erika Page White and I looked together when we visited Manuel's last week? Funny you should ask. That's why I chose to start the blog with our photo. She will be modeling. I will be prancing. I tend to do that. I really must learn to control myself. There are only 40 tickets left for A Fashion Affair on January 30, so if you live in Tennessee and want some spectacular food and want to see us in action, you need to get your tickets now at www.avintageaffair.org.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #208 Fri 01.15.10

2010-01-15T18:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Ides of January. What? You thought there was only an Ides of March? The Ides is the 15th of every month. So now you know.

Jim and and I discussed my visit home in today's show. Thursday, Shan and went to Manuel's Exclusive Clothiers on Broadway in Nashville. Manuel is one of the designers for A Fashion Affair, the event which I am hosting January 30. We met up with my agent Stephanie and the fabulous Erika Page White, who will also be modeling.

Let me just say that next time you're in Nashville you need to go in Manuel's and see how gorgeous it is. You know how I love to sparkle. Everything sparkles in the Rhinestone Rembrandt's shop. Even his latest line of undies. We tried on jacket after jacket and then I was asked if I would consider wearing two throughout the course of the show. Yeah, I needed convincing.

As soon as Shan sends me the photos, that would be you Shan, who has all the photos, I said as soon as Shan sends them to me I shall unleash them upon everyone. Manuel and Lauren and Lolly were amazing. We had a big time. Jim would've been bored out of his mind. I wanted to move in.

We also discussed a story from Sweden. Usually a pizza place is right next to a weight loss center. This time, it wasn't anything like that. No, the people who had gathered for their weekly weigh in had the misfortune to be on a floor that collapsed. I'm sure they had to put up with many an inappropriate joke. I wonder if any of them will be back.

New site updates this weekend. You can listen to the entire show at www.thejaneellen.com. And you can listen to me read audio books at www.audible.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #207 Thu 01.14.10

2010-01-14T19:05:00.001-08:00

One month until Valentine's Day. Just letting you know ahead of time. Adam and I have a show that, quite honestly, fascinated us. We talked about our favorite thing. Movies. I asked him what movie set, other than Back to the Future (which I know to be his favorite) would he have liked to be on? He said Ghostbusters. Then I had to think about it. Of course, I wanted it to be a movie of merit. Something with cultural impact. And yet, I didn't want it to be, in hindsight, a set where I had known the conditions were not, shall we say, comfy? We agreed that a sound stage was about as good as I was going to get.

Then we moved on into our delusional Star Trek conversation. Here's the plan. Adam pointed out that we are not, NOT in the upcoming Star Trek film or the still in the "this is a good idea" Star Trek series. I've talked to my agent on at least three occasions about it. All we need is about two seconds of face time in, let's say, the next film. A name in the credits. Hey, we're not asking for a line. Sure, expecting one, but not not demanding one up front. Just a week on the set and a few seconds on screen guarantees us gold geek status and being paid to speak at Star Trek conventions. That's not so bad. Adam trembles just thinking about it.

Today I had my fitting at Manuel's Exclusive Clothiers in Nashville. It was like coming home. I've rarely felt so comfortable in a shop before. Everything spoke to me. Everything was sparkly. I have been fitted by a legend. I am legend. No, wait, that's a Will Smith movie. And I was asked if I would wear two of his jackets. Uh, sure. More on this experience later. Let me just say, though, it was fabulous. MWAH!

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #206 01.13.10

2010-01-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

What a day this has been. What a rare mood I'm in. Brigadoon anyone? Today's show, me, Adam, and Nathan Stoops. We discuss a rubber robot named Roxxxy that costs nine large and holds your hand and talks to you. Then there's Heidi's extra plastic surgeries. And Adam and Nathan's feelings on Megan Fox and ScarJo. It was quite the program. And tomorrow I get to go to the world famous Manuel Exclusive Clothiers in the Music City. Frankly, I'm all a twitter. Go and explore what's new on www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience #205 Tue 01.12.10

2010-01-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

I for one wonder how many times a day Adam is asked if he has a Bowflex body. I get to see it at least three times a week. Just putting that out there. Spider Man 4 will no longer be helmed by Sam Raimi and will no longer star Tobey Maguire. And how do we get that pay or play clause in something so someone can stop us from doing something and still hand over a hunk-o-dough? Anyway, James Cameron has expressed an interest in the franchise. Adam has theory. You simply must hear it. Click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.

The amazing Brien Travis pointed out to me that my emails to him sound just like Meryl Streep's lines in Devil Wears Prada. Adam has not seen and enjoyed this film. Even though nothing blows up, it is full of sarcastic asides and bitter remarks and I assured him he would enjoy it. Just go to to www.imdb.com and look up the film and check out memorable quotes. I do believe I have remarked at people, Brien in particular, moving at a glacial pace. Only said in a a much more gentle fashion. And the remark about coffee. Yeah, I'm sure I've said that too.

Seems our fave Kevin Smith is fascinated by Manimal too. It warrants looking into. The new A-Team trailer is a delight. I like that Liam Neesom is George Peppard-ish. And I love it when a plan comes together. Though Jim totally dissed the A-Team. What does he know?

I realized we did the entire show reclining like Romans. All we lacked was a vomitorium.

Had a delightful talk today with Erika Page White. She's a brilliant actress. Or is it actor? I'll have to have her clarify that. And she's married to country superstar Bryan White. Plus, she's part of A Fashion Affair. By the way, if you live in Tennessee, tickets are selling out fast. You can buy them online at www.avintageaffair.org. All the VIP tables have sold out already. Of course, if you're there, in my eyes, you are a VIP. But, uh, technically, I guess you're not. Hey, you snooze you lose. But still, I will be host to all of you. And you will love it!

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #204 Mon 01.11.10

2010-01-11T17:06:00.000-08:00

Do you have any clear idea as to when things expire in your fridge? Have you noticed that salad dressing expiration dates are often hard to find and read? It was once suggested to me that you should write the day you bought the stuff with a Sharpie on the lid. That way you know. I think that's a brilliant idea. Of course, I've never done it. But I think about doing it every time I wonder if my food has gone bad. Just passing it along.

The Simpsons celebrated 20 years of deliciousness on television. It is nothing short of brilliant and I am proud to say I come from Springfield. Do I have a favorite character? Krusty holds a certain appeal. Love the Mr. Plow theme song. And Comic Book Store Guy is fantastic. But it was because of The Simpsons that the Elvis TV show from 1990 never took off. And it was great. All two episodes. We actually looked up what shows were cancelled after just one episode. Listen and find out (shows like Heil Honey, I'm Home). Click on Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.

Manimal was not one of those shows. I rarely pass up a chance to talk about Simon McCorkindale. This guy wasn't just a man, or an animal, he was a manimal. It had such possibilities. I don't see why it didn't take off. Michael Bay take a look at this and turn it into a movie where things blow up real good.

Jim made sexist remarks about women driving in the snow. Most of which were warranted. And you can get ten years behind bars for massaging your meat. 80 pounds of it apparently.

The recipe of the week is a fantastic treat that mixes the taste of coffee and chocolate and will not help you lose weight if that was a New Year's resolution of yours. Sorry about that.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #203 Thu 01.07,10

2010-01-07T18:16:00.000-08:00

Manure. When you care enough to send the very best. Dick Kleis in Zwingle, Iowa, wanted to do something special for his wife's birthday. And he thought 120,000 pounds of manure would be the best way to tell her happy birthday. So that's how he spelled it out. Which got Adam and I thinking. Was it all the same type of manure? Did friends contribute? It took him three hours to spell the message, but how long to rid himself of the stench. I am assuming he did have some sort of odor. And, lucky for him, she was delighted with it. Me, not so much.

Spider-Man 4 and Thor were going to be released on the same day. And we agreed, that did seem a little bit silly. Same demo and all. Then I rhymed a lot of things with Thor and some bad British accents ensued. You'll have to listen at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com to appreciate all that.

Then we switched gears to bad Italian accents as I told the tale of a fateful trip, no, not that. As I talked about Dr. Vito Franco from Palermo University. He is one of many who looks at famous works of art and then says what was physically wrong with them. For instance. Allegedly. Mona Lisa had fatty acids under her skin--too much cholesterol. Botticelli's Portrait of a Youth? Marfan Syndrome. Michelangelo as shown in Raphael's The School of Athens had swollen knees. And we all know what that means. No, we don't go there. Excessive uric acid and renal calculosis. Totally not making this stuff up.

Adam and I talked about whether or not we are pundits. According to Wendy's research, we are. This is what she discovered: Pundits offer their opinion to the masses. We do that. But it is usually political. We rarely walk the political road. Pundits make remarks on things in which they are knowledgeable. Well, that's never stopped us. Soooooo, we do qualify. But lately, the word had become a tad derogatory. Which is why we are not so hip to embrace it.

Schools closed here before it ever snowed. The many inches promised turned into a wee bit with more ice thrown in for fun. Of course just a little precipitation brings out the birds so I taught my girls more birdwatching techniques this afternoon and a grand time was had by all. Many people applauded me. Though it was referred to as nerdwatching by one of my friends. As expected.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #202 Wed 01.06.10

2010-01-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

Feeling a bit bloated? Want to add depressed? Let's say you were a member of www.beautifulpeople.com, one of the most exclusive online dating communities. And all of a sudden, you're rock hard abs are only mildly firm and you are outta there. Beautifulpeople.com members vote people in and decide whether or not they can stay. They dumped 5,000 members who the others thought had gotten a little less beautiful over the holidays. However, they were encouraged to apply again later. Those who were dumped were from the UK, US and Canada. Adam and I considered again to see if they would vote us in, and then resign. We have no interest in dating. We're just curious.

If you want to know how we went from the scientific "discovery" that there is no G-spot to G-force then you'll just have to listen www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane.

Celebrity Apprentice returns in March with former governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, Darryl Strawberry, Sharon Osbourne and Cyndi Lauper. We can only assume that Cyndi and Sharon will play it crazy as that will be more entertaining. Brien was appalled that the great and talented Cyndi Lauper is on the show. Let me just say that the regular Apprentice is a bit ponderous for my taste. Celebrity Apprentice is well cast and gives the celebs a chance to get money for and publicize the charity of their choice. My, ahem, video co-star from Hillbilly Bone Trace Adkins was all about food allergies because he has a child with such an issue. As does our Research Team member Wendy. You can learn more at http://www.foodallergy.org.

Last season's Celebrity Apprentice winner, Joan Rivers, got stuck at the airport in Costa Rica because her passport says Joan Rosenberg aka Joan Rivers. Security felt this was suspicious. She had only $100 and no ATM card. A friend of a porter drove her 6 1/2 hours to another airport and she was able to get on a flight to the US there. Clearly another case of racial profiling.

January 30 is A Fashion Affair at The Factory in Franklin. I'm hosting it and the food, wine and spirits and fashion will be beyond amazing. Tickets are limited and going fast. If you get the VIP tickets you also get to attend A Beauty Affair on January 23. You can get tickets online at www.avintageaffair.org. All of this goes to charity by the way, and those beneficiaries are listed on the site.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #201 Tue 01.05.10

2010-01-05T20:01:00.000-08:00

Adam Cravens and I together again. Good times. I filled him full of sausage and chili. But not chili sausage. And all was well in the world. We talked of super powers. One of our favorite topics of discussions. We went over that lovely Washington Post column that is well worth your time. Avatar seems to be mildly successful. 17 days and a billion dollars? I think that's doing OK. Tiger Woods will be on the cover of Vanity Fair, shirtless, and pumping iron. But this photo was taken in, I want to say, 2006? Nothing like capitalizing on a scandal. This really was a delightful show. Our Wendy said she was sad, yes, sad when it was over because it was too short. By the way, one of our favorite people, Cyndi Lauper, will be in Celebrity Apprentice. Along with Sharon Osbourne. Will they be buds or clash? Hmmmm. Now, go listen to the show. Adam had much comedy to say about Twilight. So much so I could not top laughing. Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #200 Mon 01.04.10

2010-01-04T20:16:00.001-08:00

Back to a normal schedule for many. And the 200th show for this award-winning podcast. Extraordinary! Jim and I eased back into it with what I supposed turned out to be somewhat of a tribute to Jim Stafford's song "Spiders and Snakes," though it was unintentional.

You see, there was a trailer fire in Utah. The humans were OK, but there were also 18 snakes in there. Only 11 made it out alive. The owner did mouth to mouth, sort of, with a pipe. I don't have snake issues. But I can imagine that some of the firefighters just weren't expecting that.

Then there was the guy in Britain with watery eyes. Turns out he had been cleaning the cage of his tarantula. The Chilean rose tarantula can release a, wait for it, wait for it, "mist of tiny hairs" to protect it form predators. One of those tiny hairs got stuck in his cornea. Creepy. Which brought about a discussion as to what it would be like if people could do more stuff that animals can do.

And Lonely Planet did a story on the top five most horrible places to live in the WORLD, two of them being in the US. Honestly, I'm not buying that. You'll just have to listen. Go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane.

And then I started to extol the virtues of the new cartoon Phineas and Ferb. I am all about it. Adam is on Tuesday's show. He will be adding something new to Geek Chic called Geek Chic Elite. More on that, later. Many new things on the site so do go exploring. And Happy New Year.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #199 Thu 12.31.09

2009-12-31T18:42:00.000-08:00

To wrap up this whirlwind of a year, Jim and I discussed many a New Year's Eve tradition. And the all important distinction between Guy Lombardo and Vince Lombardi. It's subtle, but it's there. If you don't know who either of them are, well, all the more reason to listen at Hear Jane on www.thejaneellen.com.

New Year's has never been a favorite "holiday" of mine as I don't trust other people on the road and have no desire to mix it up with them. If you are out and about feel free to be wary. Drive safe. And there is never, ever, any reason to drink and drive. Ever.

Jim claims that I cast spells on places in which I used to live and found a story about a whacked out mom from Fredericksburg, VA. Oh, it's mighty entertaining. Well, scary really. Fortunately, her kids are OK. Now. And no, I didn't know her.

Do I have a resolution? No. I don't make them. Hard to mess with perfection really. We did discuss a Gallup Poll of most admired people. I had a hard time with that too. Jim said apparently I only admired myself. See, I don't admire people for simply being famous. The people on the list weren't on mine. I have nothing against those on the list. I just felt they were there because those being asked expected them to answer with those names, like Oprah. I have no Oprah issues, expect perhaps jealousy over her brilliant marketing. You know what I mean? Anyway, I admire my friend Shan most more than the former first lady. You see, I actually know Shan. I'm also the type of person who doesn't respect you because you have a title. I respect you only if you earn my respect.

On the other hand, Wendy found me some really cool wetsuits that look like original series Star Trek uniforms. Suh-weet.

Have a wonderful New Year. The show will be back Monday. Site updates will be there this weekend, the good Lord willing, the creek don't rise, and Brien's computers don't get more viruses. Thank you for a great first year with www.thejaneellen.com. I appreciate it.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #198 Wed 12.30.09

2009-12-30T20:41:00.000-08:00

Adam Cravens and I enjoyed our special time together, the last show we would do for 2009. Don't worry, Adam and I will do more next week. We geeked out talking about the Family Guy DVD Something Something Dark Side. We chatted about Adam's Christmas gifts, something we had entirely overlooked before. We did not write a song for Brien as it had made his stomach churn on Tuesday. Hilarious as we found it. The window to his soul is now shut to us. I really let Adam have free reign, as I usually do. Lot's of geek speak. It felt good.

We talked about when it is appropriate to speak to someone in a urinal. And how many urinals will now have an image of a fly in them because it seems guys like to aim and it they like to aim at bugs. Seems having the image of a bug is so enticing that it drastically reduces spillage. No joke.

Adam will be adding to Geek Chic in the coming weeks. More changes are coming to the website. Photo shoots of the sci-fi pleasing nature are being planned. Lots of goodies are coming your way. And if you are in the Nashville area, you don't want to miss A Fashion Affair January 30. Details at www.thejaneellen.com. And remember, you can hear all our podcasts on iTunes or by clicking on Hear Jane.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #197 Tue 12.29.09

2009-12-29T21:12:00.001-08:00

Ah, Tuesday. Adam Cravens and I had a bang up quality comedy show if I must say so myself. It was a show of much celebration. Wendy, who kindly does much of our research for us, had her 31st birthday. Wendy is also responsible for getting the latest book and music releases for the Entertain Yourself Page on www.thejaneellen.com.

We then dissected our Brien Travis. Brien only expresses himself through his music and Adam said artists are like that, music is the window to his soul and so on. Only it's hilarious when Adam says it. Then we started to write a song for Brien. And it went downhill from there.

Adam saw Sherlock Holmes and was pleased with it. We made many double entendres as Adam ate sausage and nuts. Just not together. Plus, we talked about the EW Top 10 movies of the decade. It was a most excellent time.

There's a new recipe of the week posted on how to deal with leftover turkey with a bit of an Asian feel. It's in the Cook Jane section. And everything you want to know about A Fashion Affair is on the main page. Do come, won't you?

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #196

2009-12-28T20:59:00.000-08:00

What were the coolest things you were given this Christmas? I'll admit, I was loaded down with some awesome stuff. Here, let me list some for the burglars. Some jewelry from Ireland, a gorgeous faux fur scarf, an amazing black purse, a Beatles belt buckle, and the most divine smelling perfume from SJP called Dawn. I did not, however, receive a Kindle. That little item was the most gifted item purchased from Amazon. It's main competition is the Nook e-reader from Barnes & Noble. (All I'm saying is if they don't do the audio books I just recorded, don't get them.) I am quite the Amazon shopper myself. I did not, however, purchase any of the following. For vdeo games it was the Wii Fit Plus with the Balance Board. I don't see Adam Cravens playing that. Though I'd like to. It would be video-worthy. New Super Mario Brothers and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Microsoft Office Home and Student 2007, the Nokia 5800 Xpress Music, and Brien Travis's Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. Hey, I told you he was big in Japan. What really set Jim off was the fact that Amazon shoppers bought more than 50 times more light therapy devices this season than there are days with sun in the city of Seattle during an entire year. If you would like to hear him go off on how people with SAD lived in the Dark Ages without light therapy devices, click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

New recipe of the week is a saucy way to deal with turkey leftovers. And it has a bit of an Asian twist to it to make a not-so ordinary Turkey Sandwich. Or sure, cut the carbs, make a salad. It's in the Cook Jane section. All the details regarding A Fashion Affair, a charity event featuring the designs of the world famous Manuel, are now up on the main page so read on and do try to attend if you're in Middle Tennessee January 30.

Hey, want to do something really fun? Climb into a cage baited for a large animal with really sharp teeth and make funny faces while you're friend takes pictures. They didn't make it to the Darwin Awards, but almost qualified.

Tuesday Adam Cravens returns to the show. He alleges he is bringing his cousin. I told him he had better be funny. We shall see.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #193 Tue 12.22.09

2009-12-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

I have been mocked by several people, and yet others have been amazed at the brilliance behind blending the what we deemed the necessity of holiday baking for gifts and the the planning meeting for A Fashion Affair. We put the two events together and it was divine. More people should have baking meetings. We accomplished a great deal. No joke either. Shan and Stephanie and I produced about 30 gift baskets of homemade treats and I am not bragging when I am saying that if you got one, you were lucky. We got a lot of planning for the event done too. World famous Manuel is not the only designer featured, gown designer Nina D. and furs from Gus Mayer. I will keep you up to date on all you need to know. I will hit you with it at the first of the year. The show is January 30 and I am hosting.

I did geek out a little bit on the way to Franklin because I saw a kingfisher. Hadn't seen one in years and I used to border on being a hardcore birder. Well, Shan had taken a fistful of mocking pills and let me have it with bird questions and there I had to go and answer her and before I knew it I had started to tell her how you had to count them (because there's a trick to it you see) and it all went downhill from there. And then I told her the difference between a red-winged hawk and a sharp-shinned hawk and she feigned interest. Even I could see her eyes glaze over and I was driving.

Jim had some holiday stories to share. He is ever so jolly. Do listen www.thejaneellen.com click on Hear Jane. Jay Frankenfield has shared a lovely recipe and some great things to do in the new Can You Dig It Column. And Jim has written not one but four new book reviews all under Read Jim.

The One About Friends

2009-12-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

I write this knowing that as soon as I finish it, I will think of people I have left out. So, at the get go, I make my apologies. Monday I spent the day with two of my friends, Shan and Stephanie. And as we had our now infamous baking meeting (a great way to have a legitimate planning meeting by the way) it dawned on that, as they discussed their piano playing styles and so forth, that I, once again, felt talent-less. I tend to do this around those who can do things I can't do. I am drawn to artists and musician-types probably because I can't do what they can. And am even surprised when they are boggled at each other. For instance. Shan is a classically trained pianist. Brien Travis is not. They are both amazingly brilliant and brag on each other constantly. And yet Brien talks like he can't even play compared to Shan. It's simply apples and oranges. I can't play next to any of them. No fruit sums up my ability. Not even kiwi. And I took lessons. Point being, I feel talent-less. Until it dawned on me. I do have one talent. One amazing talent. One exceptional talent. I excel at picking friends. I really do. Even Shan has told me that if they have passed through my filter then that's good enough for her.

One of my favorite high school teachers, Mrs. Jewel Alexander, said that very few people could maintain a close friendship for more than five years with even as many as five people. I always thought that sad. I have maintained with many people for more years than I care to share with you now. I think almost daily of Chris Sabec and still talk to him and would do pretty much anything I could for him. He's now on the West Coast. But we still talk and every time we do we pick up right where we left off.

I either email, text or talk to Wendy every single day. We met on the first day, first period of high school. Every day we communicate. Wendy is a member of my crack research team on my website. She brings the funny. Sure, I now have thousands of people who check it out every day. But when it first started, I just had Wendy. In my mind, if I can make Wendy laugh then it's a good show.

Same thing with Eda. We've been tight since college. She is the other member of the crack research team and believes I am made for world domination. That is always good to know. Eda, like Wendy, has a real job and yet still takes time to write and do for me. See? I find and hold on to the good ones. It has to be a talent. Because I didn't attend Hogwarts and have not cast a spell that I am aware of.

Brien Travis is the reason www.thejaneellen.com exists. When I was laid off from my radio job he said you are going to do a podcast. I said a whatcast? And that's how it all started. And he is one extremely busy man. I call him my biggest cheerleader, but not in a fem way. He just wouldn't let me stop even when I thought no one was listening or clicking or reading or anything. And now it seems everyone is listening and visiting the website. It's extraordinary. And I owe it all to Brien who designed the website and spends every second of his spare time on it when he should be writing and recording his next album. I am thrilled and yet guilt-ridden at the same time. It's very hard to thank friends like that. It's hard to find friends like that too. They have to find you.

Shan, Beth, Stephanie, Anita, Morgan, Cassie, Nathan, my two Jays, Leslie, Adam, Lori and Joe, I mean I could just start listing how lucky I am to have such great people around me. And, as I said before, I will realize there were 20 more I should mention the minute this is made public. But the point is. I know now I have a wonderful talent and that is amazing friends. And I'm glad you have felt such pity for me to stick around for so long. Please don't go!

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #192 Mon 12.21.09

2009-12-21T20:17:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's been awhile. We started back on the podcasts last week and yet, for some reason, I couldn't get my act in gear to write the blogs. I have no valid excuse. I forgot. I forgot armed robbery was illegal. See, that made Wendy laugh. And other Steve Martin fans.

Jim and I talked about Avatar. About how we haven't seen it and it still made around $77 million. I thought it would hit closer to $100 million its opening weekend. However, it is expected to really rake it in when it opens in all the other markets, and, of course, with the DVD sales.

It seems so shocking because she seemed, to me anyway, to stay out of the limelight. Brittany Murphy died Sunday morning of cardiac arrest at the age of 32. I know her best as the voice of Lou Ann from King of the Hill. She made many films including 8 Mile with Eminem. No foul play is suspected. It's just sad. I have no idea if she had a pre-existed heart condition or anything like that. They will perform an autopsy.

Natalie White won the one million dollars on Survivor. Oddly, this is the only season in which I watched none of it. I always watch some Survivor. I feel so out of touch.

I didn't even know they ate horses in France. But yes, they totally do. Last year they ate over 15,000 of them. I don't know if they taste like chicken. Jim went off on how I eat snails. We started to quote O Brother Where Art Thou. And so on.

In New Zealand there has been much debate over a billboard put up by the local Anglican church that has Joseph and Mary in bed and says God, a hard act to follow. Needless to say, the local Catholic church is not amused. And they are not the only ones.

Do look at the website as the Entertain Yourself Page is all new. It's well worth your time with a week's worth of television choices on the Tube Job, music and book releases, DVD's, games, comic books and Hollywood goings-on. And that's just the beginning. Plus, the link to the big fashion show I'm hosting in January. Just go to www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #187 Tue 12.01.09

2009-12-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

I was told it was hug a Catholic Day. Other than my two little girls, nobody hugged me all day. I feel so left out.

Jim and I did a very quick show today. I could say it was all Adam's fault. There, I just did. He said his truck's transmission went out. Then he said it didn't. OK. Just like my sister Patty thought Brien's saying his phone was running out of battery was his way of saying he was just going to end the conversation. Anyway, he alleges he will be doing Wednesday's show with me.

What did we talk about? Um, why I laughed when my sister Judy kept saying the word teabag over and over. (Don't worry, we don't really explain it, you can look it up yourself.)

We went over some great chalkboard gags from The Simpsons 21 glorious years of television. And William Shatner managed to catch and fire, and survive. The man tells a great story.

Why are the shows so short? Well, I am under some serious deadline pressure regarding four audio books. So I am doing some major reading and editing. And I am not alone in it either. I read until my left eye twitches unbearably. Then I sleep some, insert the caffeine IV, then start again. I will let you know when and where you can purchase the books. Oh, I won't make money off of it, but the books are interesting.

The One About Inside Jokes

2009-12-01T05:29:00.000-08:00

Many years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I first started my illustrious radio broadcasting career, I remember learning to stay away from inside jokes. Listeners won't get them. It's a turn off. I never agreed with that. When I watched TV shows I loved it when there was an inside joke reference. Oh yeah, or when I listened to the radio. If there was something funny going on, even if I didn't get the whole thing, it amused me. Even better if one day I found out the whole story. I really ought to do this right. Let me Paul Harvey it. The REST of the story. So here are some odds and ends to inside jokes that you a) never even knew existed and b) will now get an explanation to. Here's an inside joke for you. This is the kind of thing I do when I don't have one cohesive idea for an entire column.

My friend Jay. That's Jay from high school. He was on the November 30 podcast so go listen to that one. We call each other cousin. We are not related. He and my sisters went to a Braves game in Atlanta one time. Because they felt everyone had such an outrageous southern accent in Jawgah, they began calling each other cousin. It stuck. Jay and I also refer to him as a minority. When he was a freshman in high school a photo of him appeared in The Oracle where he was identified as minority student Jay. Now, it might have been that he was the only student of Greek origins in a school of roughly four thousand students. In that case, he would have been a minority student. But normally, Greeks are not called minorities. However, Jay is. Jay and I do not say "excuse me" to each other we say "skew me" because we went on a Washington, DC museum excursion on our own and someone who was just near us the whole time kept saying it. You know how when you're in the grocery store and the same person is always with you through the aisles? Well, it was like that. The "skew me" really cracks us up. Feel free to use it. No Jay, I'm not going to talk about the woman saying "a Russian stoooooove" over and over. It just won't be funny to anyone else. I need to move on.

My husband Jim. "We can't leave, we're next to the salad bar." This makes perfect sense. You don't leave cash on the table next to a busy part of a restaurant. That's all. "You're the reason why the cat has no hair on his butt." Jim used to cause our cat, Merlin, who lived to be 16, a lot of stress. I'm sure. I remember saying it for good reason.

Brien Travis. My BFF. Why we call each other dahling. It's short for sweetie dahling. From Absoloutely Fabulous. A brilliant British TV show that ran from 1992 to 2005 that gives us much joy. But you do have to get British humor. Patsy and Edina appeal to us. Even though we are not whacked out drunks with eating disorders. They're right funny. By the way, Brien's CD Tales of Lazy Wednesday's would make the perfect holiday gift. Buy it today at Amazon or iTunes. It's less than ten bucks and would please me to no end. Dahling.

I call my mother Ma-MA because of The Addams Family. I named my first dog Magnum because it's Latin for great and it's in the neutered ending, as opposed to masculine or feminine, and he was neutered, my little joke. My husband's last name is Herrin. I have heron Christmas ornaments and one in the yard. Jim says no one gets that joke. It never fails to amuse me. I could go on. But I have to leave a few things a mystery.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #186 Mon 11.30.09

2009-11-30T21:41:00.000-08:00

Jay Thomas joined me on the last day of November's show. Ah, Jay. We've known each other since freshman year of high school. So that's something like 17 years now. We reminisced about how I trained him in radio broadcasting. My theory on why most people in radio are overweight. My sister Judy's interesting way about her. Ah, that's amusing stuff right there. And Jay's history of birthday gifts. You see, he has a December birthday and impressed upon me how he was always short-gifted from family. "This is your birthday and Christmas gift." I always double-gifted because it's not his fault he was born in December. We had a mighty good time with today's show. I suggest you listen at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #185 Wed 11.25.09

2009-11-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving Eve and one month away from Christmas. Just putting it into perspective for you. This is a quickie. So swamped. More perspective. The driving. The editing. I'm recording some audio books which I totally expect you to buy. All four are completely different. So I have picked up all sorts of things to file away, as I am wont to do. For instance, did you know that Ulysses S. Grant's real name wasn't Ulysses S. Grant? His middle name didn't start with an S, OK, at this very second it has slipped my mind, but when his paperwork was filled out by a patron for West Point they assumed that his middle name would be his mother's maiden name. Well, it wasn't. But the S. stuck and many in school called him Sam because of it. See? A wee bit of trivia. He tried to correct them, but it just wasn't happening.

Paula Deen got smacked in the face with a ham. She was helping to unload a truck for charity and some joker thought he would toss one like a football. That's never a good idea. It did not bust her lip, it just felt like it did. So she put a stick of butter on it and went about her business. She is, for real, cousin, to our Brien Travis. Ya'll.

Just because I know what it's like to be briefly paralyzed and yet cognizant of my surroundings I can only know what it was on an extremely small scale what Rom Houben has been going through. And I mean on an extremely small scale. 23 years ago he was in a wreck. He was pretty much written off as being in a persistent vegetative state. But guess what, he wasn't. He just couldn't tell anyone his brain was fine. Just recently technology caught up with him and they discovered his brain was normal. Now he is hooked up to a machine that allows him to talk through a computer and to read. Thank God. Unfortunately, he is still paralyzed and will never leave the hospital but at least he is not as trapped. Horrific.

Well, travel safely if you are on the road. There won't be a podcast on Thursday. I don't know about Friday or Monday yet. I have to finish these audio books for which I am paid obscene amounts of money. Oh, sorry, my fantasy finished the sentence. For which I am paid. I have a deadline that must and will be met. I will let you know when and where they are available.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #184 Tue 11.24.09

2009-11-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve. One month from today. Just throwing that out there.

Also out there, Glambert's performance on the AMA's has continued to ruffle a few feathers. Seems the dancer's face was not that close to his groin in rehearsal and the kiss with the band member wasn't in rehearsal at all. He says he likes to improvise. He recovered nicely from his tumble which wasn't planned and showed he was singing live which I appreciated. I also appreciated his going for some sort of show and spectacle. I appreciated his desire to make an impression and really package and market himself. He has always known who he is. And, in most cases, any press is good press. And this has certainly garnered him press. However, it's not like it was a great vocal, and he can deliver that. It kind of seemed all over the place. I wasn't offended by any of it. I just thought there was too much going on and the sound quality was off.

Adam was on the show and had quite the discussion over his BFF Vic and whether or not they had ever gone mano a mano and just blocked it out. Because they have been mistaken for a gay couple for years. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I asked if their respective wives were beards. Adam said not any longer. Anyway, it was quite revealing.

John Mayer seems to be so stuck on himself that he announced that he should be having more sex with girls. Or sex with more girls. Or some such nonsense. I don't even want to talk about it.

Adam's wife got him to see New Moon and he did say the production values are way above those of Twilight. So there's that. And then, to take the bad taste away for him, I had him quote lines from Wrath of Khan. Which brought us to Star Trek VI and then Sound of Music and my brilliant idea. What if the Sound of Music was performed entirely in Klingon? Sad thing is, it's probably already been done.

Today's show is short but incredibly entertaining. Listen at www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane. And there's new stuff on the main page, Entertain Yourself, and Cook Jane, so get on it. Plus we have two more gift certificates to Manhattan Salon to give away for chemical peels so sign up today.

The One About Christmas Songs

2009-11-23T19:44:00.000-08:00

I am a sucker for holiday music. I fully realize it makes some people cringe. I don't play it in April or anything like that. However, that could be why I love it so. I only hear it for a few weeks out of the year and so I look forward to it. I adore a great Christmas album. I believe The Carpenters Christmas Portrait was released in 1978 and features their hit Merry Christmas Darling along with some gorgeous renditions of Ave Maria and instrumentals. It is often described as lush. Well it is certainly gorgeous and I know it note for note.

Same can be said of the entire soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas from the Vince Guaraldi Trio. Linus and Lucy, Skating, Christmastime is Here. Talk about cool and never dated. Again, for me, it's not Christmas without this music.

Songs I love, Bing's version of White Christmas, natch, Tennessee Christmas is such a great song. And I loved it before I even moved to Tennessee. Thank you Gary. Emmylou Harris singing Light of the Stable is worth your time. But, then again, isn't Emmylou singing most anything? Elton John's Step Into Christmas makes me happy. So does the video. Mmmm, cheesy.

I would mention Winter Wonderland, My Favorite Things and Baby It's Cold Outside to annoy my husband because he would say they are not Christmas songs. Oh, and because Brien Travis and I recorded Cold Outside last year, available for download on his website www.brientravis.com and as a ring tone on mine www.thejaneellen.com. This year we are recording What Are You Doing New Year's Eve. Again, not a Christmas song. But close.

Why did I just waste your time listing Christmas songs and albums? Oh, because I forgot you need to get Christmas Cocktails from the Ultra Lounge series. Those are swingin'. Anyway, because I hope that in between the getting run over by a reindeer and walkin' round in women's underwear songs, you might want to try something else. Like Kathy Mattea's Good News. And you can never go wrong with Rosemary Clooney. Yes, the more I think about it, the more I'll come up with. I hope you're not a Christmas song hatah. And if you are, I hope I have suggested something that you try and maybe even like. Just a little bit.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #183 Mon 11.23.09

2009-11-23T17:23:00.000-08:00

The week of Thanksgiving. My, my, my. Where has the time gone? Let me tell you where your money has gone. To see New Moon. This weekend it made over $140 million. So The Blind Side made just under $35 million. Which is great. But compare it to $140 mil and geeeez. New Moon is quite the hit. As predicted.

Know why Robert Pattinson allegedly smells bad? He was advised that the photographers won't bug him as much if he always wears the same thing. The pictures won't look fresh. And so he wears the same clothes. Thus the odor. Well, that's all well and good but it's not like you can't wash your clothes or just get several of the same outfits. You don't have to smell bad.

Jim had much to say about my performance in the Larry the Cable Guy Hula Palooza Christmas Luau. Hey, you could see me a lot in the wrestling scene and and the waiting for Santa scene. There was much remark made by my friends that if I had not leaned over and interacted with the little girl then the scene would have been mostly me from the neck down. To some, my best feature. Anyway, http://www.cmt.com/ has the schedule and it will air many more times.

Do listen to the show. It will entertain. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. You can also get ringtones for your phone now too. Check out the recipe of the week. It's my mom's cornbread dressing and it is awesome.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #182 Fri 11.20.09

2009-11-20T19:06:00.000-08:00

Larry the Cable Guy's Hula Palooza Christmas Luau made its debut on CMT with yours truly. Here's the schedule. I am dressed as a tourist wearing blue and a red head behind the bar, I am with a young blonde girl in the waiting for Santa scene where Larry and Tony Orlando are playing kids (I'm in a green sweater and khakis), and I'm totally in the wrestling scene on the right of your screen holding a poster. Pretty much in line with the Kris Kringle shots. I'm wearing grey, top row. Can't miss me with this platinum hair. And at the end of the show we all go on stage. And going in and out of commercials there's all the bad dancing sooooo, enjoy that.

Lost returns on February 2, 2010. Which is good news. But the bad news is that it's the final season.

Oprah will wrap her show in September 2011. I imagine I will be her replacement. I have quite an imagination.

Movies out are The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Planet 51, The Blind Side and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.

Have a fantastic weekend.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary # 181 Thu 11.19.09

2009-11-19T19:09:00.000-08:00

What a threesome. Me. Adam Cravens. And he's a superstar in Japan Brien Travis. Even Nathan Stoops phoned in for a wee bit. Quite frankly, I was in a tizzy. Because the bulk of the show was me and Brien and Adam and I, I used the term threesome. Which led to the word orgy, because in college Brien walked in on one, and quickly walked out. We then wondered how many people constitute an orgy. We have collectively decided it is five. None of us have participated or plan to, but have decided that five, being an odd number, means that something is going on that require a special word like orgy.

Already you have to hear this show to appreciate it. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. We talked about how Will Ferrell tops the Forbes list because he makes a lot of money but his movies don't. We chatted about how Miley Cyrus used odd word choices saying she doesn't believe in New Moon or something like that. Well, we don't believe in vampires either, but the books do exist so what exactly did she mean, or was she misquoted?

Adam did his awesome Will Smith imitation. Oh, seriously, just listen to the show. It's just one of my favorites. And it ends with a song. Brien covered the Joni Mitchell song River. And you get to hear it. So there.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #180 Wed 11.18.09

2009-11-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

DWTS final three is Donny and Kym, Mya and Dmitry, Kelly and Louis. Had Maks and I been allowed to compete...Oh yeah, I wasn't asked. Yet. Donny Osmond does have a fan base older than Mya and Kelly put together. And if all his family votes he is sure to win. If my memory serves me correctly, he has made it as far as Marie did.

Donner, party of four? Ah cannibalism. Not for everyone. Sure it's funny when it's hundreds of years old. Not so much when it just happened in Moscow. Seems these three homeless guys killed and then chopped up a 25-year-old man. After they ate what they want they tried to sell what was left to a place that made kebobs. Which led Jim and I to a discussion of whether or not if your life depended on it, and the person was already dead and you had nothing to do with it, would you eat another human? Jim won't even eat seafood so, uh, no for him. But he would drink his own urine.

Ken Ober passed away this weekend at the far too young age of 52. We listened to a brief clip from Remote Control, the show he hosted on MTV. The category was Gershwin, Beethoven, or Partridge Family. I enjoyed it immensely.

You will have to hear the show in which I think I admit that there isn't any guy I can think of that I want to see completely naked. Just partially. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. I certainly don't want to see the joker who thought he was a ninja and got his butt impaled on a fence. Not now anyway. Oh, he was drunk, what a surprise.

Have a fab Wednesday. I have many audio books to record. My dulcet tones are wanted.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #179 Tue 11.17.09

2009-11-17T21:54:00.000-08:00

Monday, it was the Golden Girls. Today, it's phthalates. Chemicals found in nail polish and all sorts of stuff. Someone thought to do a study on phthalates. Seems it affects the testosterone level in the masculine brain when pregnant mothers are exposed to phthalates. The result is phthalate exposure leads to boys who do not exhibit stereotypical boy play behavior. It does not affect girls by the way. Now, they're not saying it makes you gay. They're just sayin'.

Kris Allen's new album came out today. It's getting meh reviews. But hey, Andrew Frampton was one of the producers (I suppose Peter was busy). It's got 13 songs on it and he has a songwriting credit on nine of them. Glambert's For Your Entertainment makes its debut a week from today.

Things blew up reeeeeeeeeaaaaal good in 2012. Which is why it's doing so well overseas. It has set a global record for an opening weekend raking in $225 million worldwide. By the way, if you've never seen Second City TV, from Canada, eh. They did a bit where they blew up things real good. The sketch was called The Farm Film Report. Good times.

We also discuss the lawsuit over the name of the Washington Redskins. I find the name Gamecocks and Morehead more offensive. But that's just me.

Friday, CMT 8pm CST Larry the Cable Guy Hula Palooza Christmas Luau. Look for me. I was actually there. On the stage. Not in the audience. Man that craft services was the bomb. Wish it was here at the house. Well, actually, better that it is not.

The One About Words

2009-11-17T12:08:00.000-08:00

I love big words. Perhaps, not as much as Lara Flynn Boyle's character in the 1994 film Threesome. Big words really floated her boat. Don't get me wrong. I'm a huge fan. But they've never satisfied me that much. Yet.

Language has always had great allure for me. I studied Greek and Latin. And briefly entertained the thought of Russian because. Wait for it. Wait for it. Because I thought it would be fun. Yeah, and like Greek, it's an entirely different alphabet. I. Thought. It. Would. Be. Fun.

I find some words inherently funny or delicious to say. I am certainly not the first or last to appreciate the beauty of the use of language by a great writer such as Shakespeare. Duh. I have had much time to think of my love of big words because I have started to record audio books. The one I'm just finished is called Lost and Philosophy. It ties in TV show Lost with philosophical concepts. And you know those philosophers like Plato and Sartre, well, they don't just ten dollar words, they use twenty dollar ones. And sometimes in different languages. It has been a delight.

I've said beneficence, sadism, internal determinism, guerrilla ontology, and that's just the beginning. Throw in a bit of relativism here and there and a whole lot of French and German and Greek philosophers with their two cents and it's been a hey day for my mouth. Luckily, I could already say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Thank goodness.

My love of big words also leads to a love a turn of a phrase, which, for me, is connected to music. I do not tend to read poetry very often. I'm not against it. I just never took to it. Though I appreciate a lovely poem, naturally. I realize that lyrics are just poetry set to music. I believe that statement also called for a Duh to follow it.

Some lines that please me, from The Beatles Norwegian Wood "I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me." From Mary Chapin Carpenter's It Don't Bring You "Now there's a hole here in my pocket where all my dreams have gone, Fallen out like so many nickels and dimes." From Brien Travis's Dispatches (buy it now on Tales of Lazy Wednesdays at iTunes and Amazon) "And I'm hoping to catch fire again with these matches, As I sit and drink a few, Sending out these little dispatches, A couple of ounces for you."

The turn of the phrase in the entire film of My Fair Lady from 1964 is nothing short of brilliant. Well, it as all about language now isn't it? It is a well-written film that appeals to me the most. I go for dialogue then imagery. I can appreciate a well-shot film. But if the words are poorly strung together and ponderous then I am not going to participate in the snooze-fest.

Give me something to wrap my mind and mouth around. (And get your mind out of the gutter for once.) Don't be afraid of big words. They are precise and exist for a reason. Don't say chew if what you really mean is masticate. I know I don't walk, I prance. And slink. But plain walk? Even I know I don't do that. Haven't done that for years. Words are wonderful. Open your mouth and speak them clearly. Mumbling will get you nowhere. I do not speak mumble.

Use a big, glorious, stupendous word today. It will feel exquisite.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #178 Mon 11.16.09

2009-11-16T17:44:00.000-08:00

John Cusack loves me. I assume. And that was before 2012 made scads of money this past weekend.

Go to www.beautifulpeople.com. They say the British are the ugliest people in the world. Brazilian and Scandinavians are the most attractive. There are 360,000 members who vote on the applicants and they have rejected 1.8 million of them. I have the urge to sign up and see if they will accept me. I'm not planning to date anyone. Being married and all. Just curious.

Justin Halpern's 73 year old dad may be the basis for a TV show. And it's all because he's funny. Justin has been posting things his dad says on Twitter and over 700,000 people follow him. Things like: "Why would I want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If I want to talk to you, I'll answer." "I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it. No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."

Some group wrote a manifesto saying, and this is for real so I will quote it it that "The Golden Girls seized upon this opportunity to cross the hormonal wires of America's lost generation...Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with like minded Golden Girls addicts who didn't mind each other's theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures." They also blamed Duran Duran too. Yes, it's real. Real ridiculous. All Golden Girls ever gave me an urge for was cheesecake.

New stuff on the website. Look.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #177 Fri 11.13.09

2009-11-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

Friday the 13th. That's today. In case you didn't notice. Or care. Triskadekaphobia. Fear of the number 13. You got that? I hope not. OK, had an issue with today's show. Man it was really hilarious. Not that we didn't deliver. But man, the Adam show was awesome. However. The computer sort of, let's see, shut down before it saved. A few corrupted files here and there and you only get part of the show. Sure, I could've edited all out, but I'm having a slacker Friday. So what you get is part of the Adam show wrapped up with the Jim show. Boy, that Adam show sure was great. wish you could've heard it. Sigh.

Movies out:
Fantastic Mr. Fox PG family animated with George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Cate Blanchett and Bill Murray, three Oscar winners, one nominated. Pirate Radio R comedy with Philip Seymour Hoffman about pirate radio in Britain in the 60's. 2012 PG 13 sci-fi Roland Emmerich blows up a lot of stuff because the Mayan calendar said so. John Cusack loses the sensitive stuff this time and just goes for the CGI. Man, he digs me.

Some chick asked where I got my lips done the other day. I had to break it to her that neck down, done, lips, actually mine. Then you have to listen to the stream of consciousness that continues until the end of the show. My gift to you.

Enjoy your weekend.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #176 Thu 11.12.09

2009-11-12T20:06:00.000-08:00

Little Jimmy Dickens spoofing Kanye on the CMA's was the highlight of the show. OK, it's all I saw of it. Taylor Swift dominated, even won Entertainer of the year, but at the video award she did not win he interrupted Brad Paisley to say how great her video was. Nicely played.

Jim and I discussed the woman who appeared on Oprah who had been mauled by a chimp earlier this year. It was quite horrific. Chimps can grow up to weigh 200 lbs. Don't know why you would think having one of those around the house would be a good idea.

A guy in Iowa City thought it would be a great idea to use his local CVS as toilet. Oddly enough, he was wasted at the time.

My perfect stylist Shane got hired at Kohl's. How exciting. Love that. Now I'll know the very day the Vera Wang shoes go on sale.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. Hope you don't have an issue with that. Because it's gonna happen.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #175 Wed 11.11.09

2009-11-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Double Eleven Day. My peeps and I decided that as Double Ten day you eat Chinese food on Double Eleven day it should be Italian. Just sayin'.

It was a big, big day. Brien Travis graced me with his presence. He so rarely comes to the show. Oh, we talk about him constantly. But he prefers to remain a mystery. Or he prefers to be building a mystery like his girlfriend Sarah. Oh, while I'm thinking of it, buy his retrospective Tales of Lazy of Wednesdays available now on iTunes and Amazon. Now. Buy it. This blog will be here when you get back.

OK, so a lot of naked on today's show. On, not during. Christian Serrato has done a PETA ad. She's naked in the woods. By the way, New Moon comes out November 20.

More air brushing going on with Demi Moore on the cover of W. She looks great. She talks about how she'd rather be a puma instead of a cougar. You really need to hear that conversation.

Oh, Brien and I are doing another duet for the holidays. You can hear Baby It's Cold Outside on www.youtube.com. And we're going to do What Are You Doing New Year's Eve. Very soon.

The website is down for a wee bit. Issues. Wait until around noon Thursday and all will be restored. Adam will be on tomorrow's show but it won't be until after 3pm cst. Just so you'll know.

The One About the Fun Mom

2009-11-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

My friend Eda has labeled me the fun mom. She turns to me for fun mom tips. I did not actively seek this title and yet I welcome it. By the way, I think Eda is a hoot and have no doubt she is a super fun mom. My friend Adam, who has done a lot of before and after school programs and children's theater and has way more kid experience than I'll ever have, has told me that he has never met two children remotely close to Anna Grace and Jenna. He says the different ones are those he finds interesting. Brien is not drawn to children. He asked me why kids are drawn to him. I told him it's like cats. Cats go to people that don't bug them. He doesn't get in a child's face. So they like him. I've only seen him with mine so I only have that to go on, but they are quite taken with him and vice versa. He thinks there are no children more attractive than mine. I would have to agree.

My husband is not necessarily on the same page as I am with the fun mom stuff. But he is elderly and a bit of a stick-in-the-mud. Adam aspires to be him one day. Curmudgeon doesn't quite explain his style. Not just parenting style. Just every day style. Well, not so much a style. Ponderous isn't really a style is it? One of my confidantes said to me recently, "I'm not a people person at all. Then I met Jim. He has me beat." Funny.

OK, fun mom. Here's the thing. I don't recall my mom doing any of this. And I don't remember getting these ideas from anyone else. I just assume most people talk to their kids like I do. There's a Spongebob episode where he goes to a different town and he is not understood because they speak by blowing raspberries between each word. Sometimes the girls and I will talk like that to each other for a good half hour. We play the boring game. That's when I use a particular droning voice to say whatever phrases they come up with. We fly the bed at night. We have to turn it sideways to get out of the house. Then we fly and see what we can see. Jenna usually sees dragons. We fly over our friends' cars, up the mountain, things like that. Sometimes we fly down and look at the cows. Then we fly up to the moon. Flying the bed is tricky business. Takes a lot of flapping.

There's also the color game. I ask them what color so-and-so's shirt was or what color my nail polish is. It has to be something they can't see. I want them to think about details and remember. Then they ask me and each other. And it invariably ends with the same question. In case you didn't know it. All three and four-year-olds find the words butt and poop hilarious and say them non-stop. So they ask me what color is my butt. Naturally, the fun mom has an answer. Don't be shocked. My butt is creamy white. Big surprise there.

We read together, they get bubble baths, I take them to the donut shop where they talk to everyone. They go to Exotic Tropicals in Cookeville and pet the mice, the snakes, the guinea pigs and bunnies. But not all at the same time. We go to Burgess Falls Nursery and learn about flowers and pick rocks and sometimes they go behind the nursery and climb the gravel pile. Yeah, my mom didn't take me to climb rock piles. However, I wasn't raised in a smaller town where we knew many people who owned their own businesses who welcomed cherubs and encouraged their behavior.

I do their hair when they're in the mood though Anna Grace likes hers "crazy." And they do like nail polish and lip gloss most of the time. I have been putting vaseline on their lips since they were hours old. I hate dry lips. I assumed they did too. We accessorize together and the girls can wear my high heels rather well but not out of the house. And I did stop myself from getting them matching leather pants like mine. Seriously, why were they made in that size to begin with? But I walked on by. OK, I touched them. But I didn't take them off the rack. Back off. I only considered it for a second or two. Then thought it would be a little too creepy if we all wore it at the same time. However, the girls would love it as they really like to rock out.

I keep kid music to a minimum. One of their favorite songs is Barrucuda by Heart. They love it that sisters sing it. They also like Cyndi Lauper, The Beatles, Elton John the early stuff not the ponderous stuff he wrote after 1987, and of course, their friend Brien Travis (they highly recommend Tales of Lazy Wednesdays available now on iTunes and Amazon). They also know all the words to Cheek to Cheek and The Piccolina, both from Astaire and Rogers' film Top Hat which I believe came out in 1935 which they watch over and over. Take that Barney.

So, am I a fun mom? Will I regret it? One of my friends said she didn't want to look back on life with her young sons and feel she was such a disciplinarian that she hadn't hugged them enough. I hug my girls every chance I get. Even though sometimes they wipe off my kisses. It still counts though and because then the kisses are smeared all over their hands. Fun mom wins. But then again. Mama always wins.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #174 Tue 11.10.09

2009-11-10T20:36:00.000-08:00

Adam and I made up for the no show that was Monday by giving you more show for your money today. Oh yeah, it's free. Well, there is that bonus. And then I slacked and forgot to post this. Well, I do have many excuses at the ready. My yak needed feeding. I had to paint the closet. Adam's mule required a new shoe. The list goes on and on. Oh, and I forgot. Sure, I could listen to the comedy gold that was early, early this morning. But it's practically tomorrow as I write this. And Brien is actually going to do it with me. The show that is. And I think it's only the third time this year. So that's a huuuuuuuuuge deal. I'd rather do a vague memory of how I recall the show.

I tried to do a retelling to Adam of how I told my girls the story of Thanksgiving. The very first one that is. There was what came out of my mouth. And as Adam pointed out. Every good story begins with "Well, the white Europeans had invaded this country that wasn't theirs." And ended with "they all had a really great meal together." In my mind, my inner voice was telling me things like shut up, too complicated, they don't care, and so on. I tried to explain the whole Indian/Native American misnomer and feel I really failed on that point. Anna Grace, who is four, asked, "why don't we just give the land back?" I told her it was really too late. Adam made some good points that we are native Americans now. I didn't mention casinos. It was a huge mess. He was amused.

Am very excited about the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes film. He's worried about the involvement of the ex-Mr. Madonna Guy Ritchie. Me, not so much. I cannot wait.

Tube Job is delightful, though there are some things left out like a time here and there but you know? If I've told you the channel and the day, I think you can find it from there. You are very intelligent.

OK, that's really all I remember. Except I'll be honest. You deserve to know. We have moved the studio around. We have recorded in several different rooms in the house. We have all agreed on the master bedroom. The acoustics are the best. It's a king sized bed. We're all cool with that. Jim has adjusted to the fact the the bed is a revolving door. But, that's just the way it is. So when you listen, just so you know, we are actually doing it. In bed. Sound naughty. But it isn't. And we shall never speak of it again.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #173 Fri 11.06.09

2009-11-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

911. Emergency calls. Is it really an emergency when you can't find your car? Or the guy who said he was going to marry you won't? It was to Hee Orama of Clarksville. She just didn't get the concept that her personal emergencies were not emergencies for law enforcement. She got to go to jail. Twice. Clue bus. Driving by.

So this guy is naked in his truck. In a Wal-Mart parking lot. The police are called. Oh, this was in North Naples. And he tells the cop that he had explosive diarrhea which is why he had to remove all of his clothes. Well, the problem with that was there was no, shall we say, evidence of such a disturbance in his truck. So he went to jail. I would like to add that as a former dispatcher, what a call to assign. Let's just say everyone is available. Who do you pick to do on that one, hmm?

More naked, this time near where I went to college. A guy in Stafford, Virginia was running around. Seems he had gotten into magic mushrooms. Then walked into the path of a train. Luckily for him the train was going nine miles an hour. He's alive.

Saw the Shaun Cassidy biography that came out in 2008 on BIO this week. Interesting. His mom, Shirley Jones, his half brother David Cassidy, and his brothers Ryan and Patrick, all there. But no Shaun. And no permission to use the music either. And they name his first wife and child, seems Caitlyn Cassidy is something like 28 now. Then they say he and whoever got married in 2005 I think and have maybe three kids, could be four by now. They named her. However they glossed over other wives and kids. Odd. I loved his shows American Gothic, Roar and Invasion. LOVED THEM. But I digress.

Movies out this weekend: Disney's A Christmas Carol in 3 D is PG animated and family with Jim Carrey doing many of the voices, plus Robin Wright Penn and Bob Hoskins. The Men Who Stare at Goats is an R Drama with George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges and Ewan McGregor. The Box is PG 13 Horror with Frank Langella, Cameron Diaz and James Marsden. Precious is an R drama getting all the critics raving about it. The Fourth Kind is PG 13 action. Pretty big weekend compared to last.

Oh, and today was the Michael Jackson seance in London. Wonder how that went. I mean, did they say he showed up by moonwalking or something? I've been recording an audio book and have been in the studio all day. I suppose I could find out. Well, I did find out for Wendy of the Crack Research Team who needed to know what Orthanc was. Naturally, it's where Saraman was. You know, the tower. Duh. Wasn't that enough?

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #172 Thu 11.05.09

2009-11-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

Ah, the art of the quickie. Show that is. Adam and I had so little time today. Much desire, little time. See, practically the same thing. Technical and deadline issues were a bit of a problem today. However, we did bring up a few things. There was a story about Wal-Mart allegedly punishing people who took sick leave. Which seems foolish. The National Labor Committee is the one making the complaint. Adam says it's never been an issue. Someone's sick, they're sent home, that simple. Nobody wants you coughing and hacking all over the merchandise and each other.

This guy said he was allergic to his wife. Sure it's some compound in her body lotion. Whatever. But it gives him rapid heartbeat and he swells up. Again, sounds like normal man woman stuff. Anyway, they are still together. Who knows how that will work out.

Jim discovered this today. It is incredibly funny.

If you can find a copy of today's Tennessean, feel free to look in the main section, page 8, it's all me baby. Of course, you don't get the pull out poster effect online. But you can read it at www.firstinhealth.com.

Kim Abston of Cookeville is our first winner of the chemical peel from Manhattan Salon. We have two more to giveaway so register today.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary Wed 11.04.09

2009-11-04T17:04:00.000-08:00

First it was all that sushi leading to mercury poisoning. Now it's 12 cups of soy milk today apparently giving Jeremy Piven man boobs. Adam says that Jeremy's real problem is gluttony. Once he finds something he likes he just goes overboard with it.

James Franco is going to do a few appearances on 30 Rock. Adam and I, overlooked again. We were second runners up to host the Oscars. But we don't mind that it's Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin hosting it March 7.

So this guy, the same age as Adam (29), didn't want to go to work. He called the police, went to the hospital with his thigh ripped apart with knife wounds. Those Mexicans, or skinheads, had attacked him. Oh, no, it was just he didn't want to go to work and did it to himself. What do you do to yourself the next month? Try to break your leg?

OK, so I mixed up Marmaduke and Clifford the Big Red Dog. Good thing too because I wasn't hearing the voice casting of Owen Wilson as Clifford. I can hear him as Marmaduke. Adam and I both agreed that you should not write off Marley and Me. It is a surprisingly good movie for a number of reason. The last one being the house they end up in at the end of the film. That's a gorgeous home. We covet that home.

Adam and I had a brilliant show. I'll admit it. You have to hear it, We even discussed the ignorance of raging old redneck who hurled venom at one of our gay friends yesterday. Read about it under Read Jane The One About Ignorance. Everyone I have told about it said they didn't know such things happened these days. It is hard to believe. Especially when it doesn't happen to you. It's revolting behaviour.

Anyway, go to www.thejaneellen.com and click on Hear Jane. Also, go to www.brientravis.com because it's time to start shopping for the holidays. And you can own Brien. Well, his music. Not him. I would say I own him but he would take issue with that and so on. We just won't bring that up. Then my other men would be jealous. Can't have the boys acting up. It would bring about unpleasantness.

The One About Ignorance

2009-11-03T16:00:00.000-08:00

A very dear friend of mine, who happens to be both African American and gay, was called both the n word and the f word today. The ignorant old white guy who did it was, in turn, blown a kiss. We talked about it. I asked him which was worse. He said, as I would expect, they're both pretty bad. He also said, they're both just words.

Then we both agreed what a horrible life that guy must lead. He's in a store. My friend has done nothing but come in visual contact with this joker, and this sixty some year old adult can only hurl venom at him. What kind of hideous brainwashing did he go through that he accosts strangers with hatred? Sadly, this happens more often then not. I told this story to a girlfriend of mine. A white friend, close to the age of 40, and she was appalled that this had ever happened. I told her yes, this wasn't the first time.

I told my friend what we both already knew. The guy is clearly an ignorant ass. And I was even more proud to have this gay, black man in my life who could see the stupidity, ignorance, and hatred in this man. That geezer must boil over to random people about other things as well. Oddly enough, the man with the offensive mouth and complete lack of manners in no way resembled George Clooney, who most people, myself included, think looks like a pretty handsome guy. No, he was just an ordinary slob. Maybe we could've accepted an insult from the perfection that is Clooney. But not this creature who felt he could label another man. Did he think my friend didn't know he was gay? Guess what? He's not just a little gay, he's a lot gay, and he knows it. And he's proud of it. Oh, and he knows just what shade of cafe Au lait he is too. Did the loser think that the name calling would turn him straight or white like him? I just don't see the point.

Many is the time I had been called fat by just such a jerk. Again. I knew I was obese. Unfortunately, by being called fat I didn't magically become thin. If telling an obese person they're fat, (because, seriously, they don't have a clue and rely on the kindness of strangers to let them know) would turn them thin, then there wouldn't be an obesity epidemic.

Try the same thing on a balding guy. They know they're losing their hair. Trust me. They have the remaining ones counted. You don't have to shout out "hey baldy" just when someone with a comb over walks by. It's uncool.

Sure, I talk about people. Bad hairdo, hideous shirt, what's with those pants, yikes. I'll admit it. It's fun. However, I would never intentionally say anything harmful within hearing of anyone I'm talking about. I usually do it to the TV. Usually anchor people (sorry in advance). Come on, isn't that why you watch pageants? When it comes down to it, there's enough hurt in the world and I don't feel the need to add to it. And I sure wouldn't just say something incredibly hurtful to someone on purpose unprovoked.

Provoked, well, you wake the sleeping giant, then it's your funeral.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #170 Tue 11.03.09

2009-11-03T05:31:00.000-08:00

Drunk clowns are only funny when they are named Krusty. This guy was driving erratically, not erotically (which would've been weird) around Vancouver in a clown costume. And he crashed into a police car. In our version, then 20 clowns got out of the car and the cop pulled one pair of handcuffs after another out of his pocket. It's just a better visual that way.

I was irritated by the Avatar trailer because the CGI people looked so familiar. During the course of the show, we got the actual name. Because if you just type in Jabba dancing girls you don't get porn. Which is what Adam and I expected. It's not Wikipedia, it's Wookiepedia, all things Star Wars. Look at Oola, then watch the Avatar trailer, then tell me I'm not imagining things, OK? Adam totally saw it.

What do most people use Facebook for? My fanpage? Adam's amusing remarks? No. It's Farmville. Isn't that like Pong but with farm animals. Adam and I admit we have never used it. However, it just seems like it would be a tad lame. But what do we know.

You really have to hear the show, click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com to hear Adam imitate Jim when he said he didn't need the internet because he already knew everything. It was rich. I'll say.

At www.nytimes.com they have a feature that looks up their snooty words for you. Now, I'm pretty smart. Even for me. Laconic, solipsistic, banal, apoplectic, antebellum, fealty, enervating feckless, sumptuary, penury. Those are pretty run of the mill. Oh, and swine. People have to look up swine? I can see the need for Sisyphean, inchoate, schadenfreude, fungible, and our favorite, bildungsroman. Oh that Bildungsroman, what a guy.

There's a new Hollywood Vine up. Register for the Manhattan Salon giveaway. And for many it is Election Day so Elect Away and listen to an Arcadia song. (It was Arcadia, a variant of Duran Duran, right?)

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #169 Mon 11.02.09

2009-11-02T20:12:00.000-08:00

Halloween was very entertaining. The girls changed costumes back and forth. They were at different times a flower, Cinderella, a princess and a ladybug. Best part is we had all these given to us last year. Unfortunately, none of them will fit next year. Sigh. As usual, we had no trick-or-treaters.

Jim has mocked my first time appearance in a nationally prominent video. Well, as one of my friends put it, if Jim actually like something I did, we wouldn't know it was him. The pod people would have replace him. You can watch Hillbilly Bone at www.cmt.com by Blake Shelton and Trace Adkins. I'm just in it. It's not "my" song. I have a few friends who wanted to see more of me. So I told them to take me out to lunch. Trust me, no one is going to recognize me because of my appearance in the video. But it was great fun doing it and I was so glad I got the opportunity.

This guy is suing Axe because he says their ads led him to believe that by using all their products he would attract girls. He's used them for years and so far, no luck. Wonder if he's using too much or too little or if he's just a dud.

A guy in San Diego was on trial for a home invasion robbery. He thought it would be a good idea to smear feces on his lawyer then throw it at the jury. You know? It wasn't. He got 31 years.

This Is It made $101 worldwide and $21.3 domestically, which is good for a concert film. It's bound to made tons in DVD sales.

Remember to change your calendar. It's Rollvember as Jim loves to say. I'll be in Thursday's Tennessean if you want something to look forward to. Adam and Jim will do the show with me tomorrow. Ah, happiness.

The recipe of the week is coconut shrimp with apricot sauce. Delightful. It's on the Cook Jane page. Enjoy the show. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #168 Fri 10.30.09

2009-10-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hillbilly Bone. The Video premiere. Blake Shelton, Trace Adkins. And so many others. Including me, Nathan, and Cassie, to name but a few. Can Roman White direct an award-winning video or what? (I'm just assuming.)

The only movie out this weekend is Michael Jackson's This Is It. It made $7.4 million in the US on Wednesday alone. I suspect it will do well.

You know, just because a can of spray stuff in the house with a tiny straw doesn't make it compressed air. Sometimes it makes it silicone, you know, like WD-40. Not what is recommended to spray all over the keyboard of your laptop. Yet, that's just what I did. And mine still works. Not perfectly, but it works.

Remember to change your clocks this weekend. Going back to standard time. The way it's supposed to be.

Donny and Marie are making a new album. First time in about 30 years. Really.

Halloween on a Saturday night. Here there is an excellent chance of rain. Don't know why that makes me cackle. Also makes me want to go to the gay club. I am told that Halloween night is THE night to attend. I really have been meaning to go. I have also been told it doesn't get rolling until 11pm. That is a tad late for a mother of toddlers. But I would be willing to make an exception.

Have a glorious weekend. Talk to you in November.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #167 Thu 10.29.09

2009-10-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

As I write this a man is cleaning. Now I don't write that in the way somewhere a butterfly flaps its wings and a storm begins somewhere else. No, nothing so esoteric. I mean a man, not a pretend one, but an actual man is cleaning. Just a few feet away from me. Now it would be awesome if it were Jensen Ackles. But it's not. For the sake of this I will pretend it is. He's actually cleaning the furniture. Not to gross you out or anything but, it's just the way it went down. Part of Raven's illness, her cancer, was in her mouth. She drooled something fierce. And not normal clear drool but gobs of brown stuff. See? Already you're gagging. Well, point being, her favorite spots on the furniture retained a bit of an odor. He said he'd give me an estimate I said don't bother. Just clean it.

Jim and I did a very brief show due to some technical difficulties which have now been fixed. And, it was bound to happen. Brien is next to Brent in my contact list in my phone. And the program I use is called Acid. Suspicious sounding I know. We also speak in shorthand to each other. Now, Acid was giving me issues. I was angry at Acid. Words were exchanged. And I sent a message to Brent that was meant for Brien. Ah, comedy. Brent was just happy to hear from me. And happy to hear that I was not "doing" acid.

I posted some interesting video, interesting to me anyway, which is the point of my entire show, of the body of a great white shark which had been pretty much bitten in half by another great white shark. The biter had to have been twenty feet long. "You're gonna need a bigger boat." So look for it on my Twitter feed or Facebook.

Creepy that Octomom dressed as a pregnant nun then dressed all her kids as red devils? Yes. Creepier that she and Jon Gosselin might do a reality show about them dating? Yes.

Shakira is on the cover of Rolling Stone. And she says her body is asking her to have babies. And her She Wolf video is a must see. Oh yes.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #166 Wed 10.28.09

2009-10-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

Today was Raven's last day with us. She was a most excellent dog. She lived with us since she was four weeks old, a bit unusual I know. But it was just one of those things. I didn't talk about it during the show because I tend to feel the show is about being entertaining. The written word is a different form of expression. Raven had turned ten this past May. She was very young, especially compared to my other pets. But the cancer showed up and spread quickly through her mouth and neck. Raven was a Rottweiller/Black Lab mix. She looked like a Rottie puppy her whole life and weighed around 55-60 pounds during her youth. But she was lower to the ground and really a medium-sized girl, even though she sounded huge when you described her. She was a great bird catcher. She loved to chew them, head first, until they lost their flavor, then spit them out. It's so strange now, to be in this house, with only Gracie. For the past 20 years I've always had two to three to even four pets (not including the fish). Now, to be down to just one again, it's like when I just had Magnum, the world's most perfect dog. He lived to be 13. Gracie, who is now seven, favors him in the breed department. But she is a tad insane. Real pretty though. No doubt the loss of Raven today had me reaching for one of my favorite songs that was never a hit, just an album cut, that I simply stuck with me. It's from Mary Chapin Carpenter's State of the Heart called It Don't Bring You. Definitely worth your time. Pretty much anything she sings is.

Adam and I did the show before Raven's final trip to the vet so there was room for some funny. Taylor Lautner from the latest in the series of Twilight films, he's a werewolf you know, wants people to recognize him for his acting, not his chest. Adam's wife is sooooo into those films and he called Taylor Johnny Nip Nip the Werewolf and Count Sparklethorpe. Now that's some comedy right there.

We discussed Kevin Spacey's acting career. He took on Superman, he took on Santa Claus. That leaves, pretty much, Jesus for him to take on, in the movies that is.

Rosie O'Donnell said there was a time when she and Angelina talked about getting together but nothing happened. Adam had A LOT to say about that.

Brien named his stomach. And then we ended up talking about Designing Women. Again, you need to hear it. Go to www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.

The One About Beds

2009-10-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

Sleeping. I am all for it. And because I have a history of failing to do it properly, I am intrigued by how people choose to sleep. Meaning their surroundings. When it comes down to it, everyone is a little particular about their beds. I am most familiar with mine, so I'll start us off.

First of all, I have to have a high thread count 100% cotton sheet. None of that half cotton half polyester stuff. Hate it. Won't have it near me. It pills up. I barely tolerate the 400 thread count to be perfectly honest. And this all started by mistake, but what a glorious mistake it was. I was living on my own and needed sheets. So I figured white sheets would be the least expensive. I didn't know anything about thread counts. And I certainly didn't look at the price. And had no idea it was going to cost $60 per sheet. But I bit the bullet. Those sheets lasted about 15 years and only got better with each washing. I learned.

I think we, humans, that we, not the royal we, spend about one third of our lives in our beds. So, shouldn't they be a place of comfort? I am all about a good sheet now. Even my girls prefer a higher thread count. They will go for their Dora pillowcases but they realize the Dora sheets feel different from the burgundy sheets. Well, they do.

The house I have lived in the longest in Tennessee has a master bedroom which I call the cave. Which is funny because my friend Brien calls his bedroom the nest. Similar reasons. Because my husband and I used to do shift work I made the room dark on purpose, thus the name. It has a king sized bed with awesome sheets and, on average, three to six layers on top. I like to sleep cold. Translated that means I like the room cold but me warm underneath the covers.

Seems Brien likes it the same way. (I don't know this from personal experience so keep your minds out of the gutter please.) The really fascinating thing to me about his nest is he currently has 13 layers on his bed and I suspect it will make it to 18 or during the winter. Same theory. Sleep cold, under covers. However, he can control the temperature in his nest. I have to accommodate Jim who does not allow a window to be open. Heaven forbid any fresh air enter our home.

Just in case you were wondering, Jim doesn't care how many covers Brien, or anyone else, happens to sleep under. He is barely conscious that we have covers on our own bed. Except when they are off of him. Then he is aware of it and all hell breaks loose.

I know some people who sleep with their Star Wars sheets. I'm cool with that. Yes, they are over 21. Some prefer satin. Some have to have everything match. I have friends who have very girlie bedrooms that their husbands just sort of pass through. Their husbands, in turn, have a Manland elsewhere. My bedroom isn't all that girlie. None of my house is. I encompass all that is girlie. I don't need furniture to do that for me.

I have friends who have bedrooms with sitting rooms and bathrooms that are so awesome I could simply live there. I would like to take bits and pieces of my friends' homes though. I would like to be able to sleep hearing the water like Brien does. I would like Leslie's bathtub. Though I fear she would know it was I who stole it. I covet Shan's dining room table. But that has nothing to do with how one sleeps. I thought I'd throw that in here in case she wanted to give it to me. And I really want a set of 1,000 count sheets just because I am curious. I don't do drugs. But I do do sheets. I just said do do. Ha! Well, it's true. And Jim, in case I forget to tell you, I am planning to repaint the bedroom soon. Not this week, not next, but soon. Now I will feel like I have told you. I have witnesses.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #165 Tue 10.27.09

2009-10-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

Adam and I, and Jim for a wee bit, had quite a time today. First of all, there was this chick in Florida. She got charged with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident. She nearly hit a person and ran over mailboxes. Which is amazing. Because she told the deputy that she had some vodka. Her blood alcohol level was .088 percent. And she had smoked some crack. And she had some Oxycodone, and Clonopin. Oh, and there was the Baklaphine she took, and the Lirica. Um, let's see, she also took some Tegradol, and the Paxcil, and the Dilantin, and the Lamiktal. Hope she didn't leave anything out. How was she even able to express all that with all those meds in her? That is a feat in and of itself. I am also impressed that she didn't do any more damage to herself and others. Wow.

In Athens, GA a woman scared away a burglar by getting on all fours and acting like a dog. What breed of dog remains to be seen.

I was in the Music City yesterday and stopped by the Starbucks near the Vanderbilt University campus. I was describing those inside to Adam. He put it well. It was like the cast for a high school musical movie. So beautiful. Even the lighting was lovely. I went to college. So did Adam. I had never seen so many beautiful people in one place at one time before. No one was significantly overweight either. I guess that's what Southern California is like.

Brien Travis really should be on film at all times. He went to a place, not a Starbucks, for coffee yesterday. And the chick handing him his coffee thought the best thing to do would be to pour it in his lap, reach for the money, and then run away. This caused his Tourette's to flair up and he could not control himself verbally. As is often the case. Adam works in retail and said that some times the his co-workers really do bring the abuse upon themselves. It all rolls into the theory that the majority, and quite possibly all of my male friends with the exception of Jay from high school are, what my husband call, my Asshole Friends. And he is King of the Assholes. They are nice to very few people. I am one of those people. It is a peculiar personality trait. Kind of like me being a lion tamer. Only I tame them with baked goods and sarcasm.

Do listen to today's show. We amused ourselves greatly. As we often do. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #164 Mon 10.26.09

2009-10-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

What actor, alive today (this is a real question) could play Clark Gable in a biopic? Only one answer. Only one guy has the style, the carriage, the panache. And that's Clooney. Don't know if such a film is being planned. But seriously, no one else could even come close to pulling that one off. Obviously.

The Bee Gees have made 50 years of music and Robin Gibb remarked that Saturday Night Fever had a pretty profound effect on culture, as did Sgt. Pepper and Thriller. I would have to concur.

Jim totally grossed me out by sending me this link of a guy putting 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches in his mouth just to break a record. The hard part was trying to prevent them from crawling down his throat. Oh that's so disgusting I can't believe I just wrote it. Here, you watch it. I'm going to be sick.

Garth Brooks has sold out the first 20 of his Vegas shows in less than five hours. Each ticket is about $125. The theater seats 1500. He is the best-selling solo act in history by the way.

Well, I had a grand day today. Got my stitches out. Had lunch with my too cute friend Dana McDowell. I really hate being out in public with her because she just IS that attractive. Then I went to an audition for a commercial where most of the actors appeared to be about 15 to 20 years older than I am. I knew my lines. That wasn't the issue. But I can't say that I have a good feeling about getting this gig. But I had a delightful time nonetheless. Was floored at Starbucks though. It was nowhere near the audition and yet it was like model central. Do you have to be a model to attend Vanderbilt, or just look like one? Unbelievable.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #163 Fri 10.23.09

2009-10-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

You've heard the phrase "swing a dead cat" but even "throw a dead rabbit" was new to me, and Nathan. Seems it's a great way to kick off the pig hunt in New Zealand. And it's fun for the kids. There are something like 30 million wild rabbits in New Zealand so they are looked upon as somewhat of a pest. They do about $22 million worth of crop damage. However, I don't get it how someone thought hey, this would be a great idea for us to get our kids to sling them around. Nathan wondered what would be the best technique. Grabbing the carcass by the ears and winding it up, just giving it the heave ho, really, we could go on, and we did. Listen to it as www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.

Adam Lambert is getting all sorts of press again. His new single was mysteriously released early then grabbed by SONY. Now there are many, practically soft core porn shots of him and, wait for it, wait for it, a woman. He says he likes kissing some women because they're pretty too.

So this guy who lives, no lie, around the corner from my family in Virginia, got arrested for indecent exposure. Seems he got up wearing nothing but a smile and went into the kitchen to make coffee. A woman and a seven-year-old walked by his house and saw him. The police took him in because they said he did it on purpose with the intent of being seen by neighbors. He said he was naked in his own home, wasn't rubbing up against the window, just making some coffee and had no idea he was being watched. He says he's going to fight it. By the way, my family did not lodge the complaint.

New movies out this weekend are Amelia PG with Hilary Swank and Richard Gere. Subject matter is fascinating but all the reviews I have read say they have sucked the life out of her story. Animated Astro Boy is PG with voices of Nic Cage and Kristen Bell. Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is PG 13 with John C. Reilly and, there have been five already? Saw VI is out.

The website has been updated. That means Hollywood Vine, books, music, Geek Chic, Tube Job, Can You Dig It, all new toots. Go and see www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #162 Thu 10.22.09

2009-10-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

Kanye West is alive and well, no matter what you heard. Rosie O'Donnell and her wife Kelli have separated. Michael (Harold Perrineau) says he's not coming back to Lost because he was never asked. Or it's the Walt conundrum. The child actor has grown so much it's a time space continuum problem. Carnie Wilson is getting her own reality show on Game Show Network. It will start in January and it's called Unstapled.

Other than those topics, Adam and I talked about my delightful surgery experience yesterday. Hey, when you get to quote lines from Animal House and Stripes, it's a good day. When the staff wonders what they'll do without you the next day, you know you've done your job. Being a patient isn't just about cooperating. It's about bringing your A game to the people around you who are going to be taking care of you. The nicer and more fun you are to them, the better it is for everyone. Because, hard to believe, some people do not go into a surgical procedure yukking it up, before they hit you with the meds even. But, it has been established, I am not just some people.

Now that I am full-o-prescription painkillers, for at least two more days, I am going to just let you listen to the show. That's what you need to do anyway. www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #161 Wed 10.21.09

2009-10-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Adam and I had a very unusual show today. I really should change the name of the podcast to In Bed With Jane. I have a rather large bedroom and a king-sized bed. Sometimes we move all the equipment int there. It's very cozy. Which is why I told hi the story of how I taught the girls how to fly the bed. It's one of the games we play at night. We have to flap our arms, turn it sideways to get out of the house, then we rise above the trees and I ask the what they see. And the first thing Jenna always sees is a dragon. Hers are invariably purple. Adam went on to tell of how he was telling 5th graders about Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox and one of the kids was stuck on the fact that the ox spoke. Not that it was blue or this mountain of a man could catch a comet by a tail. Hmmm.

Reviews are memorable to those being reviewed if they are good. They are memorable to those reading them if they are vicious. Seems the revival of Bye Bye Birdie was not that well received by whoever wrote the review for Reuters. Let me just include the last sentence. "Nolan Gerard Funk might be a star on Nickelodeon, but as Conrad Birdie, he is less suggestive of Elvis than of a missing Jonas brother."

A guy in Birmingham loved Racer X so much he put seven X's on his license plate. That messed up the computer system because officials put seven x's down when the license plate is missing. He gets about ten tickets a day. Well, he doesn't. But they're issued to him.

Anyway, I've got nothing else to do today so I'm going to go and have some surgery. We should be back tomorrow. That's the plan anyway. Listen to the show. We worked hard for you. And Still, no site updates do to the computer virus on our beloved webmaster's computer. No one is happy about that, believe me.

The One About Coffee

2009-10-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

My favorite aisle in the grocery store is the coffee aisle. I find it intoxicating. I have many a fond memory of coffee. I remember talking to my mom as she attempted to count the scoops into the coffee maker. Such great timing on my part. I never realized what a distraction I was until my girls started to do it to me. It makes me laugh every time.

I remember that I started to drink coffee in the seventh grade. Just a half a cup. But I had already developed a taste for it. My parents are from Providence and up thataway there is a magical thing that you can put in milk instead of chocolate syrup called coffee syrup. Oh it's sensational. You haven't had milk until you've had it with coffee syrup, so sweet, so addictive. It's no wonder.

Surprised that my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee? Oh, come now. I'm sure they started me on that very early. I remember when I first moved to Tennessee it was so hard to find. And I would ask for iced coffee and people would look at me like I was crazy. Thank goodness there are now many coffee shops and it's all the rage. Thank goodness the rest of the world caught up with me and mine.

Yes, I started my girls on coffee ice cream early on. Unfortunately, they will choose vanilla first. That is a bit ponderous but I feel certain they will grow out of that. Jenna does like coffee and tea. I do not intentionally caffeinate my three-year-old. I just thought I would stop her from trying to drink my iced coffee so I told her to help herself. And, turns out, she liked it. So now I have to keep her from it. What can I say? She knows a good thing when she tastes it.

I adore chocolate-covered coffee beans. But those suckers will leave telltale signs between your teeth. Got to hide the evidence with those puppies.

I am particular about my coffee too. Coffee snob? Yes. I won't just drink ordinary swill. It has to be strong enough to put hair on my chest, as my dad would say. It has to be chock full-o-Splenda because I likes it sweet. And I like my sugar free creamers too. Flavor it up. And sometimes I just turn myself completely over to Joey or Alexandra at Poet's in Cookeville. I tell them my desires and they turn them into reality. And then I try to control my overwhelming desire to touch Joey's hair. So far I have succeeded. But one day I won't be strong enough.

My love of coffee beans is shared by my Nathan, my addiction to coffee is shared by my Brien and Beth, my hairdresser Cindy, my friend gastric bypass buddy Shawn. That reminds me Shawn, you stood me up on a coffee date. Sure, it was valid. But you still owe me. And where coffee is concerned, I am not likely to forget.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #160 Tue 10.20.09

2009-10-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

Adam and I had a George Clooney lovefest today. It all started because of a story in which he said that in some of his relationships he said he was lonely. Well, we, and we include superstar in Japan Brien Travis, would've happily been there for him. You truly need to hear our conversation. We assume that Clooney sparkles like the vampires in Twilight. We figure that on some days his shower just shrugs and says, "George, you're good." Do go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

Sadly, drummer Phil Collins can drum no more, for the time being anyway. He had surgery in April for a dislocated vertebra in his neck and now he has no feeling in his fingers. However, he does still write music and sing. In 2010 he is planning a CD of 30 remakes of Motown songs that he hopes sound just like the originals. Thing is, if it sounds just like the original, why do it in the first place?

Whitney Houston had a wardrobe malfunction when she performed on the X-Factor. Wonder who caught it after she finished? No skin showed, but it had to be annoying. Because if it's one thing want to happen when you're performing, you want your clothes to stay on.

Anyway. I got to spend almost two and a half hours waiting in a doctor's office today. Delightful. Thank goodness I got to text the time away. But I did have other things to get on with. Like the rest of my life.

My beloved webmaster's computer has an evil virus and it looks like his entire hard drive is going to have to be wiped clean. That is why there are no new updates this week. Oh, we did them, they just won't load. And that's irritating for all of us.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #159 Mon 10.19.09

2009-10-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

Go Dog Go is better than Where the Wild Things Are? And that is where Jim and I part ways. Those books do not even compare. He thought Wild Things, the book, was just weird. Ah, what does he know? The movie brought in over $32 million this past weekend. Law Abiding Citizen made over $21 million.

This is the week that IFC is air one hour dealies about the Monty Python TV series. A little bit of brilliance. Jim is not that into British comedy. Really, he finds so few things funny. Saying "the larch" should make a person laugh. Well, it should. Doesn't work on him.

Maksim is back on DWTS because Derek Hough has a fever of 104. It's not boogie fever however. Seems to have the flu. Mark Ballas may be coming down with it too. Not so good.

You really should hear our discussion about Humpty Dumpty. The BBC has changed the ending because they say kids are horrified that he can't be put back together again so the ending is he was made happy again. Well, wasn't he an egg? That's the basis for the discussion. Go to www.thejaneellen.com and choose Hear Jane. Now, when I tell nursery rhymes or fairy tales, my versions are embellished. Worth listening to.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #158 Fri 10.16.09

2009-10-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

Meghan McCain has shown Nathan Stoops and I the way. Clearly, if we want thousands and thousands of followers, we need to take more interesting photos. Meghan has removed the one she recently posted because of all the flak she received. It's her holding an Andy Warhol bio and her bodacious ta-tas that reach just about under her chin. Some people felt it was NSFW (not safe for work). We felt it was safe enough. But Nathan and I have some photos that we need to take. Of each other. Chris Cagle is playing in Chicago tonight so I suggested to Nathan that he get a famous Chicago pizza a hold it in front of his nude body. That would generate some buzz on Twitter.

Garth Brooks has come out of retirement. He'll be playing at the Wynn Resort in Vegas for just the weekends doing acoustic concerts. Then a private jet will fly him home so he can take his kids to school. He'll work just 15 weeks a year for five years. He said, "We're going to take the retirement roof off over our head, and I already feel taller." I love it when he speaks plural or third person.

Taylor Swift is hosting Saturday Night Live on November 7. Can you smell the Kanye jokes?

Nathan and the the rest of the guys will be playing on Halloween night so after I walked the road of deciding how good he would look as a woman, I decided he needed to be Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride. It would be an easy costume to come up with and he so looks like Cary Elwes when he pulls his hair back. So doable. Decision made.

Movies out this weekend are Where the Wild Things Are. I loved the Maurice Sendak book and the trailers actually look like the book. It's a mix of puppeteering, CGI and live action. Spike Jones is the director and it's PG Family. Law Abiding Citizen is R with Gerard Butler and Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx is the DA and Gerard Butler is the criminal in jail out for revenge. And The Stepfather is a remake. And it's a PG Horror film, which is unusual. A kid thinks his mom's boyfriend isn't what he seems.

This is the last weekend you can vote for this show for the Podcast Awards. The details are the the main page at www.thejaneellen.com. Please do so. And this weekend we will announce the first winner of the Manhattan Salon giveaway. Register on the main page as well. Brien Travis's Tales of Lazy Wednesdays continues to sell and sell in Japan. Let's try buying it in the U.S. now. You can get in on iTunes and Amazon. It's under $10 so what are you waiting for? Have a great weekend.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #157 Thu 10.15.09

2009-10-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Ah, if only we had done a videocast today. Adam and I were a visual treat as we acted out scenes from Fellowship. "You. Shall Not. Paaaaaaass!" You see, if all goes according to plan. Brien Travis will see Lord of the Rings for the very first time today. Adam is sad he will not get to be a part of this initiation. I just hope he finds something to love about it. I really don't want it to damage our relationship. It's just THAT important to me. Sure, I have friends who married people who didn't love the same movies they do. Wow, that's just so hard to imagine.

George Clooney says he'd rather have a prostate exam than get on Facebook. But he loves my podcast. Too busy he's been squiring around this attractive brunette. What he needs is a classic blonde. You know, I have a Clooney Clause in my marriage. It's all a go when it comes to George. He and Jim are the same age. I can just swap them out. No problem. For real.

Have been talking to some people who enjoy jogging. You know how they get a runner's high? Well Adam experiences a coucher's high. I can see that.

A pet shop owner will not get fined in Virginia for tossing out 200 dead rats. How do you get 200 dead rats all at once. Adam explained that the first rule of Rat Fight Club is don't talk about Rat Fight Club.

Seems in Mexico the rich cuss more than the poor and they cuss about 20 times a day. Saying Ay Caramba! is the equivalent of saying Gosh! Just so you'll know.

We had a big time with Adam's Megan Fox photo shoot, The Extruder movie and more. You have to hear it to believe it. Click on Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #156 Wed 10.14.09

2009-10-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

Ultimate fighting champ Chuck Liddell and Anna T are the latest to be cut from DWTS.

If you have committed bank fraud and are living it up in Cancun, perhaps you should not add a friend who is a former justice department official. And perhaps you should not post how you are having such a grand time on all that stolen money. Maxi Sopo will be extradited back to the US now.

Taylor Swift and Michael Jackson are up for five American Music Awards. Here's the deal, Michael's award nominations are for the album Number Ones. Which came out in 2003. Here's the deal again. Part of the AMA nomination process reflects sales and it's booming. So that would make it valid. On the up side, Kanye won't be interrupting him should he win.

Adam and I came up with what I think is a brilliant idea. During sweeps week, Kanye could just walk onto shows and make remarks. Or perhaps just movies on TNT or something. You know, throw him in digitally. That could prove to be hilarious.

Adam has had quite the time trying to explain Superman and Star Wars A New Hope to his 15 year old cousin. CGI and cell phones. Yeah, mid to late 70's things were different.

Thursday looks like Brien will be watching Lord of the Rings with me. You see I watched Nights in Rodanthe for him. Now Adam and I love LOTR. If Brien can't fake or feign mild interest, it could tarnish our relationship. I can't imagine him not loving it. I don't want to live in a world like that.

Ralph Lauren has fired 5'10" 120 lb. Filippa, that size 4 model that they digitally downsized, for being too fat. Wow. That's harsh.

And do hear our take on the deer attack. The good news is, the kids are alright. Go to www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane.

The One About Hillbilly Bone

2009-10-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get lucky. I don't ever expect anything. That way I'm not disappointed. But when I was called in to audition for a country music video specifically casting people who looked rich and snooty, well, even my mom thought I had it in the bag. Let me just say I am far, far from rich. Although I do have rich tastes. As a matter of fact, I have a special talent of being able to pick out the most expensive item in a store without even seeing the price. It's a gift.

It has been said that I look a bit stand-offish. It is purely unintentional. It's simply my generic facial expression. And it is often translated as, well, snooty. Trust me, I put in a lot of effort to really work the warm. I'm fighting the DNA that arranged my face in such a way that says keep your distance, bow to me, whatever signal it's sending. I'm really a very pleasant person. That being said, I had a feeling that I could pull off this audition.

The video treatment asked for us to look rich. Last Christmas, my sister Patty had graciously gifted me with a glorious faux fur coat. What says rich more than a fur? I've got killer high quality costume jewelry. Honestly, nothing is real about except my teeth. And I dolled up in velvet, wool, and fur, my longest fake eyelashes, drove to Nashville to audition.

I was just coming off of an audition where my looks had not worked for me. Everyone in the room had long, straight hair and tattoos. Except me. Needless to say, I did not get the job. This time, as I said, I got lucky. Real lucky. And that's how I came to be cast in Hillbilly Bone. It's the new song by Blake Shelton and Trace Adkins. You can hear it now at http://www.blakeshelton.com/. They will be posting photos from the set. We shot it at the Stockyard Restaurant in Nashville.

The video is directed by the prolific and hilarious Roman White who has done many a great video such as Jesus Take the Wheel, Small Town Southern Man, The More I Drink, and Fifteen, and I could fill this entire blog just naming his work.

So, what's it like to shoot a video? Much as you hear actors speak of it on talk shows, it's a lot of sitting around. For real. You do a lot of the same scenes from different angles. By the way, camera guy. Hot. Luckily, I spent the majority of my time with some great people, Vicky, Nicole, Joe, Hailey, Cassie, and Nathan. Nathan Stoops has become a regular on my podcast. He is the fiddle player for Chris Cagle and is as funny and talented as he is attractive. He was the first person I met at 6am and it was love at first sight for the both of us. Twisted minds can sense each other from across a crowded room. Nathan was cast as the snooty violin player.

Cassie Piersol-Chapman is too cute for her own good and is one of the diners. Thank God she wasn't put at my table because that would make me look bad. I can say that Cassie, Nathan, and I are all part of the DAN Agency talent pool and would love to make someone else's video, ad, or commercial look fantastic. Yes, that is a hint. Take it and run with it.

So, as to what we did for the video. We are told where to sit and how to act and react. Then we do it a few times. More of this, less of that. I smack Blake Shelton on the butt. I take a guy's clothes off. Just his jacket and vest. Calm down. Who knows what will or will not make it to the final edit. But we will all know November 3. That's when it will premiere. No doubt it will be on CMT and GAC and on Blake's website, and mine if I have any say about it. Like I said. Sometimes, I get lucky.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #155 Tue 10.13.09

2009-10-13T13:46:00.000-07:00

Adam Cravens and I had a juicy old time today. We had a disgusting Facebook story. A Karl Lagerfeld disses curvy chicks. Washing your mouth out with soap. Avery Brooks as Hawk on Spenser for Hire. And Elvis Presley's hair. And what not to do as a newlywood. All on today's show. And you need to hear Nathan's new song www.myspace.com/nathanstoopsmusic. So listen to today's show at Hear Jane www.thejaneellen.com.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #154 Mon 10.12.09

2009-10-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

Who knew that the thought of 25,000 Swedish women living together in the allegedly made up city of Chako Paul City would attract the attention of so many Chinese men? But it has. The story is that a man-hater formed it in northern Sweden in 1820. But no one can actually find the city. Swedish officials have officially denied its existence. Sounds like a government cover-up to me.

Ralph Lauren is hearing all about his ad for his Blue Label featuring already thin Filippa Hamilton. She appears to have been so drastically digitally thinitized that heroine chic doesn't even cover the size of her waist. Maybe 12 inches?

In Maine Dave Castro carried his 97 pound wife Lacey through an obstacle course in 54.45 seconds. That means they won $485 (five times her weight) and her weight in beer. The course was 278 yards long. You can imagine Jim's disparaging remarks. Feel free to listen at Hear Jane on www.thejaneellen.com.

It's all new, Geek Chic, Tube Job, Can You Dig It, and so on. Jim even wrote a book review. Gasp. It's true. The video that Nathan and Cassie and I are featured in will premiere on November 3. It's Blake Shelton with Trace Adkins and it's called Hillbilly Bone. Be prepared to be amused.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #153 Fri 10.09.09

2009-10-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

Nathan Stoops called in from the road today. Or, specifically, the ladies room at the club where he and the rest of Chris Cagle and the guys were playing tonight. We talked in the morning so the club was not yet open for business.

I have a photo shoot to race to so go and listen at www.thejaneellen.com Hear Jane. But these are the topic highlights.

Hilary Swank sleeps in the nude. We're cool with that. But the 6-year-old son of her boyfriend sees her that way. What do you think? Rick Springfield is showing full buttal in a four episode arc in Californication starting Sunday on Showtime. WOooooo. Marge Simpson is the cover on Playboy's November issue. Yet Nathan's first guess was Taylor Swift. That's worth exploring.

Miley Cyrus is no longer on Twitter but her dad thinks she should return. Couples Retreat is the only major release this weekend. It's a PG13 comedy with Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau and Jason Bateman.

And there is supposed to be an announcement made regarding our video today. Oh, I guess it's not our video. It's Blake Shelton's. Whatevah.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #152 Thu 10.08.09

2009-10-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

Adam and I only had time for a quickie today, but it was quality comedy I assure you. Let me try and sum it up for you. Some chick threw a small dog at a police officer. The good news is the cop is OK. The dog is OK. Now the snarky remark. It would've been visually funnier if she'd thrown a large dog. Not that we want anyone hurt. Just looking for the visual. Well, she had thrown a cell phone at her boyfriend. The chick is apparently quite a thrower. She got arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. This happened in Nebraska.

Adam wants to eat a dinosaur. He feels that will make him cooler. I find that hard to believe.

This funeral director in Texas has been doing icky things. It is unclear whether it has been to more than one corpse or not. But hey, he took pictures. And put it on his computer. Good thing he was harassing his ex-girlfriend so much she had to call the police and they searched his computer. That's how they found the pictures of him with his penis touching the feet of a nude, dead woman. Or women. That's where I'm unclear. That's a class A misdemeanor. And disgusting.

Adam and I had much more to discuss. I suggest you listen to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com. Nathan Stoops will be my guest on tomorrow's show. Be sure you go to the Music page at Brien's website. He has done a very cool thing. He has offered an in-depth explanation of all the songs on Tales of Lazy Wednesdays. Brilliant.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast #151 Wed 10.07.09

2009-10-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

Adam Cravens. He brings the funny. Maybe it was just that I had him under complete control because I had stuffed his arteries full of bacon and pancakes. Then he dipped the bacon into a mound of butter. And he deemed it good eatin'. That's the way to make it all work.

Today's show was a show filled with many voices. That's why it's one of those must hear shows. Certainly, they all are. And by the end of it, Adam was apologizing for the content. Now, was that entirely necessary? Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com and decide for yourself. In short, I had pointed out that Brien, again, not present so unable to defend himself, had said that Sally Field in Norma Rae (he actually reads the Tube Job) was hot. And I said she was all sweaty in that. Much hotter in other films. Then I started speaking in a tone that I assumed the voice in Brien's head used. And Adam assumed the voice in his head sounded like Pacino in Scent of a Woman. And it writes itself.

We had an enormous discussion about a certain actor named Shia. I asked Adam why he is such a big deal. I do not find him repulsive, and yet, he's not that smokin' hot. He doesn't act on a Phantom Menace level, and yet he's not Olivier. Hey, look it up. Adam is filled with much bitterness. You will enjoy it. I know I did.

And it seems the FBI investigated Anna Nicole for a murder plot against her one-time son-in-law. The one who was giving her all the grief over her dead husband's enormous estate. Well, there was no case. Her husband died of natural causes. The son-in-law did too.

There is much to see and do on the website. Enjoy.

The Jane Ellen Experience Podcast Summary #150 Tue 10.06.09

2009-10-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

Debi Mazar and my Maks--gone from DWTS. See the quality you get when I wait to write the blog? And this proves my point. It's not just the scores, it's the fan base. Michael Irvin and Anna D. had a 14. But he won three Super Bowls. I know who Debi Mazar is, yet I can't name her films. See? And my head is loaded with minutiae. Tom DeLay and Cheryl had the second to lowest score with the judges at 15 but he decided to step down with stress fractures in both feet. And yet they still went on with the elimination. It had been rumba vs. samba. Tough calls.

Mark Burnett takes Fantasy Island to a whole new level of ponderous. You could win your dream job at a resort. Adam summed it up nicely. Concierge. Yes, 12 contestants will compete to be a real life Mr. or Mrs. (what happened to Miss, or even Ms.?) Roarke who have to help guests fulfill fantasies. No, it won't be on Cinemax either.

Seeing as Brien Travis wasn't on the show, we felt it best to talk about him at great length. There was a valid reason. Drew Barrymore directed Whip It and I know that Adam harbors ill will toward her. And I know that Brien totally digs her. So I sought resolution. You simply must hear why Adam feels the way he does. Then we went through Brien's list, without him there of course, and Adam remarked upon it. And then we went on to say how very successful he is in Japan. I kid you not. Tales of Lazy Wednesdays is a hit. Why it has taken off in Japan and not, let's say, in places where English is the national language, I do not know. But you can buy it on iTunes and Amazon. Go to Hear Jane at www.thejaneellen.com.

What Adam and I want to know is why did the neighbor of actor David Prowse, the physical body of Darth Vader in the original, cooler trilogy, just assume that a porno was being filmed. Instead of a non-porno film? And called the police saying Prowse was filming a porno. When he wasn't. It was a regular film. Of the non-porn sort. Those types of films use lighting equipment too. How bizarre.

David Boreanaz has the flu and Bones production has been shut down for a bit. Yes, he's just that sick.

The One About Auto-Pilot

2009-10-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

When I think auto-pilot, I think about the one in the movie Airplane! A classic of course. Now that one could fly, and smoke, among other things. But I don't know if my auto-pilot is working properly. One of my friends is blaming the change in the weather. It has been overcast and wet. Downright dreary. Perhaps it has put a dampening field upon my usually sharp intellect. Of late some of my sensory readings have started to malfunction. And have caused me to write as if I were on the bridge of the Enterprise.

For instance. After I have ended a text or phone call, instead of just hitting end or closing the phone I have turned off the phone. Now that's the kind of move my sister Patty would do. Not the kind of thing I would do. It's rare for my phone to be silent for long. That's how I have caught it. Oh, what's it doing off? Well, it seems I turned it off. Stupid.

It gets better. I was driving down a main road the other day and actually had to call my spouse to ask if I was headed in the right direction. That was annoying for me. Turns out I was. Now, I could rationalize it a little. Sometimes you just don't go all the way down some roads. And this was one of those times. The more I drove the more I began to wonder. Should I be passing this? Was I supposed to turn? I wasn't truly lost. I knew where I was. I just didn't know if I was supposed to be there. Turns out, I was supposed to be there. Phooey.

My favorite auto-pilot failure was when I bought shampoo. Allegedly. I did have the girls with me. And I was trying to contain them. I thought the shampoo was thicker than usual. And I thought it was not lathering as it should. But it was mixing with the old shampoo so it didn't matter that much to me. But it was so thick I had to get a funnel to fill the bottle. You see I had gotten and enormous jug of the stuff. And Jim was complaining and complaining. So I filled that sucker right up. Then he said he couldn't get it to soap up. That's when I pulled out the jug. What do you know. Conditioner isn't known for its ability to lather.

Least I haven't brushed my teeth with hair spray or put princess underwear in my lingerie drawer. I mean I have nothing against Cinderella. Unlike my girls, I don't have to wear her. Somewhere I'll find the permission slips I have to fill out and the school projects that are due. It seems that school work is meant for parents too, crisis or no, and I have to get this done. Waving about my college degree will not get me out of it either. I already tried it.